Okay! So I am still extremely depressed and deeply shocked by Sunday night's episode and this fic has sort of become my own personal closure (however, I have know decided to share it with all of you ) It's not perhaps the happiness and fluffiness that you might think, but I felt it was something that needed to be written. Hope you like it…
Let me go
"Ruth?"
"I'm still here."
"Good."
He snaked his arm around her waist and drew her closer to him. Gently he kissed her temple and allowed her head to rest lightly above his heart.
"I can hear your heartbeat" she mused quietly into his bare skin. He felt her breath brush lightly against him, warm and comforting.
"No. It's not my heart. Not anymore." She raised herself up so she could face him and raised an eyebrow questioningly. "My heart has never been mine, Ruth, It's always been yours." Slowly she leant forward and kissed his lips tenderly, before allowing her head to rest again on his broad chest.
Silence enveloped them completely. Harry laced his fingers gently through her soft hair and down her arm, finally capturing her fingers in his. "I want to stay like this forever."
She gripped his hand tightly. "We can't do that, Harry. You know we can't."
"I know." She glanced sceptically up at him. "I know, Ruth. Truly I do. I'm just… I'm not ready to leave you. Not yet." He pulled her ever tighter into him and she entwined her fingers more firmly in his.
After a minute, she spoke softly. "Will you go back to work?"
"Ruth, I can't even think about that now! Not with everything that has happened!"
"But that's exactly why you need to think about it- because of everything that has happened!" She pulled slightly away from him and pushed herself up against the raised pillows. Feeling at a complete loss without her touch, Harry followed her movements and pulled her close to his side, ensuring that his enveloping arms did not disturb the tort bandages around her middle.
"I don't want to think about work, Ruth. I can't. All I can think about right now is you. All I want to think about is you."
"Harry. You know that is ridiculous. It's stubborn. It's irrational. It's selfish! And that's not the man I know. The man I know wouldn't let his own worries and personal concerns stand in the way of doing the right thing." Her hand found his again and she drew it to her lips. "They need you Harry. They need you more than I do."
Gently he moved her head so that he could look into her deep and understanding eyes. Tears welled in his throat and his eyes as he spoke softly. "I know. You're right- as usual! But, please. Just let me stay for a little longer. I'm not ready to leave you just yet. There are things we need to talk about." His heart melted as she smiled up at him.
"There's always things to talk about Harry. It can wait."
"No!" He gripped her firmly in his arms. "No, Ruth. There is something I need to say. It's something I…"
His voice was silenced as she pressed another kiss to his lips. "You don't need to say it."
"But I do!" The tears now spilled down his cheeks. "Please Ruth. Let me tell you!"
He felt her cold fingers as she wiped his tears from his cheeks. Her own eyes remained steady and determined. "No Harry. Don't you see? You don't need to tell me. You never needed to tell me. I already know." He opened his mouth to protest, but she continued easily, "I can feel it" she whispered in his ear, as she drew their joined hands slowly to his aching heart. "Can you feel it Harry? Can you feel me?"
More tears fell, yet Harry felt her soft cheek was bone dry against his own. "Yes Ruth." His voice cracked with emotion and he turned to face her. "I can feel you Ruth."
"Good" she smiled. "Because, we both know that soon you will have to leave me here. Soon you will have to go back to the Grid, back to reality. And when you do, you won't be able to see me all the time, do you understand. There will be times when you won't be able to taste my kisses whenever you desire. Sometimes, you might struggle to hear my voice against all of the noise. But, Harry, you will always be able to feel me, in here. I will always be there."
"You promise me? You promise you'll stay with me always?"
"You know I will." Slowly she moved their hands from his heart and placed them gently over her own.
"I can't feel it Ruth" His eyes found hers in anguish and desperation.
"Concentrate Harry. Look at me and try, really try to feel it." He closed his eyes and tried with all his might to feel her heartbeat underneath his fingertips. Panic rose uncontrollably through him and he opened his eyes to face her again.
"I can't Ruth. I'm trying, really I am, but I can't." To his alarm, she merely smiled at him.
"Maybe it's these damned bandages. I think it's time to take them off."
"No. It's too soon! You can't…"
"Harry." Her hand found his and he felt instantly soothed of some of his anguish. Her eyes bore into his, pleading with him to understand. "Harry, can't you see? I'm fine. For once in my life, I'm actually fine. It doesn't hurt anymore. It's time."
With a surge of new emotion he slowly nodded his head. Together they slowly and gently unravelled her restricting bandages to reveal her smooth, bare and unmarked skin beneath. He gazed at her renewed skin and she smiled. "See? I'm fine."
"But Ruth…"
She bent close to him and whispered against his lips. "It's time. Let me go, Harry"
"But Ruth! Ruth!"
Harry's eyes shot open and his vision was suddenly flooded by the vast emptiness of the bedroom. "Ruth?" he turned to look at the empty space beside him, but he knew she was gone already. He closed his eyes to try and recapture the sight of her from his dreaming, but he knew it was futile. He fought against his own panic as he tried to remember her words of advice and comfort, but it was as if her was deaf to anything but the impounding silence.
Instead, he moved his hand slowly until it rested on his pounding heart and he smiled through his bitter tears. "I can feel it, Ruth. I can feel you."
Even as he stood from the bed and moved to begin dressing in his black suit and tie, he was sure he could still feel a warm hand print pressed against his heart. He picked up his thick over coat that he only ever wore for such occasions and through it onto his shoulders.
Suddenly a sharp pain hit him just above his heart. Reaching into the inner pocket, Harry pulled out the small box and held it tightly. Carefully he opened the box and gently caught the gold finger between two of his fingers. Sitting heavily on the edge of the bed, he turned to face the picture of her that stood vividly on his bedside table. "I'm off now," he began, though tears and emotions ripped against every part of his body. "They say that I should go today to say goodbye to you, but we both know that goodbyes were something we were never good at…" His shoulders shook and he dropped his head to his hands and sobbed. "I don't know what I'll do without you Ruth!" His breath caught as he recognised his words from the docks many years ago.
Silently, he replayed their conversation over in his head. Lifting his head he looked into her burning blue eyes in the photograph. "Let me go" he whispered, remembering her parting plee. "Let you go? I can't!" His hand subconsciously moved to his heart. "I won't ever let you go."
Okay! So you Ugly Betty Fans out there may remember a similar story from one of the earlier episodes, but I thought the dream idea would work really nice for poor old Harry here. Sorry if it depresses you even further (but I don't think that is actually possible after Sunday's episode!) but I just felt it was something that needed to be written. Please R&R and let me know what you think…