Raven 's heart was heavy as she gazed out at the glittering party. The room felt stuffy, her dress was slightly too tight under her arms and the sequins cut into her delicate skin. The music from the orchestra was hurting her ears. As much as she wished she could feel something, anything, Raven was glad she didn't. Even though she felt emotions freely now and had immensely enjoyed all her new experiences, Raven was disappointed to find that all she was feeling lately was sorrow.
And from the looks of things it was only going to get worse.
Heroes from all over the world, the galaxy even, were all crammed into Wayne Manor's sprawling grounds. Everyone was splendidly dressed, talking, laughing and enjoying themselves heartily. Waiters were running to-and-fro with shiny silver plates loaded down with food, champagne and napkins. Alfred, the famous butler who's food she heard about since first knowing Robin, resembled an air traffic controller running around and gesturing to delegate tasks. She placed her now empty champagne flute onto a nearby tray that was quickly picked up by a waiter. She began making her way to the bar for something a little stiffer when a man approached her. "Spare a dance?" A suave voice asked her.
Not wanting to appear impolite, Raven gladly placed her hand in his outstretched one.
Settling into her dance steps, she took a good look at her dancing partner. Raven couldn't believe who she was dancing with and at the wedding nonetheless! "Mr. Wayne?" She asked surprised.
"Just Bruce to you Raven." He replied. "Are you enjoying yourself?"
"Yes I am. Everything is absolutely wonderful." Raven commented, hoping her voice wouldn't betray her.
She kept her eyes on Bat- er Bruce as he spoke again. "Raven, I wanted to apologize to you."
Now, she was really confused. Was he drunk? She couldn't smell alcohol on his breath and she knew for a fact that his whole playboy image was just that, an image. In fact, she'd been able to catch him discreetly filling up a glass of what most people probably believed to be scotch with apple juice. Raven easily regained her footing as Bruce gracefully danced her towards the edge of the ballroom. "For what exactly?"
Bruce smiled a little. "For doubting you, I was never okay with how the Justice League turned you away. You were just a desperate kid; I should've done something more to help you and for that I apologize."
"Apology accepted." Raven replied, though she wasn't really sure what she was saying. She didn't feel much of anything.
"You turned out to be so different that any of us could've imagined. You're smart and very driven. I admire the life you've made for yourself."
Raven was stunned to say the least. She was not surprised that Bruce had kept tabs on her. After all she'd been in Robin's mind so she knew who he was. Still, the compliment was a surprise. Robin made it seem as though Bruce rarely ever said something nice or complimented anyone. And yet here he was complimenting Raven on the life she'd managed to make for herself! Raven took several moments to find her voice, before managing to speak. "Thank you Bruce. That means a lot."
"Please say you'll still be in his life."
Now it was Raven's turn to smile a little, but she used it to cover up her stunned face. Where was he going with this? "Of course I will. Friends don't just disappear."
"I wish you were the one that my son was marrying."
"What?" Raven asked thinking she didn't hear correctly, but Bruce had already left her. She was left standing at the edge of the ballroom under the glistening chandelier in a throng of guests. The tide of voices rose higher and higher. The ballroom suddenly became stifling and uncomfortably warm. Raven zoomed out of the ballroom aided by her levitation and wound up on the balcony. The noise form the party still overwhelmed her. It was just too much. Raven flew off the balcony and into the mansions elaborate garden's beneath. Thankfully, the bottom floor of the mansion was not as noisy as the top. There were still people drinking and loudly talking though so Raven went through the grass and towards the hedge maze.
She quickly made her way to the many rosebushes that encircled the soft, freshly cut grass around the large marble fountain. There were sculptures everywhere that Raven recognized were made by very famous artists. Sitting on the edge of the fountain, she took a few minutes to just take a few deep breaths and relax.
Rubbing her arms slightly, to ward off the chill, Raven began wandering to inspect the rose bushes. She took a moment to glance up at the sky. The night had always calmed her and made her mind feel peaceful, but its ethereal magic seemed to lack its usual potency tonight. Initially when Robin and Starfire had announced their engagement. She was happy for them, she really was. As time went on though, she realized that she could not have the same interactions with Robin as she used to. Their morning talks before everybody rose in the morning, their pouring over documents together, no pairing up to research a complex topic…Raven was better at research, but Robin's contribution made it much easier. They'd dissolve into laughter and tell stories about random things as they worked together. In fact, Robin was the only person Raven could genuinely laugh with. She felt she could be authentic and totally herself around him. She sighed at that thought. There would be no late night insomniac runs for junk food together, no sending random text messages to each other at all hours of the night, no more watching scary movies together. Raven sighed again. Sure they could share things, but it would be harder or nigh on near impossible now. There were certain things that couldn't be done once he was married.
Raven felt numb. She couldn't actually believe that this was happening. It seemed like it was all a dream and she'd wake up in her room to a few missed text messages from him, she'd wander downstairs, he'd have her tea ready for her and then who knew? Anything could happen. He was her best friend. Even if whatever they were doing was boring or monotonous it was simply made better by him being there. Best friends never cared what they did together, just having the other person there was enough. He was her best friend…was she his? Likely not, Raven concluded. People were always saying to marry your best friend. That's what he was doing no doubt. Starfire was his best friend. A small lump formed in her throat at that, but she choked it down. When Aqualad married, she'd been stunned initially, but there was nothing like the pain she was feeling now. Sure she'd had a crush on him, but hearing that he was getting married was actually, sort of freeing in a way. She was free now, not worried about anything that may or may not develop. She wouldn't have to wonder if he was sending some sort of sign to her that he desired her. Raven would occasionally indulge in trying to read that sort of body language. Not that it would ever lead anywhere, it couldn't possibly. Even though Raven knew that a relationship was likely impossible for her, deep down inside, she felt like she could've made it work with Robin. Deep in her heart where secret desires lay, though unfounded, she somehow knew that it could work.
"Alfred said you'd be out here." She knew his voice. She'd know it anywhere. Robin walked over to her. His suit was impeccably tailored and his bright blue eyes oozed tranquility. "What are you doing?"
Raven decided it was best to stick to the truth, or at least a version of it. "I was getting a headache in the ballroom is all. Thought some fresh air would do me good."
"Are you alright? Can I get you anything?" He asked.
She shook her head. "I'll be okay. Thank you." Robin sat on the ledge of the fountain next to Raven and settled in appearing to be in no hurry. Raven's eyes locked onto the broad gold band that now rested on his ring finger. It gleamed under the moon's light and reflected so brilliantly. It was mocking her somehow. It was a brand, a mark, a symbol of a bond, a union that no mortal had the authority to break. Even as she redirected her gaze away from him and to the landscape, the gold still twinkled out of the corner of her eye. For the rest of her life, it would always be there and she'd always see it. Raven as growing more frustrated with her current train of thought so she flicked her gaze to her hands resting in her lap. It had been about five or so minutes before she spoke again. "Shouldn't you head back inside? This is your party after all."
"Nah, it was getting to be a little too much for me in there too. Big parties were never really my thing."
The music from the orchestra was still floating through the night air.
"Won't Starfire be mad? This is your wedding after all."
"She's dancing with Galfore at the moment. Besides, we'll have the rest of our lives together, but right now we" he said pulling her closer. "Have only tonight." He held his hand out to her. "C'mon it'll be our last dance."
Raven felt herself wanting to cry at that. Robin put his arm around her and took her hand in his. The cool night air gently stilled around them as he slipped his hand into hers. It was positioned so the ring was hidden and for a moment, just a brief moment he was hers. There was so much that she should've said. He was probably the only person for her. He was the only person she could ever visualize herself with. He was the one who comforted her, uplifted her, gave her hope again…and now he was gone. He was gone forever, but for right now he was hers…all hers. Raven moved closer to him. She was on the verge of tears at the thought of losing him forever. Although technically she wouldn't lose him, he was still going to be there, but he wasn't hers. Raven frowned, perhaps it was even worse. He'd be there, sure, but she could never have him. She could never do this again with him. Their time would be limited, their interactions watched and motives questioned. Robin was no longer hers. He belonged to Starfire. He'd never be hers.
Robin must've been watching her eyes because the next time her lavender ones met his ocean blues, he frowned slightly. "Is something wrong Raven?"
Uh-oh. She smoothed her features. "Sorry I was just thinking. I really should stop doing that." Robin still held his quizzical look so she babbled on. "Its just so crazy when I think of everything that happened. You two got together after Tokyo and then after all the breakups and makeups here we are." We…she shouldn't have said that. "I just can't believe- its all so- I knew this would happen, but I didn't think it would. I'm so happy for you guys and- "
Raven was cut off as Robin hugged her to him tightly. "Thanks Raven. I know what you're trying to say and thank you. I'm so glad that you've been there for me though all of this. You've been there to guide me and you've been a great person to talk to through everything that's happened. Thank you." He repeated rubbing her back slightly.
"You're welcome." She replied automatically to busy trying to take in all the feelings of their embrace. She could lock these memories and feelings away then have them to nurture her whenever sadness crept in. The only problem was that they'd have to sustain her for the rest of her life. At that, she became sad once again and her arms slackened. Robin once again began to dance them around the fountain and let her out of her arm to twirl a few times. She could pretend that this was their wedding, or first date, or anything.
Reality came crashing down, however as the song ended and they separated. Neither could make eye contact with each other. There were so many things that she should say, but just as she opened her mouth, he spoke. "We'd better get back inside. I think everybody is going to give their toasts."
Raven moved mechanically beside him; she nodded and smiled greetings inanely to the people who greeted her as she made her way inside. She was far too busy examining the events that just happened. As the volunteers made their way to the mic to give advice, well wishes and the occasional crude joke Raven 's mind was a million miles away. As Bruce raised his champagne glass, people began banging their silverware off the glasses. Robin and Starfire obey tradition and kissed long and passionately. Raven watched them, that same lump growing in her throat.
Robin was no longer hers. He belonged to Starfire. He'd never be hers.
