Okay, so has anyone read My Immortal. It's bad. Really bad. But guess what I found!
My Immortal Two!
I'll be reading it, offering my comments, etc. Everything I say will be in bold. Let's begin!
Going undr
ok this dedicated for my friend 666Purple_Raven_Skeleton_girl666 and xxXDevIL_PrincezzXxx AND IF U DONT KNO WHO EMILI AUTUM OR AMY LEE ARES YOU PRERP. Tango (gettit I like tango cus its a gothic type of dance that originated in Mexican Hermany) She sounds like Tara already (lol geddit cuz im goffik)to all of u who like dis thanks! 666 xxxxxxxx 666
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Hi my name Raven Music Autumn Lee Darkness and I have long, black hair that resembles the midnight (but hair cant be midnight u moron its hair) with red and white steraks and freezing looking ice eyes that are blue and the other is green except I cover them wit red contacts so I dont look like a perp. Peoplee have told me I look like Emilie and Amy Lee except i'm beautifuller. That isn't a word... (AN: special tango for my friend DeMoN_GoDeSS saying I look lik that). I'm not really related to them cause they're not in my familiy but people can tell we arent because i'm prettier than both of tem combind. I am CONVINCED this is Tara, or Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Or modelled after My Immortal
I am a vampire and a witch nurse How did she get through medical school? and I have beautiful porcelain skin. I'm a gothemo (IF U THINK THAT UNCOOL UR A PREP!1) because people call me both things but I tell them eoms suck but they keep calling me that so I decide to say im gohemo so they get less confusion in their stupid head muscles Haha, I will never say brain again. (AN:get it the brain is a muscle). I also wear black because people who dont weat black are prepy. For example today I was wearing a black corset with hot pink lace around it and red fishnets and boots and of course a black mini skirt (AN:made of leather DUHHH!Deerrrr). I was wearing black lipsdtick, white make up face painter, black eyeliner and black eyeshadow. And I'm a vampire witch so I go to Hogfangs, LOLOL! It's almost as good as Pigfarts! a school for vampire witches magicians.
It was raining and there was no sun, I hate the sun because its bright and preppy and sustains life. God I hate life. I walked towards my school and noticed preps were staring at me so I gave them two middle fingers but not literally cus that is what emos do they cut off their body parts. ...No, not really...
"Hey Raven!" I heard a voice shouted me. I turned around and saw Draco Malfoy! Here we go...
"Hey whats up Draco?" I asked him. Brace yourselves...
"Nothing and can you stop calling me that my name is Darko Malfang.." he said shyly. I giggled !#$
"OMG you finally turned goth yay." I choired sexily. I may be dyslexic, or just crazy, but I read this as 'turned yoth gay.' And how do you choir sexily?
But then I heard my crowd of friend, Nightmare Syringe call me and I had to go away. LOLWHUT
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Tango for reading this and plz tell me wut u think! NO FLAMES only perps do that k tangos. Samba to you too.
Well, well. I think this must be a troll. Maybe she hath telekinesis.
(CHAPTER TWO)
Special tango to my BFF (ew not in that way perv) I'm confused... In what way? Wait, nevermind. xXmIdNigHt_RoSeXx for inspring me to write this o and also IF U FLAM UR A PREP SO STOP FLAMING!1! O and Edwaurd ur the lov of my suicidaly deprssung life I luv u 2! HIM ROX! Oh, Edward, if you weren't just a cardboard cut-out...
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The next day I awoken up in my black, gothic, vampiric fashion styled room. It was raining again. It wasn't raining before. The preppy sun was shining. I opened the coffin-door of my coffin Redundant description is redundant and drank some blood tea. Her tea-bag was a tampon! My coffin was black and inside was hot pink with black and red lace on the ends with sparkles. So not prep. The sparkles were black. I got out of my gothic coffin and took off my giant HIM t-shirt that I used for pajamas sexily. How do you use pajamas sexily? I put on my black leather mini skirt and dark red corset with black lace around it and some heels, and a pentagram necklace. I was also wearing black fishnets. I put on my earrings that were in the shape of skulls, and I put a few more in so I got four in and I let my beautiful hair down. It smelled of gothic roastes. "Go ahead," the cow said. "Eat me for your Sunday roast. Ingest my depressed spirit."
My friend, Bloodrayne, awoken too from her coffin and smiled at me. She flipped her long foot lengh raven black hair Gothic Rapunzel, God help us. with red and white streaks and opened her vampire-fang-goth red eyes. Apparently fangs can be described as eyes. She put on her MCR (AN: if u dont kno wut that is GTFO prep) shirt with a black mini skirt, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots with lace everywhere. The lace was black and had ribbons that were black. We put on our makeup that was blacklipstick, white face paint, black eyeliner and red eyeshadow. This sounds oddly like My Immortal.
"OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD, I saw you talking to Darko Malfang yeasterday!" she said excieted. My Immortal.
"Yeah? Whats wrong with that?" I said, my gorgeous, shy pink flush covering my soft cheeks.
"Girl, do you like him? Like oh my god thats fabmazing!" she asked as we went out of the Slitherin roomer and into The Great Hall. Fabmazing! That. Is. Hilarious.
"No I fucking dont like Darko!" I snapped at her. My Immortal. It's a troll. "I so fucking dont"
"Yea right!" she exclamatined. Just then, Darko ran up to me from the behind.
"Hey." he greeted shyly.
"Hi." I replied flirtingly.
"GUESS what?" he yelled.
"What?" I asked excitedly.
"Well, MCR are having a concert in Hogbloodfangs district." he told me.Hogbloowhatsit?
"Oh. My. Fucking. Dog!" OH MY ROTTWEILER! I screamed. I love MCR, they are my favorite band besides GC and HIM (AN:srsly GTFO if u dont kno them u emo prep).
"Well..do you want to go with me?" he asked sexily shyly. Sexily shyly?
I gapsed.
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WELL? wut did u think about it? Tango for reviewing DONT FLAMM DA STORY PREP hahahaha. Tango. Lol geddit cuz im stoopid?
(CHAPTER THREE)
AN: I SWAR IF U FLAMM THE STORY UR A PREOP OK? OK! U GOT THAT? U FLAM DIS AND U A PREP any1 else who like this story tango to u ! k! Tangos!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 666xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx This is Tara. She had the 666 as well.
On the dark, gothic, bloody midnight night of the concert I put on my black lace up boots with high hells. This sentence... It.. I...Under them were ripped black fishnets. Then I put on black leather minidress with all the corest lace and back and front I put matching fishnet sleeves. I straightened my gay hair LOL MALAPROPISM(AN: gay can also be term for frissy heir) I hate it when my son gets frissy. and made it look straight. I felt a little sad, so I slit on of my wrists depressingly suicidally. I re ad a suicidally depressing book (Twilight. Or this fanfic) while I waited for its bleed to stop and I listened to some MCR (AN:god u preps if u dont know that GTFO alrdy!) I painted my nails dark sparkly blue and put on lots of eyeliner sexily. I put my eyeliner on both gothically, suicidally AND sexily. So there.Then I put on some dark dark red black lipstick. I didnt put on white make up face paint because my skin was paliesh porcelain anyway. I drank some human blood tea Ha ha. so I was ready to go to the concert.
I went outcity. Darko Malfang was waiting there in front is his car. His car hat black bat wings and can fly and on the plate it said 666bat. He was wearing a black goth t-shirt, gothix bondage pants,LOL MALAPROPISM! What do bondage pants even look like? What, noo... clutches eyes* black nail polish and a little black eyeliner (AN: a lot fo cool bkis weart it k?).
"Hi Darko!" I said in a suicidally depressed sexy voice. I walked towers him flirtingly. She sat down skyscrapers.
"Hi Raven." he asid back. We walked into his flying black limosuine version 666 Huh? and flew to the conceert. On the way we listened happily to HIM and MCR. We both did a little bit coke and cigars and smoked some drugs. You're cool. When we gotted Lol. in the concert, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the moshing pity It's like feeling sorry for someone who isn't moshingat the front of the stage and drugged ourselves up and down. Did you drug yourselves side to side? As we listened to the concert. "YEAAAA GO MCR!"
"Yeah, here we go for the hundredth time Hand grenade pins in every line Throw 'em up and let something shine Going out of my fucking mind ." sang Jowl Who's Jowl? The lead singer is Gerard... (I dont own thel yrics k).
"He's so gucking hot." Guck sounds like a sound my throat would make... When I'm from laughter over this. I said to Darko, poiting to him as he singed, filling the club with his amazing voice.
Suddenly, Darko looked suicidally sad.
"Whats wrong?" I asked as we swabbed to the music. Then I got caught on.
"Hey its ok! I dont like you more duh." I stated to him.
"Really..?" asked Darko shyly. He put his arms around me all guardian.
"Ya." I aids. "And I dont know even Jowl and hes going out with Britney fucking Spears, I fucking hate that whiny bald bitch." I said grossely, thinking of her preppy ugly face and blondeness. Yeah, stereotypes are bad. Only preps are blonde. The sexy night went on really well, I had a great gothic time. There was no preppy sun or stupid preps. Yeah, the sun is so stoopid and prep. So did Darko. After the concert, we drank some blood beer and asked the singers for their autographs. And had photos with them. We got some concert tees and Darko and I crawled back into the car while singing crawling in my skin by Linkin Park cause thats an gothic song. However, Darko didnt go back into Hogfangs.. instead he drove the car into …...the Forbidden Angelic Goth Forest! Wow... Lemme guess. He wants to love her up.
(CHAPTER FOUR)
ok u prepz I sed stap flamming ok? Ok raven is not bloody maru sua OK? DRACO IS SO IN LOV WIT ME I think she means Raven HE IS ACTIN DEEFRNT AND CHEELRADERS ARE PRERPZ.
"DRACO!" Me shoutered. "WHAT THE fuck do you think YOU ARE doing?"
Dracola (an: geddit cus hez gottik) IIIIITTT'S TARA! didnt answers but he stopped the flying bat car Nanananananana BAT CAR! and he runned out of it. I skittered out of it catiously.
"WAT DA FUCKING HELLLL?" I asked, snappingly.
"Ravven?" he akesed me.
"What?" I constipated on him again. LOL MALAPROPISM!
Draco leaned in extra extra super close and I looked into his smexi vampiric goth red eyes which showed so much sad sorrow filled with suicidal sadness and goffiknezz. After reading this sentence I got the urge to wear black and complain a lot. He had depressingly beautiful eyes. But mine were better. Wow... I didnt feel mad anymore.
And then...Draco touched my bum No! and kissed me firely passionately. Draco climbeded on top of me and we started to make out like Lindzay Lohanz. She's such a prep. He took my top off and I took off his bondage speedos. Is this intentional? Aren't speedos swimwear? I even took off my corset black lace smexi goffik bra. Scandal! Then he put his love nozzle HAHAHAHAHA inside my you-kno-wut-oven and we did it for the thirst time. Thirst? So detailed.
"ah ah ah!" I yelled. I was beginning to explode. If only... We started to kiss everywhere and my beautiful body became all warm, (an:but not like diarrhea u idiot prep) I never thought a warm body would be relevant to diarrhoea... Your body's always warmAnd then..we head the snapping of wet leaves Wet leaves don't snap and a gun go off in the distance.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU CUNTZ!"
IT WAS...Dumbleydote! ROFLMAO! He only swears when he has a headache, I'm guessing?
(CHAPTER FIVE)
Chaptr 5: hekena
STOP FLAMING ME PREPS OK IF U FLAM ur EMO WANNA POSER PREP ? OK! tehh onlie raisin dumberdote sweared was he had drugs headache OKAY? OKAY U GOT THAT OK! HE WAS mad AT THEM CUS THEY HAD SEXX HAVING TOOO! PS: I not update til u diseezed flammer prep children give good revows! Grrrrowl! Grr.
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dumblerdote kept screaming at us agonily. "YOU STUPID IDIOTS" he sheeted. "Sorry!" I pillowcased.
I started to cry bloody tears of blood Call the Redundant Department of Redundancy down my pale poresealene face. Draco comfarted me. Hehehe. Fart. We went back to cassle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snake and Profesar Mcgonagail. Who were bath looking very ANGRY.
"They both were having reproductive intercourse in the Angelic Gothic 666 Forbridden Forets!" he yelled in agrny voice. I dunno why, but this sentence made me laugh.
"why did you do such thing, you useless tampon children?" asked professor Mcgonagail. OMGIMDYING!
"how dare thee?" Demanded professor Snake, taking out his gun. He pointed at Dracola. What just happened?
"NOOO DONT KILL DRACOLA I HAD REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS WITH HIM CAUSE HE LOVE MEEEEE NOOOOOOOOOO!11!" Organs? Whaa-?
Draco shreaked. "I LOVE HER!"
Everyone was quiet. Dumbleydore and professor Mcgonagail still looked mad but Professor Snake said. "Fin. Very well. Thy may go up to thee rooms." What's with the Old English? Tara only makes 'vadermort' have old english. (I hath telekinesis, anyone?)
Draco and I were unbondaged LOLand I went upstairs while the teachers were shooting daggers at me through their eyes.
"you okay? Raven vivi?" Draco asked me flirtily softly yet goffikly gently. Gothically gently?
"Yea" I lied. I went to the girls drom and brushed the teeth I had So now she's bogan. Or redneck, whichever country you're from. and my hair and changed into me long leather dress with lace on it and black high heels. When I cume... out...
DRACO was standing in front bathroma, and he started to sing "Killing Lonelinezz" by HIM. I was so flabbergassingly aroused and fattered even dough Fattered? Dough? Ha. he was not supposed to be there. We hugged and maked out and kissed. After that we good-nighted eachother and went back to sleep at our own bedrooms. *blinks slowly* Duuurhhh... Me no haave brayynn no morezz... *drools*
(CHAPTER SIX)
Okay, this is... Not good. I say no more.
SHUT UP PREPZ OK! I WONT UPDAT MUH INTIL U give me good reviwes! Not gonna happen, but alas, there are two more chapters, I think.
The next day I awokened up in my coughin again. Get the strepsils. I put on my black leather mini skirts that had rips around it with chains and crosses. I put on my top. It looked like a tank top with lots of lace and red skulls on it and a red glowing pednat. I put two huge skull syringe earrings on, and a cross in each ear. I spray painted my head dark, blood red. I headed to the great hall. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE
In the Great Hall, I ate some blood milk cereal. Instead of milk, it was blood. Original. Was it Count Chocula? I was drinking a cup of blood tea. Suddenly...someone humped into me! LOL MALAPROPISM All of the blood milk spilled on me.
"AGH DU HAST! BASTURD!1!" I sweared in German.She's german now? I wish I hadent have said that because when I looked up I was looking into beautiful goth red vampire eyes surrounded by pale skin and spiky black hair with red and black streaks on it. He was wearing lots of eyeliner and he had two teardrops on his cheacks I think this means you've murdered someone... along with two blood red lines going down his face looking like eternal blood tears from an immortal vampire. He was wearing black lipstick and, instead of glasses he was wearing blood red contacts.I hope this isn't Harry... They were just like Dracola's. There was also no scar on his pale forehead anymore, instead, there was a skull with cross bones and roses.
The only thing I didn't like was his stubble, because it was black. He also had a england accent. They're in England. EVERYONE HAS AN ENGLISH ACCENT. He reminded me of Ville (AN: god gtfo if u dont kno him u jizzy preps!). He was so attractive that my skinny body went warm when I saw him kind of like when a guy gets an election but I"m a girl so I dont get one you stupid preps. Please don't be Harry... I want my bespectacled nerdy hero-boy to stay untainted...
"I so sorry." he apologized.
"Thats right. Whats your name?" I asked him.
"The name's bloody Harry bloody Potter, althought most bloody people just call me bloody Vladimir these days. Some people like to call me Arthus, Deathlock or Lucifer. But really, I just want to be called Vladimir. Like Vlad the Imapaled. Hes a vampire." he grumbled.
No. NO! OH NOE SHE DIDANT! SHE JUST RUINED MY CHILDHOOD HERO!
"Why?" I gasped. Is there a raisin behind him being called after a vampier? No, but there is a prune.
"Because I like the taste of human bleedings." he giggled and laughed. Bleedings?
"Well I am a vampire!" I told him.
"Really?" he convicted.
"Yeah." I cheered. (AN: not like a cheerleader prep u prep moron) Yah, I'm the moron.
We seatened ourselves, and had a conversation for a while. Then Dracola came behind me and told me he had a really exciting surprise for me so I followed him back out into the hallway. Hallway. Hallway. She spelt it right. Twice. Nice work, you get a gold star.
(CHAPTER SEVEN)
AN: ok guys im only riting dis cus I got 7 suproritve revews. Oh an BTWZ I wont rite necks chapter til I gat TINS giod vions! STOL fLAMMING OR ILL REPORT U TO AWTHORITES PREPS! AND I SAID OK RAVRN IS NOT MARCHY SUE! SHE ISNT prefecter she is stanasist! N SHE HAD PROBLEMS LICK DEPRESSION AND BIOPOLAR AN STUTTER OK? She has a stutter? It hasn't really been shown much. god preps.
Dracola and I held out pail, creamy white hands with black nail polish and white french manicures HE had a manicure? as we went upstairs. I had red satanist guitars and wings on my nails in blood red nail polish (AN: MARCHY SUES DONT do that u stupid perps!Learn what a Mary Sue is. And how to spell it.). I waved to Vladimir. Dark, suicidal, passionate misery was visible in his depressingly beautiful eyes It's in mine as well.. I guess he was gellouse that I was gonning out with Dracola. Anyway I went upstairs happily with Darko. We went into his room and closed the door with a key. And then... Oh, God. Prepare the brain bleach.
We started frenching dotinglessly Oui? Vous et une ane muet. (Translate- Yes? You are a dumb ass.) and we took off each totters clothes off enthusniatically. He felt me up and I took my top. Off. Then I took my leather lacy black bra with skulls on it off. It had ribbons too. He took off his pants. We went on the bed and starting kissing and sexing and then he put his masculine beefy love-nozzle into my you-know-what-oven Holy shit. So graphic. Haha, love nozzle, oven... BEEFY! and WE HAD SEX! (AN: I licke guys). NO WAY!
"Oh Darcola, oh Luciper!" I screamed while getting an organism. Damn I hate biology. Then all of a sudden I saw something on Darcola's stomache...IT WAS A TATOO! It was a faded black heart with a dagger going through it, on in were gothick black bloody red latters where the words Vladimir were inscribered. There was a bullet going through it too. I love how much this is like My Immortal
I was so stressingly angry. Most get stressed when they're angry.
"THOU BASTURD!" I shouted in half german english, angrily skittering out of the bead. Old english? Really?
"NO NO! BUT YOU DO not understand!VIVI!" draco pledded. But I saw too much. Who's Vivi?
"No, you gucking man-prostituet!" I shoted. "you probally have HIV and poop anyway!"LOL POOP. YOU POOPIE POOP FACE.
I put on all my clothes all angrily and then skapped out of the room. Dracola ran out even though he was naked. Cover your shame! Cover up that love-nozzle! He had a really big love-nozzle but I was too deprussed to care. I stamped out and did it until I heard Vladimir's classroom where he was having a bioaclhemy lesson with Professor Snake Deverus. And some other peopls.
"VLADIMIR ARTHUS POTTER, YOU FUCKING PREP!" I yeild. I yeild. This is driving me insane.
(CHAPTER EIGHT)
You're lucky – This is the last chapter. If you're like me, you're reading this, shivering, wearing only one sock.
STOP FALLMMING OKAY? IF U DO UT PREP AND DIS IS ME STORY I MAD OK? I AM NOT GOBLIN She's a dwarf. I AM GOFF STFU JIZZY PERPS! AND IF U PREPS CANT TACKE A FOO SWER words then GTFO ok?1
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Everyone, like EVERYOne in the classrum chaired at me Malapropism! and then Darko came (AN: not in that way perv!) into the room even though he was nude and his huge meaty love pipe So it's a pipe? I think love-nozzle was better. was hanging but I didnt care cause I was angry and he started begging me to take him back.
"Vivi it bloody isnt bloody what you bloody think bloody!" Bloody hell. Draco screamed quietly HOW DO YOU SCREAM QUIETLY? suicidally in his accent. I flipped a bird at him. Poor bird. It was a crow raven thing. So.. A crow. Or a raven.
"SHUT UP!1!" My friend Bloodrayne smilled at me like she understanded me. She flipped her long flour length It was foot length before gothemo dark purple black hair and openned her crimson eye they were like blood that she was wearing contact lenses and she had pale white skin that she was wearing white face paint on. WE DON'T CARE Hermanione (Hermango boingo... Herman?) was kidnapped when she was burnt. She died from her burns. Her parents were outcast vampire fang suckers and Vlodemort killd them and they did suicide and died. But didn't Voldemort kill them? Bloodrayne can tell th efuture because of it and has night mares and can turn into a ghost. And shes also converted to satanism now. That's just dumb.
"What is it that thy desires, thee ridiculed nipple dragon!" LOL OMG. NIPPLE DRAGON. Snake yelled angrily in his chilly voice. I payed no attentun to him.
"VLADIMIR ARTHUS PORTER! I cant believe you cheated on me wit my sexy Dracola!" I shited LOL MALAPROPISM at him. Everyone gasped and cut themselves. Even the preps?
"BUT IM NOT GOING OUT WITH DARKO ANYMORE!" said Vladimir.
"FUCKING RIGHT! fuck off you motherfucking fuck shitting fucking prep fucker!" I don't think I've sworn that much in MY WHOLE LIFE, let alone a sentence. I creamed. Hah. I ran out of the room and into the Angelic Gothic Forbidden Six Six Six Forest where I had lost my tinginty to Dracola and then I started bleeding tears of blood from my red white eyes. Soo... They're pink then.
Congratz, people. You've finished. Go read Charles Dickens, or J.R.R Tolkien. Eat some icecream. Frolic in the preppy sun. I'm going to curl up into fetal position under my desk and wonder why I'm alive.