Title: To Love Is To Bury
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Author: Beloved Slayer
Rating: K+
Summary: Buffy mourns the loss of the man she loves, and ponders her future without him. A rewrite of Remembrance.
Author's Notes: I wanted to rewrite a better version of my original story, so that's why this is here. It takes place after the season two finale. Feedback is appreciated, but most importantly, enjoy!
Chapter One
Dancing in the deepest ocean…
Twisting in the water you're just like a dream…
Frothy waves splashed violently upon the empty shore, the soothing sounds of crying seagulls blaring above the docks. Bare feet seeping into moist sand, she steps forward, her eyes peering against the setting of the sun above the blue-gray ocean tide.
"You never told me what you wanted for your birthday."
"Surprise me."
She releases an angry snort at the words that were racing across her mind. Surprise had been the understatement that neither of them had ever expected.
For the Slayer and her vampire, love had been the ultimate price, and they had both paid for it.
Almost without thought, she attempts to erase the guilt that was stemming heavily from her heart and stomach.
A cool breeze permeated in the damp air, sending goose bumps to course through her bare skin. She shivered in spite of the sun's blinding rays. Tendrils of honey blonde hair swayed behind her in a gentle rhythm as her thoughts were filled with the images of their last kiss, the last moment when the sword had sealed their terrible fate.
She felt dead weight dwelling upon her chest, hazel eyes stinging with the sensation of tears threatening to reveal itself to the surface.
She closed her eyes to blink the wetness away, but it was too late. She could feel them matting her cheeks until they fell onto the sand, sparkling underneath the falling sunlight.
"I miss you," she forced herself to speak against her lonely surroundings, the ache in her heart increasing until it stabbed at her breast and lungs. "I wish you could hear me. I miss you so much. Every night I go home, and I have to pretend that everything is okay. And it's not. You're not there to make the pain go away, and it hurts so much. I don't know what I'll do. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep fighting. Not by myself. I still need you."
Self-control gives way and she trembles to her knees, the unsettled longing for him overtaking the guilt that burdened her shoulders. She cradles her face, pondering the future that she would have to endure without him. What very little light she had in her world, darkness had vehemently stolen without remorse. And she continues to mourn in her misery.
A swirl of dust and sand motes developed quietly from behind. In the direct center stood the breathing form of Angel, relief and happiness etching his angelic features before regret forced the emotions to vanish, his eyes lingering on his beloved with sadness.
"It's not your fault, Buffy. It never was. You have to believe that," he tells her, as he presses himself towards her, his expression never wavering. She doesn't move, believing that his voice was her imagination before she managed to respond.
"But I killed you," her voice quivered with guilt. The same guilt that was consuming her.
He hovers over her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. "I wouldn't be here if you did."
She carefully rises to her feet, whirling to face him as she took his hand into her own, studying him. "You're warm. It can't be." She shakes her head, her eyes disbelieving.
"It doesn't matter. What matters is that I'm here with you. Nothing would've kept us apart. Not even…" he abruptly stops, his chestnut eyes darkening as memories surged through his mind.
She cautiously wraps her arms around his waist, not believing what she was witnessing. She digs her face into his chest, her hair disheveled. "I missed you," she mumbled passionately.
He wraps his arms around her in a protective gesture. "I missed you too. I'm so sorry. For everything."
"Me too," she cried. "How…how did you escape from the hell dimension?"
Angel places his chin above her head, his eyes looking out into the cloudless sky. "They gave me a second chance. They gave us a second chance."
"You can't mean.." she started, her look full of startled confusion.
"Yes. Them. The Powers. But it doesn't matter. I heard your thoughts. I felt your guilt, Buffy. Your sadness. Us. Angelus. The future. It almost killed me to feel your pain. But that's changed. This time I'm going to make sure that you don't return home pretending. Not anymore. Because I'll be there with you. And we'll fight together. Just like the way we always used to. Nothing can stop us."
She couldn't dare hope, not with recent events they had endured, but it didn't stop her from producing a smile that wrenched his beating heart. "I never stopped loving you," she declared, reaching out to stroke his chin, still warm against her fingers. "Not even when he took over."
"I know," he whispered against her palm. "Even in hell, I still loved you. You were the only thing that was keeping me alive." Without saying anymore, he placed his lips gently against hers. Happiness filled him, but so did a single tear that welled in his left eye.
"Come. Let's go home, you and I."
She nodded quietly, the guilt in her beginning to qualm. She smiled to nothing in particular, her head leaning against his shoulder as her mind muttered a silent 'thank you'.
He was alive. And he was once again, hers.
And she would smile again. No longer having to pretend. Or remain broken.
Fin.