AN: Hello! This is a look into what might have happened once the Doctor and Rose were back on the TARDIS following Rise of the Cybermen/Age of Steel. It started out as just a ramble to someone on tumblr and they convinced me to edit and clean it up and post it. I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!
Obviously none of the characters belong to me. I belong to them.
Rose closed the door to the TARDIS, cutting off the view into the gingerbread house that had ensnared Mickey. The Doctor was already standing at the console, ready to complete the sequence that would send them whirling away. As soon as Rose reached the console, he pulled the last lever with much less enthusiasm than normal and they disappeared from the zeppelin-filled universe. Then he just stood there, hands in his pockets, a sympathetic look on his face while he watched Rose drag her hand over the edge of the console, deliberately not meeting his eyes. He was trying to think of something to say to her but these emotional waters were always so murky and difficult to navigate for him and he had the distinct feeling that if he said the wrong thing she would shut him out completely. Before he could even open his mouth to try though, Rose brushed by him.
"'m gonna go make tea. S'been a long day," she half muttered as she walked into the corridor that led to the galley.
The Doctor took this as an invitation to follow her because tea was always a brilliant idea. Plus he wanted to keep an eye on his Rose (oh, he needed to watch that lest he accidently said it out loud one day) since he knew she was hurting from the loss of her oldest friend. He knew that Mickey chose to stay behind and did what was best for him but that didn't make it any easier on Rose.
When he gets to the kitchen, the water's boiling and Rose has already gotten their mugs down and put the teabags in. He leaned against the doorway, watching as she went through the ritual of making tea. The Doctor had lost count of how many times he'd watched her do this. With her, any occasion called for tea and she never lets him make it, claiming that Jackie had taught her the proper way to make tea and he could not replicate it. (He never admits that the tea always tastes better when she makes it, but it really does.) The water is poured and she grabbed the sugar from the cabinet and the milk from the fridge while the tea was brewing. Rose took out the teabags and was measuring out sugar for each cup when she started to shake. Recognizing the signs of an imminent breakdown, the Doctor walked up behind her and took the sugar bowl out of her hands before she dropped it and wrapped her in a hug.
Rose couldn't hold back any longer and started sobbing against his chest. The Doctor lowered them to the floor and leaned back against the cabinets, stroking her hair and whispering to her that it would be okay. He knew she was too lost to hear him but it comforted him to say it since seeing Rose in such anguish was tearing his hearts into little pieces. After a few minutes, her shoulders begun to shake a little less and the sobs quieted a bit. Her face was still resting on top of the Doctor's right heart, one of her hands fisted in his shirt. She's about to try to explain herself to him he knows, they'd been through this once before when she'd lost her dad back in 1987.
"They didn't want me," she finally gets out after a few false starts and hiccups.
Her words made him realize that she was not just crying about Mickey deciding to leave, she's crying because her not-father rejected her. He wanted to hit himself for not thinking about that even though he knew that her father was a vulnerable spot for Rose. More than that, he wanted to go back and possibly punch Pete Tyler in the face for not realizing what a wonderful opportunity he had been offered when Rose wanted to get to know him. He had just lost his wife but the Doctor was not going to point that out as a possible reason since he didn't want to remind Rose of the fate of her not-mother. Besides, the fact that anyone wouldn't want to get to know Rose in all of her gloriousness under any set of circumstances baffled him. He hugged her closer. "He was an idiot." He declared before pausing and then adding, "Pete, not Mickey. Although…" He trailed off when he heard a watery giggle from the pink and yellow human in his arms, a fond smile forming on his face at the sound.
She quieted back down quickly though and the only sound was her sniffling for a moment. Before too long, she spoke up again. "But Mickey was right. He didn't need me anymore. I just wanted him to need me. Wanted to feel needed I s'ppose." She burrowed further into his chest before continuing, "'cause you don't need me anymore either. Not really. And that's okay, I understand that. But Mickey, he's always needed me, you know? I could always count on that. And now he's gone and it just feels like I don't have as much of a purpose here." Rose paused and sucked in a shaky breath. "I mean I know I help you save the universe on a regular basis but really, that doesn't have to be me. There are a million people in the universe that would love to come with you and help. You need a hand to hold, I know you do, and I know that it doesn't have to be mine." She laughed, but it was a sad brittle thing. "I'm not even close to being the most qualified person to travel with you. I don't even have my A-levels and can't keep up with your techno babble or remember the names of planets or anything and…" She trailed off again, suddenly realizing exactly how much she'd just revealed to him. She always babbled when she was upset but this might be a new record for the most compromising information shared.
For his part, the Doctor was completely speechless. His mouth moved but nothing came out. Apparently, Rose had no idea how much he really did need her. He might not be quite as obvious about it as he had been back when he wore leather, but oh did he still need her. He certainly hadn't realized that she still harbored all that insecurity about her A-levels. She was brilliant and clever, his Rose, and he was sure he told her that all the time. She was the only one who he wanted to hold his hand and save the universe with him. It didn't matter the slightest bit to him if she understood his "techno babble." She understood people and their motivations and that's what was so brilliant. The fact that she didn't see that just shredded what was left of his hearts. (The last half hour had just been an ordeal for them.)
"Rose," he finally gets out. He'd been opening and closing his mouth in a great imitation of a fish for the past thirty seconds or so while he tried to get words past the lump in his throat. He pulled back from their hug so he could look her in the eyes. "Rose you're wrong."
She flinched and tried to turn her head away but he grasped her chin and turned it back towards him. "I do need you Rose, just as much as I ever have. And I always will, Rose. I'll always need you. And you're brilliant you are, doesn't matter that you didn't get your A-levels. Never was much of one for school anyways, me." He smiled a bit sheepishly, thinking of failed driving tests and pointless classes that he'd missed before focusing back on Rose. "You're so clever and half the time you figure things out before me because you understand people and that's such a gift. There is literally no one in the universe, this one or otherwise, that is more qualified to travel with me Rose Tyler. No one."
"Don't say that," she whispered, tears in her eyes again as she looked anywhere except at the Doctor. "It's not true, so don't say it."
"Rose, I'm not lying to you. You are the only person I want here on the TARDIS with me. The only one I want holding my hand while we run for our lives." He reached out and took hold of her chin again, trying to make her understand how honest he was being. "Better with two, remember?"
"Then why do you keep inviting other people along?"
The Doctor froze, his hand dropping from her face. Rose hadn't ever brought up Reinette, even though he had expected her to. He knew he'd hurt her with that whole debacle and he wished he could take it all back but now probably wasn't the best time to tell her that. "I wasn't trying to replace you, Rose. I could never do that. Never." He shook his head; even the thought of trying was distasteful. "Anyone I invited would have come along for a few trips before we dropped them off at home and went back to being just the two of us again."
"Really?" She asked, meeting his eyes again.
"Really." He promised.
It hung in the air between them, heavy but sincere. A moment frozen in time that lasted for forever and for no time at all, laden with meaning and potential, one of many that seemed to occur frequently between the Doctor and Rose.
Rose broke it when she yawned. "Think I better head to bed. I'm knackered." She offered him a semblance of a smile as she pushed herself to her feet. The Doctor saw the moment her mask slipped back into place, hiding the shattered pieces of her psyche and her mass of insecurities behind her usual bravado.
They said goodnight and he watched as she left the kitchen. The mugs of tea sat forgotten on the counter still but the Doctor couldn't bring himself to get up and take care of them. He ran a hand distractedly through his hair. He had never seen Rose so vulnerable, hadn't known that those insecurities lay so close to the surface. It was something he was going to have to work on, erasing some of those as best as he could, try to make her see how absolutely amazing she was. First though, he was going to make sure that she was alright after losing Mickey and seeing her not-mom cyberized. Sounded like a trip back to the Powell Estates was in order as soon as the TARDIS could manage it.