Lost
by Destiny Lockheart
Disclaimer and Warnings: Nope, don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, never have, don't have any plans to. Though I do own a copy of the Special. This is a slightly angsty fic where Seto muses about the one he loved that is now lost to him. Seto's POV and may I say, he is so much fun to experiment. If you've read any of my other fics the pairing should be obvious without me mentioning it.
&-&-&-&
This is so strange. I never thought I could feel so lost and hopeless, without a clue as to what I'm going to do next. How did I ever get by before you? Now that you're gone, the questions seems almost impossible to answer. How did I ever get along without your faith in me, the faith that I could somehow make things right again. Now, I feel so helpless, like I can't do anything. Why'd you leave? Why can't you just appear and make me feel like such an idea for thinking these thoughts? I need you to make me feel like a fool, to get rid of this horrible feeling inside, the feeling that everything's over and decided for and I can't do anything to stop it. What gave you so much faith in me in the first place. You should have known that I would not be able to live up to your expectations.
How can I, when I don't even know where you are anymore? I don't know what he's doing to you, or even if your all right. I feel that something terrible is happening to you, and I'm not there to protect you. You need me as much as I've come to need you. You need me to protect you from your brother. Why did you always have to be so loyal to him? It's because of that blind loyalty that got us to the point where we are now. Much as I hate that loyalty, it was one out of many reasons that I fell in love with you.
Do you remember when we first met? I know I always will. It was the moment that would change my life forever. It was your beauty that attracted me to you first, the likes of which I hadn't seen before. My beautiful goddess, I don't think anyone could ever surpass your beauty. Your beautiful eyes, always changing like the sea and so full of emotion; your raven black hair like silk that I wanted to run my hands through. That beautiful body, you are the exact image of the goddess you were named after.
There was something else that attracted me to you that day. A flash of recognition when I first laid eyes on you. The unshakable feeling that I had loved you before. I'm sure you felt it too. I noticed the recognition in your eyes when you greeted me. You were like an open book to me that day, I could see all your emotions. I saw the faith you had in me, the faith that compelled you to give me that card. I knew then that there was most definitely something between us, something almost mystical.
I don't think I realized I had fallen in love with you during this present day at the time. I figured it was one of those odd things that takes place when the cosmos were out of balance and it would never happen again. I thought I could forget about it, the connection I had felt with you.
I was wrong. Every time I saw you that feeling would come back to me again. That first meeting had planted a seed within my heart, and when I saw you, it only made it grow. The more I learned about you, the more I respected you. We were alike in many ways, though I feel perhaps you were a bit stronger than me. Your brother had put you through hell but you still stuck by his side. I've only heard about loyalty like that in books until I met you. Your loyalty is truly remarkable and I'll admit, I was a bit jealous of your brother at the time. I could only wish that one day you would be that loyal to me.
Then I realized I might never be good enough for you, that you may find me a heartless bastard and I wasn't worth your time. I was good enough for any other ordinary girl out there, but suddenly that didn't seem to matter anymore. You're not just an ordinary girl, you are extremely special and extraordinary. A goddess sent to earth is the only way I can think to describe you. You're everything I could ever want in a woman. Strong and determined, you could easily stand by my side without backing down. You proved that to me.
When we dueled, you were a fierce fighter, one of the best I have ever faced. That only increased my respect for you. Though I wouldn't admit it to myself at the time and am reluctant to do so now, there was actually a time where I actually believed I might lose to you. Thinking about it now, it wouldn't have been so bad. I would rather lose to you than anyone else. After all, I had already lost my heart to you. That was when I realized the extent of my feelings towards you.
In any case, the strange bond between us strengthened at the time. I saw a vision, similar to the ones your Tauk shows you. And I knew how to change it, resulting in me winning our duel.
I'll never forget that moment when I proved the vision wrong. You said because of what happened, I gave you hope for the future. I didn't know how I was supposed to react. I wasn't used to being someone's savior, most people avoid me like the plague.
I didn't know what to think about that, but other things came up, taking my mind off you for a while. Until you approached me after my duel with Yuugi. I was elated to see you again; I thought I could possibly finally tell you how I felt. But you had come to talk to me about Yuugi and your brother. You asked me what I thought the outcome of the battle would be and I gave you my honest answer. As we spoke, like a thousand daggers to my heart, I realized you would stay by Malik's side, even if he dragged you both to your deaths.
The only way to save you was to make sure Malik lost. Which meant I had to increase Yuugi's chances of winning, much as I hated to do so. I didn't want to lose you, the thought of you not being there was almost more than I could take. I didn't want you to be gone before I knew what it was like to hold you in my arms.
One night you finally gave me that chance. Your brother had hurt you, and you had come to me for your comfort. I wanted to kiss away your pain, to make you see how much I loved you. Though I didn't have the courage so I just held you. Our bodies melded perfectly together as I held you as close to me as I possibly could, inhaling your sweet scent. As I held you that way, stroking your hair while you cried on my shoulder, I finally found the courage I needed to tell you how I felt. I bared my soul to you, telling you everything, and giving you full access to my heart.
Then you took my breath away when you looked up at me with your tear-filled eyes and told me you felt the same. I swear, it was one of the happiest moments in my life. I don't think I ever told you that before. As I kissed you all the pieces of my life suddenly fell into place. You gave me the courage to go on even after everything that had happened. Later, that night, you allowed me to love you like no other man could. For one night only, I had held heaven in my arms. A goddess, who had been sent to bless me with her love. Things were right in my world as we showed each other exactly how much we loved each other.
However, after that night you started to become cold and distant. I didn't know what was going on, I thought you had loved me and then you suddenly started to ignore me. I said some things I know I shouldn't have, things that hurt you. I was angry at your sudden rejection of me at the time and the words just came out. I wish I could have taken them back, I didn't mean a single one of them but you ran off crying before you had a chance to apologize.
Later I found out the reason why you had been ignoring me, and that made the pain of hurting you so much worse. Your brother had found out about us, and now he was after my blood. You had been ignoring me to dispel any rumors that he might have heard, so that you could protect me. I was too stupid to realize it at the time, and it was too late to take any of it back. Finding you was impossible, I spent countless hours searching for you. Even now, I have no idea where you've gone. Perhaps you've gone running back to Malik, begging for his forgiveness, possibly so that he may get over his blood lust. I don't know where you are now and I really don't care, just so long as you come back to me soon. I need you, I miss you, I wish I could make everything right for you again. Even if I ever see you again, could you ever find it in your heart to love me once more? Or are you lost to me forever?