Apparentely, Booth's not the only that can be tortured by this machines. I'm sorry for the typos; I'd had reposted once and thought that had been it, but it wasn't. So, let's try this again. Hope it works. Please Review.
Booth's Torture
Disclaimer: Nope, not mine regardless of who much I might like them to be. And I'd really like to have Booth. Sorry, grandma. gives nice wave to little old lady
A/N: Ok, this little fic came as a results of all the computer problems the ladies over at the nonsense thread and I have been having and of all our late night convos. You know who you are and you know where most of the fic comes from. This is a bit of a departure from me as I've never tried to write comedy before. I want to thank Ann and Puppet for all the help and give Kiki credit for the compooper term. Ok, please read, enjoy and review.
'Silence, blessed silence,' Seeley Booth thought as he walked into the kitchen of his home. No one around yelling about being late for school or for work; no one around to argue about how he did this or why he did that; and no one around to ask if they could try a sip of beer or to give him the evil eye if said beer was passed along. No, for the next few hours, Special Agent Seeley Booth had the house all to himself. And he intended on enjoying every single minute of that blessed, blessed silence and solitude.
He grabbed a beer out of the fridge and went into the living room. He opened the bottle and threw the cap on the coffee table, thinking to himself that he better remember to throw it away before they came back. With a big sigh, he dropped down onto the couch and grabbed the remote control. He channel surfed for a few moments until he found a hockey game. Hockey had become a new passion for him in the last few months, and though it was late in the season, he was happy to find a game. He watched for a few minutes and when intermissions began, he finally turned his eyes to the object he'd been avoiding. They say anticipation makes everything sweeter and he really wanted to make this moment as sweet as possible.
There it sat in all its glory; square, shiny and new. He couldn't believe it when he'd opened up his present earlier that morning. He had been expecting anything from the tie/socks category to the tickets for a sports game category, but this . . . this was, well, completely unexpected. It seemed that they had gotten tired of him always trying to borrow theirs; of him always hovering while they used their own and of him complaining about what a piece of crap his was and had decided to get him a new one.
And the best part of it was that it had been Parker's idea. His eight year old son had come up with the idea all by himself and when he had gone with his wonderful suggestion to Bones, she had agreed. Together his son and wife even after a year that word was still new had gone and done the appropriate research until they found the right one. According to the both of them, they'd actually spent weeks doing research, which just showed how much of an influence Bones had on Parker. The kid was turning into a regular squint, doing research into everything and anything. And Booth was sure that after all that research, they had gone into the store and driven the poor, unsuspecting salesperson crazy with all their questions and requests.
Whatever the poor clerk had suffered, it had been more than worth it. In Booth's opinion, since he was now the proud owner of the best of the best, the crème de le crème of laptops. Booth grinned as he gazed lovingly at his Father's Day gift. He was so excited at the prospect of having a brand new computer all to himself that he actually giggled out loud. He then promptly looked around to make sure no one had witnessed that most unmanly act. After verifying that he was indeed alone, he finished his beer and leaned forward to put it down. He clapped his hands once, then rubbed them together and cracked his knuckles before finally picking up the much admired object. He put it down on his legs and lovingly passed his hand over the top before opening it.
Bones had told him that she and Parker knew that he loved them but they also knew that as much as he liked to spend the day with them, he could enjoy a few hours of peace and quiet. That was why, she said, after breakfast she was taking Parker to an early show of the newest Disney movie he'd been wanting to see. Booth would have almost three hours to do whatever he wanted while enjoying all the peace and quiet he'd desired. When they came back, they'd go out to a late lunch and spend the rest of the day together. As much as Booth loved his family, as much as he was looking forward to spending the day with them and as great a surprise as the computer was, the few hours of complete solitude had been a blessing.
At first he'd thought about going back to bed and sleeping some more but the thought of the new computer kept going around and around in his head until he had given in and gotten up to play with it. So, there he was, admiring the new keyboard on his new laptop. Wearing an ear to ear grin, he reached out and pushed the power button. He had to contain another giggle as the light turned green and the machine started to make all the necessary beeps it makes as it boots up. He laughed out loud as the screen finally came on and all the icons on the right bottom corner started to pop up one by one.
Bones told him that they had the laptop outfitted with every program and piece of software that he would ever need. According to her, the machine was ready to be used and all he had to do was set his personal preferences. She'd left him a 'For Dummies' book that they'd bought as a joke, just in case there was anything he needed help with; though, she really anticipated no problems.
With his wife's assurance that the computer was ready for use ringing in his head, Booth settled back on the couch, put his feet on the coffee table and arranged the laptop more comfortably on his legs. He cracked his knuckles once more and started the process of familiarizing himself with his new computer. He clicked on start and then on control panel to start saving his personal preferences. Everything was going along perfectly until by mistake he pressed the wrong key. Suddenly, a window he didn't recognize popped up. He frowned slightly before swiftly clicking the red X and closing it. However, the darn thing popped up again; and this time he took the time to read the message before pressing 'CANCEL' as he didn't really understand what the message said.
That seemed to be the end of it and he happily went back to messing around with the personal settings. A few minutes later another unexpected window popped up. This time he read the message slowly before acting but he still didn't understand what it said. He looked towards the 'For Dummies' book and thought about opening it. In the end, though, he figured that the window wasn't important and anyway, he couldn't go wrong canceling it because that basically meant he did nothing.
He went back to exploring his new machine when, a few moments later, another message popped up. Without reading it through, he could tell that it was the same message as before and he frowned at it before once again canceling it. All of the popups had started to take the fun out of his exploring and he was no longer grinning as hard as when he started. The slight smile he still wore disappeared all together when the brand new, top of the line laptop froze. He so surprised by it, that he stared at the screen for a couple of minutes as he kept pressing the keys, sure that the thing would start working again.
When almost five minutes had passed, he was forced to admit that the computer wouldn't miraculously unfreeze and start working again. With a deep sigh, he did the only thing he knew to do in situations like these, he rebooted the computer. It was a desperate measure that he really didn't like and he knew he might lose everything he'd done, but he really knew nothing else to do.
A few moments later, the computer came on again. The huge grin he'd been wearing the first time the computer had come on was nowhere in sight. Instead he was wearing a slight frown as he started to check whether the changes he'd made before had stuck. He was glad to see that the changes had indeed stayed. That gladness didn't last long, however. Less than five minutes after he turned the computer on again, the desktop window shrunk.
Instead of the window filling the screen, there was now about two inches of black all around it. This of course made all the letters and graphics that much smaller. He stopped for a minute to think just what it was that he had done; and when he thought he had it, he attempted to undo it. All that he did, however, was to freeze the computer yet again. By this time the grins and giggles had turned to grimaces and low growls.
He turned it off again; and before he turned it back on, he took a deep breath to calm down and crossing his fingers, he pressed the button. A few seconds later, he breathed a sigh of relief when the screen seemed to fill out again. That sigh turned into a growl when the window immediately went back to the shrunken version. At that moment, he experienced a powerful and almost irresistible impulse to throw the computer against the wall. He tried to control the impulse with some difficulty; the computer had been after all a present from Bones and Parker. He couldn't very well have destroyed it within hours of receiving it. Besides, Bones had very helpfully, if a little sarcastically, left the 'For Dummies' book. The least he could do was attempt to crack it open before he let the computer and his frustrations win.
With another, deeper sigh, he reached out and grabbed the book. He opened it and skimmed the table of contents, looking for the section that dealt with shrunken screens. He decided to read the introduction and the first few chapters as well, figuring it might help if he had a better understanding of how the machine worked. He once again breathed a sigh of relief as the instructions seemed very easy to follow – exactly what he'd imagine a dummy might be able to follow. After setting the computer back on the coffee table, nowhere near as gently as when he'd first picked it up, he settled back onto the couch and started to read.
Half an hour later, the book was lying against the far wall and Booth's hair was messed up from all the raking he'd been doing. His good mood and grin were long forgotten as he fought the desire to have the computer follow the book on its trip to the wall. He was staring so intently at the book, that if looks could kill, the book would be ashes by then. As his gaze shifted to the darn machine, he had to once again resist the impulse to heave it to the wall. He had the nonsensical thought that maybe it might be a good idea to buy some chains to secure it to the table.
That thought brought a startled laugh and he calmed somewhat, but not very much. He raked his fingers through his hair again and took a very deep breath as he tried to calm himself all the way down. As his frustration level went down, he was able to think more clearly and he suddenly remembered that Bones had also mentioned, in passing, that the store offered an 800 number that was available 24 hours, seven days a week.
He pushed himself up from the couch and went to look for the phone number. He found it easily enough; Bones was after all a very organized person. He came back to the couch with the number, the cordless phone and a new beer. He took a sip, after he sat down, before he dialed the number. He patiently listened through all of the taped instructions and pressed all the appropriate numbers. After going through at least four menus and waiting for at least seven minutes, he was finally connected with an actual living person who assured him that he would walk Booth through his problems with his computer.
Forty five minutes later, the phone had joined the book against the far wall and Booth was scowling fiercely at the laptop, which was back on the coffee table. He had had to put it down a few moments earlier very, very carefully because if he hadn't he would have thrown it after the phone and the book.
Just as he was trying to calm down enough to turn the computer off without hitting it first, the front door opened and Bones and Parker walked in.
"Daddy," Parker yelled as he ran to Booth. "The movie was great!! It was so funny and we had popcorn, soda and raisinettes! You should have . . ." He trailed off when Bones walked up to him and put her hand on his father's shoulder. Booth turned to look at her and then hung his head back down in frustration. She smiled, understanding his frustration.
"Parker," she said softly as she ruffled her hand through his curls. "Why don't we wait a bit before we tell your dad about the movie?" She asked as she gave a second look around the room. "So Booth, what happened here?" She turned towards the coffee table and saw that the laptop was frozen. "Problems with the computer?" she asked with a slight smirk on her face.
Booth was still so annoyed that he just looked at her, unable to articulate what he was feeling. Parker looked at his dad and then at the computer. He turned back to look at Bones with a scrunched up face.
"Dad," he began. "Did you have compooper problems?" He asked innocently and both Bones and Booth had to smile at the way he mispronounced the word computer. For a very smart eight year old, Parker could sometimes make very amusing mistakes.
"Yeah, Parker," Booth said with a small smile. "I'm having compooper problems," even as he repeated Parker's word for computer, Booth thought that it was most apt. He then turned his eyes to Bones' and said with a small, mock frown. "You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you bought me the computer just to torture me."