A/N: Erm… I don't know. I really don't. xD The idea just came to me last night and I thought it was funny. Short, stupid, and wonderfully pointless. Oh yes.
Also, if you haven't heard the song, go to YouTube and search for "Time Warp". It's the funnies. The characters in the film really don't have much to do with who I gave the lines in this fic… even though Dib ended up with a lot of Riff Raff's lines, Zim ended up with a lot of Magenta's lines, Gir did all of Columbia's part (because I thought it was hilarious), and Professor Membrane took the place of that old guy. Ah well, enjoy the insanity.
--oOOo--
In Earthtown, there are many interesting and uninteresting places one can go to visit. There are also many interesting and uninteresting places there where one will be prosecuted for visiting.
Somewhere between these two legal standpoints is a place called The House. It's not a particularly pretty house. In fact, it's really ugly. Absolutely grotesque. It's old and dangerous and smells of ham.
However, The House is a very special place. For you see, the coordinates that The House lies on allow it to be on the receiving end of… well, pretty much everything. Haven't you ever wondered where all those OCs and crazy fanfiction writers come from? Oh, sure, they may SAY that they come from Irk, or some other distant planet or alternate universe. Really, though, the come from The House. They'd just never admit it because the place smells funny.
Because The House receives all sorts of interdimesional traffic, pretty much anything can and does happen there. Most people tend to stay away from it, for fear of being dragged into one of those "AU" fanfictions.
Dib never thought about this and went there all the time. He had some very interesting experiences within The House, and didn't care to share most of them with the outside world. One event, however, he was forced to witness in the presence of another. Three others, in fact…
--oOOo—
Zim's plan was simple. Kidnap Dib. Take him to a desolate location. Call him names and throw small things at his head before tying him up and leaving him there, so that he could have at least one day of peace.
"Zim, you idiot! Listen to me. We shouldn't be here!"
"Yes, yes, that's why we ARE here! Stupid human filth."
"No, really, we SHOULD NOT BE HERE." Dib was standing in the corner, his way blocked by Zim. "It's dangerous beyond what someone like you could even IMAGINE!"
'Ha! Lies! Zim has quite an extensive imagination. DO NOT INSULT IT!" Childishly, he threw a rock at Dib. Gir was busy rolling on the floor.
"Ow! Fine, geeze. See what I care when something happens, I've already been here before."
"When what happens?" Zim blinked. "Is something going to happen? What?"
Somewhere in the distance, a clock bell began to toll.
Dib groaned in apprehension. That bell had rung every previous time before The House lined up with its infamous coordinates in space-time. "You've really done it now, Zim."
"What? WHAT HAS ZIM DONE!?"
"It's too late to explain, but I want to ask you a completely serious question."
"Eh?" Zim blinked in confusion.
"Can you—" Dib began his inquiry, but was interrupted by the very sudden and very spontaneous music that seemed to start from nowhere.
"Can I what? What's going on? WHERE is that music coming from?" He glared at Dib as if everything was his fault. Which, in Zim's mind, it probably was.
"Zim, shut up and listen, it's—" He made a small sound like he was choking, then said in a slightly different voice, "It's astounding… oh, no." He groaned again. A song.
"What?" Zim was very confused by now.
"Just go along with it!" Dib writhed as if struggling against an unseen force. "Time is… fleeting. Ugh!"
Zim opened his mouth to mock Dib for his apparent weakness to whatever was happening, but felt his own will bend. He made a sound of surprise before a single word slipped unbidden off his tongue. "Madness…"
"…Takes its toll." Dib finished for him.
"But listen CLOSLEH!" Gir joined in gleefully.
"Not for… very much… longer?" The reality of things were beginning to dawn on Zim. "We're being controlled! THIS IS YOUR FAULT, DIB!"
"How is my fault!?" Dib glared at him. "I've got to… keep… control." He realized at this point what they were singing… and smirked. He knew this song, but Zim certainly didn't. Maybe, just maybe, if Dib could play along with the words he sang, he could escape this tight grip on his consciousness and leave Zim stranded hopelessly in the empty house.
"Hey! I want that line!" Zim pouted and narrowed his eyes, not knowing what to expect next.
"I remember…" Dib let them come freely this time, and felt the restriction loosen, "…doing the Time Warp!" He jumped out of the corning Zim had backed him into, taking the alien off guard.
"Wha? The what?" Zim jumped to stop Dib and tripped over Gir, who had been deeply involved in the task of chewing on his foot.
"Drinking…" The boy stepped back more, edging his way toward the door he assumed was an exit, "…those moments when…"
"The BLACKNESS would HIT MEH!" Gir screeched out his part gleefully, Zim struggling to get off of the robot.
"And the void would be… calling?" Zim, still the victim of ignorance, had lifted himself up and swiftly chased his sprinting nemeses toward the door.
Dib reached the door and threw it open.
He stopped at the entrance. "It's… a dance floor."
He was not allowed any further thought on the matter, because at that moment Zim had tacked him, followed shortly by Gir, and the three went tumbling down to the center of the floor.
Before any of the trio could speak, they joined in a begrudging unison line of: "LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!"
Then Dib looked up, and blinked in surprise. "Dad!?"
Professor Membrane was indeed there, seemingly oblivious to the undisguised alien and robot before him. "Hello, son."
"Dad, what are you—"
"It's just a jump to the left!" Professor Membrane pointed at a set of dance steps on the wall. Gir, Zim, and Dib all jumped left unwillingly.
"And then a STEP TO THE RIIIIGHT!" Gir said, doing so as the other two followed suite.
"AH! MAKE IT STOP, DIB-WORM!" Zim was not having a good time right now. "What sort of insane human ritual IS THIS!? Zim DEMANDS an answer!"
"With your hands on your hips..." The professor demonstrated.
"You bring your knees in tight—ow!" Dib's knees had forced themselves together with enough force to knock him over, had he not been held up by whatever was doing this to them. "But it's the pelvic thrust…"
"…That really drives you insa-a-a-a-ane… Wait, wait, what IS a 'pelvic' and how is Zim supposed to—" Zim soon found out. "This whole… WHATEVERITIS is driving me insane!!"
"LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!"
Zim then began to stagger this way and that, as if he were suspended from strings. "What the—? It's so… dreamy." He once again made a feeble attempt to free himself from the invisible restrictions, to no avail. "Oh, fantasy—"
"FREE MEH!" Gir struck dramatic poses with Zim, much to the latter's distaste.
"So you can't see me… no, not at all!" He willingly stuck out his tongue in Dib's direction at this line, making wiggly motions with his fingers as if it were supposed to be threatening.
"Zim, I think you've defied the impossible and gone even more insane." Dib rolled his eyes before another line jumped from his mouth. "In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention…"
"Eh? Voyeuristic? What on Irk is…? Oh, to the Tallest with it!" Zim pouted, too stubborn to admit his obvious defeat. "Well secluded…"
"Ah SEEEE all!" Gir, the only thing in the room without a functioning brain, seemed to be having the most fun. Perhaps ignorance truly is bliss.
Dib grinned triumphantly at how helpless Zim was to the song's lyrics. "With a bit of a mind flip…"
"You're into the time slip. Time slip? Is that what this all is!?"
"And nothing," Dib didn't even bother answering, "Can ever be the same."
"You're spaced out on SEN-SA-SHUN!" Inexplicably, Gir licked Zim's face.
"Get OFF, you useless piece of scrap metal!! OFF! NOW!"
"Like you're under sedation!" Dib snickered until Zim threw Gir into his face.
"LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!"
"NO!! Not again! NOOO!"
Fortunately for Zim, it was Gir's turn in the spotlight. Detaching himself from Dib's face, Gir stepped out into the middle of the dance floor.
"Weeeell, I was walkin' down the street just a-havin' a think, when a SNAKE of a guy gave me an EE-VUL wink! HI SNAKE!!!" He waved to the nonexistent snake that had nothing to do with the lyrics. "He shook-a me up, he took me by SUH-PRISE! He had-ed a pickup truck and the DEVIL'S EYEZ! OH NOEZ!" Gir took a moment to quake with fear before going back to the song, doing a little jig along with it. "He STARED AT MEH, an' I felt a change, time meant NOTHIN', never would Uh-GAIN!"
With that, Gir went into voluntary gyrations.
"That was… disturbing. My mind… MY BEAUTIFUL BRAIN! IT BURNS!!!" Zim's eye twitched in horror.
"For once, I agree with you."
"LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!"
"It's just a jump to the LEFT!"
"Nooo…" Zim moaned in agony, but was forced to comply. "And then a step to the RIGHT! This better be the last time!"
"With 'cho hands on 'cho HIPS!" Gir ceased his gyrations to finish the song.
"You bring your knees in tight!" Professor Membrane guided them through once again.
"But it's the pelvic thrust… that stupid pelvic thrust…" Zim grumbled as he danced in-sync with the rest of them.
"The really drives you insa-a-a-a-ane!" Dib was beginning to feel the strings on his body and mind loosen.
"LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!"
A sound like thunder. The music faded.
Then… silence.
"… That was stupid." Zim sat in the floor, arms crossed, looking very unhappy. Gir sat on the floor next to him, looking quite happy indeed.
"Come, son! We must leave this place and go to study REAL SCIENCE!" The professor grabbed Dib's arm and began to drag him out of the house.
"Wha? Wait, Dad! There's an ALIEN in there! What are you doing here, anyway? Where's Gaz?" His questions remain unanswered. All except for the last, of course, as Gaz was locked in her room playing on a gaming console.
Zime merely continued to sit and be confused until he gave up trying to understand, dragged Gir home, and ate a sandwich that tried to tear his eyes out.
--oOOo—
A/N: I took out some of the "Let's do the Time Warp Again!"s to keep it short.