The saddest thing is you could be anything
That you could want
We could have been everything
But now we're not
Now it's not anything at all
The hardest part was getting this close to you
And giving up this dream i built with you
A fairytale that isn't coming true
You've got some growing up to do
Where is he? Angela thought to himself as she waited for Nicholas Silversmith who had been her boyfriend for practically a year. She leaned against the wall and tapped her foot nervously as she waited. Angela Crenshaw never was the patient one in their relationship. It was always him calming her down and making her take one step at a time. She found it endearing at one point. She needed someone like that in her life. The two were opposites in a lot of ways and complimented each other in most instances. There were occasions where they would but heads, however.
Which is probably why, in the long run, their relationship ceased to exist. No, it wasn't because of their differences, it was because of his differences in choice of women. Apparently he thought he could just see whoever he wanted on the side of Angela. The thought of that made Angela's foot tap faster in annoyance. Thinking that her boyfriend, whom she trusted more than anyone, would just turn on her like that, hurt like nothing else in the world could. Although all these emotions where building inside her like a whirlwind, her face stayed statuesque, around Nicholas at least, as to not give in and let him see her hurting. The last thing she wanted was to let him 'win' the break up.
Her head turned in the direction of slow footsteps approaching as her heart thudded loudly in her ears and drowned out any other sound besides her steady breathing, his familiar footsteps, and her annoyingly loud heart beating against her chest. She knew it was him. She didn't want to look, but she had to. That's what she came here for, right?
As he turned around the corner, Angela's face faltered momentarily before she could put it back together again. He walked over to her, slumped shouldered, jaw set and very sad eyes. They were the cute, adorable eyes she had looked into longingly over these past few months that had, in her opinion, been the best of her life. He's the one who tossed them like they were nothing. Angela wanted to yell at him, to exclaim that he had no right to be upset over something he had caused. It was his fault they were broken up. It was his fault, that damn snake!
The words wouldn't come. She chewed her bottom lip as he walked even closer, stopping about a yard away. A comfortable enough distance between friends, but she didn't want space between them. It felt...wrong. She was not sure if she was strong enough for this yet or not. Yet...there was still a part of Angela, no matter how minuscule, that just wanted Nicholas to wrap his arms around her and fix everything. But she wouldn't let him...she couldn't...how could she trust him after this?
I wish we could have worked it out
I wish i didn't have these doubts
I wish i didn't have to wonder just what you are doing now
I wish i didn't know inside
That it won't work out for you and i
I wish that i could stop this wishing and just say my last goodbye
"Angela..." Nicholas' deep voice mumbled out of his chest. Her heart leaped so high into her chest. She had to swallow it back down. Gah, did he know the control he still had over her emotionally? His eyes made contact with hers and she thought she would break down right then and there. His shining eyes that pierced her, that knew her every emotion. Why couldn't they see how much turmoil his mere presence was causing her inside? Or maybe he could. Did he even care?
"I got your letter," he murmured in a soft whisper. That's right. Angela had summoned him here. He pulled out the letter that he had folded over in a square as proof. It looked rough, as if it had been opened a many times before. He looked her over carefully, trying to gage any kind of response from her. When Angela felt his eyes roam over her she crossed her arms over her chest protectively and stood up a bit straighter. She would not let Nicholas get the better of her. She had come here for a purpose.
"Although I can hardly imagine why we needed to meet in a deserted corridor like this," his voice continued, getting a bit stronger. His voice echoed off the empty walls as his words resounded in her head. As she grasped onto them mentally, she realized how much she had missed his voice. This was going to be harder than she originally thought. Nicholas was patient, however, as he waited for Angela to continue or offer him any sort of explanation seeing as she had left out any details in her summons letter.
"Yeah I-" her voice cracked from the strain of trying to keep her words in for so long. Jaw set, she cleared her throat, which was suddenly feeling very dry. Her body was beginning to betray her, but the worst would be over soon. Hold out just a bit longer, she pleaded with herself. "I-brought-you-your-stuff-back," Angela said in a rush. Nicholas looked at her quizzically before she nudged a bad on the floor with her foot for clarification. Their eyes met again and she felt her stomach drop to the ground. This feeling, when would it stop? Through her distractions, she could have sworn she saw a hint of sadness flit through his eyes. It made her stop and think twice about what she was doing. It's for the best, she reminded herself.
After all the things you put me through
Tell me why i'm still in love with you
And why am i, why am i still waiting for your call
You broke my heart
I'm taking it back from you
And taking back the life i gave to you
Life goes on before and after you
I've got some growing up to do
Nicholas stared at her for a few moments more after she nudged the bag on the floor. The silence was the worst part. Nicholas was even better at concealing his emotions than Angela was. His face was set as he stared down at the bag, to the letter in his hand, and then back up to her face where she stood. She wanted to kick him for being such a guy, so unpredictable and secretive. She wanted emotion out of him. Any emotion to show he cared in the least and wasn't just a walking zombie.
He took a step toward her and she recoiled instantly. "Angela, dont be like this," he said sounding a bit hurt at her actions. But she couldn't. She couldn't let him touch her, not with those hands that he knowingly touched another woman with while still with her. It made her sick to her stomach how much she had trusted and gave to him. And then to have it spat on like that was the worst blow he could have taken.
"Don't be like this?" she mocked with a scoff. "How else did you expect me to act, Nicholas?" she vented, hands shaking from the range of emotions twirling through her. She couldn't decide whether she was angry, sad, annoyed, or just having a lovers spat. No, this was more than a lovers spat. There was no room for love in a relationship where she couldn't trust the other person. And Nicholas had lost all trust Angela had ever put in him. She had even started to wonder if their friendship had been a lie too.
"You have every right to be angry." Angela interjected a 'hmph' of agreement before he continued. "I don't know why I did it. Angie please, it meant nothing to me, I swear!" Nicholas begged, refusing to loo was stupid. Ik down at his bag of belongings on the ground. His eyes were desperately pleading with Angela to listen to him.
"You were stupid," Angela snapped back, ignoring the butterflies in her stomach when he called her by her nickname. This was no time to be weak! "Stupid enough to think that I'd still be waiting for you after you've had your fun with someone else. I know it's crazy to think, but I don't like being second best, and you've clearly shown where your priorities are." Nicholas started in again but Angela just shook her head. She wasn't sure how much longer she could last with him. She wanted an excuse to leave and fast. "I didn't come here to talk. That clearly has no effect on you. Just take your stuff and leave," she finished quietly uncrossing her arms and flattening out her shirt on her belly just to give her somewhere else to look but his eyes.
I wish we could have worked it out
I wish i didn't have these doubts
I wish i didn't have to wonder just what you are doing now
I wish i didn't know inside
That it won't work out for you and i
I wish that i could stop this wishing and just say my last goodbye
"That's not fair," Nicholas interjected desperately, closing the gap between them in one large step and this time taking her hands in his, despite her initially pulling away. "You have to know how much I care for you, Ange. Ever since first year, you were always there to me. You mean more to me than anyone ever could. You've got to know that, right? I'm sorry! I've told you before! I'm stupid! Angela please! " He squeezed her hands tight and gazed at her intensely.
Angela swallowed hard, pushing down the warm rush she felt when he grabbed her hands. She used to love the feeling of their hands together. It was a perfect fit, or so she told herself. Now, she wasn't so sure. "No, you know what's not fair? Being dragged around like a rag-doll. I'm not some toy you can just put on the shelf if you're bored with, Silversmith," she said bitingly. "Maybe other girls would let you treat them like that, but not me. I have stuck up for you for four years! FOUR years! I've been fighting my friends, saying that you're better than what they originally thought. And now, I know they were right all along..."
Angela's eyes started watering as she yanked her hands out of Nicholas' hands. It was happening again. Her body was betraying her and giving into her emotions. She crossed her arms in front of her again as protection as she took a step backwards. They had been over all this before when they broke up officially. She had cried, shouted and ran away from him then. Not a lot had changed, but the same old arguments resurfaced because there was no closure for them. Try as he might, he couldn't talk his way out of his mistakes this time.
She bit her lip, looking into Nicholas' face because she couldn't look away any longer. The saddest thing was, she did believe he was sorry. He frowned and cast his eyes down in shame and embarrassment at her words. Angela, although satisfied that he was showing some emotion, finally, didn't take joy in his pain. She wanted to forgive him, to take him back, but the words of her friends rang in her ears as they had said she was doing the right thing. But if it was so right...why was it so hard to say goodbye to someone who hurt her so badly?
It's time i said my last goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye
It's time i said my last goodbye
I wish we could have worked it out
I wish i didn't have these doubts
I wish i didn't have to wonder just what you are doing now
I wish i didn't know inside
That it won't work out for you and i
I wish that i could stop this wishing and just say my last goodbye
She wasn't the only one who was hurting. She could tell she had wounded Nicholas with her words. He stared at his feet before bending over to pick up the bag Angela had brought with her that included all of Nicholas' things she had acquired over the months they had been together. She had even included some of her own possessions she couldn't stand to look at anymore because they reminded her of them together.
He reached in the bag and pulled out a single picture that was crumpled as it if had been tossed in the trash at one point. Flattening it out, he could see it was a picture of Angela and himself after a Quidditch game. Someone had snapped a picture of Angela kissing his cheek after a big win and Nicholas himself looked absolutely elated. As present Nicholas looked down upon the picture, his mouth twitched upward for a brief moment before glancing back over at Angela.
"We were so happy then," he stated numbly, as if he couldn't believe he was actually losing her. In reality, he had already lost her. He obviously hadn't admitted it to himself until then. "Why can't we go back to that moment? Angela if I could do it all again I would chose right time. It's not worth losing you over."
She held up a hand to stop him, silent tears racing down her cheeks. She didn't want to hear his excuses anymore. "Well, you did lose me," Angela said cooly, all fire extinguished from her voice. She had fought back for as long as she could, and she was exhausted. She couldn't keep holding onto hope for something that was not possible anymore. Even if she did forgive him, things would never be the same. She wouldn't trust him the same, she wouldn't look at him the same, she wouldn't touch him the same. It was time for her to grow up, and move on.
"It's just a memory. Nothing but a moment in time," she said hollowly. "Hold on to it if you must. I don't see any point in holding onto the past as it doesn't change the present." She shook her head and started walking backwards, away from him, inhaling deeply, bracing herself for what she had to say, what she came to say. He looked up at her, expectantly. "I just-" Oh merlin why was this so hard? Especially after all he did! It should be a breeze! But it hurt her as much as she knew she was hurting him. "I think it's best we stop talking for a while," she said, prepping herself for what she had been coached to say by her friends. What she must say in order to keep him away from her, despite if they were true or not. "I-don't-want-to-see-you-anymore," she rushed, feeling as if the breath had just gotten knocked out of her and looking down at her feet. There, she had done it. Her job was done. And now she needed to escape, to run far away from him before she broke down again.
"Goodbye, Nicholas," she breathed barely above a whisper as fresh tears escaped her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. She felt a pang in her chest as she said the words and gripped herself tighter, unable to come to grips with their actual meaning. But perhaps over time and with her friends help, she would be able to deal with them. Without glancing back up at him, she turned away and sprinted down the hallway, finally allowing herself to collapse.
It's time i said my last goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye
It's time i said my last goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye
It's time i said my last goodbye