k, guys. go easy on me, i'm mostly working off of vague memories, fanon, and fanfic here
warning: uh, implied random transformation from male to fem ala, ranma 1/2?
There is an unspoken agreement among the members of Akatsuki, that the few - rare - times they are called together to the main base in Ame, are to be spent as far away from one another as possible.
This is one rule even Hidan acknowledged enough not to cross. Because everyone remembered what happened the last time all members stayed together in a single area for an extended period of time - and nobody wants to invoke Pein's vicious temper again, or (even worse), Konan's.
It's also why, despite calling in telepathically and checking in with the use of their rings and sending a few rare coded messages via summons, Itachi and Kisame were braving their way through the howling storm on the border on Wind Country - already very past schedule and ready to finally get to the meeting spot, just so they could finish up and leave.
The two nuke-nin had their hats tilted so low on their heads as to cover their noses and their sleeves up for extra precautions against the flying grains of sand
"You two are screwed. We've been waiting here for two hours already - and the meeting was supposed to start a while ago, un." Deidara gloated, as soon as the two cloaked bodies were close enough for him to be sure they could hear.
Next to him, Sasori glanced impatiently at the sky, as if to make a point, and wordlessly left, presumably to report to someplace where his joints would be able to dry.
"We got a little held up." Kisame spoke gruffly, seeing that his partner didn't look like he was about to say anything in their defense.
"Well, that excuse sure isn't gonna fly with Leader-sama, un."
With one final glare towards Itachi, Deidara turned and fled towards the relative dryness of the main base, where the two swiftly followed.
Maneuvering around the passageways of the main base, Kisame and Itachi stopped momentarily at the entrance to their meeting room. They could feel Pein's broiling chakra, and it was no lighter up close. Itachi walks forward first, taking light and graceful steps and pulling up a chair across from a cackling Hidan. While not typically the safest choice, the spot was the farthest from Pein he could get without being too conspicuous about it.
Kisame followed closely, but braved the front and sat near a stone-faced Konan.
Pein glanced at the two, promises of explanations in his eyes, and began speaking. As he did so, Pein walked around the table to the other side of the room (an intimidation tactic, Itachi's brain registered, but ultimately stored away) and all members were forced to turn their bodies to follow his movements.
"Hey! Hey, prissy-ass! Take off your damn, cloak. Do I look like I like gettin' wet?" Hidan whispered angrily, rolling his shoulders.
Itachi startled slightly, surprised at being interrupted while listening to Pein's updates, and glanced at Hidan (who had been keeping surprisingly quiet this entire time, he must want to get out of here as much as everyone else) out of the corner of his eye. He gave a quiet 'hnn' as a response and decided to ignore him, as Hidan would likely only try to goad him, should he follow the request.
Hidan jolted. Another raindrop had just landed on his bare chest and the Uchiha had done nothing to get rid of his damn cloak. By now, he was pissed. Hidan had already tried tried to catch the Uchiha's attention multiple times, and been ignored. Now, it was about time to get violent.
He stretched his chakra across the table and gave it a strong tug. Immediately, the Akatsuki all jumped up, hackles raised and unable to control their reflexes.
Itachi's chair had skittered halfway out the door with the force of the chakra and his sudden jump out of his seat. Hidan noticed his wet cloak was swirling around his legs and another small puddle of water had already half formed around his feet. Sasori had uncoiled his tail and Konan was crouching near Deidara's armed form. Kakuzu and Kisame had their arms outstretched in fighting poses, and Pein looked ready to rip his arms off and crack his spinal cord in half.
"Hidan." The ominous tone in Pein's voice would have been enough to leave weaker ninja trembling and begging on their knees. Hidan merely gave an irritated glance at Itachi's wet form and looked back.
"Hey, it wasn't my fault the damn Uchiha wouldn't listen to me," Hidan snorted, "He kept shaking his fuckin' cloak at me, the asshole."
Itachi blinked twice in rapid succession, mildly surprised at the reason for Hidan's outburst. He hadn't assumed Hidan would react so explosively towards him, though he should have kept the possibility in mind, as Itachi had seen what Hidan was capable of when he got angry at Kakuzu.
"Are you kidding me, un? You startled us and made this meeting even longer, because of Uchiha's cloak?" Deidara sneered through gritted teeth.
Hidan reached toward his scythe, before Pein's thunderous chakra forced everyone down - rather ungracefully - down to the ground. He loomed above them like the angry god he saw himself as, and bit out an imperious warning, "Hidan, I forbid you from raising your weapon. Itachi, take off you cloak to prevent anymore distractions. Let us finish this meeting."
Hidan was completely bored. He had already contemplated several ways to interrupt the meeting currently taking place and escape - unfortunately, none of the possibilities ended with all of his limbs intact. Instead, he focused on Kisame - who seemed to be periodically subconsciously peeking at the Uchiha out of the corner of his eye.
Hidan glimpsed the Uchiha's still form from his peripheral vision before looking away, before his eye immediately drifted back. He tried to hold in his snickers, until Kakuzu kicked him harshly under the table in annoyance, at which point he could no longer keep down his guffaws.
"What the hell'r those, Uchiha?" He managed to get out before collapsing on the table in delirious laughter.
Kisame sighed and decided to bail his partner out of trouble once more, as he seemed more keen on remaining mute and even more stoic - if such a thing were possible, in the face of the discovery and ensuing laughter.
"We ran into a bit of trouble. It's the reason we were late." He shrugged casually. Next to him, Kakuzu grunted a little disbelievingly.
Konan, brows furrowed, asked rather skeptically, "And you were hoping we wouldn't notice?"
At her remark, Deidara gave another shallow laugh and continued trying to regain his breath, wheezing unattractively all the while. Sasori grimaced in resignation at his partner's behavior.
"That's correct." Itachi returned. Although he was poker-faced, his body language and clipped way of speaking conveyed his unwillingness to discuss his current predicament.
Of course, Deidara completely ignored his discomfort and asked curiously, "So, are there any triggers? Like, should we pour some hot water and hope you transform back?"
Itachi turned his head and blinked at him, slowly. Deidara knew that look - rather well, he was partners with Sasori - and it was one he received from his partner every so often he said/did something incredibly stupid, and one he got from the Uchiha from time to time. Any half-formed thoughts of sympathy immediately flew out of Deidara's head as his voice and shoulders both rose with indignant annoyance.
Before he was given the opportunity to voice his anger, Pein interrupted the wreck of a meeting.
"Alright, that's enough. We'll reconvene when this problem is fixed." With little notice, Itachi took the opportunity and swiftly slipped on his cloak, disappearing from the meeting room - Kisame on his heels and Hidan's celebratory 'hell yeahs' resounding in his ears.
"You know, we'll have to go back there to find a way to fix this." Kisame said conversationally, a conspiratorial grin showing his sharp teeth.
"Ah." Itachi returned, walking back into Ame's steady rain.
author's note:
kudos to anyone who got the ranma 1/2 reference!
-yep, his space cadet syndrome/strange behavior was because he was trying to adjust to the different biology without letting anyone know
Also: lalala, i cant hear your mean spirited criticism because im too busy butchering my characters, thanks
drop me a review and lemme know what you thought!