title: Of Threesomes and Love

characters: Sasuke, Naruto and surprise character

pairing: ?SasuNaru

disclaimer: do not blame me for your brain damage.still not mine. damn.

warning: a bit of crude language and something I can't say because it would ruin the surprise. dialog only.

Author's note: This was inspired by a conversation I had with Shaitanah. Do not blame her though, because it was entirely my sick brain that came up with it.

"Sasuke..."

"What is it, dobe?"

"Don't call me dobe you bastard!"

"I only call things by their name."

"Tch, sometimes I wonder why I'm still with you."

"Hn."

"See! That's the problem with you! We've been together for three years now, and I think we've probably only had about four conversations that lasted longer than five minutes."

"Hn."

"ARGH!! See what I mean? And anyway at least at the beginning the sex made up for your lack in the voice department. But these days it's only ever a quickie on the bed. Or the table. Or against the wall."

"Are you trying to imply I suck in bed??"

"I'm not 'trying to imply', I'm saying it outright. Face it, you've gotten boring. The Sharingan only makes up for so much you know?"

"Well, I'm not seeing you trying to do something different either! Contrary to what you may think, a big dick does not make for instant gratification."

"It so does! It's not my fault you're not man enough to take me on!"

"You little..."

"But anyway! What I'm trying to say is that I think we should include someone else in this."

"...What?"

"These last months I've been talking to someone who I think would be perfect for it. He's full of the passion and fire of youth! And I think he can do things with his body the two of us could only ever dream of."

"And who might this fiery fellow be? And stop channeling that green freak, would you."

"Uhm. Well, he and I have a really long history with each other you know. We didn't always get along but lately we started bonding over beauty tips. He told me about this awesome trick to get lipstick to last through the entire day!"

"Who. is. it."

"Itskyuubi."

"Just think of it! We would never have to fight about the covers after sex again. We could just cuddle into his fur and be done with it! And think of all those tails! What he could do with them. There are nine of them you know! That's one for every dick and some to hold up legs and others to do other things. We could basically do the entire Kama Sutra!"

"..."

"I'll give you a blowjob if you agree? And a week of me not talking?"

"Okay. Let's do it."

"Oh, Sasuke! I love you! Trust me you won't regret this."

"Hn."
--

Somewhere inside Naruto in a cage smelling of Ramen and beauty products an ancient impossibly evil fox smirked.

Then he started to apply his mascara and looking for his favorite thong. Life was good while he waited for the things to c(u)ome.

I'm so sorry for this... But Kyuubi needs more love in this world!