To Know and To Love
Disclaimer: You know the deal. Me no Rowling.
AN: God damn it, I don't know what in tartarus I was thinking. It was like, the middle of the night, but I got my phone and said, "I wanna try to do a wolfstar fic, because I've never done one before and I'm as tired as hell but that's ok." :[] Ok, here we go, enjoy.
They're at another party. Another spin-the-bottle. Countless, faceless bodies-too blurry because they're too drunk and lazy to try to care. So they stand, and drink, and stare at each other. Because it's sort of comforting: the way they know each other.
Remus knows perfectly how there's a scar running down Sirius' right arm. The shape and length of it makes Remus swallows sometimes, when he imagines how painful it must have been, but Sirius just brushes it off. The brave bastard. ("I got it when I flew for the first time. I mounted my cousin's broom and flew straight up into the sky. I actually didn't think about how I would get down. But then I fell, and that solved the problem. It turned out fine, Moony. Don't worry." Then he would give that gut-wrenchingly sweet smile and Remus has no choice but to try to inhale that smile, that him-ness and press his lips to his.)
There's also the way Sirius pinpoints Remus' werewolf bite, even in the dark. It's on the highest point of his neck and just a bit past his chin, in the tender area that's elegantly pale white. (Sirius likes to kiss it. Remus has no idea why. It sort of became a tradition, after Remus first told him about the furry problem and Sirius pressed a hesitant lip to the mark. Then there was silence and Sirius excuses that he was "kissing it better". Remus still wonders why Sirius kisses there, of all places, but when they collapse in a hormonal mess on whoever's bed it is and Sirius sucks intently on it, eyes dark, Remus gives up all forms of thinking.)
There's also this open-book thing that they have with each other. Sirius has gotten them all fooled, Remus knows. And sometimes he doesn't know who "them" is. The only thing he knows is that it applies to quite a lot of people and he isn't in the category. That fact makes him irrationally proud. (Sirius came back into their dorm dead one day, or as dead as Sirius Black could ever be. No spark in his eyes, no trail of mischief behind him, and no spring in his step. James asked him if he was fine, and Sirius looked at him, "Blacks are never fine." James shrugged and went away with his assumption that maybe Sirius was tired that day. Remus knows though: the only thing that makes Sirius dead is his loved ones. He took in his black eye as Sirius shook. Then Remus realized, for the first time, that he was taller than him, and he celebrated the fact by wrapping Sirius in a hug and whispering, "Don't worry about Regulus now, Sirius. We've got a transfiguration test tomorrow." Then he waited until shakes of tears turn into shakes of hysterical laughter, and wiped Sirius' tears away until he calmed down to tell him what happened. )
(Then Remus reprimands him and tells him to study for the Transfiguration test.)
Sirius doesn't read books, so the term "like an open book" practically contradicts itself in his case. Because he wouldn't read it, even if it was open. But since it's Remus, Sirius told Remus that he doesn't mind to read, once in a while. (Sirius was the first one who discovered Remus' "furry little problem". Remus was kindofsortofmaybe surprised that Sirius could see his lies. He thought he was good at lying. Is he not? Does everyone know? Would they hate him now? Does he...? And then Sirius blinks at him for a long time, grabs him, and furrows in head into his shoulder. "You idiot." He accuses, "You ridiculous, brave idiot. You could have died! ...I'm going to help you transform from now on, okay? Whether you like it or not." )
They don't really do the "love" thing, not unless they're crazily stoned, of course, even though there were several other instances of love confessions. Love has been this thing that they knew was happening with them, both romantic-wise and friend-wise. (It has been a mutual thing since a party in 4th year, in which Sirius discovered his love of cuddling with...anybody. Mainly Remus, but what the hell did they know back then? And Remus, being the "responsible one", never took a sip of anything, so he just smiled a bit as Sirius clung to his shirt and murmured something that sounds suspiciously like "I love you." Of course, Sirius doesn't remember a thing.)
(Remus remembers Sirius saying the most awkward things at the wrongest moments. The day after Remus finally got enough courage to kiss Sirius on the cheek, Sirius collapsed into an armchair after a midnight cram session of herbology. "Merlin, Remus. I love you. If you don't help me study, I would have been expelled a long time ago." Then sandy blonde hair was raked through by fingers, and a blush as bright as the sun appeared on a smiling face before Remus ducked back down to examine Sirius' essay, only seeing the words "I love you" on the page. He breathed and got his logical brain back before saying, "You would have been gone in second year." Remus remembers feeling brave enough to look up and send him a tiny, teasing smile, "I love you too.")
(And that was it, the first time they said "I love you" to each other, although there were many more.)
Remus always thought that they would carry their love to the grave and die next to each other, wherever they would be. Because he knows himself and he knows (but does he?) Sirius.
But as much as Sirius loved him, he also loved proving him wrong.