Author's note: Hmm, more angst-y Dawn fic... I own nothing but these sequences of events. Review and give me ideas about where to head this, 'tis being written at 5am so cut me some grammar slack!
UPDATE: I changed the date so it was three years instead of two, as I made a mistake before :)
She sat leaning against the headstone, hugging her knees. A cigarette was burning between her lips and an empty vodka bottle lay at her feet. Dawn took a drag and her body relaxed once more as the nicotine moved through her system. Wearing black lace tights, motorcycle boots and a baby doll dress she looked like the epitome of misspent youth, the cuts and burns covering her alabaster arms only adding to the cliché.
"Three years," she whispered. "Three years since you killed yourself for nothing." She looked around the abandoned clearing, wondering why her sister's friends weren't there, why no-one even remembered what day it was. She shivered in the cool May air and hugged her knees closer to her. Once again, she let her head loll back against the stone, closing her heavily made-up eyes.
A few minutes later she stood up and gathered her belongings. She began to walk away, rubbing her arms for extra warmth. Once the stone was out of sight she relented and put on the well-worn leather jacket… Buffy's well-worn leather jacket.
As she walked through the abandoned town she puffed on a cigarette and rubbed her wrist against the point of the knife in her pocket. By the time she reached the house she had nicked a vein and blood began to drip down her arm. Summer's blood, Buffy's blood. She bit her lip and opened the door, hoping that the Scoobies had long since gone to bed.
"And tonight Matthew, I'm going to be Courtney Love." Xander said as she passed the living room. She rolled her eyes and continued her walk up the stairs. He persisted,
"Are you not even gonna tell us where you were? Or even make up some lame excuse?"
"It's May 22nd, work it out." She snarled back as she got to the top of the stairs and went into her bedroom, slamming the door. She sat on her bed and began to undress, wincing as she pulled her jacket off her latest wound. Once she was down to her underwear she pulled on a black t-shirt and turned out the light, her skinny frame covered by a sky blue comforter. She took her Discman out from under her pillow, put the headphones in and turned on a CD.
She woke up to a sharp tapping on her window. She got out of bed and opened it, letting the peroxided vampire in.
"Hey Little Bit," Spike whispered, slurring his words. "I went to her grave and you were gone."
"Well, I waited for you for hours," she whispered back, sitting on her bed.
"And it's a school night," he said, sitting next to her. Dawn didn't reply, looking away and they sat in silence for a few minutes. Finally she sighed and looked at him.
"So, how long are you staying this time?" She asked, pushing her matted hair out of her face. He stared at her for a moment, looking at her spoiled skin and smelling her old scent of almonds, under her new haze of cigarette smoke, perfume and alcohol.
"For a while, I promise. Not like last year." He answered.
"Leave a note, would you? Next time you take off."
"Why, did you miss me?" He smiled, his eyes still fixed on her arms. She looked down and tried to cover herself up, her arms folding around her body.
"Yeah, right," she said hollowly. "It's just… easier when you're around. I have someone else to…" She trailed off.
"Share the blame with." He echoed. She yawned and he took a longer look at her.
"So you went on hunger strike to get through to me?" He asked, trying to sound casual. She looked away and smiled slowly.
"I'm just…. Not so hungry these days." She lied. He thought about arguing with her, wondered why the Scoobies hadn't done anything about… this. But thought the better of it. The girl was obviously exhausted.
"Get some rest 'bit." He said softly, "I'll come and see you at sunset." He took one final look at her and climbed back out of the window.
For a moment, Dawn sat on her bed, wondering if she had dreamt Spike's visit.
She woke up the next morning with the sheets partially stuck to her wrist and a mild hangover. Looking at the clock she quickly dislodged herself, ignoring the throbbing pain and began to get ready for school. After a record-speed shower and quick make-up retouch she put on her usual school outfit of a t-shirt dress, lace tights and motorcycle boots. Checking her make-up once more in the mirror she took a cigarette out of her bag and lit it, blowing smoke at her reflection before she walked out of the room.
She managed to leave the house before Willow could catch up with her and made her way to the top of the street where a beat-up car was waiting (and blaring 90s grunge). She opened the passenger door and slid in, smiling at the dishevelled boy behind the steering wheel.
"We going out tonight?" She asked, exhaling smoke out of the open window. He sped down the streets so fast she kept almost sliding out of her seat; Dawn didn't bother with seat-belts anymore. They discussed their plans for the weekend and he pretended not to look at Dawn's arms. When they stopped in the school parking lot he bought out a small bottle of pills. She smiled and took two of them, washing them down with her light Red Bull. She shuddered as the caffeine and other chemicals washed through her system and got out of the car. As she walked towards the squat school building he put his head out of the window.
"Eat something Dawn. No more of this diet shit." He called, shaking his head at her painfully thin limbs.
"Another day, Ry, I promise." She called back to him as she rolled her eyes. She heard him drive away behind her as she walked into the school, tossing her cigarette towards the parking lot.
The only thing she thought of all day was Spike. She wondered where he had been; what he thought of her; what he was going to do to her; what she should hide from him. She ignored the familiar catcalls of the other students and the concerned words of her teachers. He was back; maybe he had forgiven her…