Disclaimer: I do not own Tonari No Kaibutsu-kun.
They've all been accepted. Pretty soon they will all be going far away. For their college, and Natsume would be left alone.
How about Sasayan-kun?
Natsume hugged her pillow, her eyes beginning to get damp. She recalled Sasayan's face. He had told her that she wouldn't be alone in college. Because Sasayan would visit her from time to time. When she gets lonely, he'll come for her. When there's no more Haru and MItty by her side, he'll be there.
After all, she had used him like this since high school.
He's the replacement whenever they aren't around. Sasayan knows this, but even so, he doesn't leave her. Even after he told his feelings for her. Even after Natsume would never answer him back. He didn't leave her. He wouldn't leave her.
As she lied in bed she thought about her possible life in college. Alone. The tears were starting to fall. A week from now, the first day she dreadfully thinks would start. And it would be another chapter of her life.
Can she survive?
The next day she woke up feeling nothing at all. It's as if the world around her carried on with its usual routine, and that she wasn't there, she wasn't part of it. She looked at the clock, hearing it's repetitive "tick tocks" and thought for a while before jumping out of bed and getting ready.
As she stepped outside her house, the first thing she thought about is that it was hot. It was hot, and it's not a perfect day to go out and hang with friends. She thought about cancelling the event she herself made. Last week, she called each of her friends that they should see each other the last time before going to college.
She had arranged this, and right now, she felt like she doesn't want to go after all.
She heard a call.
From behind her house, she found Sasayan grinning stupidly at her from his bike. "Sup, Natsume." He called.
Natsume pouted. "Sasayan…kun." She managed to say.
"Want to go together?" He asked her, cycling towards where she was standing.
Natsume didn't answer.
"It's hot out." He added.
She nodded.
When they got to the batting center, some of the guys were already there. Micchan, of course since he's the manager. Yamaken and his friends were also there, as well as Iyo. It was Sasayan who went inside the room first. As usual, with his welcoming grin and his happy aura. She followed behind.
Micchan patted her head. "It was nice of you planning something like this." She felt herself redden. Even after all that, she still gets embarrassed whenever Micchan talks to her. She managed to look at him though. And she just smiled. She caught a glimpse of Sasayan looking at the two of them, but he looked away and turned to Iyo.
Iyo, who was tugging on Sasayan's shirt. "No doubt Sasayan-kun likes Natsume-san."
Sasayan just smiled and gestured for her to keep it quiet. The door then opened and Ooshima was there with Yu.
"Sorry, were late everybody." She said shyly. Even her small voice made the whole room quiet, and after a few awkward seconds of silence, Yamaken's friends jumped from their seats and made their way to Ooshima, who was trying to wave them all off.
Natsume looked at the time. Haru and Mitty are the only ones left. She wondered if they will even come. She even thought about it.
What if they're too busy about preparing for college that they don't even have time for their friends anymore?
But a hand patted her shoulders. She looked up to see Sasayan. "Don't even think about it."
Is he really an esper?
She stared at him, but she realized that the boy couldn't stare at her back. She found this quite funny, and alarming.
They played as they waited, they listened to silly jokes that got passed on and on. Natsume sat next to Yamaken and looked at him suspiciously.
"What now?" He said in response to her stares.
Natsume continued to stare. Finally she sighed. "Nothing. It's just… sorry for Mitty."
Yamaken gasped in surprise. He grabbed Natsume's head in one arm, as if he was holding a chess piece, and squeezed it tightly.
"Aaah." Natsume screamed in pain.
"Shut up." He said. "It's not like you have someone too, anyway." He let go of her head, and Natsume looked down.
When she looked up, she noticed Sasayan was looking at her. So was Yamaken, who was alternately looking at her and Sasayan. "Or am I wrong?" Yamaken added. Natsume noticed the suspicious looks Yamaken was giving the two of them.
"No. No you're right." Natsume said, waving her hands in front of her. "Don't get the wrong idea."
Yamaken narrowed his eyes at her. Then the door burst open and in came Haru and Mitty. Natsume looked at Yamaken, who's mouth was open upon seeing the two of them. He noticed Natsume was looking at him, so he sipped on his coke.
"Oh. Would you look at that." Shizuku said. "We're late."
"Sorry." Haru continued. "We ah… ran into something."
Natsume ran and hugged Mitty tightly. "Mitty!" She said. "Why don't we get this party started?"
Shizuku smiled. And so they did.
The party was a blast. Yamaken's friends pigged on the snacks, and then busying themselves with Ooshima. Iyo was being her usual self, and sometimes getting scolded by Yamaken. Yamaken was blushing everytime Shizuku talks to him. Haru was the energy of the party. Micchan was at the corners watching the group's crazy antics. Sasayan did nothing but eat and laugh. Natsume was having the best day. She then regretted about thinking about not wanting to go. She found herself looking at Sasayan.
She was thankful for him. She wouldn't have come if he didn't tell her to, even if she's the one who set this all up.
Speeches were given too. They talked about how Shizuku would be going on with her mother and going to a good university. Haru was saying he'd be out of country, which made Shizuku pretty sad. But he reassured he'd still be seeing her though. The only problem Haru has is that Yamaken's school is pretty close to Shizuku's. Ooshima had her choice picked on too, and the other boys were busy calculating their distance from where she'll be staying. Sasayan would go to his preferred college too, and he said he would still continue playing baseball. Natsume was on with her own school, and it was surprisingly close to Sasayan's. Even if they'll be going to different places from now on, they're all happy.
But eventually, the celebration they just had would end. And it was now, as the sun was setting, that it was time to go home. Each one of them would like to think that by the time they'll reach their houses, they would still see each other for school tomorrow. But it was summer break. And the next time they'd see each other will be a long time.
And now, Natsume lied on her bed like she did last night.
On her mind swirled a lot of things.
"Sasayan-kun, isn't it strange that this will be our last time with our friends in high school? That by the time tomorrow comes, it will take many many tomorrows before we'll see each other again?"
"Yeah. It's sad. And it's sadder that I'd only get to see you again for after many many tomorrows."
After that, she just stood at their porch as she stared at Sasayan pedaling his way to his house.
And she wanted to hear Sasayan tell her again that he won't leave her.
That event happened days ago. Now Natsume, Sasayan, Mitty, Haru, and the others are in college. And they're far away from each other, but why was he there?
Natsume stood dazed at the gates of her college as she looked at his grinning face. He didn't change a bit. The same goofy smile, the same warm eyes, the same short height… She liked that about him.
"Sa-Sasayan-kun?" Natsume could only bring about his name, and she can't speak straight too.
"Yep." He said, his voice brings back a multitude of things. It was the voice he used when he waited for her outside the manager's store. And that time when he was thinking of things that can only make him feel lonely, Natsume didn't complain when he rested his head on her shoulders, or when she walked behind him at the festival, his hand her guide.
"What.. what are you doing here?" It's been three months before they started college. Not very a long time, but it was enough to miss a close friend, right? She can't help but run to him, even if he's a boy. Her hug must've done something to him. He seemed like he was about to fall back. She giggled.
"I.. came to visit." He replied. "I told you I would, and your school isn't so far from mine." Natsume pulled back from him. He looked at her. "And I wanted to see you."
Natsume blushed, and then she screamed at him, flailing her arms in front of her. "I thought I told you not to look at me like that, not to talk to me like that."
Sasayan laughed. How she missed hearing him laugh. "Why? How do I look at you like you don't want me to?"
He was probably teasing her, and Natsume can't get away. She didn't answer, instead she looked down.
"I thought… I thought you'd never come." Natsume spoke in a very low voice, as if she's embarrassed, and she noticed the boy had gone silent. He wasn't chuckling anymore, he was looking at her.
"Were you… waiting?"
She hated how he was always right.
"Sasayan-kun.." Natsume grabbed his shirt, and she looked around. Sasayan noticed some students were looking at them, then he looked at Natsume.
"Come on." Sasayan said, and he held her hand, leading Natsume somewhere where there are no weird stares from people. He led her inside a donut shop, where the two of them once had a study session with Mitty and Haru.
"Soooo…" It was Sasayan who started the conversation first. "Tell me how's your life going on right now."
"Well." Natsume shifted from her seat, the waiter came and Sasayan ordered something for the two of them. Then they were alone on the table again. "Well, to tell you the truth," She continued. "I… I."
"Haven't met any friends yet, or met some people but not really close with them." Sasayan said. It might've been rude if it wasn't very true. Natsume punched him in the shoulder, lightly. "What was that for?" Sasayan said, but he was smiling.
"Nothing. You're rude." Natsume said. "But true." She looked away, as if she was embarrassed about him. But he knows her too well, and they both know that Natsume shouldn't be bothered talking about it with Sasayan, but she did anyway.
"You should make friends, Natsume." Sasayan started to say. "It would be really hard… to have no friends."
"I know that, Sasayan-kun…" Natsume replied. Sasayan noticed how her voice was low, and he could hear the tremble in it. "But…" She continued to say. Sasayan looked at her eyes and noticed they were starting to get damp.
"Look, Natsume…" Sasayan started to say, but he didn't seem to know how to finish his sentence. "Sorry… I-I should've called you earlier. Ask you how you're doing."
For a moment Natsume wanted to pinch his cheek, tell him he's right and scold him because he didn't. But Sasayan's next words pulled it all back.
"But… I still haven't got your secret number."
Natsume can only manage a simple, "Oh."
"Oh." She said again, and Sasayan was trying hard not to smile. "What's so funny?" She said. "I'm sorry. Why didn't I… Oh. Gaaah I'm stupid."
Sasayan burst out laughing, and it made her laugh too. The waiter came again and so they stopped, but they were looking at each other as if the joke's still on.
"So… how about you, Sasayan-kun?" Natsume said, she was playing with her cake on her fork. For some reason, she didn't feel like eating. She sipped on her coffee instead.
"Hmm." He said, he was chewing on his food. "It's fine for now, I guess. The people aren't half-bad-"
"Yeah. I always envy how you get along well with people so much."
Sasayan winked at her.
"Shut up." She said.
"I didn't say anything." Sasayan said, holding his hands up. "It's just, it's fine… but it's not the same kind of fine as when I'm with you.." Natsume stared at him.
"With you guys." He added. "Like really."
"Hmmp." Natsume said. "Sooo. Is there someone-"
"Nobody's like you there, Natsume-san." Sasayan said, and this time, it was he who can't seem to look at Natsume. "I've kind of… you know. So I came here."
Natsume wanted to hug him, but of course she didn't. She wouldn't. It would be weird, hugging him because he said something that touched her heart, wouldn't it? Hugging him because she was glad he came to her is different, right? Oh, it might be the same. She felt stupid, so instead she laughed.
"What's so funny?" He said. "Is coming here really this ridiculous that you-"
"It's funny 'cause I feel the same." Natsume said. "Sasayan-kun…"
It took a while before she continued to say. For a moment she just looked at him like he was a superhero, and that he came to save her. She knew she didn't have to say it, she can tell Sasayan can already see it just by looking at her. But she did say it, anyway.
"Thanks. Thank you for coming."
Sasayan blushed. It's been too long since she makes his face go red like this. Usually it's the other way around. Or sometimes they both go red.
"Yeah." Sasayan said, looking away. "Yeah."
There was silence after that. So Natsume said something, even if it was inappropriate after being so thankful.
"I see you haven't grown much." She giggled.
"Would you not mind?" Sasayan said, burying his head under his hands. "I'm still taller than you, anyway. A little bit."
Natsume laughed, and it was a pleasure to his ears.
They ate after that. Natsume's appetite came back.
When they were done eating, Sasayan walked Natsume back to her apartment. They talked about things they usually did when they still needn't worry about not seeing each other again the next day. It's as if nothing changed, nothing happened.
But something did, and because of that, both of them can look at this simple moment of two friends meeting each other so special. They exchanged reports about information they have about where Shizuku and the others are.
And after all that time, after everything, Sasayan didn't stop having a feeling of liking to the girl. And Natsume is still pushing it away when it comes to that.
But there are times when she feels as if she shouldn't tell him to stop. Like how he walked with her and not do anything but put a smile on her face, like when he laughed at her before helping her up when she tripped on her legs, like when he told her how happy he was that she isn't accepting anyone from her new classmates hitting on her, like when he told her he might've been special because she still hangs out with him even after he told his feelings for her.
And even when she said goodbye as he stood in front of her door, and she, looking back at him.
He said goodbye to her back, but his eyes didn't want to.
How she just laughed it off and told him to go home already, because it's late already.
Like how he held her hand tightly the moment Natsume was about to shut her door, as if he never wanted to let her go.
Though she didn't know if he meant letting go of her hand, or letting go of his feelings for her.
Or maybe both.
You know what's funny? Natsume still didn't give her secret number to Sasayan. The two of them didn't notice it, until Sasayan arrived home with a nagging feeling. He wanted to call her, to say thanks, or whatever. But when he held his phone, he was lost in which numbers he should punch. He pounded the table instead, for a moment he was serious. But then he laughed.
He laughed because he remembered how Natsume was always like this. Sometimes she forgets things, and what's more amusing is that he didn't remind her. Not because he doesn't want her number, but because he forgot about it too. Upon saying goodbye, he didn't have anything in his mind except the picture of Natsume's face. When he surprisingly held her hand, she didn't complain. She didn't shake it off, though she did blush. But it stayed like that for two, three, five seconds, their hands connected as much as their eyes did. Two, three, five seconds before Sasayan broke into a grin and broke the connection first. He said sorry, Natsume didn't say anything.
He said good night, Natsume smiled.
And he left, without her number.
There were a few times when Natsume was certain she was able to handle college, with all the pressure of the studies and with the pressure of people. However, she isn't always right. Middle school was back in her life. That time when the boys cooed on her and in turn girls disliked her. It was moment when she really didn't have true constant companions that the sadistic force of life takes course on her.
There was this guy who's been bugging her for days, asking her out everytime he had a chance to talk to her. As clichéd as ever, there have been girls who liked this certain guy, and these girls are bound to hate Natsume's guts.
However, there was also one girl, the girl whom Natsume talked to for the first time she entered college. Her name was Yamase . Yamase was a nice girl, probably because she wasn't like any other girls Natsume knew, but she was also approachable, and she didn't look at Natsume as if she's a rival. But that doesn't mean she and Natsume are close friends. Yamase had other friends too, and those people are whom she hangs out with.
Natsume was sure she had to do something, make friends, and it would be best to start with her. Like what she did when she asked Mitty to help her on her studies. It was lunch break when Natsume talked to her, and she was indeed a pretty nice girl. The girl was even the one who told her if Natsume wanted to be friends.
Slightly embarrassed, Natsume nodded. And from then on, Natsume had someone to talk to. And that was a week after Sasayan surprise visited her.
Yamase liked to talk, and she wanted to know more about Natsume. They were eating in the cafeteria, and the food wasn't very interesting, so they talked. Yamase asked her about what she liked to do and Natsume was quick to answer blogging. She asked her about her life when she was in high school and Natsume was happy to tell. Natsume talked about her friends, even Nagoya. She noticed Yamase's eyes get wide when she mentioned Sasayan, as if she was sensing a bit of a connection between the two. But Natsume ignored it.
"So." Yamase started to say. "Is there any boy you particularly like?"
Natsume thought about Micchan, but quickly subdued the thought. She thought shaking her head drastically from side to side would do the trick, but it only led Yamase to question again.
"No?" She said.
"Huh?" Natsume replied. "No. I.. I do… It's just, I thought of something… someone."
"Is it…" Yamase started to say, it took her longer than usual to finish her sentence. "Sasayan?"
"Huh?" Hearing her say his name, and when they were talking about a guy she likes, too made Natsume stop moving altogether. "Sasayan? No.. Sasayan is just.. no" She started shaking her head again.
"This… Sasayan guy," Yamase played with her food. "What does he look like?" She looked Natsume in the eye.
Natsume knows this face too well. She was teasing her, Natsume thought. Her new found friend was already teasing her. "He looks normal."
"Normal what?" Yamase said back. "Oh come on, pretty please?"
"Oh. You know, hair a little longer than what usual boys have, but you won't notice it anyway since it's abnormally skewed to the left. Short stature, oh something like that."
"Hmmm." Yamase said. "Okay, then." She stood up.
"What?" Natsume said, oblivious about what she was about to do.
"Class is up." Yamase said back. "Didn't you notice the time?"
"Oh." Natsume looked at her phone. Sure enough, it was almost time for their next period.
"Oh you were just lost thinking about him."
"No. Shut up." She said.
Yamase walked first, Natsume followed behind.
One time, Natsume walked alone to her apartment. She usually walks with Yamase but this time, she had some errands to run. It feels lonely walking alone, and a bit scary too. Usually, she walked with Mitty and others when they were on the way home, or mostly, Sasayan offers her a ride with his bike.
The road was quiet, and when she turned around a corner, she sensed someone following behind her. She didn't want to look back because she was afraid, so she ran away. However, the person behind her called her name.
"Natsume!" Sasayan said. "Natsume-san. Wait up, don't run."
Natsume was still running while she focused on whose voice it was that called. She stopped when she knew. "Sasayan…kun?" She looked behind. She saw Sasayan, running towards her, his face broke into a grin as soon as he reached her. He panted.
"Wow." He said. "I never thought you could run so fast."
"Only when suspicious people are walking behind me." Natsume said. "What were you thinking doing that!?"
"Sorry." Sasayan said. He smiled sheepishly.
Natsume glared at her for a moment, but she smiled. She was glad. She wouldn't be walking home alone after all.
"So. How's life now?" Sasayan said as he balanced on his toes, jumping from one rock to another. Natsume walked normally. She looked at him.
"Fine. I finally made a friend."
Sasayan stopped hopping, and he looked at her gladly. "Really? See it isn't that bad."
"I know." Natsume said. "Though she is a little nosy."
"Pfft nosy." Sasayan said. "It's natural to be nosy. If you want to be friends with someone, you'll want to know more about them."
"Oh." Natsume said. "Of course I know about that."
Sasayan didn't reply. He giggled.
Natsume smiled, but she didn't show it.
"Oh yeah." Sasayan snapped his fingers as he remembered something.
He walked faster to catch up with Natsume. "You still haven't given me your… number." He said, then laughed a little.
"Oh." Natsume said. "Do I really have to?" She said. She didn't mean it, but she liked to see the look on Sasayan's face, which was hilarious.
He looked as though he was handed an F on a test in his favorite subject. It didn't last long, but Natsume witnessed it as soon as she said it. It disappeared quickly because he talked.
"Ah.. ah.. Do you? Or, I mean." Sasayan wasn't talking straight. "I mean if you want to. It's just, you know. If ever I-"
Sasayan didn't continue his sentence because Natsume laughed, and he looked at her curiously.
"Here." Natsume said. She looked at her like she was inspecting him of bringing deadly weapons. "Well then grab a pen and a paper." Natsume stuck her tongue out. "I'll only say it once."
The two of them decided to eat before going home. It's what they do when they meet each other, go out into a café or something.
"So, Natsume-san?" Sasayan said after he sipped on his coffee.
"Hmmm?" Natsume can only manage to say because she was nibbling on her donut.
"Is this is date?" He laughed jokingly. Natsume was quick to say no, even if there were still food on her mouth.
"Well, it's a date for me." Sasayan added.
Natsume swallowed her food. "It's not."
"A boy and a girl eating ALONE somewhere pretty much is a date."
"We are not alone." Natsume said. "There are people around."
"But we don't know these people." Sasayan responded.
"Well." Natsume said, thinking of some reasons. "A date is when a boy and a girl have feelings for each other and-"
"Oh okay." Sasayan said. "I still like you, but you still don't… to me."
"Sorry…" Natsume said.
Sasayan laughed. "No… It's actually quite fun. Like this… It's amusing to see you blush, and you still deny feeling a teensy bit of something for me."
Natsume narrowed her eyes at him.
"Sasahara?"
It was a voice that only Sasayan knew, because it's the voice of one of his classmates and team mate in his new baseball team.
"Yukito?" Sasayan looked behind Natsume, then she leaned in closer to her. "So it's not really a date after all." He whispered, and she giggled.
"Woah." The boy, Yukito, spoke. "Who's this? Your girlfriend?" He motioned his eyes towards Natsume, though she has no way of knowing because her back was facing him.
"Ah. No no no." Sasayan quickly said. "She's just… an old friend." He leaned in closer to her again. "And crush."
Natsume slapped his hand.
Yukito walked towards him and he had a clear view of Natsume's face. "Meet Natsume." Sasayan said. "Natsume-san, he's Yukito, my classmate, and a friend."
"Pretty." Yukito said. "I mean. I mean" He shook his head. "Nice to meet you, that's what I meant. Hehe." The boy was clearly into Natsume, Sasayan can feel it. But no, they just met.
"Natsume. Nice… to meet you too." Natsume replied.
Sasayan whispered into his ear, and the boy nodded.
"What did you just tell him?" Natsume said, suddenly facing Sasayan.
"Nothing." Sasayan replied. "Just, how your reaction with boys are." Then he faced Yukito. "Oh Yukito, care to join?"
Yukito looked at his watch. "Hmm. Guess there's still plenty of time. Okay." He said. He sat next to Sasayan.
Sasayan and Natsume were alone again only after they were done eating. Yukito had made a special goodbye and wave on Natsume, which made her blush. And which made Sasayan look at her curiously.
"How was he?" Sasayan said.
"He's… weird." Natsume said. "but not weird weird. It's just, he seems pretty fine, compared to other… you know."
"Pretty fine and comfortable like me and Haru or other kind of pretty fine?" Sasayan said, his face kind of serious.
"Pretty fine like you and Haru, I guess." Natsume replied.
None of them talked after that. But Sasayan spoke upon remembering Natsume's apartment is almost near. "He likes you, I can tell." He said. "The way I can tell you liked the manager."
Natsume didn't really believe him. "You serious. We just met."
"Yeah isn't that how boys fall for you? Love at first sight?" Sasayan teased her.
"But not for you." Natsume replied. "You're different, that's why."
And it was then again that Natsume made Sasayan quiet and blush altogether. Natsume didn't look at him, but she knew how she made him feel. She smiled.
Sasayan was practicing baseball with his pals. The sun was smoldering, he knew different kinds of hot under the sun before, but this was totally out of the normal. His team, however, didn't back down.
When it was finally over, Yukito talked to him. He stood beside the faucet, where Sasayan was washing his face.
"Tell me." He said. "Is she your girlfriend?"
Sasayan was taken aback by his question. "Who? Natsume?" He wiped his face with his towel. "She's pretty close to me, but she's not my girlfriend. Actually, I don't think that time will ever come."
"So you like her, then?"
"I'm guessing you like her, that's why. Am I right?" Sasayan said, not answering his question and at the same time pushing it back to him.
"I… I guess I do." He replied.
Sasayan looked down. "Well, good luck, then." He smiled.
"A.. Aren't you.. You're letting me?" Yukito said, surprised. "I mean, you like her, too right?"
Sasayan just laughed. Then he walked away.
Once Natsume was found occasionally staring out the window, and occasionally it was Yamase who finds her in this state.
"Natsume." She would say. "What are you thinking about?"
Natsume looks at Yamase as if she's forgotten who she is. "Oh. Nothing. It's just… the lessons are beginning to get seriously hard. That's what I hated most."
"I know." Yamase agreed. "I'm so sorry I didn't walk with you last time."
"That's okay." Natsume said. "Really. Besides, Sasayan was there."
"He was?" Yamase said, her voice a little too high. "He visited you?"
"Yeah." Natsume said.
"Where is he staying? I mean what school?" Yamase asked.
"Not far from here." Natsume replied.
"Does he visit you everyday?" Yamase asked.
"No." Natsume quickly rebutted. "Only twice."
"Are you disappointed?"
"Of course not." Natsume replied. "I'm… happy."
There are times in life when you come across something so unexpectedly. Like the time when Yamase and Natsume were on their way home, and Sasayan was waiting for Natsume, near the gate.
"Natsume-san!" Sasayan said, as soon as he saw the familiar brown hair of hers.
She turned around, in time to see him grinning, as usual. But it wasn't Natsume who greeted back first. It was Yamase who spoke.
"Sasahara-kun?" She said. Sasayan looked at the other girl, who he didn't really notice before. His eyes went a little too wide when he saw her.
"Yamase." He spoke. "Hey .It's been a long time."
"Wait, you know each other?" Natsume said. She was talking to either of them, but they didn't answer.
"I was right." Yamase said. "When Natsume said 'Sasayan', I wasn't sure but."
"Hey!" Natsume yelled. She was starting to get annoyed. "Answer me."
Sasayan faced Natsume, and he can't seem to look at her in the eye. "Natsume-san. Yamase. She's," Sasayan shook his head. "She WAS my girlfriend."
Natsume couldn't speak.
Sasayan walked with Yamase and Natsume on their way home. During the trip, Yamase and Sasayan mostly talked. They talked about how each other was and their old classmates and such. Sasayan would always look at Natsume and ask her some things, too. But Natsume was quiet, and when she answered, she's using minimal words.
Yamase's apartment was much closer, so they arrived their first. They said goodbye to one another, and soon Sasayan and Natsume were alone again.
It was Natsume who spoke first. "You should have told me first."
"Tell you what?" Sasayan said. "The name of my girlfriend? I didn't know you two would be classmates, you know."
"Even so." Natsume said.
"Even so what? Should I just go around telling you the name of my past lover? If you look at it, you wouldn't even care back then."
"You always think I don't care when it's about you." Natsume said. "I do, Sasayan."
"Natsume." He spoke. "Hey." He reached out to her, but she walked away.
"You don't have feelings for her anymore, do you?"
"No." Sasayan spoke. "I don't"
"Look. I have to study." Natsume smiled before she spoke. She turned around to look at him, and she smiled as though she didn't yell the moment before. "I have to go first." She ran away.
"Wait." Sasayan said, he ran. "Natsume-san."
He chased her, but when Natsume turned on a corner, Sasayan could no longer see her. He looked at his watch, it wasn't that late, so he decided to go to her apartment.
When he arrived there, the door was locked. He knocked and called Natsume's name, but she didn't answer. He knocked again, no response. Soon he gave up, but he didn't leave. He sat on her porch and waited till she would open it. But it never did.
Natsume stopped as soon as she realized Sasayan wasn't following her behind. She panted and she wiped a little bit of sweat from her face. Or maybe it was a tear, she wasn't sure. She walked until then, and she took the longest route possible.
And after a few minutes she regretted it. It was too lonely to walk alone, and especially when her thoughts aren't helping.
When she finally arrived, it was dark.
When she was at her door, she stopped.
When she saw the little Sasayan, all sleeping and huffed up on her porch, she cried, because he's so silly he always waits for her. Like how he waited for her when she went out of the manager's store, that moment when she cried in front of him for the first time.
There was a time when Natsume was studying. Yes, she was. In her room, and it's not going too well. She spent most of her time alternately looking at her notes and on her phone. Part of her wanted to go on, to study and to do it alone. But the other part wanted to call him.
She was so tired and confused at her school works that she needed to take a break, or help. She screamed is frustration before she finally picked her phone up and dialed his number.
A ring, two rings, three. She was beginning to think that this wasn't a good idea, she was about to stop the call when he answered.
"Hello?" His voice was different over the phone, or maybe it was because this is the first time Natsume called him. "Natsume-san?"
"Sasayan." She squeaked, not on purpose. She didn't know what to say. She didn't plan on actually calling him.
"What is it, Natsume-san?" Sasayan called. He laughed. "Woah, it's the first time we actually talked over the phone, and you started it, too."
"Do-don't you think I called you be-because I missed you, alright.. It's just."
"I didn't say that, Natsume." Sasayan said
She was happy Sasayan couldn't see her face, she might've died of embarrassment.
"Stupid Sasayan-kun." Natsume said.
He laughed again, a comforting laugh. "What is it, Natsume san? Do you need some help? Want me to come over?"
"No." Natsume said. "It's already late, I just want… someone to talk to."
"Oh. Okay." Sasayan said. "I reckon you're studying?"
Natsume could only smile. "Yes. I am."
"Having trouble?" Sasayan said.
"Ye-yeah." She said.
"Hit me up with something, it's not like I have something to do anyway."
"Thank you, Sasayan-kun."
"Always." Sasayan said.
"Just, can I talk to you while I'm studying here?"
"Sure." He said.
"Just tell me when you're sleepy okay?"
"Ok."
"And don't think of this as something that would bring your hopes up on me." Natsume said.
Sasayan could only laugh. "Of course, Natsume-san. Of course, this is just a friendly call, right?"
"Yeah. It is." Natsume agreed. And she almost forgot about how tired she is.
Once, Sasayan was waiting for Natsume. It's his fourth time visiting her. He usually visits once a month, sometime twice. He was playing with his baseball cap when..
"Sasahara-kun?" It was Yamase.
"Yamase!" Sasayan said, surprised that it was she whom he saw first. She looked around, Natsume wasn't with her.
"You looking for Natsume?" Yamase said. "She went home first."
"Oh." Sasayan could only manage to say. "Is she alright?"
Yamase smiled. "She's alright." She looked at him. "Could you walk with me on my way home, Sasahara-kun? Like you always did?"
Sasayan didn't know how to react on that question. "She's not your girlfriend, Natsume, I mean." Yamase was saying. "So I guess it's okay?"
Sasayan took a while to answer. "Yeah." He said. "Yeah, it's fine."
As they walked, it was Yamase who mostly talked. Asking Sasayan questions. Sasayan would bring Natsume about their topics too, and Yamase could still answer him.
"Do you think she'll like you back?" Yamase said, talking about Natsume.
"Natsume-san?" Sasayan said, even though it's pretty obvious they were talking about her. "I… I don't know. I don't think so."
"What about me?" Yamase said, she looked at Sasayan straightly in the eye. "When Natsume first said 'Sasayan', I almost choked. I didn't really believe it was you she was talking about, but then I saw you."
"Oh." Sasayan said. "What do you mean about that?"
"Hey, Sasahara-kun." Yamase said. "What do you say, we start again?"
"What?" Sasayan said. He stopped walking.
"I know we didn't turn out fine, but…" She continued to say. "But what do you say we start all over again, and make it right?"
"Yamase. Wh-why?" Sasayan wasn't sure about this. "Do you still have feelings for me?"
"Hmmm." She said. "Do I? I don't know. After all, you were the one who asked me out when you found out I liked you."
"No. That's… That's over, Yamase." Sasayan said. "Things… have changed by now."
"Changed?" Yamase said. "Like how you met Natsume and fell for her?"
"Yeah, I guess." Sasayan said.
"But, are you really gonna wait for her?" Yamase said. "I mean, it's not that I'm stopping you, but…"
"Yeah." Sasayan said, not letting her finish her statement. "I would."
"Oh." Yamase said. She smiled and looked at Sasayan funnily.
"What?" Sasayan said as soon as he noticed how she was looking at him.
"Nothing." She said, then she turned around, the smile still plastered on her face.
"But seriously, though." Sasayan said, though he didn't want to. "Do you still… on me?"
"Maybe I've moved on. Maybe I haven't." She said.
Natsume had been calling Sasayan for the third time now, and he still hasn't answered. "Oh come on." She said. She was eating ice cream alone, and she wanted to know if Sasayan was busy or not.
She called one more time, but he didn't answer. She sighed.
"Natsume?" It was a familiar voice, but it wasn't a voice she usually heard. She turned around to see Sasayan's friend.
"Yukito?" She said. "Oh. Hello." She smiled at him. He blushed.
He walked towards her. "Sasayan isn't with you?" He said, as soon as he noticed the empty seat in front of her.
"Yeah." Natsume said. "I've called him but…"
"Are you sure he's not your boyfriend?" Yukito said.
"I am." She said too quickly. She didn't realize her answer had given him the wrong impression until she saw him raise his brows. "Sure, I meant. Sure that I'm not his boyfriend." She paused. "Why are people always asking me that?"
"Oh. Alright." Yukito said. "Hey, wait. I think I might've seen Sasayan."
"What. Now?" Natsume said.
"Yeah. He's with.. Oh wait... Nothing."
"Oh come on, tell me." Natsume pleaded.
"Really, nothing."
Natsume stared at him, unconvinced.
"Oh. Okay, but you might not like it." Yukito said. "I saw him, with a girl."
"A girl?" Natsume said, a little too unexpected.
"Yeah, why? I thought you're not his girlfriend." Yukito responded.
"Oh yeah." She said. "What does the girl look like?"
"She wears your uniform too and-"
"Oh." Natsume said. "Oh okay. Thanks, Yukito."
"That-that's, You're welcome." Yukito said, he noticed Natsume stopped eating and talking altogether. "Are you… jealous?"
"What?" Natsume said, back to her usual self now. "Of course not, I told you. I'm not his girlfriend or anything." She was gesturing with her hands as she talked.
"So." Yukito said. "Would you like to eat with me instead?" Yukito smiled, and Natsume smiled back.
"So-sorry but-"
"Sasayan told me you're not really good with boys, so I understand-"
"He did?" Natsume said. "I mean. No, that's not it. It's just, I'm not hungry anymore, and I need to go home now."
"Oh." Yukito said. "In that case, can I at least walk you home?"
Natsume looked at him, and she nodded.
As they walked, Yukito tried to open up conversations, but Natsume would sometimes go off topic, and she occasionally includes Sasayan's name too. Yukito was starting to notice it.
"Its just. Wow." Natsume was speaking. "The girl he's with now, it's actually her past girlfriend you know."
Yukito nodded.
"Wow. They might've been back together, good for them." She continued to speak.
"Yeah. So, how does that make you feel?" Yukito asked her.
"Make me feel?" Natsume said. She laughed. "Well, I don't know. I.."
Yukito looked at her strangely.
"Well I, Ha! I can't wait. I guess I'll tease him with her the next time we meet each other."
"Tease him." Yukito laughed. "I never thought you were like this."
"I'm not." Natsume said. "It's just, I couldn't believe it, I, I thought."
"You thought?" Yukito said.
"He said he liked me, he even came here because he visited me." Natsume's voice was starting to change, and she was always looking down. "I didn't think he would.."
"Well." Yukito said. "I guess it's not what you thought, huh."
"Yeah." Natsume said. "No. No. He said he doesn't feel anything for her anymore."
"Say, Natsume." Yukito started to say. "How about we go out, that way it'll take your mind off of him."
"I'm not thinking about him."
"Pretty much all the things that you say are about him, I don't think so."
"It's just that…" Natsume said.
"I think you like him, Natsume." Yukito told her. "A lot."
"Whaa?" Natsume looked at him. "I- I really don't. I like him, as a friend. Period. Nothing more."
"Then why won't you accept that he's with his ex-girlfriend right now?"
"I accept it, it's just-" Natsume said. "I don't like him that way-"
"Then how about you go out with me, then?" Yukito said. "If you don't like him that way."
Natsume stopped, she turned around and looked at Yukito. "I… can't."
"Why?" Yuikito said.
"Because Sasayan… Sasayan told me he likes me."
"But you don't." Yukito said.
"I thought Sasayan told you I'm not good with boys." Natsume said. "I'm not into this stuff, Yukito. I don't really spend much time thinking about boys-"
"Then why are you spending most of your time with him then?"
"Because Sasayan's different." Natsume replied. "That's just it. He's different."
Sasayan was busy with school after all that. Exams were coming and so he couldn't visit Natsume again. Besides, if what Yamase said was true. No. He didn't understand it. But the words Yamase said just reminded him that Natsume won't like him back.
He called her once, twice, thrice, but there was no answer.
She's just busy, because exams are coming up too.
He called again. No answer.
Instead, he pulled out his notes and books and started reading about them. However, his mind was not set to it. He lied down on his bed and plugged his earphones in, but it's not helping.
He needed to see her.
Natsume was just ignoring his calls.
Whenever her phone rings, she just acts as if she doesn't know about it.
Besides, she was busy with school work. Besides, he's going out with her now.
However, he won't stop.
He called again once, and Natsume was certain she'd answer him and tell him to not call this time, because she's busy. She was practicing lines she would tell him but when she picked it up and put it on her ear, it was all lost.
"Sasayan-"
"Natsume-"
They both said each other's names at the same time. "Thank God, you answered." Sasayan continued first.
"Sasayan-kun." Natsume spoke, her voice little. "Please, don't call for now. It's… I'm busy, really and I'm guessing not even your talks could help me."
"Oh. Too bad." Sasayan said. "Hey, do you think my presence could help you?"
"What?" Natsume replied, confused.
She heard Sasayan laugh, though she wasn't sure where.
"So... How long are you going to let me stand out here?" Sasayan said.
At that moment the door opened and they looked at each other as if they've just met for the first time.
"What are you doing here?" Natsume said, trying to put every bit of anger in her tone.
"Just came to see you, I've missed you. Been a while since I visited you." He grinned.
"I hate you." Natsume said, she felt her eyes water. She pulled it back in.
"I know." Sasayan said. "Sooo. Are you gonna let me in?"
Natsume walked inside. Sasayan smiled, and he stepped in.
"I brought my notes too." Sasayan spoke as he sat across Natsume. "I was in the middle of studying too, and I thought it'd be nice to do it with you, like what we usually did with Shizuku and Haru."
Natsume didn't answer.
"Owwkay." Sasayan said. He studied.
There was silence after that. Long silence which seemed to pull them out of their sanity. Sasayan didn't like it, so he spoke. "What's wrong with you? Did something happen?"
For the first time since Sasayan wen't inside, Natsume spoke. "I don't know. How about you tell me what's going on?"
Sasayan didn't know what was going on, but he continued to speak. "Why? What should I tell you?"
"I… I don't know." Natsume said, facing her book, not Sasayan. "You're date with Yamase?"
"Date?" Sasayan said, surprised. "I didn't have a date with her. I just walked with her home."
"Sounds like your kind of date to me." Natsume said. "Two people, ALONE, who both have feelings for each other-"
"That's your kind of date." Sasayan said. "How did you know about it, anyway?"
"Doesn't matter. I've had a good time with Yukito, too."
"Yukito?" Sasayan said. "You… with him?"
"Yeah." Natsume said. "I've had a great time, he was such a gentleman, pulling back chairs so I can sit." Natsume lied.
"Well." Sasayan said. "That's great then, I guess he beat me up to it, again." He pulled his hair. "This sucks."
"Are you jealous?" Natsume said, looking at him for the first time.
"Not." Sasayan said. "Gaah why did he…" He took a glance of Natsume too. "Were you jealous with me and Yamase too?"
"Of course not!" Natsume quickly said. "It's not like I have feelings for you. You're the one who likes me."
"That's the point!" Sasayan said. "Why did you go out with him?" Sasayan said, almost screaming.
"Well you asked her out again like this was middle school. And yeah, I don't know why I did too!" Natsume replied, feeling regret of lying.
"I told you, I just walked with her home, I was supposed to see you, but she told me you went home first. Now, this wouldn't be my fault, right?"
"You… you were looking for me?" Natsume said.
"Why are you so soft now, like you've been hit with the truth? Oh wait, you really did get hit with the truth."
"Shut up." Natsume said. "I'm sorry."
Sasayan didn't speak.
"I hate how we fight and it's me who always ends up saying sorry first." Natsume continued to say.
"Like that time when we spoke to each other through the window?"
"Yep." She agreed.
"When I told you, that I do lik-"
"Stop." Natsume said. "I thought you came here to study."
She could hear Sasayan giggle from the other side. She continued reading her book, placing it side-up so she won't have to look at Sasayan. None of them spoke after that, and the words Natsume were reading were starting to get complicated. She yawned. She looked over to check on Sasayan. She peeked from her book, and saw that he was already sleeping. He looked a little too cute. Natsume's getting fond at looking at him like this.
She stood up and got a blanket to cover Sasayan up. When she draped it over him, he continued to sleep.
When she was about to walk back to the other side, his hand moved.
His hand moved to hers, and he held her. Tightly. He pulled her towards him, and he made her sit beside her. He opened his eyes.
"I'll steal you from him." He said. And he went back to sleep.
Natsume didn't move, she reached out for her book and she studied there, beside him, as he slept. Both of them covered in a blanket, and Sasayan's hand holding Natsume's. Her face was red.
She was supposed to let go.
But she didn't.
After one of Sasayan's baseball matches, Yukito spoke to him again.
"What now?" Sasayan said. "You gonna tell me you beat me to her first?"
"What?" Yukito said. "I never got her, not even a teensy bit."
"Natsume said you were such a gentleman."
"She did?" Yukito said, stunned. "Wow. I really don't know a lot about her. But one thing."
"What one thing?"
"She was mad jealous about you and that girl you were with. She said she was your ex."
"What? With Yamase?" Sasayan said. "That girl. Making things up, fooling me because…" He noticed Yukito was looking at him strangely, so he stopped talking to himself.
"She also said, you were different. That's it, she said. That you were different."
Break was almost over, and Natsume was excited about it. But first she had to deal with exams.
It was the one of the longest days of her life, but she managed to pull it off.
When they were about to go home, Yamase spoke with Natsume. She told her she wouldn't be going with her home since she'll be meeting up with some old friends. Natsume felt sad about it, but she agreed.
Before Yamase could walk away though, Natsume called her.
"So, how are things going on with you and Sasayan?" She said. "Congratulations on getting back together." Natsume tried to smile.
"What are you talking about?" Yamase said. "We're not back together, where did you get that information from? The last time I've been with him is when he walked me home, and that was it."
"So he wasn't lying, then." Natsume spoke more to herself. "So, you're not…?"
"Yeah." Yamase said. "Trust me, Natsume. That guy likes you. A lot. And I mean a lot. I never seen him speak about a girl like that. Even when we were together then."
Natsume noticed Yamase was eyeing something on her back. "I guess you won't be walking alone, then." Natsume turned around and saw Sasayan grinning at them from afar. "You surprise me, Natsume." Yamase continued to say. "Any girl would have fallen for a guy like him. I'm amazed you still haven't done that."
Natsume didn't reply.
"But what's more surprising is how Sasayan never did stop bugging you, don't you think?"
Done!
Gaaah. Thank you for reading guys :) Hope you like it. Reviews are appreciated.
Here's a little more about one of their conversations:
"Sasayan-kun?" Natsume was talking to the guy who was sitting across her table, playing on his phone, while she peeked over her notes.
"Yeah?" The boy said, not taking his eye off his phone.
"Why don't you stop?" She asked curiously.
"Stop what?" This made him pause and look over at the girl.
"You know. You… liking me?"
"Oh. That." He chuckled. "I guess I like you very much."
"Don't you ever get tired of me?"
"Tired? I don't think so. It's pretty fun."
"Even when I still haven't liked you back?"
"Yes."
"Even when that time still hasn't come?"
"Yes."
"What if that time will never come?"
"Still yes."
"Why are you like that?"
"I don't know. Ask yourself, why is it that I can never leave you?"
…
"Why did you stop talking?"
"Isn't it hard to wait?"
"It is. But not when I'm enjoying it."
"You are aware though that it's not really clear on how things would end up. I might really like someone else."
"Yeah I'm aware. And that actually makes it more exciting. I'll just have to try and not let you like anyone else while you're in the process of doing so to me, I guess."
"Why are you so insistent?"
"Because I like you, Natsume-san."
"But right now… I"
"I don't care about that. As long as I'm still with you for now, it's fine."
"Why aren't you doing anything like other boys are when they're courting for girls. You know, treating them all the time, going to the movies…"
"Because I don't want to push you to fall for me, i'll just wait until time and everything else in the world would tell you to like me, like what it did to me, for you."
…
"Why is your face red?"
"Shut up. I guess it is sweet, some things you say. Some things you do."
"I didn't notice."
"One last thing. Will you ever stop?"
"Never."
"Oh." *smiles
…
"Why is it that it's now you who have nothing to say?"
*looks away
"Sasayan-kun?"
…
"Don't blush. I'm just happy."