Finally
By JaiLan
Deanna Troi hurried through the corridors of the Enterprise to greet her friends, just coming back from a troubled away mission. She went around the last corner and stopped dead in track, not believing the tough emotions reaching her. It was disturbing - to watch these two human beings who weren't telepaths communicate without words so free and easily. Normally it wouldn't bother her, that she only sensed emotions, not knowing exactly what they "speak", but Deanna Troi witnessed such deep understanding and love, she couldn't hold back the inner scream forming in her mind: "Nooo, Beverly!"
Turning on her heals she left without being seen from the two, enjoying their new freedom of communication. Disappearing into the next cargo bay door to gain back her composure she breathed deeply. Slightly she calmed down and started to think over the whole situation. Pacing the room Deanna's mind raced, too. 'What was that?' Yes, Deanna felt it the moment Capt. Picard and Beverly beamed aboard, there was a new connection between the two of them, stronger than before and deeper than she ever thought possible, because she never thought they'd ever allow themselves to open up completely. But only meters away she recognized a bond only comparable to the Betazoid concept of 'Imzadi', she once shared with Will Riker. Well, she knew from the beginning, that the Captain and Beverly shared a long and also complicated history. Long ago Deanna came to the understanding that they deeply care for each other and throughout the years even became best friends.
But what's now? What happened the two days on Kesprytt? Knowing about the implant and the connection it forced is one thing, but seeing the dry and normally stiff Picard so relaxed and open to share his inner thoughts and feelings with someone, even Beverly, caught her by surprise and without warning. Deanna tried hard to come to terms with herself, asking again and again, why she reacted this strong – avoiding the answer. But she had to know: 'Am I too late, Bev?'
/
The moment Dr Beverly Crusher saw Jean-Luc Picard disappearing on the other side of the border the nausea and ache started and hit her hard. Loss – was the overwhelming feeling the implant caused in her body and she almost fainted before the transporter of the Enterprise lifted her up to reconnect her with Picard. Relieved and strong again they shared a last deep moment, looking into each other's eyes and communicate without hiding something. Leaving Riker, who walked along, at a loss of what's going on, on their way to sickbay.
Occupied by themselves neither Beverly nor the Captain recognized the Counselor who disappeared only a second before around the next corner of the corridor.
After the short surgery to remove the implants Beverly and Jean-Luc made an appointment for dinner. They wanted to speak about the days attached on Kesprytt one last time. So, after all, a trouble-mission leads to something new.
Beverly felt relieved and light headed, since the night Jean-Luc discovered her deepest dream by witnessing her subconscious brain thinking about one special person and told him the truth. So, where was that special one?
/
Back in her quarters Beverly wondered: 'Why wasn't Deanna looking after us, after me? Normally she comes within minutes they went back on board from an away mission; say the least after such a complicated trip! I have to tell her!'
Pushing her com-badge she said firmly: "Crusher to Troi"
After a few seconds of silence, which left Beverly more wondering, Troi slowly answered: "Troi here" – "Hey, Dea, time for a walk? I have to speak with you." an overexcited Doctor asked.
"Well, sorry Bev, emm, I have a few appointments in my office, how about tomorrow?" Hearing these words developed an alarmed feeling inside Beverly and with a puzzled look and disappointment in her voice she replied: "Yes, of course. Is something wrong?" With a fast: "No, not at all" from Deanna and the beep that showed the communication was over Beverly wonders: 'Why Deanna was so – strange?' In the last 7 years they became close friends, spending most of their free time together, talking about everything, enjoying their company, even missing each other if departed for a few days – so, that reaction was unexpected; once and for all, Deanna never denied hearing something Beverly had to tell her. And this, she definitely had to tell her! "Deanna has to know!" Beverly whispered in the emptiness of her quarters. She was so sure about everything. After speaking with Jean-Luc and after his assurance, that everything will be ok, if she opens up. He had it straight from Riker, that her feelings will be returned, so it has to be true, hasn't it? Beverly's heart sank while the stars passing by as she watched out into the universe. Her mind circled around one thought, around one hope, around one woman, and then her temper let flew her out of her seat. Almost running out of her quarters she pushed her com-badge: "Computer, locate Counselor Troi!"
The immediate answer: "Counselor Troi is in cargo bay 3."
"What?" Beverly stopped questioning. Recognizing it was the one near the transporter room they arrived earlier.
"Counselor Troi is in cargo bay 3." The computer repeated.
Irritated Beverly started walking in that direction. 'What was wrong?'
/
Counselor Deanna Troi didn't move out of cargo bay 3 for about 2 hours. As calming down failed and her mind still played around the one question, what happened the last days on that damn planet she positioned herself on top of a wooden cargo container, dimmed the lights and tried to meditate. It was not the best place to do so but it had the side effect to avoid the conversation she knew waited ahead. 'What happened, Bev?'
A few days ago she and Beverly spent a wonderful day together as often before since they became close friends. But this day was outstanding, felt perfect and Deanna remembered every single minute as a gift – she felt special because of the attention Beverly displayed towards her. There were little gestures as her favorite dessert at the picnic Bev arranged in the morning at that beautiful lake, her favorite music what played out of nowhere as they paused their sightseeing tour in that lovely bar and the flowers – of course her favorites – which greeted her after she was back in her quarters to change for dinner. Deanna could recall the warm feeling mingling inside of her the whole day. Even now a smile played on her lips at the memory and grew even bigger as she remembered how she stumbled right into Will as she hurried towards Ten Forward to close the evening with the red headed woman. Of course Will, knowing her very well, watched her closely and said with a little smirk: "Deanna, if I read you correct, you two must have had a very nice day down on that planet. I'm glad you are this happy again. I'm on my way to the Captain; otherwise I would love to hear all details about your trip. Well, my greetings to the Doc." With an honest smile and a little kiss on her cheek, he left Deanna stunned and little butterflies moved in her stomach.
Unfortunately an emergency call ended the evening only 30 minutes later and the Counselor couldn't escape the feeling she just missed a chance. The next day was busy and then the Enterprise arrived at Kesprytt.
So, did she only imagining things? During the time Beverly was away Deanna went through the day over and over again and was quite sure that Bev had other plans for their evening to end. Deanna had settled with the thought, the other woman wanted their relationship to move on, to become more than just friends. With the days gone by and the butterflies still moving around every time Deanna thought about Beverly, Deanna couldn't hardly await Bev back. She wanted to speak with her so badly that she moved towards the transporter room the second she heard from the rescue of the two. That was only 2 hours ago. And now? Deanna was not sure she could trust her empathy, because of her emotional state, but the emotions she captured from the Captain and Beverly made her heart crack. Normally she sensed a distant sympathy from Picard and warmth and caring from Beverly, but this strong vibes she got earlier…
"Crusher to Troi", her train of troubled thoughts was suddenly interrupted by the woman of her dreams (?) herself. Taken by surprise Deanna swallowed hard and tried to get back her composure. Slowly she answered as neutral as possible: "Troi here". The innocent voice of Beverly asked: "Hey, Dea, time for a walk? I have to speak with you." Torn between the wish to see Bev immediately and her overwhelming fear to hear how the Captain and Bev came to terms she talked her down and felt more miserable than before. 'Who am I kidding? I'm the Counselor, make your mind clear, Deanna!' But the woman inside her wasn't ready and she left her hiding place a few moments later – well knowing how immature she was acting.
/
Beverly almost expected to find the cargo bay doors locked but they opened immediately and left her through. Looking around, searching for a hint of Deanna, all she found was her com-badge. Shaking her head and insecure of the meaning of Deanna's behavior Beverly sat down on the wooden container, trying to shook off that sadness slowly crawling into her heart. "Think hard, Beverly, what's this all about?"
Holding Deanna's com-badge in her hand Dr Beverly Crusher began to analyze the whole "situation".
After years of growing feelings Beverly finally wanted to do the next step, not quite sure, if Deanna felt the same, but ready to give it a try. So a few days ago she planned a day to spend with Deanna with "little extras". For the end of the day she rent a holodeck and created a replication of a romantic countryside – maybe a little bit corny, but appropriate to create the suitable atmosphere for her to get up the nerves to ask the beautiful Betazoid out for a real date and showing her how she feels about her.
Well, the final act of the day was screwed by an emergency call – and they never had the chance to talk to each other in private since then. It was frustrating!
Then the whole Kesprytt thing happened, where the foreign implants developed a strong bond between Jean-Luc and Beverly within hours and all feelings lay out in the open – and Jean-Luc became the first one to know… And, while escaping from their captors were their prime mission, they talked a lot on their way and learnt more about each other than in the last 25 years.
Needless to say, in the beginning they tried to hide their thoughts and feelings but fast recognized it was futile. For once, because they couldn't get away from each other without causing intense pain, twice, they couldn't stop thinking – the subconscious cannot be shut down, plus it seemed to do double shifts out there.
Then, at the campfire as Jean-Luc finally declared his love to Beverly but in the same moment made it clear, that he moved beyond that point, she couldn't prevent to sigh with relief and the Captain said at a matter of fact: "Beverly, so there is another person you are attracted in?" First Beverly fall back into old pattern and denied such thing, but Jean-Luc looked her deep in the eyes and reminded her with a smile: "Bev, I know you for years and loved you for years and thanks to the implant I know for sure that someone is on your mind." Beverly raced from panic to relief to endless gratitude. Aware of the emotional turmoil in Beverly, the Captain added with a smirk: "Besides, Cmd. Riker gave me the hint, that you had a nice time with our Counselor the other day and he meant that he hadn't seen Deanna Troi on cloud nine for a very long time. So I guess we have two women in love aboard." "Oh, Jean-Luc, you have no idea, what hearing that means to me" – "Bev, believe me, I do." Both now rid of false attention towards the other person's feelings fall in comfortable silence following the other one's train of thoughts and called it a night.
Beverly really wished she could read Deanna's mind the same way she read Jean-Luc's. According to Riker she was attracted to her, according to Deanna's behavior today – something was really out of control.
Hoping to talk to her Love as soon as possible she left the cargo bay on her way to cancel the dinner with the Captain, still holding the come-badge tight in her hand.
/
"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" Deanna paced her quarters. "Counselor, you'll need the Doctor if you go on like this". Stopping dead in track because of the double meaning she sat down. Who am I kidding? Well, she knew, what she wanted, whom she wanted, but in the first place she wanted to be there for Beverly, even if that meant, to be "only" friends, so: "Now or never". With new strength she tapped on the place her com-badge used to be, and sighed again, "oh". Deanna hurried to get her item back before Beverly would recognize how childish she behaved. Arrived in cargo bay 3 her search was in vain, it was gone. "Computer, locate Dr Crusher". "Dr Crusher is in the Captain's quarters". "Of course" Deanna thought and made her way back to her quarters. Midways she changed her mind and directed her feet to Ten Forward to get a nice portion of chocolate cream.
/
After a short conversation with Jean-Luc, in which he managed to cheer her up and encourage her to do, what her heart wants, Beverly stood in front of Deanna's quarters. With a last deep breath she rang. No answer was given. Tired of searching any further and exhausted due to the physical struggles of the last days including the lack of sleep she used her medical override code to unlock the door. Going inside she called out Deanna's name but found the place empty. First walking around she finally settled down on the sofa. Soon her eyes closed and she fall in a dreamless slumber.
/
A nice smell of coffee and croissants tickled her nose and a smile played around her lips as she started to stretch her body. "Ouch", feeling every bone protest she stopped and opened her eyes.
"Good morning, Bev, well, I'm afraid your sleep wasn`t as good as it should be but on that sofa… well, I hope a bath and a breakfast will help your body to relax again. If you like, the water is hot and I have replicated a few oils for you to choose. Your croissants are warm and ready to eat too, the coffee as well." A bright smile on Beverly's face and a: "Deanna – thank you – I appreciate that", stopped Deanna's flood of words. Sensing an unusual nervousness from Deanna, Beverly decided not to ask about yesterday directly, instead she honestly said: "Good morning, Dea, I'm glad to see you", and after a little break: "I missed you!" With that she gave Deanna her com-badge back she still held in her hand.
To feel Beverly's deep caring for her and the events of yesterday created a deep embarrassment inside Deanna. "Bev, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you".
"Well, I see a blanket and a pillow and now there's breakfast and a bath awaiting me – seems to me you are there for me."
"Bev, you know, what I mean", warmth spread Deanna's heart again.
"Yes, I know, but before we talk, I really would love to take that bath you offered."
"Of course, Bev, you'll find everything you need in there."
/
Alone again Deanna remembered the last night and how new hope arose and she was more than ready to give into it.
As Deanna came back from Ten Forward to her quarters she wondered, that the lights were still on, quite sure, she had turned them off. A little alarmed she searched the room with her eyes. Hearing a sigh from across the room and the sight of a sleeping Beverly spread over her sofa explained it all and her heart melted. Torn between waking her up and letting her stay she knelt in front of the sleeping beauty and watched her closely. A strain of red hair was fallen over her nose and with every breath it tickled her nose so it creased. "Cute", but another uneasy sigh escaping the Doctor made Deanna want to comfort her. A trembling hand put the strain carefully behind Beverly's ear and then softly stroke over her hair. "Shsh, Bev, it's all right, you're in safety." "Dea", Bev half asleep asked. "I am here Beverly, keep on sleeping." "Dea", a relieved sigh was heard. Already closed eyes told her, Beverly was almost back to sleep again. Quickly Deanna went to get her pillow and her blanket to cover Beverly and make her a little more comfortable, because she knew how terrible this sofa was to sleep on.
As Deanna put the pillow under Bev's head, the woman took a deep breath to inhale the scent emanating out of it – Deanna's scent. And with another "Dea"-sigh Beverly settled her head deep inside the soft material. The sight left Deanna in awe: "Oh, Bev, I was such a fool." Covering herself with another blanket Deanna sat down on the nearest armchair and watched Beverly sleep. Beverly was here, here in her quarters, not with the Captain, not alone in her own, no, she choose her quarters! "Beverly Crusher, you are amazing!" Later, after dimming the lights, the soothing sound of the sleeping Doctor helped the Counselor to fall asleep, finally. What a day.
And now this woman lay in her bathtub.
/
In the bathroom Beverly enjoyed the big bathtub, the warm water with the ingredients worked and her muscles soon felt refreshed and her body and mind relaxed – well knowing Deanna was only meters away her head wandered in a direction Beverly didn't want to follow right here and now. Nevertheless she felt a blush on her cheeks, not only caused by the temperature of the water. Hearing Deanna speak to somebody in the other room she tried hard to stop thinking about the Betazoid, not wanting to alarm her by sending this kind of emotions. Right on cue Deanna asked: "Bev, everything alright in there?"
"If you knew", Beverly whispered, louder she answered: "Fine in here, coming in a minute."
"Good, the Captain just asked about your whereabouts and he suggested, if you would wish to cancel duty today to finish your "business" you shall call and he will arrange everything necessary – Do you know what he meant?"
"Well", with that Beverly entered the living area, only dressed in Deanna's bathrobe and her face still flushed from the heat and sat down at the breakfast table in front of Deanna. She continued: "The Captain and I had a lot of time together – you know, if you hear every single thought, conscious and subconscious, you learn to know one another very well within hours, nothing to hide – and I can tell, 2 days are quite long…What Jean-Luc meant, well, I finally shall make my head clear and give my heart a chance to determine my doing. But it all depends, Deanna, do you have time and do you want to spend this day with me?" Clear blue eyes full of hope burnt into dark mystical orbs, watching, waiting, wanting to hear her decision. Deanna swallowed hard, sensing strong emotions from the other woman – hope, fear, caring, joy, love – "I would love to", she whispered. Beverly immediately tapped her com-badge to tell Jean-Luc: "Jean-Luc, good morning, thanks for your offer and yes, I would like to take the day off."
"Alright, by the way, I rent holodeck 1 for me this afternoon, a short visit to my Dixon Hill office, but I think you should take it and finish what you started a few days ago." Blushing slightly because Deanna could here every word she answered short: "Jean-Luc – thanks." "Happy hours, Bev!"
With that the conversation was over and Deanna wondered once more how close the two became and she couldn't prevent to feel a sting of jealousy and sadness inside. Looking down at her plate she tried to get rid of that feeling, not wanting to show Beverly how she reacted. Beverly on the other hand didn't need to be an empath to recognize the change in Deanna. Beverly stood up, came around the table and said forcefully:
"So, Counselor, and now you will tell me what's on your mind. How did you "lost" your com-badge yesterday and what does this sad gaze mean? Please, Dea, tell me, what can I do to make you happy?" She took both of Deanna's hands and led her towards the sofa she spent the night on. Sitting side by side it was Deanna's turn to sigh:
"Beverly, I have to apologize. I was such a fool. My behavior was not officer-like and"…
"Deanna, we are no officers here, we are women, women with needs and women with wishes and I have the feeling I did something wrong. So, please tell me."
"You did something wrong? No, Bev, that's stupid. I, hmm, I think I might be a little jealous of the Captain. I saw you two yesterday as you arrived back and all I sensed was a strong bond between you and Picard. I thought you found your love on that planet – and I couldn't bear it, so I hid in the cargo bay where you found my com-badge later. I know how childish that was, but after our last day together I had the feeling you might, well, you might feel something for me – I mean more than friendship." Deanna's voice trailed off and avoiding Beverly's gaze she looked at the hands still holding hears.
"Yes, Deanna, you are a fool." Doubting her ears Deanna looked up to watch right into the bright eyes of Beverly. "Deanna, there is no one beside you. All my heart is yours – if you want it. With Jean-Luc I share a deep friendship, but neither of us wanted or wants to be more than just this. Dea, I tried to tell you how I feel that last time we were together, but couldn't finish… So I ask you today: would you like to be more than friends with me?" Long before Beverly was through with her speech, Deanna's eyes shimmered with tears and a smile spread her lips.
"Beverly, my love, you asked how you can make me happy – I can tell you – this is just the right way! Oh, I want to explore our relationship, because I feel the same and I would like to start right now." And with that she closed the little gap between their lips and for a while you only could here little sighs and moans escaping their mouths. Lying on the sofa they held each other tight. Speaking about their wishes and dreams and enjoying their togetherness, they thanked the stars that they finally admitted their feelings for each other.
And their bond became the strongest of them all…
- The end -