It's Not So Cold
Pairing: AkuRiku, Soxas, RiSo, AkuRoku
Rating: T
Summary: It's been two weeks since Sora and Roxas both died and Riku is losing it. Can Axel help him before Riku kills himself or will they all get a second chance?
I never thought I'd feel this
So Guilty and I'm broken down inside
Living with myself…with nothing but lies...
Axel knocked on Riku's door, trying to get him to talk for the third time that week. He hated that the silverette was taking the entire thing so hard. "Oh, come on Riku. Open up!" He called. When he heard no answer, he sighed and walked away, slightly depressed. Why won't he talk to me? We used to talk about everything... But that was before we started fucking around... Tch. He really didn't change. Only uses people then throws them aside like trash. Well, whatever. Asshole. Axel walked outside and got into his car, anger apparent on his face.
I always thought I'd make it
But never knew I'd let it get so bad
Living with myself is all I have...
Riku heard Axel outside his door, but he didn't want to talk to anyone. "Why won't people just leave me alone? I just want to be alone..." He said softly to himself, sighing. "You would have known what to do... Why was I so stupid?" He asked the picture of Sora and him, smiling at the beach. "I miss you...you were everything I'm not. Even when you left, you would have come back... If it weren't for that drunken asshole that took you away from me, I would still have you and it would all be okay...you would still be here. There really isn't anywhere I'd rather be than beside you. Seems the only way to do that now is to..." He said, but then he stopped, getting an idea. He grabbed a knife from the kitchen, poising it over his wrist. "Suicide is a cowardly way to go... But maybe..." He said, looking at Sora's picture again before closing his eyes and slicing his wrist open.
I feel numb
I can't come to life…
Axel couldn't bring himself to leave, having a feeling something bad would happen if he did. He decide to try one more time. The redhead got out, slamming the car door shut and walking up the steps. "I'm not taking no for an answer. If he doesn't answer, I'll just break down the damn door..." He mumbled to himself, standing in front of Riku's apartment building. He knocked, and sighed when no one answered. He heard a clatter and thud come from the apartment and turned the knob, sighing in relief when it was unlocked. He gasped when he opened the door to see Riku lying face down on the floor, his wrist slashed open and bleeding violently. Axel quickly dialed 9-1-1 and wrapped a piece of cloth around the silverette's wrist, staunching the blood flow as he waited for the ambulance.
Living in a world so cold, wasting away
In a shell with no soul since you've gone away
In a world so cold, counting the days
Since you've gone away… you've gone away...
Riku opened his eyes and raised an arm to cover his face, the bright lights flooding his vision. "... Am I in heaven? Sora? Are you there?" He called out, sitting up. The room slowly came into focus, and he saw Axel in the corner. "Axel? Are we both dead?" He asked and the red head frowned.
"No. We're in the hospital because your stupid ass cut yourself." He said.
"What? You... I'm not dead?"
"No. Why did you do that?" The redhead asked, scooting closer to Riku.
"I... I want to die. There's nothing here for me anymore." He said simply, flopping back down on the bed.
"So, do I not matter anymore? Is that it? I was just a fuck buddy, right? Someone you could screw anytime, when your significant other, because that's what SORA WAS, didn't feel like it." He growled.
"No, that's not-" He started, but Axel cut him off.
"Right. Don't even. You haven't said a word to me since the accident. In fact, the only times we ever talked were when you wanted a good fucking lay! Well, you know what? I'm done. Don't call me anymore." He said, storming out of the room.
Riku watched him leave in shock, not expecting that. He laid back and thought about what Axel had said. "... He's right... Fuck, what have I done?" He asked no one in particular before he blacked out again.
Do you ever feel me?
Do you ever look deep down inside?
Staring at yourself, paralyzed...
Axel sighed, sitting outside Riku's hospital room. As much as he wanted to hate the older male, he couldn't bring himself to. And it killed him. "I wish you would just die..." He said. "No... no, I don't want you to die... You're all I've got..." He said softly, leaning forward and putting his head in his hands, closing his eyes. Riku's doctor came over to him, his black hair falling in his face.
"Excuse me sir, are you alright?" He asked kindly.
Axel looked up slowly and sighed. "Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry if I worried you..."
"It's quite alright. Crying in a hospital is not an unusual sight you know. Are you a friend of Riku's?" He asked, smiling softly.
"Well... Ex lover, if you will. I can't bring myself to leave..." He said, looking down, slightly ashamed.
The raven smiled knowingly. "I completely understand. You seem like a nice kid. If you ever need someone, call me, okay?" He said, handing a dumfounded Axel his card. "Oh. Riku should be out tomorrow." He smiled and walked inside the silverette's room.
Axel looked down at the card. "Noctis... Interesting name..." He mumbled and sighed.
I feel numb...
I can't come to life...
I feel like I'm frozen in time...
Riku was glad to be let out the next day, sighing as he got into his car. He spotted a flash of red hair and closed his eyes. The memories of how he and Axel used to be, before they became nothing more than fuck buddies. He remembered the hot and sweaty first time, and the obvious guilt Axel showed for cheating, even though he wasn't with anyone at the time. Riku realized that the red head would have done anything for him, and he realized that he'd messed up that relationship too. The silverette groaned, suddenly really tired. He drove home slowly, not wanting to crash, but at the same time, wanting to. He contemplated wrapping his car around a tree on purpose, but decided against it, sighing softly as he parked and got out of the car, dragging his feet up the steps and unlocking the door, standing in the doorway, looking around the empty apartment. His normal day coming home when he was in a mood like he was in now, flashed through his mind. Sora would sweep through the kitchen and kiss him hello, offering a smile. He would listen to Riku's ramblings with interest, as if he really wanted to know what was bothering him. And Riku would just tell him and ignore all his help, going off to do his own thing. He went to lie on his bed, hugging Sora's pillow close to him, inhaling the brunette's sweet scent. "Sora... I'm such a mess without you... I'm so lost... So confused... Why did you have to leave? I... I wish you were here... To keep me together... Keep me from falling apart all over again... Help me, please... I NEED you... More than I need air to breathe, I need you…" He whispered, and just for a second, he could feel Sora's presence in the air around him and he smiled. "I missed you... You never visit anymore." He said to no one in particular. He closed his eyes, falling into a nightmarish sleep.
Living in a world so cold…
Wasting away…
Living in a shell with no soul since you've gone away…
In a world so cold, counting the days…
Since you've gone away… You've gone away from me...
Axel stood at the doorway, a tear escaping his eye as he watched his best friend talk to the air. He walked to the bed, crawling on it and wrapping his arms around Riku, smiling as the silverette sighed softly, leaning into him.
"Sora... I knew you'd come back..." He said sleepily.
"No, not Sora... But I'll take his place... For tonight. Okay?" He asked quietly and Riku nodded, curling up and falling back asleep.
Axel smiled softly, falling asleep himself.
I'm too young to lose my soul…
I'm too young to feel this old…
So long, I'm left behind…
I feel like I'm losing my mind...
The morning came and Riku woke up, jumping slightly at the feel of strong arms encircling him. For a second, he relaxed, letting his guard down, and nuzzled into the other male's chest. Riku looked up and smiled sadly at Axel. "You've always been there for me... And I've let you down too... I'm sorry..." He whispered, getting out of Axel's arms and quietly leaving the room. He got a pen and paper out, writing his goodbye note to Axel. He folded it up and put it on the desk as Axel's arms wrapped around him from behind.
"I woke up and you were gone... I was worried." He said quietly.
Riku stood up and turned to face the red head. He kissed Axel softly, surprising him. It took him a few seconds, but he kissed back, closing his eyes. Their clothes slowly came off, each kiss, each touch getting more intimate. Axel entered the other slowly, kissing him tenderly. They moved with each other, not going fast. Axel pulled out and released outside of Riku, not inside, and cleaned both of them up, holding Riku as he cried. He rubbed small circles on the other's back, whispering sweet nothings in his ear. When Riku was done, Axel cooked them lunch but neither really ate. Riku seemed to be better, and that was good enough for Axel. He hoped this meant Riku would be fine. He smiled his first smile since the accident almost a month ago. Riku smiled back, a real smile that had been rare before, but now was almost non-existent. Axel didn't see the sadness lurking behind the aquamarine eyes, falling for the silverette harder than before.
Do you ever feel me?
Do you ever look deep down inside?
Staring at your life, paralyzed...
~Three Months Later~
"Riku's been gone for a month now. I'm still torn up about it... Everything reminds me of him now. I should have seen it in those last few moments... I knew in the back of my mind they wouldn't last. When I found him, he looked at peace... He wasn't troubled at all. I was happy even though I loved him. At least he's happy..."
"Okay, so now that we've established why you feel the way you do, do you know why you're here?" The therapist asked, looking up at Axel from his notepad.
"Well yeah. Losing your entire world twice can really tear a person up... And my boss was getting worried. Of course I know why I'm here." He huffed.
"How do you think... Roxas, is it? Yes. How do you think he would react to what you've just told me?"
"I think Roxas wouldn't like that I'm having so much trouble getting over all this. Neither would Sora. Because of all I've been through, I have developed trust issues... And I think I'm going insane." Axel started and paused for a short while, thinking. "Things will never be the same for me without him," He stops again, tilting his head up, looking at the ceiling, imagining Roxas there, smiling down at him. "Without YOU. Life is still rough for me, but you'll be glad to know I'm happy. Well, happier than I was before. I've been seeing Noctis, Riku's doctor. He's a really nice guy. He understands me. He really does! He makes me think I can get through this. But... I'll never get over you, Roxas. Really. Watch over Riku up there, okay? Make sure... make sure he's happy. And tell him I understand why he did what he did. Tell him I forgive him. I miss you Roxas... really, I do. More than should be humanly possible. I think about you every second of every day. Noctis knows it, and he knows I know. And he still wants me. Maybe it's because I'm a mess, and he wants to help. But if that's the case, then that's okay. I'm not sure how much longer I'll be here anyways. Do me a favor though, okay? Give Sora back to Riku. I don't know if you noticed, but the guy was a complete wreck... I'll join you soon, if you want... I'll do anything for you. Just tell me, okay? I love you Roxas... Forever and Always..."
Axel got out of the chair abruptly, close to tears. He got his coat and left. He felt as if a weight was lifted. He saw a flash of blond out of the corner of his eye and the words, "Be happy... Stay... I miss you Axel..." whispered to him from out of nowhere, Roxas' scent mixed with the words. He was brought to tears at just how much he missed the small blond. He smiled up at the sky. "Thank you..." He whispered, wiping his tears, going out the door, feeling happier than he had in months.
Living in a world so cold, wasting away…
In a shell with no soul since you've gone away…
In a world so cold, counting the days…
Since you've gone away, you've gone away from me...
ALTERNATE ENDING
My tears run down like razorblades
And no, I'm not the one to blame
It's you, or is it me?
And all the words we never say
Come out and now we're all ashamed
And there's no sense in playing games
When you've done all you can do...
Axel stood at the doorway, a tear escaping his eye as he watched his best friend talk to the air. He walked to the bed, crawling on it and wrapping his arms around Riku, smiling as the silverette sighed softly, leaning into him.
"Sora... I knew you'd come back..." He said sleepily.
"No, not Sora... But I'll take his place... For tonight. Okay?" He asked quietly and Riku nodded, curling up and falling back asleep. Axel smiled softly, falling asleep himself.
But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back
But it's over...
Riku blinked into reality, looking around. He saw Roxas getting dressed in the corner, blushing, embarrassed. Sora was in front of Riku, yelling loudly, looking angry.
"You, who have a new fuck buddy every week, are not the whore, but me, who's only cheated once, is the whore! You're not the whore, right? No, of course you're not. Because you're Riku, who has money, and good looks, so you can do anything and not have to suffer the fucking consequences!" Sora yelled, ending with a growl.
Riku didn't say anything and Sora growled again.
"Well! What do you have to say for yourself?" He asked, looking tired and hurt.
Riku scooped him up into his arms, bursting into tears. "Sora, I'm so sorry... Please, please don't leave me... Ever! I can't live without you... Please..." He said, sobbing hard.
Sora was surprised, all his anger gone, hearing complete desperation in his voice. "Riku... I..." He started, not knowing what to say. "Do you mean it?" He asked quietly. "Wait. No! Get off me!" He said, pushing the silverette away.
"No! Don't go!" Riku begged, collapsing on his knees, sobbing into his hands. Sora glanced at Roxas, who looked surprised and worried. "Please, don't leave... Please... Please... Please..." He said over and over, still sobbing. "I'll do anything..." He said quietly.
Sora sat next to him, never having seen Riku like this. "Hey... I'm not going anywhere... Okay? Nothing's gonna happen to me. I promise." He said quietly, wrapping his arms around the other. Riku wrapped his own arms around Sora, sniffling and holding him close.
I lose myself in all these fights
I lose my sense of wrong and right
I cry, I cry...
It's shaking from the pain that's in my head
I just wanna crawl into my bed
And throw away the life I led
But I won't let it die, but I won't let it die...
Roxas watched the two with growing sadness, knowing it wouldn't have worked between him and Sora anyway. He finished getting dressed, walking quietly out the door. Once in the hallway, he ran down the stairs, getting into his car. He drove home slowly, thinking about the bizarre way Riku's emotions went from pissed to sad in a matter of seconds. He walked into the house he shared with Axel and started packing, planning to leave.
Axel walked in, frowning. "Wait! Wait, no, please don't tell me you're leaving..." He asked frantically.
"Yes. I am. I'm not waiting around for you every night, so you can come home wasted and smelling like a whorehouse, Axel!"
The older boy sighed, slumping over in defeat. "You're right. You deserve better... Way better. I'm sorry I'm not what you're looking for. I wish I was... I've lived without you. I don't want to go through that again. But, if you're not happy here, then I can live with that." He said, turning away from Roxas.
It's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back...
Roxas' face softened. "Wait, Axel... What do you mean you've lived without me?" He frowned.
"I had this crazy nightmare that you and Sora crashed... I think it was a nightmare... Anyway, Riku was a mess. He was just... Not himself. And... And I missed you. I realized that you're not just something I can use whenever I want. I'm used to that kind of relationship. But, I've changed. I realized I can't live without you, and I'm willing to do anything for you to take me back." He said quietly.
Roxas sat on the edge of the bed, thinking. "I'll think about it. Okay?" He said softly.
Axel just nodded, knowing it was a long shot anyway. "Well... I'll be going, okay? I'm sorry for what I've put you through." He said and left the room.
Roxas finished packing and left. "I'll tell you what I decide... I just need some time." He said quietly, leaving. Axel put his face in his hands, a tear escaping and falling to the floor.
I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever...
~Two Weeks Later~
Roxas picked up his bag, getting off the bus at Axel's house. He knocked on the door, smiling happily. A man answered, looking somewhat drunk.
"What do you want?" He asked, his words slurring slightly.
"Uhm... I'm looking for Axel." He said quietly.
"He don' live here no more." The man said, burping loudly.
"W-What?"
"You heard me. He. Don't. Live. Here. No. More."
"When did he move?" He asked frowning.
"I dunno." The guy shrugged.
"Xigbar, leave whoever it is alo... Roxas?" Axel asked, coming to the door quickly. Axel looked clean and shaven, no longer a sloppy mess. He was wearing a suit, and smelled of Axe, not drugs and alcohol.
"Axel? What's happening?" He frowned.
"I'm... I'm moving. I hadn't heard from you for a while, and I was offered a job... So I'm moving."
"That's great! Where?"
"... Destiny Islands." He said quietly.
Roxas' face fell. That was on the other side of the country! "No! You can't leave!" He said, on the verge of tears.
"I have to... I've already accepted the position and sold the house..." He said softly.
"Then let me come with you." Roxas said, determination plain on his face.
Axel's own face softened, and he sighed. "Roxas... Do you really want to come with me?"
"Well duh. And I'm already packed." He said cheerfully.
Axel chuckled softly, smiling. "Alright. You can come with me." He said.
Roxas jumped into his arms, kissing him hungrily. Axel smirked, kissing him back just as hungrily. Xigbar rolled his eyes and slammed the door. "Oh! Come on! We'll miss the plane!" He said, grabbing his suitcase and Roxas grabbed his. Axel laced their fingers together and kept them there the whole way, jogging to the airport, Roxas trailing along, laughing, happy again.
I hope this lasts... Axel and Roxas thought at the same time, both of their faces showing nothing but happiness.
It's not over, it's not over, it's never over
Unless you let it take you
It's not over, it's not over, it's not over
Unless you let it break you
It's not over
Wow. It's only been forEVER since I've updated anything! I feel so lazy D: But I was busy, so neh. I give you this story to forgive me :D It's the sequel to 'Cold Angel'. I had to restart it 5 different times because I couldn't get the feeling I wanted in here right and it infuriated me Dx
But anywho~ I hope you leik3
The songs in this story are: (In order)
World So Cold - Three Days Grace
It's Not Over - Secondhand Serenade