Whose Turn Is It?
Morning
"What the fuck is taking you so long?" Naraku shouted to the bathroom door, pissed as hell.
"Quiet down. You'll make the neighbors complain. Again." Sesshoumaru's cool voice came behind the door. He didn't seem to be in a hurry.
"I wouldn't have to yell if you'd hurry up and stop admiring yourself in the mirror!"
"That habit is something that you practice. I don't have to smooth my ego by doing something that ridiculous."
Naraku was ready to break the door down. Every day was the same! Just because Naraku liked to sleep late and Sesshoumaru was an early bird did not mean he could take the bathroom all to himself for hours! He wasn't the only one with a long hair to dry, god damn it!
The door opened and a smug looking Sesshoumaru stepped out of the steamy room. "It's all yours, my friend." The smirk on his face made Naraku want to punch him.
"Got your hair styled finally?" he asked with bitterness, trying to stab him with words instead of taking out a kitchen knife. He wasn't very good at it, though, and he knew it.
"I don't need to do such a thing", Sesshoumaru answered and flipped his long hair behind his shoulder. "You on the other hand probably should." He eyed Naraku's messy long hair and chuckled.
"Asshole", Naraku grumbled and ran into the shower. He was going to be late because of his bastard roommate. He washed quickly and when he got out of the shower he heard Sesshoumaru leave and close the door behind him.
Great. He was so going to be late.
Naraku didn't have enough time to dry his hair properly, so he just pulled it into a lazy ponytail. He ran out of the bathroom and was about to leave, just to realize that he still didn't have any clothes on. With a lot of cursing he pulled on a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt. He found his shoes from the living room and jacket from the kitchen. Sesshoumaru always complained how he left his clothes all over the place.
Just when he was about to leave the kitchen he saw a cup of coffee on the kitchen counter. There was a note next to it. It said: "Here you go, lazy ass." Naraku almost felt like smiling.
He took the cup from the counter and gulped down the coffee. His face twitched. "Ugh! It's bloody cold!"
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Afternoon
Naraku sighed. For a person who loved to see the apartment clean and tidy, Sesshoumaru sure could make a mess. Kitchen was simply a place where he should not step into. In there the usually capable guy was completely useless.
In a way it was amazing. You'd think that a person who can handle even the most difficult chemical formulas could also handle recipes made for cooking. But apparently that was impossible for Sesshoumaru.
Just like now, the only thing he had managed to do was a mess with a little more mess and lots of charcoal.
"Uh, Sesshoumaru…" Naraku started but drifted off.
"What is it?" his roommate asked, face serious as if he didn't see the chaos around him.
"I know it's technically your turn to make lunch, but didn't I say that you really don't have to…"
"I want to do my part as we agreed", Sesshoumaru explained, very seriously and earnestly.
"Yeah, but you're not really doing it, are you? Can't you just leave this to me? You always end up making more work instead of something edible."
"I don't think it's quite that bad…" Sesshoumaru eyed his creation. It was black and…black. What it had been, no one could tell anymore.
"Would you eat that?" Naraku asked skeptically and smirked.
"…"
"That's what I thought. Now clean up this mess and I'll fix us something, all right? Cleaning is something you're actually good at."
Sesshoumaru didn't look too happy. "Fine, fine! You cook. But I honestly think I'm getting the hang of it."
Naraku rolled his eyes. He had heard that many times before and every time it ended up like this. Sesshoumaru's problem wasn't really with the difficulty of the task. He simply didn't concentrate. Last time all had gone well until Sesshoumaru saw an interesting article in the morning paper, so he had forgotten he had something to do and read the article instead. Naraku had woken up to the smell of something burning. In the end they had had nicely cooked charcoal as breakfast.
Sighing, Naraku opened the cabinet next to the oven and tried to look for his favorite pan so he could fry some meat and vegetables. But unfortunately his beloved expensive pan (made for professional use) was not there. That could not be a good thing.
"Sesshoumaru?" Naraku looked behind his shoulder at his roommate, fearing that the worse had happened.
"What is it?" Sesshoumaru asked absentmindedly while stuffing things to the garbage bag.
"Did you happen to see my pan while you tried to cook?"
"Yeah, it's right here", Sesshoumaru said and handed him the pan. Or more like what used to be a pan. Now it was oddly twisted and it had a thick black layer of some unknown substance on it.
Naraku almost cried. "It…it…it…it's totally…completely… RUINED!"
Sesshoumaru cocked his head. "What do you mean? It looks perfectly usable to me."
It was the second time that day that Naraku felt the urge to kill someone.
"Sesshoumaru", Naraku started his voice shaking. "Never ever cook again. I don't care whose turn it is."
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Evening
It was Naraku's turn to choose the music. Sesshoumaru deeply regretted making this arrangement. His roommates taste in music was, to put it kindly, worse than shitty.
A terrible roar came out from the stereos. It made Sesshoumaru's ears ache and he was unable to concentrate on the paper he was supposed to write for the next chemistry lecture. Naraku liked to play music so loud it made the walls tremble.
It had been one of their many deals, Naraku could play his music three times a week, four times now that Sesshoumaru was not allowed to cook (more like try to cook) anymore, and Sesshoumaru wouldn't complain about it. It was really hard not to.
On the evenings when it was Sesshoumaru's turn to choose the music it was mostly quiet in the house. He preferred it that way, though Naraku always complained about that. Naraku thought that the silence was uncomfortable and apparently they had not made any deal that told Naraku to stop complaining. Sesshoumaru was seriously considering of making a whole new contract with Naraku, from start to finish. That man was starting to be a worse nag than any woman he had ever met.
But then again, who was he to judge…
"Naraku!" Sesshoumaru shouted over the terrible noise.
"What is it pretty boy?" Naraku shouted back. He came out of the bedroom dancing some very stupid looking dance.
"Can you please turn the music a bit lower? I'm unable to concentrate."
Naraku came dancing towards him and smirked. "My dear Sesshoumaru, you are always unable to concentrate, even though you look like that."
"Look like what?" Sesshoumaru asked. His voice was as cold as ice.
"Like a serious pretty boy made of stone", Naraku said and smirked as he dodged a notebook that came flying towards him. "Watch it!" he laughed.
"Just turn the music down!" Sesshoumaru snapped.
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Night
Their sleep patterns were, just like almost everything else as well, completely different. Sesshoumaru liked to go to sleep early and wake up equally early, unlike Naraku who slept whenever he felt like it. Naraku was also the type of person who detested the idea of waking up early.
Naturally, this caused various problems between them.
Usually Sesshoumaru got angry at Naraku for making too much noise while he tried to sleep. Naraku on the other hand thought that Sesshoumaru was trying to deliberately destroy his healthy (well, semi healthy) college life with such old man behavior. Sesshoumaru couldn't care less.
Some nights it was the other way round, though. Sesshoumaru was a workaholic, no way around it, so he often pulled all-nighters. Naraku said he couldn't sleep when someone was working, apparently it made him feel lazy. So, because he was unable to sleep, he didn't have any other choice but to get up, too. Instead of a sleeping, he read the books that still needed to be read (he studied English).
When they both worked the night through, all went rather smoothly. However, when the morning came it was even worse than usually. Staying up all night long didn't seem to affect Sesshoumaru in any way but Naraku was like a pissed off black widow.
At those times the competition about the ruler of the bathroom was even more fierce than normally. Especially so because Sesshoumaru sadistically enjoyed teasing Naraku while he was sleep deprived.
Actually, there would have been a very simple solution to their little morning problem. Sesshoumaru didn't suggest it because teasing Naraku like this was a great source of amusement to him and Naraku simply, for some reason, hadn't come up with it himself. Perhaps he was too stubborn.
To put it bluntly, Naraku could have simply taken his showers in the evening and not wait until the morning. After all, he had the bathroom all to himself for hours when Sesshoumaru was asleep and he was not.
However, the thought simply refused to enter into Naraku's brain, so the fight continued to the unseen future (which was very unfortunate for their neighbors).
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Yeah. Total utter CRAAAP. But it's okay. In a way, the idea of these two living in the same apartment is quite hilarious... I still have a fever and I'm coughing my lungs out so I was trying to cheer myself up with this. I have (unfotunately) more ideas in mind so this is most likely going to be another collection of oneshots. That is, if someone liked this. Let me know. I need some sleep now...
~Val