The Black Eyed Peas were on the top of the music charts, while "Fireflies" by Owl City was on the radio. Yes, this was the year they fell in love.
Dan was listening to the new Muse album through his earphones. The song "MK Ultra" came on as Dan looked out the train window, studying the scenery of vast Midland England fields open to his view. He checked his watch for the 1000th time to discover that he only had an hour of the train ride to go an then... Dan's heart started beating twice as fast, almost accompanying the beautiful guitar chords of the song. He realised that the only thing separating him and Phil was that exact hour, ticking away on his wrist.
The train interior suddenly changed. Phil in front of him, Dan was on the Manchester eye. The setting sun was disappearing in the pink-coloured sky, while the blocks of the city buildings started to switch on their neon lights, preparing for the night to come.
The orange rays of sunshine caressed Phil's smooth cheek while his icy-blue eyes were focused on a spot far away. What is he thinking about, Dan thought as he studied his friend's face, unable to take his eyes off him. Phil's black hair lay neatly, covering a side of his forehead, while his mouth was slightly open, as if something has just brought him speechless. "MK Ultra" was still playing somewhere in the background like a background song from a movie, guitar chords echoing across the pink-coloured sky. The next thing Dan knew, his mouth was pressed tightly against Phil's lips, his heart pacing faster than any human's ever could.
It seemed like reality punched Dan in the face. He opened his eyes to discover himself lying in bed, pillow wet from tears. Was this all a dream? "MK Ultra" chords still echoing in his ears, Dan sat up and looked across the room. Why now? Why did this dream come all of a sudden, in 2013 in the London flat? A lazy tear rolled down Dan's cheek and he quickly wiped it off with his hand. He reached for his laptop to discover that the camera he and Phil used to film yesterday's video was on the chest of drawers next to his bed. It was only eight o'clock. Quarter past eight, to be precise. Dan stared at his laptop screen for a while, still thinking about his dream. As if by a reflex, not controlling his actions, he opened one of the folders on his computer to find the video Phil filmed for him years ago on Valentine's Day. Why was he doing it now?
The door creaked slightly as Phil's head peaked in.
"Sorry!" he said, surprised to find his friend awake. "I thought you were asleep! I just wanted to sneak in to get the camera to start editing the video from yesterday. Seems like we left it in your room."
Phil started to make his way to the chest of drawers.
"Good morning, by the way."
"Good morning," Dan replied, his voice unusually shaky.
"Gosh, are you okay, Dan?" Phil seemed to notice something was wrong. Of course he would. "Your eyes are... Have you been crying?"
He sat on the bed and looked at Dan carefully.
"You can tell me. It's always better to tell someone instead of keeping your feelings to yourself. I don't want you to be sad for the rest of the day! Come on, what's wrong?"
"Uh, I was just...," Dan stuttered out. He looked at his laptop screen where the video was paused at Phil confessing his love to him. He looked up at Phil again. Yes, without doubt, he was still the same person he was in 2010.
"I was reading fanfiction and you know how you always die in those," Dan tried to laugh it off, but he knew Phil would not buy that excuse. In fact, Phil could always tell what was on Dan's mind. They've known each other for four years, after all.
"That's alright," Phil replied, as if knowing that Dan did not want him to know the real cause of his tears.
He reached for the camera and took out the memory card. Suddenly, it slipped out of his hand onto the floor between the chest of drawers and the bed. Of course it was inevitable, Dan thought to himself, thinking of all clumsy accidents Phil makes on a daily basis.
"Wait, let me pick that up for you," Dan said and put his laptop aside. After a second, he understood that Phil saw a glimpse of what was on his screen and quickly closed the computer, but it was too late.
Phil was looking at Dan, not knowing how to react. His icy-blue eyes were looking right through him, as if trying to convey a message to Dan that he could not read. After a moment of silence, Phil left the room, closing the door behind him.
Idiot!
Dan crawled under the covers, unable to believe what just happened. He hated himself. How could he do such a stupid thing? Both of them had agreed not to talk about the video long ago. No, Dan did not want it to be like in 2012 when the two of them barely talked and the apartment was filled with silence and hostility. What if Phil never speaks to Dan again? What if their friendship starts to fall apart?
But there was nothing Dan could do to change what just happened.
Phil was sitting on the red chair in the lounge. As Dan walked in, he looked up, but did not say a word. After long moments of uncomfortable silence, he finally started to speak.
"Look, I'm not angry at you or anything," Phil began, trying to catch Dan's stare, which was directed across the room. Phil got up and sat on the sofa next to him.
"I just... I didn't know how to react, so...," he continued. "I shouldn't have left. I'm sorry, Dan."
Dan turned his head to meet Phil's eyes. Looking right into them, he realised again that Phil is someone he was deeply afraid to lose. I should say something, Dan thought, but he was unable to find words.
"I," Dan did not know what to say, "shouldn't have... Um... Phil, I'm sorry. I know we agreed not to speak of the video ever again and I... I'm sorry, Phil."
Phil did not respond. His eyes were focused somewhere far away. Dan could never tell what Phil was thinking about, but it was clear that he was engulfed in some kind of thought.
"I had a dream this night," Dan began almost silently, still unsure whether he should tell his friend everything about it. "This is gonna sound really stupid, I mean we're here in London and things are going better than ever, but... I don't know... I had this dream that I was on a train to Manchester, about to meet you for the first time and..."
Dan paused for a while, thinking whether he should tell Phil about the second part of his dream, but decided against it. Phil's face was still expressionless, eyes focusing in the distance. It was not usual for Phil to act this way, staring at a point, not saying a word.
"I think back to those days sometimes," Dan continued almost to himself. "Those memories are just... So different to the present, you know? Like, it's like looking at completely different people."
Our Manchester days, Dan thought to himself, without saying it out loud.
Dan paused again and thought about what he just said. Was that alright? He was not talking about the romantic relationship they had back then, so it was okay. It's okay to just look back at the times they spent together, like any other friends, right? But Phil could probably read between the lines.
"Our Manchester days," Phil said quietly, still not looking at Dan. How could he always read the things on his mind that he was afraid to say?
"Our Manchester days," Dan echoed almost instantly. "Sometimes I..."
What was he saying?
"...wish..."
It was too late to stop now.
"...that we..."
The start of a sentence had already escaped his lips.
"...went back to the way we used to be."
Did I really just say that, Dan realised as soon as he finished the sentence. The silence was pulsating on his mind. Could what he just said be interpreted differently? Would Phil understand it differently? Would he be able to shake it off after and say "oh no, I didn't mean it like that"? Trying to find an excuse for the words he said, which were still floating in the silent air, Dan did not realise that all this time he was looking at Phil.
The rays of sunshine caressed Phil's smooth cheek while his icy-blue eyes were focused on a spot far away. His black hair lay neatly, covering a side of his forehead, while his mouth was slightly open, as if something has just brought him speechless. MK Ultra was still playing somewhere in the background. The next thing Dan knew, his mouth was pressed tightly against Phil's lips.
But this time, Phil was the one kissing Dan.