She's dead. She's really dead.

No secret hidden door that she comes busting out of to save me from this living hell.

It's real, and I despise it.

I hate him. I hate him for taking her away from me. We were supposed to be forever and he ruined us.

I abhor him. I abhor the very thought of him.

I loved her. I loved her with the very essence of my soul. We were back together and all was right.

It was so sudden. One minute her eyes were filled with love then the next with pain. I vividly remember the look on her face and the blood splattering my clothes as she muttered her last words, "your shirt."

I have nightmares of it. Horrible nightmares were he is laughing as the love of my life falls into my arms, taking her last breath.

I killed him. I did it and I do not regret that. How can I? He took away the purest thing in my life. I regret my use of magic and the way I treated my friends. Yet, he deserved to die. He deserved everything he got. I believe that with the very fiber of my being.

I am scared. I am scared my friends will not accept me. That they will hate me for the monster I became. This is my other nightmare, my friends shunning me forever as I rot in the pain that fills my heart.

Giles tells me that I may not be wanted but I will be needed. It's the first part that worries me, not the last. I want to be needed, I crave it, but I also crave to be wanted.

I'm okay now. I believe this. I do not want to go back to the monster that I was. I have worked my hardest with Althenea and the coven to get back on the right path and use my magic for good. Al says I have made great progress.

I'm going back to Sunnydale. Something big is brewing and I am going to help fight it. I'm going to fight for my friends, this world, and above all….Tara. She will forever live in me and all the good I do from now on will be in her honor.

Tara. She made me laugh, she made me cry, she made me happy, and she made me sad. She made me burn with a passion that I had never felt before. She taught me who I was and she taught me how to love. Her love was selfless and pure. She was beautiful and her smile could light up my heart even in my darkest days. She was the most beautiful person I've ever met, inside and out.

I will forever cherish the time we had together, for all of eternity.