The Mirror's Truth
Celia's Reflections
Reflection 1: Lipstick Monster
Ask the mirror. What does it truly see? Is it your beauty that strikes you or is it something else? Cause that night when you looked into the mirror you saw it. What it was you don't exactly know. But it was there. The monster you drew in lipstick is part of you. You've looked into the mirror thousands of times but you've never seen anything like that before. You've reached the moment of your life where you could say you're having a nervous breakdown. What you don't know is that you'll have several more coming up soon.
You know you don't love Dean, you never really have. But then again what does it mean to truly love a man? They want sex and you want sex and you tend to think of nothing else for those ten or more years. But then it eats away at you that you're missing something important. You deny it's love but it could very well be. Cause when you size men up you don't look for love, you look for the capacity to gain sexual pleasure. And is it so wrong to want this and only this? Maybe it is for Celia Hodes.
You really don't blame yourself for wanting a dick less love interest. Nancy. Don't even get started on the subject of Nancy Botwin. We'll be dedicating a full ten pages for that shortly. No. Stop avoiding it cause you know exactly what you feel when you think of her. Friend. Lover. Daydream. And what a good daydream it will always be.
You'll always have a place for her in your heart because this is Nancy we're talking about here. Nancy Nancy Nancy.
You're so engrossed in the monster you suddenly look like, suddenly are cause mirrors can't lie. They only hide the truth from you for half your life. Nancy is just at the edge of your thoughts cause she always is. So you are so engrossed that you cannot possibly hear the crash. The possibility of all those free sodas to drink for yourself, to soak up all the sugar and caffeine in the hope that you'll see what you're doing clearly in the future.
You don't know what's wrong with you but you drink your screwdrivers in the mornings hoping that you'll find out and you won't suffer for it. Cause you're Celia Hodes and men have called you one hell of a woman. And you think you still could be.
You pick up the fallen pieces of yourself and head to bed. And in the morning, you put the lipstick on your lips this time and face reality. Your reality. Leaving your reflection for a later date.
Cause mirrors can't lie. They only hide the truth from you for half your life. And when the time comes will you be able to swallow the bitter pill that you've become? Maybe. Maybe not. In the meantime, you're just a simple nothing pointless lipstick monster.
To be continued…