Listen to Your Heart
Summary: After Baz makes a teasing comment about slipping Agatha a "Love Potion No. 9," Simon comes up with the perfect prank to give him a taste of his own medicine: a love potion called "Listen to Your Heart" that would make him confess all his heart's embarrassing desires. Too bad Simon's plans never work the way he wants them to.
This was going to be a one-shot, but I don't know what happened or why this turned out to be so long. I just couldn't stop with the detail. So now it's going to be three chapters long and I'll be releasing each of the chapters three days in a row. It's basically all typed out already.
This is my first Carry On fic so let me know if the characterization is a little off… I tried really hard. I hope my made-up explanation of potions in the Simon Snow universe isn't too far-fetched either.
Disclaimer: I don't own Carry On or Fangirl.
Chapter 1: The Concoction
Things hadn't really been going well between Simon and Agatha lately. He was starting to realize that maybe they never had. She always seemed to want something more from him, even when he did everything he could think of to make her happy. It was never enough. It was never what she wanted. He didn't understand what he was doing wrong.
"I can't wait until all this is over and there's no more war and you and I can get a house together, maybe even some kids," he said.
Agatha's face looked beautiful even as her lips pursed into a frown.
"Uh... I mean only if you want kids, of course," he amended, quickly.
She sighed but didn't say anything.
"What's wrong?" he asked, completely bewildered by her reaction.
"Oh... I don't know," she huffed. "I guess, you just skipped right past all the romancing, didn't you?"
Simon looked a little guilty. "Oh, I guess you're right. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy this part too. The romancing part. It's always great with you, Agatha."
"The romancing part…" Agatha had a faraway look in her eyes.
"Agatha?"
She looked up and smiled radiantly. Simon's worries always floated away when he saw her smile like that. "It's great for me too, Simon."
It wasn't a complete lie. Agatha wasn't even sure what was bothering her.
Simon hated feeling so insecure about their relationship. On some level, he knew that things between them just weren't working, but he didn't have the slightest clue why. And Baz being around just made him even more confused.
Whenever Baz tried to butt into their relationship, or whenever he teased him about taking Agatha away, it was like he was bringing to light everything that Simon was desperately trying to ignore. Why was Baz so fucking aggravating? Always forcing his way into Simon's life. Always there where he wasn't wanted: in his classes, in his room, in his thoughts...
"And so," said Miss Possibelf as Simon snapped back to attention and looked away from the back of Baz's head, "that's why we learn about potions in Magic Words class and only spend about one chapter to practice making them. Potions are essentially just like everything else we've learned, except now we will be learning how to fuse those spells to liquid so that their power can be saved and kept in a physical state until the moment they are absorbed through ingestion. This does not have to be a spell that is obviously tied to liquid, though spells that only work on liquid do exist in spells such as a little liquid courage and Love Potion No. 9. Many other spells are acceptable. Even the beginner spell Up, Up and Away, if used properly, can be used to make a levitation potion. Now the trick is getting the spell to stick to another object. You see, you have to-"
Simon, who often became rather lost when Miss Possibelf started talking about this kind of thing, tore his eyes away from the back of Baz's head once again and leaned over to look at Agatha's notes. He smiled fondly when he saw that she hadn't been paying attention either. Her notes were covered in drawings of birds in flight.
When he looked up again, his eyes met with Baz's. Baz was at the table diagonal from where Simon and Agatha were sitting, his chair facing away from them, so there was no convenient excuse for why he was looking in their direction. Simon concluded that the only plausible explanation was he must have turned around to leer at his girlfriend.
"Sod off," Simon grunted, trying not to speak too loudly so as not to interrupt Miss Possibelf's lecture. Baz sneered, something playful glinting in his eyes. Simon knew the expression well. He called it Baz's "plotting" face, for as far as Simon was concerned, Baz was almost constantly scheming about something.
"I'm giving you all a week to make one of these potions," Miss Possibelf continued, still unaware of the two students fixated on each other's gaze. "Any of the spells in the potions section of your textbook are acceptable. Just like many of the spells we've been practicing, the effects of some of these potions can be quite dangerous or embarrassing to the taster, so a demonstration of its power will not be required in front of the class this time."
Baz took advantage of the fact that someone asked the teacher a question to finally speak up. "Oh, too bad," he said teasingly, his gaze still locked with Simon's. "I was hoping that Wellbelove would do the honors of tasting my Love Potion No. 9."
Penny, who sat directly in front of Simon, frowned in distaste. "Have you ever actually heard that song? It would make her kiss everyone in sight. Girls, boys, anyone at all. It's hardly something to brag about."
Agatha scrunched up her cute little nose at the thought.
"Ah, fair point, Bunce," Baz said with fake agreeability. "Besides, I'm sure it'd be more fun to woo her the old-fashioned way."
Agatha shifted in her seat at the word 'woo,' a slight pink coloring her cheeks. Simon didn't notice.
"Oy, that's my girlfriend you're talking about," he snarled.
"Oh?" Baz said, his voice dripping with fake surprise. "I hadn't noticed."
Without thinking, Simon shot out of his seat, and his stool screeched back against the stone floor. His first instinct wasn't to grab for his wand or even to summon his sword. Instead, he stomped toward Baz, his hand clenched into a fist, and he raised it in the air to-
"That's quite enough of that!" Penny said with alarm, launching herself at Simon to grab his fist and hide it before the teacher saw. It was just their luck that she had her back turned to them and she was helping someone with another question in the back of the classroom.
Simon sat back down, still fuming. Baz smirked haughtily and leaned back against his table, practically challenging the other boy to make a move. Just looking at him made Simon's face burn red.
He glanced at Agatha, almost remembering her as an afterthought. She was back to shading her bird drawings and looked like she couldn't have cared either way.
"What is with him? Can you believe that prat? Where does he get off making threats to cast a love spell on my girlfriend?" Even after class was long over, Simon couldn't stop talking about Baz.
"It is rather rapey," Penny agreed, not usually one to encourage Simon's rants. (Once you got him started, there really was no stopping him.) "There's really no excuse for forcing someone to have feelings for you against their will."
"Someone should teach him a lesson. See how he takes his own medicine!" Simon said passionately.
"You want him to go around kissing everyone?" Penny asked, raising an eyebrow. "Somehow I think that'd be as much of a problem for everyone else as it'd be for Baz."
Simon blushed bright red. "N-no! Not that. Oh god, not that. No." He shook his head, trying to rid it of images of Baz kissing girls, boys, and everyone else in sight... "Maybe some other potion. Something super embarrassing."
He idly flipped through the pages of his textbook, no particular plan actually taking form in his mind.
"Hmm..." said Penny. "I think Listen to Your Heart has the potential to be really embarrassing. It completely lowers people's inhibitions and makes them do or say what they truly desire in their heart. Ethically, it's a lot better than Love Potion No. 9 since it doesn't make people do anything that they don't want to do already. But having people know your innermost desires can be a bit troubling."
Simon turned to the textbook entry for Listen to Your Heart and skimmed it hastily. As he read it, he grinned wider and wider. This was it. This would be his assignment. He was going to make Baz say all kinds of embarrassing things, and that git would regret ever making a move on his girlfriend. "Sounds perfect!" he said excitedly.
Penny didn't really approve of Simon actually pranking Baz with a love spell. It was fine in theory, but in practice it sounded like a recipe for disaster. But he seemed determined, so the least she could do was make sure that Simon didn't accidentally transfigure him into a literal disembodied human ear or heart. Simon's magic tended to work that way.
"Alright, alright. I'll help you," she said, despite the fact that he hadn't actually asked her yet. "But you owe me."
Simon beamed down at his creation. He'd chosen to fuse his spell with water so that it looked clear, and thanks to a million tries with Penny, his magic's usual burning smell was completely absent from it. It was now virtually indistinguishable from regular water. He'd made more than enough to turn in for his assignment, and he'd still have plenty left over to spell Baz with several times over if necessary.
He proudly presented Miss Possibelf with his finished product, secretly keeping the rest in a vial stashed away in his bag. (He even received top scores, and she said it was the most powerful Listen to Your Heart potion she'd ever seen.) Now all that was left was to somehow get Baz to drink it.
He would've preferred to make Baz reveal his secrets in front of the whole school, but the chances of being able to slip something into his drink while his lackeys Dev and Niall were around were slim. It was probably better to record him and send the video to everyone in school. It would definitely be easier to get him to drink it in their room while the anathema had him with his guard down. It protected him against poison or any kind of physical harm, but he was pretty sure that love potions were fair game.
A week and a half passed, however, before an opportunity presented itself. Simon was not a very patient boy. He was starting to seriously consider just shoving the potion down Baz's throat before a Saturday morning came when Baz finally started getting ready to take a shower with an opened water bottle carelessly left near his bed.
It was all Simon could do not to jump for joy when he noticed it.
Baz paused after pulling off his shirt. "What exactly was that unsightly look on your face just now?" he asked. Simon's gaze flicked back up to look in Baz's eyes. If he hadn't known better, he would've sworn that Baz looked a bit insecure.
"Nothing," Simon said a little too forcefully. Baz wasn't exactly a bodybuilder, and he was sometimes almost sickly pale, but he was rather fit from being on the school football team. He really didn't have anything to feel insecure about, and Simon was well aware of this.
"I realize I'm fascinating to someone like you, but please do refrain from staring." Simon looked away so fast that his neck hurt afterwards.
"Whatever," he mumbled sheepishly. He just wanted Baz to leave so that he could tamper with his water bottle.
Baz hesitated and looked like he wanted to say something else, but by the time Simon looked up again he was gone.
A bright, mischievous grin broke out across Simon's face, but he didn't dare to spring into action until after he heard the water turn on. Then, as fast as he could, he grabbed the vial full of Listen to Your Heart from his bag and poured some into the water bottle on Baz's side of the room.
It was the perfect plan… until, in his haste, the bottle slipped from his hands and fell. The majority of its contents emptied out onto Baz's pillow, soaking it through.
Simon cursed his luck. He hid the vial in his pocket and set the water bottle carefully back on Baz's bedside table. There was still a little bit inside of it. Maybe Baz wouldn't notice the difference and this could still work…
Just as he was about to grab Baz's pillow to switch it with his own dry one, the bathroom door swung open and a fully-dressed Baz walked back into the room.
Baz narrowed his eyes in suspicion when he saw Simon leaning over his bed. "Dare I ask?"
Simon's mouth hung open, but not a single excuse came out. "Uh…"
"What the-? Is my pillow wet?" Baz's eyes flicked from the pillow to the water bottle and then back to Simon, his eyebrows furrowed with judgement and distrust.
"It was an accident," Simon said lamely.
"An accident," Baz repeated, his mocking tone revealing not even a single hint of belief. He looked back to the water bottle and frowned thoughtfully. Finally, he grabbed it and stomped over to the bathroom to pour the rest of it down the drain. "I have no idea what you're up to," he shouted from the bathroom, "but I'm not falling for it."
Simon collapsed back onto his bed and wanted to bury himself in the covers. So much for his great plan. He still had his head buried in his pillow when Baz came back into the room and began removing the pillowcase from his own pillow so that it could be washed and dried.
"What in the seven hells, Snow? Honestly," he grumbled under his breath. "Right after we learn about potions. Do you think I'm a complete moron?" He sighed in exasperation, but seemed to deflate a little, like all of the energy was beginning to drain out of him. "You're so- You're just so-" Baz forgot what he was just about to say.
He stopped for a moment and just stood there, blinking.
Then, slowly, he turned toward Simon, looking distracted and spellbound. "Sorry I always yell at you," he murmured finally. "I don't mean it."
Simon couldn't believe his ears.