AN: Okay, in case you missed it the first time, this is a parody of those fanfics that have absolutely nothing to do with the source material. It isn't serious.
Bella and the Cullens were sitting around their house which was also a spybase! Suddenly, they got an email from Edward that said that they must blow up the enemy base to defeat communism!
"Don't worry, we'll help you," Bella declared. "Okay everyone do a dramatic team pose for the camera!" So they did and it was awesome. They leapt into the unmarked white van and drove off towards the enemy base.
When they got to the base where Edward was, they were stopped by fortifications with razor wire and everything! But everyone were vampires with vampire superpowers, so Emmett just burst through the wall like the Kool-Aid Man while flexing his biceps and telling everyone about how to wrestle a bear, because his vampire superpower was being a testosterone-filled douchebag. Then alarms started going off and searchlights turned on because it was nighttime. Team Cullen ran towards the base while turret guns shot at them! Then they got another call from Edward. "I have rigged the enemy base with explosives," said Edward. "But now I must escape from Enemy Base before pressing the detonator!"
"Okay where are you?" asked Bella.
"I'm in the big fancy control room with the computers and the big board!" said Edward.
"Everyone else stay behind because I'm the heroine!" said Bella. "Especially you Carlisle. Your vampire superpower is heart. That's lame."
So Bella went to the enemy base alone while Хлоп – Хлоп by Наутилус Помпилиус played in the background. This song had nothing to do with this story but it played anyway!
Then Bella saw two guards. "Halt!" they said.
"But look at me I'm a delicate flower and stuff!" Bella said. "It's not polite to kill a girl."
"Oh okay we won't kill yo—" the guards said but Bella pulled out her Webley Mk. VI .455 caliber top-break service revolver and shot them both until they died!
Oh, and Bella has an outdated British standard-issue gun because Bella and Co. are British in this story!
So then Bella went to the War Room where Edward was waiting!
"Let's get out of here so we can explode the base," Bella said.
"Wait! No!" said Edward. "Look at the big board! The enemy is going to nuke the world and we have to go defuse the bombs first!"
TO BE CONTINUED.