Sometimes being a single parent is a burden, sometimes it's a blessing. Here are some:
When Seth left us and I had to explain to a four year old Amber why Daddy took all of his clothes and belongings with him instead of the usual one suitcase he took when going on tour.
'Mummy?' Amber asked as I nursed a two month old Drew.
'What hunny?' I replied with a deep sigh. Drew was being awfully difficult today and didn't want to latch on, just making my day that much more stressful.
'Why'd Daddy take all of his stuff?'
'Because he's going to live somewhere else. He can't take care of us anymore.' I stated matter-of-factly. Amber was old enough to understand that sometimes people cracked under stress. Drew STILL wasn't latching on and I'd been sitting her for over thirty minutes. 'Drew, come on!' I said angrily.
'Mummy, don't yell at Drew, it's not his fault Daddy left.' Amber told me protectively.
'I know Amber but Drew is being very uncooperative and I need a shower.' I said, still trying to get Drew to feed. I shifted Drew to my left breast but he still didn't want to do as he was told. Growling I put my shirt back on fully and got up quickly, setting my son down in the baby bouncer so that I could finally get my shower.
As soon as I was undressed and turning the taps Drew decided to cry. I quickly threw on my robe and sauntered into the lounge room. Amber was perched over the baby bouncer and was incessantly bouncing Drew and not in a comforting way, it was like she was TRYING to make my day more difficult. 'AMBER!' I hollered, getting her attention. Amber immediately jumped up and turned towards me. 'Leave him alone! Jeez, are you PURPOSELY making everything so hard!' I went over and scooped up my whimpering son and breathed an agitated sigh when I saw his mouth moving in a suckling motion. I plonked myself down on the couch and situated Drew on my lap. He latched on immediately, thank god.
'It's all your fault Daddy left us! You ALWAYS yell.' Amber screamed as she stormed out of the room. The yelling stirred Drew out of his hypnotised state and he began crying. Yep. This was going to be a LOOOONNNGGGGGG day!
That was one of the more burdensome activities.
When Drew spoke is first word.
For a change I bundled Amber, Drew and myself all into the same bathtub. Anyone who would've heard me talking about it probably would've called me irresponsible and I understand where they're coming from but I made sure everything was safe. I sat an eleven month old Drew on my lap while four year old Amber sat in-between my ankles, held firmly by my calves. It was peaceful, just being able to relax with my babies, skin-to-skin. It felt primal and motherly, this is how I would define nurturing.
I watched on as Amber moved a little yellow duck around in front of Drew and he giggled along to the funny noises that she was making to go along with the story of the ugly duckling that she so attentively told.
'"I'm not ugly." Said the ugly duckling. "Yes you are you silly duck, you're the ugliest of them all" said the fox.' Amber continued on with her story as I slowly trickled some water over Drew's head.
Drew leaned to get the duck off of Amber and I lost my grip on his slippery skin for a second. Thank god Amber was right in front of him and caught him just before he hit the water face first. 'Whoa, watch out Buddy, you need to be careful.' I said as I jiggled and bounced Drew, eliciting a hearty laugh from his little body.
'Mummy?' Asked Amber.
'Yeah?' I answered as I looked at her, smiling. This was nice, just being with my little family. I didn't have to worry about Amber making the same mistakes as me and getting pregnant at eighteen. I didn't need to concern myself with my son's sexuality and the fact that he could be given a hard time during high school.
'Why can't Drew talk yet?'
'Because he's only a baby but we can try and get him to say something simple. You wanna help me?' I asked.
'YEAH!' Amber yelled.
I attentively lifted Drew from my lap slightly and let Amber climb on my lap. When she was comfortably situated I placed Drew on her lap and added a little more warm water so that no one was cold. 'So what are we gonna teach him?' Amber asked.
'Let's try Mama.'
'Okay.' Amber complied with a smile. 'Ma-ma. Say that Drew. MA-MA' Amber coached.
For the next half hour all I did was watch as Amber tried to teach Drew how to speak his first word. It didn't seem to work which saddened Amber visibly.
Later that night after I had put Drew to bed me and Amber were curled up together on the couch watching Blues Clues with the baby monitor sitting on the arm of the couch. All was silent except for the sounds of the TV and the slightly heavy breathing of my sleepy daughter until I heard a slight whimper from the monitor. Slowly the whimpering got louder and turned into cries. I'd been trying the method of self soothing with Drew but I was failing miserably, I just didn't like to hear my son suffering. The crying slowed slightly and I thought he'd stop but instead he let out another noise. 'Mama' was called through the monitor. Waiting a few seconds it came again 'Mama'.
Me and Amber jumped up and jogged down the hall to Drew's room. Opening the door I saw him trying to pull himself up in his crib. 'Hey Buddy. Mamas here and look, heres Amber.' I said as I scooped him up and started swaying.
'Mama' he weakly cried as he fell back to sleep in my arms. I was so proud of my boy. He'd said his first word and he'd said it for me.
That moment was a blessing.
The first time Amber got violently ill.
'Cough, cough.' Went Amber as she sat with me on the couch watching the evening news.
'You okay?' I asked her as I felt her forehead. It was only slightly warm, nothing to be too worried about; she was in her flannelette pyjamas after all.
'No, I don't feel too good.'
'Aww, come here Baby.' I said as I pulled her onto my lap. Usually she would struggle and argue that seven year olds don't sit on their mummy's laps. Something was wrong. Picking amber up and resting her on my hip I walked into the bathroom and got out the thermometer. I placed it in Amber's mouth and she placed her head on my shoulder. Yes, something was definitely wrong with my little girl.
Pulling the thermometer out of her mouth my suspicions were confirmed, 106.5. How'd it get that high so fast?
Then the last thing I needed happened. 'Mummy, I don't feel so good.' Amber said just before she threw up all over me and it wasn't just a little bit of vomit like when drew got over excited, No, it was a lot of vomit, I suddenly regretted feeding her all of that chocolate and junk food all of a sudden.
'I'm sorry mummy. I wrecked your new top.' Amber cried her apology through heavy tears.
'No. NO! Apologising for doing something that isn't your fault is not acceptable. Some things are accidents gorgeous, we get sick and then our mummy's take care of us.' I chastised her.
'Okay.' Amber agreed.
Carrying Amber over to the couch I laid her down and then went to change. I came out of my bedroom with a clean pair of sweatpants, white top, pink jacket and some ugg boots on. I also grabbed Amber a new pair of flannelette pyjamas and her ugg boots and dressing gown. I'd decided while getting dressed that I needed to get my daughter to the emergency room, she was getting too bad too fast.
I changed Amber into her Tweety pajamas, fluffy ugg boots and heart dressing gown. She looked absolutely adorable but that didn't matter at that moment, she needed help. I got her into my small corolla and tucked her in under a blanket to keep her warm because the heater wasn't working in my shit-box of a car.
When we reached the hospital Amber was asleep and I had to carry her in which I didn't mind about because I was the nurturing type. I loved taking care of my children but Amber had grown up a lot since Seth left and there wasn't really much nurturing needed with her for a while but tonight was our girly night. I'd gotten my mum and dad to take Drew for the evening and bought a whole pile of junk food which was a treat around our house.
When we reached the Emergency room the Nurse immediately sent us back because Amber's fever hadn't changed since I took her temperature.
It turned out that Amber had contracted swine flu and we needed to stay in lockdown at the hospital for a week.
That was a burden and a blessing all rolled into one. I got to be closer to my daughter but I also had to take care of her at her most vulnerable.