for this is gonna hurt like hell
I couldn't
believe the T.V.. I just couldn't. Actually I didn't want to.
All I could do was stare blankly at the screen in shock. Finally
Bella's voice interrupted into my daze.
"We don't
know if he's hurt."
"Uh-huh."
I couldn't say any more without bursting into tears.
"Jake, um
. . . there's something else . . . "
"Huh?"
I had barely heard her. My mind was reeling. It was about then
that I started crying and Bella joined in, mumbling something about Scout
and Will being on the train.
Hold on, hold
on to yourself
you know that
only time can tell.
I didn't know
if Jake was serious or not. How could we go down there? But
I quickly grabbed my jacket and keys.
"Thanks, Bella."
Jake gave me a half-smile through her tears. "You know this means
a lot to me."
"Of course."
I answered sympathetically. What she didn't know, was that I had
as much anxiety racing through my body as she probably did. I was
completely concerned for both Will and Scout. Will because he was
such a great friend-we'd grown up together-and Scout because after he told
me what he'd found out. That we weren't actually brother and sister,
and I'd been having crazy thoughts that we could actually be together.
What is it in
me that refuses to believe
this isn't easier
than the real thing
I was so glad
Bella agreed; I was so scared. All I wanted to do was see Hamilton
rushing out of the train safe and give me a great big hug. One of
the ones where he picks me up and twirls me around.
"Oh God, Bella.
I hope he's okay!" I started crying again.
"I'm sure
he'll be fine. We're worrying about nothing."
So she was worried
too. Of course, stupid, her friends are in there. Scout and
Will are my friends too. But maybe she's right, I'm worrying about
nothing.
But as we
neared the crash site, my fears came back. There were countless people
both emerging from the wreck and waiting for loved ones to come out.
The train
itself was half on its side, partly on fire, and two of the cars were crumpled.
If Hamilton was on one of those cars . . . I raced toward the train.
"Hold it."
A cop stopped me. She pushed me back.
"No.
My boyfriend's on that train!" I screamed at her, tears streaming
down my face.
"I'm sorry.
A lot of boyfriends, and children, and other family members are on that
train. You have to keep calm and let the rescuers do their job."
I could tell that she was trying to be nice, but I didn't care. She
was the biggest bitch in the world to me right now.
My love, you know
that you're my best friend
you know I'd
do anything for you
My love, let
nothing come between us
my love for you
is strong and true
I knew Jake
was probably scared out of her mind. I was too. All I had to
do was get out and call her, but then this is Jake, she's probably outside
waiting for me. That gave me the extra incentive to stand up.
But, damn, I ached all over. I coughed as I choked on some smoke
and tried to duck but my chest hurt too bad to keep hunched over like that.
It also hurt too bad to stand up straight.
I felt something
wet on the back of my neck. When I put my hand to the back of my
head, I felt the urge to vomit. My fingers had scraped across some
nerves. After I finished throwing up, I straightened and closed my
eyes for a few minutes.
"Hamilton?"
Someone called. I turned to the right. Will Krudski was standing
at the door and walked closer. In the poor light, I could see his
arm bleeding and bent at an odd angle. I wondered if I was hallucinating.
But if I was, wouldn't I dream of Jake instead of Will?
"Will?
What are you doing here?" If I'd known he was on the train, I'd have
sat with him, instead of the overweight woman with screaming kids in front
of us. Where they were now, I couldn't tell. There weren't
any other people in this car besides me and Will.
"We were going
to see Bella and Jake. It was a last minute idea so . . . "
He trailed off. "Have you seen Scout?"
"No.
He's on the train?"
"Yeah.
He went for a walk toward the back, just before the train went down."
"Well, how
about if I go look for him? You can go call the girls. They'll
be worried."
"You don't
look well, man." He objected.
"Neither do
you." I pointed at his arm. "At least I'll be able to use both
my arms."
"Okay.
You're right. I'll go make sure Bella and Jake aren't panicking too
much." He headed for the door he came in, and I went in the opposite
direction.
Am I in heaven
here or am I . . .
at the crossroads
I am standing
I lay there, opened my eyes again and looked at the ceiling. There were a few other people in here and only a couple rescue workers. I didn't really care. I was tired and couldn't keep my eyes open a long time. They closed again heavily.
Oh, God, if you're
out there won't you hear me
I know we've
never talked before
I was getting
more concerned watching Jake freak-out every couple minutes. I had
hoped Will and Scout were okay, but as the people being rescued were coming
out fewer and fewer, I began to lose that hope. Then suddenly, as
if out of nowhere, Will appeared and I ran to him. As soon as I put
my arms around him, he sort of yelped and broke away.
"My arm."
He explained. I then noticed that his left arm was broken.
"Oh my gosh,
Will. We have to get you to an ambulance. You're hurt badly."
"It's just
my arm." He assured me. "I want to stay out here and make sure
Scout and Hamilton make it out all right."
"You saw Hamilton?"
Jake asked eagerly. "How was he?" I prayed Will had good news.
"He seemed
all right. He went off to find Scout. He may be in one of the
rear cars."
"Oh no!"
I breathed and Will, at last, looked at the train. The back cars
had the most damage and were the ones that the paramedics were taking the
rest of the people from. All on stretchers.
Will gasped.
"I didn't know it was that bad." I started to feel myself cry, but
I was too numb to be sad.
"Let's just
pray they make it out all right." Jake hugged me.
Oh God, the man
I love is leaving
won't you take
him when he comes to your door
Am I in heaven
here or am I in hell
at the crossroads
I am standing
"Scout?"
I heard someone calling my name but I couldn't open my eyes. I was
dreaming of Bella. No, wait. It might be Bella. I had
to open my eyes. But my whole body hurt so much.
"Scout.
There you are. Are you okay?" It wasn't Bella; it was Hamilton.
Only at the moment I recognized him, did I realize my eyes were open.
"Scout?
Can you talk?" He asked, worry in his face. I could see the
blood dripping on his neck. I hoped it didn't fall on me.
"Someone help
me!" He shouted at the people who were taking everyone away.
"That one's
dead." One man yelled.
"That's why
he's blinking?" Hamilton yelled back and ripped at the pieces of
train on me. That hurt like hell!
"Aaagghhhh."
I practically screamed. That got the rescuers attention. Two
of them came over and helped Hamilton pull the debris off. It hurt
so intensely, but after a few seconds, I was free. My stomach and
chest felt really bad, though. I figured I should say something.
"Tell Bella
. . ." I looked at Hamilton. He shook his head. "You tell Bella."
He smiled, and pretty soon I was on a stretcher being wheeled outside.
In seconds Bella, Jake and Will rushed over.
"We have to
take them to the hospital." The paramedic tried to get the stretcher
to the ambulance.
"Just a second."
Bella stood over me. "How are you feeling?"
"I love you,
Bella." Knowing I had to get it out before anything.
"No goodbyes.
You'll be fine." She started to cry. Tears rolled over her
cheeks and fell down on me.
"I love you,
Bella." I repeated.
"I love you
too, Scout." She whispered and kissed me softly on the lips.
It was the most amazing kiss I'd ever received and I knew that I could
finally close my eyes and rest.
So now you're
sleeping peaceful
I lie awake and
pray
that you'll be
strong tomorrow
and we'll see
another day
and we will praise
it and love the light
that brings a
smile across your face
Crying for
about the fiftieth time, I was sitting beside Scout and holding his hand,
when I felt someone touch my shoulder.
"How is he?"
Jake asked softly.
"The doctors
can't say. They're giving him a fifty-fifty chance, though.
Which is better than he gave himself. He had already said his goodbye.
How is Hamilton doing?"
"A couple
broken ribs, a concussion and quite a bit of smoke inhalation. He
blames the broken ribs on the hug I gave him." She smiled and rolled
her eyes. I smiled back. I was glad that at least one of us
was happy. Of course I was happy that Will and Hamilton were all
right, but I wanted so much for Scout to open his eyes and talk to me.
Hold on, hold
on to yourself
for this is gonna
hurt like hell
I wandered
tiredly into Scout's room. I was in pain, but at least I was awake.
His dad had
finally come and sat in his room forever. He'd gone downstairs for
a coffee and I took the opportunity to sneak out of my room and over to
his.
I sat down
beside his bed and looked at all the wires and tubes running to and from
the poor guy.
"Man, open
your eyes. You're not much of a host." I tried to laugh, but
failed miserably. "They all say I . . . saved your life. Like
they would've left you for dead if I hadn't looked for you. Hah!
Isn't that something? Kinda sounds like a crock. You ever tell
me I saved your life, I'll kick your ass. C'mon, man. I didn't
pull that junk off you so you could die in the hospital." I chocked
on the word die and hung my head.
"B-Bell .
. ." I looked up. Scout tried to sit up.
"Woah, buddie,
settle down. You're not well."
"Really?"
He tried to laugh, but ended in a coughing fit. "Water." He
croaked.
"What am I,
your maid?" But I was just kidding and poured him some water that
he could barely drink cause he couldn't raise his head.
"I gotta see
Bella." He replied after drinking a bit of water through a straw.
"Your dad's
here too."
"Okay.
But I really need to see Bella." I got up to go get her. But
as I walked away, Scout called out again.
"And, Hamilton."
I turned around. "Thanks for saving my life." Instead of actually
cracking him, like I said I was going to, I laughed, and this one sounded
real.
"Don't mention
it, man." And I walked out the door to find Bella.
Epilogue
Bella was
ecstatic when Hamilton told her Scout was asking for her. I don't
remember when I ever saw her so happy. I was overjoyed myself because
Scout is a good friend and a really cool guy. I realize then, though,
that things wouldn't be the same anymore.
Bella and
Scout had been forced to stop being boyfriend and girlfriend, but I knew
that their feelings were strong and wouldn't stop loving each other.
No matter what.
Jake and Hamilton
would also emerge from this a stronger couple. As it always goes:
something like this makes people realize how much they love someone and
how scared they are that they would lose them.
Love makes
you do incredible things, and you don't realize who your true friends are
until they're almost gone. When you know that someone will risk their
life for you, or care enough to pray, then you know that you have the best
friends in the whole world, and I am happy to consider these four among
my closest friends.
The End