A/N: Just a short little fic that popped into my head for day 2 of the SwanQueen AU Week. In a nutshell- Emma and Regina are divorced and haven't seen each other since something occurred a few weeks ago. Hope it makes sense, coz I pretty much did it at work today so it could well be absolute gobbledygook. Cheers!
Emma stared at the almost empty playground- at all the rust and aging equipment.
She knew the court date was coming but it was still a surprise when it was printed in black and white on an embossed letterhead.
Not that that wasn't par for the course.
Everything about their relationship up until this point had been a surprise; jarring and discordant. Unanticipated at best and a fiery disaster at worst.
Would she really change a thing about it though if she could? She'd travelled the other road many times back in Boston, before she'd made the fateful decision to cross over the town line in Storybrooke- chosen partners that she knew to be safe and a little monotonous because...well, it was easy and in those days she'd craved stability more than even basic needs like food and shelter. It was a deeper, more self indulgent desire that had led her actions back then but truth be told it had never led to anything positive in the end. When those relationships imploded, as they would of course, it wasn't with fire and pain, it was with a creak that no-one heard and the absence of niceties. One by one.
Forgetting to ask about their day. Waking her up with a yawn rather than a kiss.
Things like that.
Unimportant, wonderful things.
At least until Storybrooke.
Until Regina.
Until she'd come into contact with the incendiary aura that swarmed around the closed-off, infuriating brunette the first time they met- when the older woman had walked up to the bug, ripped the door open and slapped her hard in the face for kidnapping her son. She didn't do small gestures. It was one of the things that had drawn Emma to her in the first place, her overbearing sense of drama buried as it was in amongst the queenly decorum. A weird combination of opposing forces contained in one ridiculously statuesque body.
She'd wanted to taste it. Wanted to steal just a bit of that vitality for herself from the first moment, which was what had prompted her to do all the stupid dangerous things she had done in order to get the Mayor's attention.
Like drinking a bottle of Jack on a Thursday night, letting herself into the town hall and throwing around everything she could get her hands on in a lame attempt to fake a break- in, just so she could spend time at the crime scene investigating. Of course she hadn't factored on the hangover, the washed out skin and shaking hands that came with the investigation. It hadn't been the greatest impression ever. In fact Regina had looked at her with undisguised distaste.
But no more so than she did now.
And it was no more than she deserved.
"Reminiscing Miss Swan?"
Jerked out of her thoughts, Emma looked up in time to see the brown haired woman she used to call her wife, staring down at her with a neutral expression.
She shrugged. Her own personal brand of defence.
"Just thinking about some of the stupid things I've done that led to this place."
"Well no wonder you look cold, how long have you been out here?"
"Ha ha," replied the blonde narrowing her eyes playfully.
Regina simply gave a soft smirk at the familiarity of the blonde's gesture and motioned with a gloved hand for the other woman to move up on the bench.
"Presumptuous much?"
She blinked, "Not at all. I simply don't want the neighbours to think a crazy old cat lady is staking out the park for children to consume. At least if I'm here, they'll be too scared to resort to mob violence." She allowed herself a little sniff. "Probably."
Cocking her head at the light-hearted tone in the Mayor's voice, the blonde snuck a glance to her right then stretched her legs out in front of her, similar to the way she used to when they'd spent their nights in front of the TV after Henry had gone to bed. It made her feel a little better, the ritual of it. The comfort in it, although if the brunette noticed she didn't say.
"Interesting weather Maine's hav..."
"How's the kid?" Emma asked impulsively, cringing inwardly at her own clumsiness and yet unable to keep the question in.
Regina's face didn't move. Didn't reveal anything actually, preferring to stare straight ahead at the immobile swing-set across the turf.
"I know I shouldn't ask..."
Emma stopped. "...But please... how did the operation go?"
She was pushing she knew it. And she was also acutely aware that every question she asked seemed to be coming out in a much smaller voice. It was humiliating and degrading. For both of them but with nothing else to hold onto, she wasn't even sure she cared any more.
And she could see with her own eyes that Regina wasn't immune to her need. They were two of a kind in that way; neither able to help themselves when the other was drowning. The irony; that for once her keen sense of guilt and exposure appeared to be working in her favour.
"They…" Regina's brittle voice trailed off before she straightened her shoulders, "...they told me not to speak to you about it…until the legal process is complete."
Emma's head dropped as she stared at the ground. Stared at it so hard that the concrete seemed to burn and melt bubbling under her gaze.
"Legal process," murmured the blonde mirthlessly. "What an oddly inoffensive name for a bunch of…"
"I don't blame you, Emma."
The brunette didn't move any closer but Emma could have sworn she felt the buzzing she always sensed around the woman increase in pitch. Just for a moment.
"I never did."
Silence descended on them.
"I appreciate that Gina," offered the Sheriff with a weak smile, "but the law does." Her brow furrowed, the lines around her mouth cracking open. "And so does our son."
The brunette gave a shudder as she remembered the last conversation she had endured with their son. The rage and frustration in his eyes when she'd accidentally used the other woman's name. She'd never seen him so... wild.
Leaning back on the hard spine of the bench, she glanced at the desperate woman next to her.
"Henry's in pain Emma, he's traumatized and full of medications that are interacting with each other in god knows what kinds of ways. Sedatives and painkillers. He's also surrounded by people…and I'm not including myself in these…people who keep prodding at him about what he remembers, what he saw before…it all happened. What they think you did. He's mixed up and frustrated at being bed-bound and…you're not there so it makes you an easy target."
"If I was allowed I'd be there in a second."
The brunette nodded with a grave face not needing to say that she knew that. Unnecessary words weren't really their thing. Never had been.
"If I could just, I don't know... touch him…"
Regina's head snapped up, her anger flaring. "This isn't the time for one of your hare-brained schemes, as much as they may have had their uses."
Uses-past tense, thought the Sheriff miserably but she was distracted by a pair of gloved fingers pinching her chin forcing her to look into sombre brown eyes.
"I. Am. Serious. Goddamnit Ems, I shouldn't even be here talking to you with the case under review as we speak. You sneaking into County General to 'have a moment' with our son wouldn't just be stupid, it would jeopardize your defence before it even gets going."
"My defence?" said a deflated Emma and Regina swallowed at her slip up. "Our defence. You know what I mean."
The blonde threw her arms up although there wasn't much force in the gesture.
"I don't know what anything means anymore. The only thing that gets me out of bed in the mornings are the summons dropping on my mat. I can't sleep. I don't want to eat. All I see when I close my eyes is the windscreen cracking in front of my face- one single fracture at first then all these smaller ones creeping out from the centre like insects. And then the sounds…." She took a hot breath in. "Screaming. Yours on my left and Henry's behind me. It's an echo that won't go away."
She slid her knees to the left and turned away for a moment as her emotions threatened to overwhelm her. "And I haven't got anyone left to…save me. Or distract me…Anything."
Regina's heart clenched in her chest so tangible was the pain on display in front of her but before she could even formulate a response the other woman had spun back to face her with wide eyes.
"I don't suppose the garage came back with…"
She shook her head. "I'm afraid they found nothing to indicate a mechanical fault on the car. The report came back last night."
The mayor dug her fingers underneath the bench as hard as she could but she managed to paste a semi-reassuring smile on her face.
"But your blood alcohol level was 0.0 ...and the policemen at the scene saw how distressed you were. There's still…hope to be had. If you can see it."
"It was such a nice day too," mused the blonde. "The three of us together. Almost like old times."
Regina gave a laugh, although it felt harsh in her throat. "Complete with Henry's tantrums and some almighty rows on our part."
Emma couldn't deny it. Everything that day had been a little more fractious and peevish than she remembered but it had still felt amazing to be a family again nipping down to the bowling alley for a few games, whatever caveats that might have placed on their interaction at the time. It had felt right.
Irksome at times but right.
And she knew Regina had felt it too. Despite the fact she would never admit to it. They'd even come to an compromise and taken Henry to the malt shop afterwards, Regina ordering a sickly looking cup of coffee while Emma and Henry both got a choco-rama heart-attack in a glass.
"It was nice though, wasn't it?"
Emma could hear the destitution in her own voice but couldn't do anything to eradicate it. Wouldn't. She just locked gazes with the brunette and reached down to slowly clasp her hand in hers. Skin on leather.
And for her part the brunette tried her best to remain dispassionate, detached even as she stared into the gloomy emerald eyes of the woman who used to share her bed. It was the hardest thing she'd ever had to do. To sit there and not...be. Not be how they were meant to be.
It was with burning eyes that she lowered her gaze.
"It was."
Emma sighed in a strange kind of release.
"Right up until our affinity for arguing led to our son getting hurt."
The blonde stiffened, unsure if that was an accusation or not. But from the pained lines drawn in the face opposite it didn't seem to be. More just a simple admission of truth. That the drive home that night had been uneventful for the first half an hour then the close proximity and bubbling resentments had spilled over into words.
A series of familiar patterns and movements. At some point Regina had smacked Emma's hand away from the volume knob on the radio as she went to change channel for the tenth time, bored with the country station WKZL or whatever the hell it was. Keeping her eyes on the dark road, Emma had responded by saying something hurtful and dense as she usually did although she couldn't for the life of her remember what it was. Something about how her ex-wife never tried anything outside her comfort zone, even musically? And Regina had come back with a casual barb about the blonde being perpetually dissatisfied with the choices she had made.
There was a vague recollection there, she couldn't quite put it all together though and in the end what did it matter really?
Before they'd known it, sardonic words had morphed into yells and they'd found themselves shouting at full volume despite their son's presence in the backseat turning up his iPod to block it out. And then…even though she was sure she'd never taken her eyes from the road, somehow the car began skidding to the left and Emma felt all the traction under the wheels disappear as she desperately began to drag the steering wheel to the left.
It was chaos and screaming soon after. Road signs and a ditch. Then darkness. Flashing lights.
And questions. Nothing but questions and sirens lighting up the night.
Regina watched Emma's gaze go blank and knew she was remembering that fateful night a few weeks ago. Any other time she would have grabbed her arm, her elbow, something physical to divert her from the darkness of the memory but some elusive thing inside her kept Regina from moving.
Instead she tore her eyes away from temptation and glimpsed down at her watch, grimacing at the time.
Sucking in a breath, the brunette scowled apologetically. "I should go, Henry will be waking up soon and…"
"...You wouldn't want to be seen cavorting with the enemy?" replied the blonde with tears collecting in her eyes, despite all her best efforts.
And for a moment Regina relented.
Leaning in, she placed a palm on the younger woman's shoulder. "You are not and never will be the enemy, Ems. Don't ever think that."
Her hand felt as if it had been burned by the small amount of contact and ever the civil servant Regina removed it with efficiency, quickly wrapping her coat around her cold frame.
"I...I know it's hard but for now, we need to be circumspect."
Emma pulled her legs in. "I never liked that word."
Regina felt a shiver run through her as a cold wind blew past them. "I used to. Not so much anymore. Please take care of yourself Emma Swan. I guess we'll see you in court."
And just like that she walked off into the dull grey afternoon, never faltering, not turning back. If she had she would have seen Emma's green frantic eyes trained on the square of her back, gaze unbroken.
But she didn't. And neither of them had the heart to call out the others name.
