I know mostly people hate Rose but I liked her character, she was someone new, someone who didn't take Derek as a God and that's what I like about people - difference.

Thanks to Jennifer, for her inspiration :).

Please leave me a comment.

thanks for reading.

enjoy

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I used to be the best nurse in the surgery. Everybody used to want me, I didn't mess up, I didn't panic, my mind was always clear, now my mind is full of blur, now I panic more then often. I had to leave my job, I'm a pediatric nurse, more calmer, more ordinary now. I don't have to operate with him, I don't need to look into his happy face every day and imagine how could it be if I was the happy one. If I could be the one who wears his ring on my finger. How good I would look like as a bride. Will I ever find a man who will love me? I have done my best with ignoring him and his wife but I can't.

When their first little one was born I was the one who took care about him. Bradley Harley Shepherd. Even as a newborn it was clearly that he looks like his father. Dark haired with pierced blue eyes. I didn't want to envy, the boy was extremely cute, I wish all the best to this Meredith Grey Shepherd and even to Derek, the one who used me, who broke my heart but I wondered how would I look like a mother. Maybe it was a time to look for the right man, not to be alone. Before Derek I was the one who could pick from tons of men. Now I live just for work.

So today I decided to go shopping, I bought some nice dress, super expensive make up and invited my old friend for a drink to Joe's .

I felt little bit like a slut who prepares to catch some good and rich man to earn some money. But honestly I didn't care.

When I met Melody I hugged her, I was happy to see her, we were long time friends she works with Shepherd now.

I have to admit I really wanted to hear some new gossips. It has been 4 years since I worked here, 3 years from the day when little Bradley was born and one week from the day when the second Shepherd - Isaac Marley Shepherd.

She said that Alex and Izzie Karev have twins - Alexandra Michaela and Katherine Isabella Karev. I was happy about them, they have been always my favorite couple. Karev was a jerk until he met Stevens and Stevens was too naive but they are both nice people and nice people deserve their happiness, right?

Seems like everybody lives their happiness and what about me? did the God, Destiny , Nature or whatever forgot about me? Am I that bad person? I hope not.

And then I saw him, he looked tired, sad , like someone who is giving up. I liked him because I knew this look, it's written in my face.

when I look into his eyes I saw something, I felt something what I have never felt. Connection maybe?

He said his name is Charles, that he is from London, escaping from his life. He is 35, one year older than me, he has a child, son Josh and he was married to his mother who died when Josh was 2. He started drinking and his mother took his son away from him, then he started to take drugs and now he is clear and want his son back. Josh is 6 now and lives in Tacoma.

We started dating after our little dates in a bar, he is a lawyer but he works for poorer people. Which is nice we both want to save the world.

After a year of dating our daughter was born. Jane Alice McNamara. Josh started to live with us when he was 8. When Jane turned 4 our second child, a son Jeremy. And then our little princess Jena was born. I was happy, I finally find my second piece. I finally feel full. I finally can look into his face.

"Hello Derek" I said with a smile and I wasn't pretend that I'm happy.

He looked tired, he looked sad.

that's what you chose honey, I said to myself with a smile and looked to my husband.

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hope you liked it

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sorry for mistakes