"Dean."
It's his mantra.
His prayer.
His constant.
It's always there.
His first memory.
His last.
Through pain and loss.
Through grief and death.
It's the one thing he holds onto.
Grips it so tightly, as if his whole existence depends on it. Because it does.
And then it's ripped away by evil. And screams. And pain. And blood.
He searches for it. Desperately. Fiercely. Recklessly.
And somehow he finds it.
But it's different now.
"For Dean," it now says.
It's faint, just barely there. But it keeps him going. Keeps him breathing.
And then the one bearing the name is back, but not really.
And he still keeps going. Because it's still "For Dean."
"For Dean" he fights.
"For Dean" he struggles.
"For Dean" he betrays. Lies. Kills
Until he can't hear the prayer anymore. He looses sight of it. Just briefly.
But then it's back again.
And it's "Dean."
And he's not sure he deserves it, but he grips it tight once again. Because that's the only thing that keeps him from drowning.
But then the one bearing the name rips it away again.
And now, there is no mantra.
There is no prayer.
There is no constant.
And so he falls.