So she slept with Ted. She slept with Ted, and it was never a good idea to backslide, particularly when you were roommates. They'd laid ground rules, sure, but it was still kind of weird. There were friends through and through. She didn't have those kinds of urges for Ted at all anymore. Yet one minute they were fighting and the next they were in her bed. Though Ted had no idea, she didn't care to admit to herself how much the mention of Barney's theories, of his name, had gotten her from point A to point B.
Robin didn't let herself think too often about their one time together – well one night, her mind corrected, as it was far more than one time; they went at each other like rabbits till they finally fell asleep and cold hard realization came with the dawn. Still, every now and again, it would come to her in dreams. Memories of that night, and more and more often new images of her own creation – her and Barney doing it every which way she knew how and a few new ones he'd teach her. Unplanned and ill-advised though it was, that night had been the best sex of her life. Which didn't altogether surprise her. It was Barney after all, and if you practiced anything enough times you were bound to become an expert at it. No, what shook her to her very core wasn't the expertise, but the tenderness with which he made love to her, with soft kisses and gentle caresses as if she somehow mattered to him, as if she was so much more than just the skank of the week. She shivered even now thinking about. But that one night had nearly ruined them all. It destroyed his friendship with Ted, splintered the group, and very nearly got Barney killed. No, there could be no second time – and luckily no one else but the two of them knew about her near slip at Shelter Island – so she buried it and buried it deep. If she was going to have a friend with benefits it was going to be Ted, and that was all there was to it.
Still, by the next day, she'd determined to call it all off. He was safe, easy, always-available sex, sure, but somehow it didn't seem right sleeping with Ted. She wasn't in love with him, wasn't even particularly attracted to him any more than any other descent looking guy. And she didn't know, maybe she was growing up a little, but somehow just 'available' didn't seem quite good enough anymore. But then they'd starting fighting, and he'd grabbed her, and she figured why not. Her love life had been stagnant lately and so what if she used Ted like a living, breathing vibrator; he didn't seem to mind. But because Ted was Ted she wanted to be sure he understood exactly what this was. There'd be no blue French horns; this was just a bodily function. And to prove as much while he grabbed her, she grabbed her phone and starting returning calls.
But her heart wasn't in it. She talked to Marshall briefly, then put down the phone. After all, Ted was trying his hardest here to get her over the edge – to moderate effect. The lest she could do was give him her full attention. But then her phone rang on its own. She glanced at the screen and saw that it was Barney…and there came the smile, the little thrill of excitement that always accompanied seeing his name on her ID. She didn't know exactly when it started to happen, but she didn't like it, not one bit. She almost didn't answer just to spite it, but damn it curiosity got the better of her; you never know what jam Barney'd gotten himself into next.
"Robin, vest up. I need you. These brats aren't getting any smaller."
"Can't. I'm in bed."
And even through the phone he could tell her breath was a little thready. "Phone sex, Scherbatsky? I'm game, but give me a sec. Let me get away from little ears so I can do it proper," he teased…..maybe, she wasn't sure.
"No. I….I just had a dream."
"Good or bad?"
"Definitely bad."
"Oooo, tell Daddy all about it," he purred.
With Barney's voice hot and sexy in her ear, she could almost imagine those were his hands, that was his mouth on her, and not Ted's.
"Did it go a little something like this," she heard him whisper as he launched into the dirtiest story she'd ever heard. By the time he was through, she could barely form words, and with a wicked chuckle he let her go.
She heard the rip of a condom wrapper as the phone fell through her fingers to the bed. With Barney's story, with his voice, still lingering in her ears, she kept her eyes closed all the way through, and it was the best sex she'd ever had with Ted. She didn't allow herself to examine that too closely. But suddenly this arrangement with Ted had a whole lot of potential.
That Saturday morning, Barney stopped by after pulling an all-nighter over some sort of crisis in North Korea and asked her to breakfast. They both left while Ted was still sleeping and it was fun, a little too fun. So when she got back home, if she found herself drinking the last of the milk when she wasn't particularly thirsty, she just didn't let her mind analyze it.
The following day, she was waiting her turn for the bathroom, but as always Ted was taking far too long in the shower. She swore he had the grooming habits of a sixteen year old girl. She was just about to shout, "Be careful you don't fall while shaving your legs; that's sure to bruise!" but then the thought of bruises made her mind drift to black eyes and how hot as all hell Barney had been that night at MacLaren's. Even if it had been fake, there was still something badass about punching your own face just for the prestige of a black eye. And, hey, Ted's nose was a mess too, so it proved he did have a mean right hook.
She'd caressed his face and rubbed his thigh, hanging on his arm all night, kneading his bicep. She was a little embarrassed to admit how hot she'd been for him, and it was 50% brawling and 50% all Barney…..Okay, maybe a little bit more the later, but thankfully no one seemed to notice that though Ted had been in the "fight" too, her libido tipped 100% Barney's way.
Later that night when they'd each excused themselves to the restroom – she swore it was pure coincidence – they both stepped back out at the same time and nearly ran headlong into each other. Barney put his hands on her arms to stop the collision and just that little bit of body contact was wonderful. She was about to pull him into the ladies room – kiss him mindless until he pressed himself into her, all those hard lean muscles, until he took her against the wall right there in the bar – when Lily came past and the moment was broken. Still she couldn't help but wonder at the missed opportunity.
It was with bruised eyes and sculpted biceps on her mind that she began stripping off her pajamas. She hoped into the shower, shoved Ted under the showerhead and for a moment his face was obscured. With closed eyes, she pressed her spine to the hard tile wall and grabbed for his arm. "Do me. Now," she commanded. Never one to argue, he lunged for her mouth but she turned her head away. There was something different about the way Barney kissed her. She couldn't put a name to it, but Ted's kisses would ruin the illusion. "No. No kissing. Just do me." And he obliged.
Afterward, when her breath was still uneven and her legs were shaking, Ted glanced at her with a proud, smug look on his face. She stepped out of the shower wondering what he would think he if knew that in the height of it she had to bite her lip to keep from screaming Barney's name.
The next night she went out to laser tag with Barney. She had a fun and exhilarating time. Like you always have with him, something niggled in the back of her mind but, even as she purposefully left the pizza box on the floor of the apartment, she ignored it. They had sex two times that night, but her mind's eye never saw Ted once.
And then he had to go and ruin it all. He was such a girl sometimes. But it was probably for the best anyway. Things were starting to get confusing. Lines were starting to blur, which is probably why you shouldn't have sex with one man while imagining another – especially when they both were your closest friends.
Later that evening while she was eating tacos with Barney, he smiled at her across the table and those pesky memories came floating back. Dude, she had to get a grip. She'd shudder to think what Barney would say if he only knew what she was thinking, who she'd really been doing all those times with Ted. He'd have such a time with it – it'd be like Canada Day back home. She'd never hear the end of it. Either that or he'd use it to his advantage the next time they were alone….maybe like now. But, then again, maybe not. She couldn't help recalling how even as she threw herself at him hard that night nine months ago he drew away and studied her, asked her if she was sure. She'd nodded, then pulled off her shirt. For a moment he just looked at her, the way Lily does the new Gucci line, then he reached out for her and from there it was all sandcastles and twisted sheets, knowing touches and skin on skin and lovemaking with such an intense focus that –
She blinked back to the present and Barney was studying her again, watching her closely, and whatever he saw there caused him to squeeze his taco a little too forcefully and a drop of hot sauce fell onto his tie. The look on his face was positively aghast.
With a laugh, she slid her chair over to his, dipping her napkin into the pitcher of cold water and wiping the spot away. "See," she told him. "Not so bad at all, and I'm sure that ridiculously expensive dry cleaner of yours can get out the rest." Barney's gaze flicked from his near spotless tie up to her eyes, and she shrugged. "The secret is you have to get it quick."
The look he shot her then made her wonder just how much her face had given away. And suddenly she was very aware of how close they were, her one hand on his tie, the other palm flat against his chest for leverage.
"Yeah, you like it hard and fast, Scherbatsky. I remember."
She fought to keep the color from her cheeks – because Robin Scherbatsky did not under any circumstances blush. Still she couldn't meet his eye when she softly retorted, "Not every time."
"No," he agreed, his voice like silk. "Sometime you like it slow and sleek, like a soft caress. I remember that too." She took her hands off his body; she had a feeling she'd get burnt. "Do you ever remember, Robin?"
Her fingers played nervously at her neck. "No," she answered, but she giggled the whole way through.
He just laughed, studying her a moment more, but thankfully he let it go. She was ashamed to admit that if he hadn't they probably would have ended up having a whole lot more than tacos that night.
She really had to get a boyfriend and quick. This was getting a little too weird for her.