I was standing in the Forbidden Forest, looking out through the trees into the grounds of the greatest magical institute of all time. 1
I saw James, no, Harry, you idiot, James is dead. 2
Nice one, Sirius, now you have yourself remembering again. 3
"Harry walks with a lot less swagger than his father did." I thought, turning my head to the side. Lily. He walks like Lily did. This frustrated me. How could this boy look so much like my best friend but still walk like Lily Evans?4
Oh, right. He was Lily's son too. 5
I turned around and started walking back, my paws slapping against the hard packed dirt. It was almost mocking, the pads of my feet making that barely audible sound. My brothers called me Padfoot. 6
~I~ 7
The flashbacks are strong today, even stronger than usual. I, like this idiot I am, sat waiting for the Whomping Willow to stop moving, and I could almost see James's stag form do the same in front of me. But I knew they were only my imagination. James was dead, and Wormtail was soon to be joining him. I took a long enough stick in my mouth and I made the tree be still myself. I walked the familiar dirt staircase as a dog, ending up in the Shreaking Shack. I smiled at the old place, and I looked out the window. I saw Hogsmede and a small part of the forbidden forest, the scariest place on earth to an unsuspecting first year; I had learned this the easy way. By pushing them in. 8
The memories made my emotions change, from happy; thinking about the good times, to sad, knowing that there would be no more to come. 9
It was then, in the house where I had bonded with my brothers, where we truly became brothers by stopping one from killing the rest, just so that it would be an easier time on the one doing the killing, that I decided to end it. 10
I couldn't live in a world without my brothers. 11
It was there I decided to kill myself. For James. For Remus. And yes, even for Peter. 12
~I~13
The more I think about it, the more it seems like it's the right thing to do. But the most influential people in my life deserve a goodbye. Even if two were dead (Peter was dead to me now), and one believed I was a murderer. I'll write them all letters. Letters to my brothers, how cute. 14
~I~15
Dear Prongs, 16
I feel like a complete idiot writing a letter to a dead man, but I think that your memory deserves to be honored. 17
Writing this, I realize that there's a lot of things I never got to tell you. Things you'll never see. 18
Like, I never got to thank you for convincing your parents to let me live with you when we were sixteen. And as an extra thank you, I never thanked you for not pushing it when I told you I didn't want to talk. I haven't ever really wanted to talk about that day, but I guess it doesn't really matter when you're going to die anyway. So I think I'll tell you. Just for old time's sake. 19
Well, I had just gotten home for the holiday, and I'd only been home for around five minutes. Regulus was in his room, avoiding me. I miss you more than I miss him. You were more of a brother to me than that traitor. My mother was down stairs in the kitchen, talking about Narcissa's new beau and how much she liked him. My father wasn't talking, just silently agreeing to everything she said, just like he always did. Kreacher was probably lurking in some hallway or another, wishing he was decapitated and hanging on a wall or some such nonsense. A normal day in the Black household. I was trying to get you to answer your mirror, Jamesie, but I guess you left it in your trunk or something, because you didn't answer. After a little while I felt like an idiot talking to a mirror, so I went downstairs to get food.20
As I mentioned before, my mother was in the kitchen, and you know how well we get on. Best friends, her and me. 21
I wish.22
But she could never pass up a chance to compare me to her amazing little Reggie, so she started to tell me all of the friends he was going to have over. Then she got this horrible, twisted pride in her eyes, like she was proud of Regulus and happy she was going to get me at the same time. And do you know what she told me, James?23
"Sirius, honestly, why can't you be more like your brother? He's such a dear child, in Slytherin and everything, not like some people I could name, and do you know what he did? He joined the Dark Lord. He's serving the Dark Lord now, just like your lovely cousins Bella and Nessie! Isn't it wonderful?"24
To anyone else, it might have sounded like she really wanted me to think it was wonderful, and maybe a part of her did, but her real aim was to tear me apart. Look! Sirius! Your brother's a Death Eater! Why, aren't you proud? No, I wasn't.25
To be honest James, I don't even remember what I said to her. 26
All I remember was turning around and walking up the stairs to Reggie's room. 27
I ignored that stupid little sign he insisted of hanging up. "Do not enter without express written permission of Regulus Articulus Black". I broke down the door, Jamesy. I literally broke down the door. I saw Regulus sitting there, rubbing the length of his arm, looking like he was hurt. I hurt him just a bit more by grabbing him by his collar and lifting him, smashing him against the wall. I screamed at him, I yelled, I think I might have even cried, but I was mostly pleading with him, asking him why. 28
"How could you do this to yourself Reggie?" I forced his sleeve up, just to prove to myself that it was true. It was. It was there, contrasting horribly against his pale skin. The snake was wriggling, they all did back then, and the skin around it was still red from the burning. Reggie was definitely hurt. And this wasn't the kind of hurt that my mother could whisk away with a wave of her wand. This was permanent. If I wasn't crying already, I started to there. Because this was little Reggie, the perfect one, the seeker, the one that didn't know what Mud-blood meant, he'd just say it to make mother proud. My brother, the prefect. Reggie the brave. Now he was Reggie the traitor. 29
This is how I remember I was crying, James. Because Regulus looked at me for the first time. (He had been looking away before, out of hate, disgust, or shame I'll never know.) And he said what was probably the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me. 30
"I'm stronger than you, Sirius. I don't cry. I, unlike you, am a true Black. A pure-blood." He said it with such pride, Jamesy, I think he may have actually believed it for a minute there. But then his eyes turned dead, like he was done pretending. 31
"I'm not going to apologize for it, Sirius, so if that's what you want you can go." He was back to not looking at me again. 32
"Reggie, do you realize that this is going to kill you? That if Voldemort doesn't, one of my friends will? I will? This is a death sentence Reggie." I was still crying. He didn't respond, but I kept talking. That statement had come out as a threat, but I had meant it as a warning. 33
"Reggie, you say you're a true Black? I'M a true Black. I'm the one fighting for freedom, the one that's in the house of the brave. I'm the pure-blood. Your blood stopped being pure the second you tainted it with that tattoo, and if that's what you count as a true Black, I don't want to be a Black anyway." 34
I turned and walked out. I don't remember if he called after me, but I don't think he did. James, I was so, so mad. I was ready to kill anyone in that house. I wanted to make sure that there was nothing left of my mother besides that painting of her in the entrance hall. I wanted to make Kreacher's dreams come true. I wanted to burn that tattoo right off of Regulus's arm. I was just about ready to make sure my father never agreed with my mother again. 35
But obviously, I decided not to, there were way more cons than pros. But still, that didn't take care of the rage. I was still murderous James, and you finally answered your mirror. You know the rest from there. I left the home that had never really been a home to me the moment you told me I could stay with you. I took one last look at my room, made to look as much like the Gryffindor dorm as I could make it (I had the four poster, the fliers, I even left my trunk at the foot year-round.) and I locked the door with a charm so strong that not even I would ever be able to open that door again. 36
It was too easy after all of the things we had pulled at school to just slip out the front door without a sound. Too easy. Then I caught the Knight Bus to your house, and well, I guess you know what happened after that. I became an honorary Potter. And I liked it. 37
On another note James, you should see your son. Harry is so big, he's a third year now. He thinks Divination is stupid, just like you, and he hates Lucius Malfoy's son even more than you hated his father. You'll never guess what Snivellus is doing nowadays, Prongsie. He's a teacher. In Potions (what else?) and he still grieves your wife. He hates your son, go figure. All is right with the world. He hangs out with Arthur Weasley's son, and you'll be happy to know he's not living up to your pure-blooded status as no one in your family would expect him to. His other best friend is a muggleborn girl named Hermione. She's amazingly smart James, even smarter than Lily was. That's saying something, you know better than anyone. She's not like Lily at all besides that though. So don't get any ideas.38
Lastly James, I want you to know that it wasn't me that told. You know that even if I could, I wouldn't have given you up like that. I would have rather died in your place. It was Peter. You know, the one that worshipped the ground you walked on? Him. Of course you remember him, you've called him a brother more often than I care to count. He faked his own death after yours. He blamed it on me. Landed me in Azkaban. I won't talk about that, it's not something you'd want to hear, trust me. Don't worry about it James, because I'm dying for you today. I want you to know that I love you as if you were my brother. Once a Marauder, always a Marauder. Even after death. 39
Love,40
Sirius Orion "Padfoot" Black41
~I~42
Dear Moony,43
I can't believe I'm actually going through with this. Whatever, that's not what my goodbye letter is about. 44
Remus, I miss our Hogwarts days. Where did the Glory Days go? When I think "Remus" I still think the quietest of all of us, but also the smartest, our collective conscience, the voice of reason and, like when we had to write a poem on a Goblin War for History of Magic, rhyme. I still wonder to this day if any of the teachers noticed that they graded four versions of the same essay, written in four different untidy scrawls. I don't think they did. Do you?45
Remus, always the curious one. I'm trying to answer questions and get in final goodbyes before I end this once and for all, but I'm having trouble trying to think of things you asked of me, but I never answered. 46
Oh, I have one. One time you asked me what my life was like when I was a kid. I refused to tell you, and you didn't ask me why. Thank you for that. Some things I didn't want to tell you guys, I didn't want you to see me differently. But I knew you wouldn't, there was nothing but my own shame holding me back from telling you everything about me. Now I will.47
On paper Remus, my life was perfect. I had a family that loved me, I had a younger brother that worshipped me, and I had cousins that couldn't get enough of me. My life was amazing. Balls every other weekend, I wasn't even ten yet! Believe it or not, I used to love my family. Before I knew any better, Bellatrix and Narcissa were two of my best friends. Andromeda and Regulus hung out together, they were the younger ones. Trixie, Nessie and I were the powerhouse, leaving no tree unclimbed, no stone unturned. Before this whole house thing, before we knew we were supposed to be better than everyone else, we were a lot alike. I could just as easily have turned out in Slytherin. I could just as easily have been laughing with Lucius Malfoy, setting him up with my cousins, as I could have been laughing with you guys, making fun of them.48
My whole life was a fifty-fifty shot Moony. I just happened to land on the right side of the galleon. 49
Everything was great, and I think I can narrow it down to when I turned ten. My parents held a ball, a ball for their oldest son. My whole family was invited, and my whole family came. I was hanging out with Bella and Sissy, as usual, but they both had a air about them that they didn't have before. I knew something was up with them, so I asked. And they told me about the difference between a pure-blood (us) and a mud-blood or a blood-traitor (everyone who wasn't us). They basically told me we were royalty, based on how far we could trace back that stupid family tree in my living room. I laughed, Reem. I laughed right in their faces, I just thought it was so funny! I'm that much better than the next guy because I was related to some stupid wizard who probably wasn't even nice? I thought they would laugh with me, but they seemed disappointed by my reaction, then they got hostile. Calling me a blood traitor, the same thing they just told me that we were so much better than. I ditched them. I was a hothead Remus, even then. It only got worse from there. They started to jeer at me every time they saw me. I knew that they would end up in Slytherin, where my mother so desperately wanted me to be. I started to hate my mother when I realized that she was like Bellatrix and Narcissa. She thought she was better too. 50
When I got to Hogwarts, and I met you guys, I was standing in the Great Hall as far from my cousins as I could. I locked eyes with Bellatrix, and I pleaded with her silently. Couldn't we be friends, like we were before? She shook her head no, looking at me the same way. That was the day I decided I wasn't a Black anymore. I was a Sirius. Not a Black. 51
That shaped the attitude for the rest of my days, even this one. 52
Once I learned about the attitude of most of my family, the family balls became less and less fun. Without Bella and Ness, I was bored out of my mind. I was depressed, sitting there in the most expensive robes my parents could find, even if they were hideous, and watching my cousins twirl by in their sparkly black and white dresses. I couldn't stand it anymore. 53
I was just about to disrupt a ball, just for something to do for once, and then I realized I wasn't the only one being shunned. I saw little Andromeda in the corner, and I realized she really wasn't so little. She was only a year or two younger than me, older than Reggie, younger than the twins. She was alone, the only one in a plain dress. She had the same defiant look I knew I was wearing. I walked over to her and just said54
"You too?" she smiled, I guess she was just happy to have someone understand her for once. I knew I was. 55
"Yeah." I smiled back. I knew by then that I wasn't a Black, I was a Sirius, and here was a girl who was not a Black, but an Andromeda. I think that that was the best ball I've ever attended. Andromeda and I just kept bad-mouthing our family, even though we both knew we missed them. I've grown apart from Andy since then. I miss her too. 56
Through the years, I've appealed to Bellatrix again and again, never verbally, always with my eyes. I was finally with her again in Azkaban, but the guards kept us apart because they thought we would conspire together. I've grown to hate her now, and I've successfully come to think of her as only another Death Eater, an especially dangerous one. She wasn't always wild-eyes Lestrange you know. She used to be funny. And witty. And sarcastic. A lot like me, I'm sorry to say. I could have just as easily been the Death Eater son, but I chose to go with my first instinct. That's what makes me a Sirius, not a Black. 57
Remus, I still can't believe you're teaching. I'm so proud of you. I always knew nothing, not even your "furry little problem" could keep you from doing whatever you wanted. I always said it, didn't I? I've always had faith in you. 58
And now, I'm going to ask you to have faith in me. 59
I didn't betray Lily and James, Remus. You know I would never do that. I couldn't. I wouldn't be physically or mentally able. I would rather die than harm any of you. The exception being Peter. James. Lily. I could never hurt them intentionally. I wasn't the Secret-Keeper. We knew everyone would assume I was, but I wasn't. We switched it last minute to Peter, because we knew no one would expect James to trust a little rat like him with a secret that big. I was infinitely more loyal. James even thought Dumbledore was too obvious. But no, it was Peter. No coincidence that his animagus was a rat, right? 60
Oh, Remus. Everything was so much more simple when I was younger. I wish I was still young enough to not notice the world around me. 61
Remember me, Remus. As a Sirius. A Gryffindor. As a Marauder. Not a murderer. Not a Black. Please. One last favor for your best friend.62
Love from your brother,63
Sirius Orion "Padfoot" _64
~I~65
Wormtail,66
Peter, don't question the greeting. It was intentional. I didn't say "Dear", because you are no longer dear to me. You used to be. But you ruined it. 67
This letter isn't to make you say sorry. I'm done with sorry by now. Sorry isn't good enough for ruining my life, ending James's, and leaving Remus's empty of brothers. Sorry won't fix this. 68
Peter, nothing will ever fix this. 69
I'm going to take you back, I'm going to show you that all of your actions had consequences. Maybe not on you, not immediately, but they did. On people you called brother. 70
Peter, I can still see it, I can still taste the air of that day as if it only happened five minutes ago. I can visualize every well-deserved bead of sweat on your rat face. I got the news early, that James and Lily were dead. I immediately tried to find you. When I did, you ran. You started then, and you just never stopped. 71
I still remember what you said. 72
"Sirius, please. Sirius, no! Don't kill me! Not like you did James and Lily!" You knew damn well that I was defenseless. You had my wand, you coward. Then you shot some curse between my legs, it opened up the whole street. People fell in. I can hear them screaming. So many muggles, they didn't do anything. Why Peter, why? You were smiling at me, and the glint in your eye that I had always passed off as mischief showed itself as malice. Who taught you that spell anyway? The Peter I knew was barely strong enough to turn into a rat. Was it Voldemort? A Death Eater? Or was it one of us? Me, maybe? How you knew it is of no consequence, but the fact that you used it is. You killed people Peter. You killed James, you killed Lily. If given the chance you would've killed my godson, too. 73
You transformed, and I was sickened, knowing that I taught you, knowing that I essentially gave you the getaway broom. Your blood and your finger were lying on the ground near me, and I could hear your squealing coming from the sewer, almost rat laughter. I stood motionless, hearing everyone scream, feeling their eyes on me, but I couldn't move. Reality was too much in that moment for me to think anything but the names of my brothers. I couldn't seem to remember my own name. Messers Moony, Wormtail, and what? Who was the third one? He can't be important. Prongs. Messers Moony, Wormtail, something, and Prongs. I'll remember the third one later. I'm sure I will. 74
Ministry cars came and they cleaned up. Confunded the muggles, fixed the street, and carted me away. I was still unresponsive. They swirled around me, and said something about me being armed and dangerous. They picked my wand up from where you had dropped it. They didn't even bother to check what the last spell was on it. If they had, they might have believed me, and I might have not wasted so many years of my life living out a sentence you had earned. 75
They carted me to the Ministry like I was some kind of animal. They had me chained, and took me to a room that I had only heard of, never seen. My trial was quick, and all I heard of the whole of it was "Guilty." I never got to speak. I didn't have a lawyer. No one, absolutely no one, was on my side. 76
They took me into a closed room with a closed door with nothing in it but a change of clothes. It was the prison uniform of Azkaban. Knowing that I would probably be punished if I didn't change, I did. I tried to sleep, but all I could see when I closed my eyes was that little smashed house in Godric's Hollow, the spatter of blood on the ground, the face of that Muggle woman in the blue, right when she went under. All I could hear was Hagrid's sobs, the Muggles' screams, your rat squeaking. It was the worst night of sleep I've ever gotten in my life. 77
In the morning, some old sap I had never seen before opened the door for me. He let me out, and the shackles were beginning to hurt. I could hear people muttering as I walked by, led like a dog on a leash. They avoided eye contact, as if I may be able to kill them too, with only a gaze. I caught snippets of what they said. 78
"I heard he was He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's right-hand-man..." 79
"James was his best mate!" 80
"I heard that all they could recover of Pettigrew was..." 81
"That whole Black family, didn't I say?.." 82
None of them had any words of sympathy. I wanted to scream at them, "I'm not that kind of person! I would have rather I have died than James! I wish I had died, instead of James! Did you know I lived with his family? I called him brother? How could you accuse me!" The poor official, I never caught his name, the poor man was so uncomfortable. He felt as though they were all looking at him, accusing him of his best friend's murder. He must have been relieved when he passed me off to a Dementor. How could you frame me Peter? Especially when you knew of my fear? I never could take Dementors, you know that. One of my biggest fears ever. You knew. You knew!83
The Dementor was flanked by two more officials, both clones of the first one. The Dementor floated beside the brooms we were riding on, all of us made almost invisible. We flew for what seemed like hours in a rainstorm, and I began to wonder what these poor guys had done to get this job. When we finally landed, we were on a beach. There was the smallest of canoes, and two more Dementor's waiting for us. There was another boat near the empty one, and it held a scared, and yet scary looking woman. She had wild hair, curls cascading out from her scull, almost like barbed wire, warning you of the danger on the other side. The turned at the noise, and I recognized her. I spoke for the first time since my arrest. 84
"Bella?" she looked me over, my hair to my shoes and back again, and she began to laugh. Not the laugh that she used to have, kind and genuine, but insane. The laugh of a serial killer. The lifted her sleeve to show me her Dark Mark, still laughing as though I were a comedian. I didn't move to show her anything. Sure, she was my cousin, but she was also the enemy. 85
She was still laughing when he boat began to move across the rough water. 86
The dementor motioned for me to sit in the minuscule boat, and I was beginning to wonder how this thing was going to be able to cart my weight over the North Sea. It was much like the boats we used to get to Hogwarts in. I was more scared than I have ever been in my entire left, but I dealt with that fear the way I always have. 87
I threw laughter at it and prayed to Merlin that it would go away. 88
I joked with the Dementors, although all they did was float alongside the boat, unshaken by the fierce wind. It took all I had not to cry at that moment.89
I stayed strong, and I kept a stiff upper lip, because I would not give the Dementors what they wanted. 90
I finally got to a small island that consisted of gray rock, with a black stone building dominating the landscape. It had a perfectly smooth facade, with windows being the only indication that there were floors, and even the lowest one would have killed you had you jumped. Most important was that it was swarming with Dementors, so many that I nearly passed out. Hundreds upon hundreds of them, and they only had one purpose in what they might call a life, and that was to suck all of the happiness right out of my soul. That in itself made me depressed, as if the soul-suckers around me weren't doing a good enough job. I began to lose memories. I couldn't think of James, of Lily, of Harry. I could see their faces, but I couldn't remember their names. A small voice in my head whispered "Friends. Godson." But I couldn't interpret the meaning of those words. Every good memory I could try to think of was taken away just as fast. A young Narcissa, gone. A young Bellatrix, gone. You, when you were my friend, gone. Remus, gone. James, gone. I couldn't remember Hogwarts, and all I could hear was my mother's voice saying my name over and over. 91
Sirius. Sirius. 92
She was angry, I wasn't a Slytherin. Was there any house but Slytherin? I don't recall. I was an outcast, I didn't make it, I was a failure as a man and as a wizard. I was a failure as a Black. 93
But no, I wasn't a Black. Do you recall when I told you that? You laughed at me. But the Dementors couldn't take that away from me, because it wasn't a happy thought, nor was it sad. It was a simple fact. 94
And that's how I learned the tricks of Azkaban. 95
In order to stay in Azkaban and keep your head, you must have at least one obsession. It must be one based on fact, and it mustn't be something that makes you happy. Peter Pettigrew is alive, and one day I will kill him. This was an obsession, a cold fact. I am not a Black. I am a Gryffindor. I am a Beater. I play Quiddich. I do the daily crossword. I am a wizard. These obsessions must crowd your thoughts and be the only things you think about. I am very glad that these letters will never see their intended recipients. With this information you would be able to survive in your future home. If I decided to let you live, that is. 96
I didn't keep track of time. My stomach and hunger periods were the only tracks of time I had. My cell had no windows. They kept me away from other prisoners, I was considered especially dangerous. And because I was supposedly Voldemort's right-hand man, I might be able to rally the prisoners. It was just as well, I didn't like anyone in that prison anyhow. 97
At one point, well it must have been a very short time ago, the Minister of Magic came to visit. Cornelius Fudge, if I remember correctly. I had great fun with him. He must have expected a half-dead madman, like the others, but I was smart, I had my wits. I used one of my obsessions and asked him for his newspaper. I missed the crosswords. The poor man was so scared that he gave it to me, and that was how one of my obsessions became a plausible plan. The front page picture was one of the Weasley family in Egypt, and what was one the tall, gangly one's shoulder but a rat. A rat with one of its front toes missing. I only knew one rat that had that marking paired with a scar above his left eye. That was you Peter. I could see it. 98
You became my main obsession. I even began to dream about you. I now had your location. I built up my energy for weeks, trying to build up enough magic in my worn out veins to transform. I knew that Dementors could barely see animal instinct. I knew that I could become a dog, if I could just build up a little stamina. I knew that it was a very long, grueling swim off of this island, but I also knew that I could make it. 99
Above all, I knew that you were at Hogwarts. 100
After a month or so of building myself up, getting stronger and stronger, I thought I could do it. I managed to. I got it. I stayed in my room as a dog for a while, I had forgotten how pleasant it was to have several legs. I became aware of happiness, and felt my tail wag. A Dementor passed by. But I was still happy. Ha! It had worked! I knew it would! 101
When one of them came by to give me my food, they had to open the door, and I simply slipped around it and made my merry way down the corridor. Escaping was easy enough, the fortress was built to keep in humans, not dogs. Everyone makes a very big deal out of the fact that I escaped, but that's only because they think that I did it human. Even I in all my cockiness know that that would have been impossible. 102
I got to the beach and looked at the uninviting black water. It wasn't the kind of water that made you want to swim, but it was more welcoming than the stone building lurking behind me. And it was the perfect day for it too. One of the only ones in all of Azkaban history when it didn't storm. It was the luck of the Potters coming through for me. James was watching over, and I'm sure Lily was helping. 103
I swam for days. Three days. I didn't sleep, but I think I did get hypothermia. During those days it must have become apparent I was missing, because they had bulletins everywhere when I got back, but at the time I just tried to focus on swim, float, breathe, stay alive, 104
he's at Hogwarts. 105
I finally made it to some deserted beach and I passed out, asleep. Looking back on it, it's a blooming miracle that I even woke up at all. I woke and had nothing. No way to Hogwarts. I wandered into a village and tried to find someone who would take in a stray dog. I was taken in by an animal shelter, and I made friends with a few dogs, and couldn't phase and become a man for a while. I fattened myself up, and got stronger and stronger. I passed a wizard in a street and stole his wand. He noticed, but he couldn't catch me. I felt the thrill of pulling a prank coming back again. So that was what happiness felt like...Just by traveling the streets with various 'owners' I managed to get where I knew Lily's sister lived..she was named after a flower too wasn't she? Erm.. Hydrangea? Daisy? Something like that.106
I sat outside and listened as Harry defended his father to his horrid aunt. You should've heard him Wormtail, it would have made your worthless blood curdle. Knowing that you were responsible for taking him away from this remarkable boy..you might have even grown a conscience and felt like there were a thousand knives stabbing you. He defended both of his parents with his life, a life you tried to take away, and at great risk to himself, he left the home that was protecting him. 107
I followed him a bit and just watched him, I wanted to get a good look at him before I started on my journey to Hogwarts, but he spotted me. I think I scared him, because he hurt himself and fell into a roadside ditch, but he's tough, like his father was, so he was okay. He got on the Knight Bus and went on his merry way to what I assume was the Leaky Cauldron, but I had to begin my journey to Hogwarts...and it took me a very long time.108
I felt as though now, now that I had survived Azkaban, I could survive this. I was on the run. And I was happy again. But I still had my obsessions, force of habit I guess. Over and over in my head I just repeated the phrase 'He's at Hogwarts, he's at Hogwarts...' you Peter. I'm coming to get you. 109
But I just can't take it any more Peter, I just cannot stand it. I can't live in a world where I have no one. You took everyone away from me Peter. You took my life away. When I went to Hogwarts, I felt as though I belonged. As though I was truly loved. James and Remus were my best friends. You killed my brothers, and the thing one of them loved most in the world. You took away James, and by framing me like you did you effectively took Remus away from me. Now he thinks I'm a murderer. Just like everyone else. I wish every day that I was the Secret Keeper. I know that if I was, James would be alive today. Lily would be alive today. Harry would be known for nothing but that he looks just like his father. And I would be happy. You might be too Peter. You sacrificed yourself above all else Peter. You killed every Marauder. You sold James out. You took all of Remus's brothers away from him. You stopped being a Marauder when you sold James out. And now, because I have nothing, my hand is played. I blame you for my death Peter. You are about to kill the last of us. 110
I hope you rot in hell. I hope to see you there. ,111
Sirius Black(The Last of His Kind)112
~I~113
I sealed the final envelope and took a deep breath. I knew what I had to do. I picked up the wand that I wasn't truly the master of and pointed it to my temple, as I had seen in muggle movies when a man points a gun at himself. I took another deep breath to calm myself. Was I really sure about this? 114
I was.115
I knew the curse. I knew I was six syllables away from being with James again. Seeing Lily again. Having a brother again. I almost smiled, but it didn't seem appropriate when my life was about to end. 116
I said the words. 117
"Avada"118
What was that? I took the wand down and took a defensive position. Someone was coming up the stairs. I had to get this done. Now. 119
"Avada Kedev"120
The door opened and I whipped around, ready to defend the life I no longer wanted. But I learned I didn't need to. Because who was standing there but Remus. 121
"Hello my friend." he said. 122
"How did you find me here Remus?" 123
"Well Padfoot," it felt so good to hear him say Padfoot again. "we made sure a long time ago that the Map never lies. And if that's true, then Peter Pettigrew is alive. And if Peter Pettigrew is alive, then that means you either let him live, which I know you would never do, or you are completely innocent. I am inclined to believe the latter."124
All of the emptiness was gone. I had a brother, and I had true happiness back. Now I could make the strongest patronus ever seen. 125
"Well Moony, it's good to feel like a Marauder again."126
"Hey, Sirius, what are those things?" he asked, indicating the letters I had written to say goodbye. I had written those thinking I would be dead when they were over. But I couldn't feel more differently now. I was so happy, the emptiness that I had since I saw Bella laughing at me was gone. I had Remus back. 127
"Oh, nothing. Nothing of importance." I said, stuffing the envelopes under a pillow. I meant what I said.128
I had a brother. I wasn't the last of my kind. I had Remus. I was no longer the last Marauder.129