Authors Note- Howdy folks! This is a companion...? I guess it's called a companion piece to AbbyLockhart2's Searching For The Truth. (Thus the title Finding the truth.) So if you have been reading her fic, for kicks and maybe even a few shits and giggles you might want to check it out. I can't take credit for the plot that was all Liby's idea, my creative geniuses did virtually nothing to further that. None the less if you liked her fic (Which how could you not? It's crazy great) You might, (notice how I said might?) like this fic. I'm not making any promises. But give it a shot, if you love it tell me, if you hate it, tell me. Anyways shout out to Liby, thanks for the help with this and thanks for letting me work with you.

Side Note- I'm not as far a long as Liby with the writing cough chapter two cough so I'll be putting a few up a week, so the updates won't be as frequent. Anyways, enjoy!

Chapter 1- Living The Life

Trees line every corner, tinsel haphazardly tossed onto the artificial green. A newer version of jingle bells hums in the background throughout all the hustle and bustle. People push past one another, avoiding eye contact, eager to get their carts filled, and leave. No one seems to pay any attention to anyone, or thing, for that matter, but themselves. Just another reminder of how commercialized this goddamn holiday has become. It's not the way I remember it as a kid. It's not the way I remember it from when the kids were kids. Sure we've tried to keep up with the old traditions, they've never changed. But somewhere along the line the feelings have changed. I've changed. We've changed. This time of the year seems like any other, except my bank receipt at the end of the month is about five times as much as it regularly is. Other than that...

Ethan pushes through the throng of people trying to find the perfect store that has the perfect gift, for his perfect mother. I watch as he searches, a frown crinkling his brow yet again. This store won't do, just like the last one didn't and just like the next one won't. I'm here to help him apparently. Not that I am doing a great job at that. I'm the last person in the world who knows what Abby wants. Hell, I'm the last person in the world who knows Abby. At least not anymore Not like I use too. But Ethan seems to think that I know something about his mother or I wouldn't be here, after all.

He tugs on my coat leading me towards a store. A bronzing store. I look at him peculiarly, causing him to roll his eyes at me. We stand in front of the store, more like a booth actually. A little old man, not that little actually, more round, stands in front of us. His back to us, busy at work bronzing what looks to be a child's shoe.

"There a reason we're here, Ethan?" He watches the man for a second, his eyes flashing over the price of the bronzing. Done by size, weight ECT... I shoot him another look that he just ignores. This doesn't surprise me. Just like his mother. Does what he wants when he wants. Something that always bothered me about Abby, she never seemed to clear things through me. Or even ask what I thought, how I felt. From work down to our kids. It's in the past; I can't change that now. She's out of my life, in every sense of the word, but literally out of my life. Emotionally, mentally... everything but physically gone. Not that it will be long. She knows it. I know it. Only the kids are left.

"Remember my hand print from kindergarten?" The one that is in the garage somewhere, stocked up on a shelf, in a box that I know has many of Abby's belongings in it. She's been packing ever so slowly; I've noticed it, so has she. We've just never acknowledged it.

I nod, remembering Ethan running home, trying his best to hide it from his mom. Her mothers day gift. He always held a soft spot for her. Which I think pulled us apart a bit, not intentionally of course. But he was the most distant from me, even further than Jack, which is surprising. Jack who came home in the tenth grade with a nipple ring and swore up and down that if we made any comment on it (which Abby had many), the next body part to be pierced would be his penis. Abby went into cardiac arrest briefly, but we managed to get her back. I often wondered where Jack came from, I thought for a moment that Abby must have had an affair with someone like Pratt... Hell even a biker dude, one of hell's angels. But then that wouldn't explain Rob. Perfect Rob, I guess I gravitated towards Jack more when it came to those two, too. I love my children. Every one of them equally, but Jack and I have been close. He is the wildest out of all the kids, and never bonded with any of them. He made a point of being a pain in the ass, and he continues to be one. He keeps the days from blurring together though. Rob on the other hand... He's great. Not in the perfect sense, we let Ethan be perfect. Rob is the type of guy who can walk into a room and everyone will stare. As cliche as that sounds, it's true. People gravitate towards him. It's truly amazing.

Ethan is perfect, but not cocky about it. Jack is cocky, among many things. Maybe that's to make up with his work between the sheets. I'm not sure. Ethan is the mama's boy, the captain of the football team... Everything. I just hope he realizes that life may not be this sweet when he gets out of high school. When the shelter we have created for him tumbles to the ground. Amy on the other hand seems to have her head screwed on straight. She definitely knows that life can have its curves, although she may not always be ready, she seems to be able to handle them. She's a daddy's girl. Yet not as much as she use to be, her and her mother have gotten awfully close. Which isn't a bad thing. I just don't feel as...needed. Millie is my little girl. She will be forever, that I am pretty much certain of. We have a connection, a bond that I don't really share with the other kids. Maybe Jack. She seems closer to me than she does her mother... And with Ethan being closer to Abby, it could make this whole...ordeal? Easier to deal with.

The "festively plump" man turns towards us, looking at my eager son, who resembles a puppy who's just seen another dogs butt. He stares at us grumpily, but it doesn't rain on Ethan's parade.

"Can I help you?" His question is targeted towards me, ignoring the teenager. As usual, another case of age discrimination.

"Yes... I have a hand print that I'd like to get bronzed. When would be a good time for me to bring it in?" He runs his hands through his short brown hair, sighing.

"I'm busy." He spits at us, turning his back towards us.

"Yeah, I see that. That is why I am asking when I can bring it in." I look at Ethan, his face turning a little flushed, his voice going up a few octaves. I can tell this is not going to end pretty. When the kids were younger I would interject, but I think, for now, this is a battle Ethan needs to fight on his own.

"I'm free around ten tomorrow." I catch the man's eye, and I can tell, just from a glance that he wasn't expecting Ethan to be so bold with him. Not that he did much. But I can't help but feel a bit proud.

"Thanks." Ethan and I turn to leave; I shrug as he tries to suppress a grin.

The ride home is fairly smooth, filled with small talk, and carols on the radio. I glance over at Ethan, noticing he's crinkled brow and his serious expression. Uh-oh he's thinking, which can't mean anything good. I steal a second glance before looking out onto the road again.

"You know we all see it." I look at him suspiciously. See what? That I steal glances at them when they aren't looking? I wonder if they know that I would sit on their beds and watch them sleep when they were younger.

"See what?" I ask making a left hand turn at the lights.

"You and mom." I wish he were talking about me stalking them.

"What do you mean?" I don't want to go into it too much. It's not his age, or his maturity level, I just don't know if me discussing my marriage, or lack there of, with my son is a good idea.

"You don't look at each other the way you use too." Hah. I'm not sure she ever looked at me the way I looked at her. Looked? Look. I look at her the same way. Maybe it's not as obvious as it use to be, but every time I see her, I feel the same as I did the day I met her. But there's something missing... I've tried to fix it; I've tried countless times. She doesn't want too. She doesn't want to fix it. She doesn't want me. I can't fight her anymore. I can't make her do something she doesn't want. The kids are older now, she can stop pretending. Soon she will get too.

Fuck her. Just fuck her.

"Marriage... Love... It's all complicated kiddo." I turn onto our street, thankful that this conversation is coming to a close. I'm not sure I can lie to him much more. Be so vague. We didn't raise them like this. We were open with our emotions. Tired to be. We tried to raise them to be able to tell us anything and everything. God knows we never could do that. Yet here I am lying to my son.

"Dad-" He starts, shaking his head he glares at me. "I'm not a little kid anymore. I'm not an idiot. Don't treat me like one. Don't... Just don't..." He runs his fingers through his hair, again. A habit he picked up from me.

"Ethan, I know you're not an idiot. It's just that... It's between your mother and me."

"I'm your son. It affects me; it affects Millie, Amy, Jack and Rob too. Not just you... We deserve to know." I pull the car into the drive, and hop out. Sure it's a bit immature. I just don't know what to say what do I tell him? 'Sorry son but your mother doesn't love me anymore, and has doubted my love for her, our love, for the past twenty some odd years.'

I stare at him for a second. Arms securely crossed over his chest, head bowed slightly. I know this affects him, and god I wish it didn't. I wish I could just make it all magically go back to the way it was. Or the way we thought it was. The illusion. The fairy tale we had created. But I can't, and neither can Abby. It doesn't work that. It never will. If he were Millie or Rob, I would go over there and talk to him, but I know my son. Right now he needs to cool down. He glances up at me for a moment, before rolling his eyes and perching himself against the car window.

I walk away from the car, taking a deep breath and trying to pretend everything is okay and will be okay. The door to the house creaks open, I'm greeted with Christmas decorations and my daughters giggles. I immediately pick my pace up walking into the kitchen. Amy greets me in her usual way. Kisses on my cheeks, arms around my neck. I hold her close spinning her around. My reason for living. One of five...

I look at Abby, and plaster on a fake smile. She does the same. God we've gotten good at this. I wish we weren't, I wish we didn't lie to our kids on a daily basis. But we are, and we do. Not that they don't see through it. Who are we kidding, we have some damn smart kids. But I still plant a kiss on her cheek, before feigning being upset that I am not allowed to help out in the kitchen. Relieved is more like it. Amy instructs me to lie down, I don't argue with her. I have to pick up Jack from the airport, I thought about inviting my father. He has come to a few of our Christmases, but this year things are going to be strained. I figured it was best without him. But god knows that Abby adores him. And would probably be thrilled to have him here. He adores her, as well. More so then me, I am sure. But then who doesn't adore Abby? Everyone seems to have one reason or another. Not even the walls she builds up, or her sullen attitude, can prevent people from loving her. Granted she has gotten better throughout the years, but still I can't help but resent her. Even a bit... She seems to feel the same way about me.

I run my fingers through my fading hair and plop down on my bed. My bed. Just another sign of the end. A big finger pointing at me, a crowd huddle around me screaming out loser. A dead baby, two, now four failed relationships. I'm quite the accomplice.

I curl up in the bed, after setting my alarm clock, mentally preparing myself for the last Christmas as a family.

The annoying buzzing in my ear, startles me awake, flailing my arms in the air, I somehow manage to hit the off button. I hear the same sound everyday, and it never ceases to scare the shit out of me. Running hand over my face, I climb out of bed. Walking over to the mirror I flatten down my bed head, run my hands over my clothes and start on my journey to pick Jack up. I leave my bed unmade, this use to annoy Abby, can't anymore. I push the door to my room open. Speak of the devil, she stands across the hall from me, stocking the closest with towels and sheets. I stare at her for a second, before trying to make a quick exit. She looks over her shoulder, hearing the floors rattle a bit.

"I'm going to pick Jack up." I breeze by her, she doesn't stop what she's doing. Pretends I'm not there, something we've gotten good at.

"He's at Midway." She tosses at me.

"Yeah, I know." My tone of voice is cold, rude. I'm not speaking to my wife, I'm speaking to an enemy. Someone who I am forced to have interactions with. She scoffs at me rudely. I didn't expect anything less. She puts no effort into this. Us. I don't really see the point anymore, we're dead. Gone.

I look over at the stairs, and there's Amy. Her eyes fall on us. I'm not sure Abby notices, not yet. She catches my gaze, and throws me the same scoff that he mother does. This grabs Abby's attention.

"Why don't you guys just grow up?" She brushes by us angrily. Storming off to her room presumably.

I hesitate a moment and continue down the stairs and towards the airport. I'm pretty excited to see Jack, he'll be able to draw the attention from Abby and I. He's always been good at drawing attention to himself. Like the time in third grade when he flashed the teacher. That did not go over well when trying to argue the principle into keeping Jack in school. It's amazing he's gotten as far as he has. Smart shit.

Not surprisingly Ethan is no longer in the car. He probably caught up with his sister, and is now on the phone to the Barbie doll. The dream couple. Soon he'll get his heartbroken. It's inevitable. Even one day Jack will get his heartbroken, to his dismay of course.

The drive to the airport seems quick. Probably because it's one of my rare moments out of that house. Away from her and all that drama. Jesus I can't wait till we can solve this for once and all. We'll probably tell the kids individually, better that than they come at us full force. Together they are definitely a force to reckon with.

My cell phone rings as I park the car. I pull it into one of the few spots that are empty. Christmas is a few days away and the parking lot is packed... Who would have thought?

I flip it open only to be greeted by Amy's chirpy voice telling me to pick up some desert on the way home. I push into the airport; I'd rather be in the warm room then out here in the bitter cold. At least it will be a white Christmas, all the kids love white Christmases. When they were little we would take them out and make snowmen on Christmas Eve if there was enough snow. This year I am sure there will be. We'll carry that tradition on for one last year. I'll definitely miss my family being together. But ever since the twins and Amy went to college it hasn't been quite the same, not as easy to avoid Abby either. I should have paid more people to move in, just to make it easier to avoid her. I probably could have found a few bums at the hospital looking for a warm place to stay.

I look for Jack, I can't seem to find him. I'm assuming he'll be with someone leggy blonde who is all brawn no brain. Not surprising for him. No wonder he doesn't hang onto them, he probably can not carry on a conversation with them. Jack is a lot of things, but stupid is not one him. He is very smart, he's just a pain in the hind end. I think he'll end up marrying a woman just like his mother. He, of course, doesn't like when I say this. But he needs someone to keep him in line. Someone like Abby would definitely do the trick... Just without the addictions and the flaws I use to love, but now despise.

"Dad!" My head shoots up, and there stands Jack, bags in one arm, blond in the other. Surprise, surprise. I walk towards them, a smile on my face.

"Hey Jacky." I encompass him in a hug, he reciprocates, which is a bit surprising. He pulls away, looking at the flavour of the week, then back at me. I hope she knows that she will probably never seem me again.

"Dad, this is Michelle. Michelle, my Dad." I shake her hand and she mumbles a shy hi, while looking adoringly at Jack. She's number twenty what, to do that? She goes on that list along with Kelly, Marie, Dana, Tiffany, Sara, Sissy, Laura, Tanya and that girls he dated last year and the year before that.

I roll my eyes at them. I'll give them one thing, they do look happy. Hell it may only last for a week, but they both seem content with one another. That can be hard to find. Jack pulls his gaze away from Michelle and looks at me, still grinning like an idiot.

"Well, you two look...happy." I say giving them a sceptical look. Jack shrugs noncommittally.

"Well you know Dad; we're just trying to mimic what you and mom have." He takes Michelle by the hand grabbing his bag and leaving her to carry her own three suitcases. I reach over and take two from her and shoot Jack a look. He's such a little prick sometimes. Can't even help his girlfriends with their bags, saying things that he well... never mind. Why did we have to give him my name? He just runs it threw the dirt. Along with everything else he ever gets, like this poor girl. She can't be too bright to be falling for him. Although, who knows maybe she's playing with him... heh... nah.

I lead the kids through the airport and out to my jeep. Not quite the same one that I had twenty years ago. Not even close actually. I bought it recently, a reminder of the things I had, I guess. Jack babbles onto Michelle about Chicago, and all the places he is going to take her. I can only think of one place that he will most likely take her, and that is not the symphony, or a play...

"...Then later maybe I can sneak into your room..." There it is.

Abby insisted that they have separate rooms. I didn't see the point. They are going to have sex anyways, maybe not under our roof, but probably. So why just make it a bit more exciting for them? The whole sneaking around bit is definitely enticing to Jack. I'm sure Amy does not want that happening in her bed. That was probably the most we have talked in the last year. And the conversation was about Jack and his newest squeezes. I wouldn't call it talking either... It didn't start well and it didn't end well. Just like none of this will.