Chapter 1

After the Grand Prix final, the after party took place for all the contestants. Looking around, Yuri sees all the finalists spread around the room. Wanting to get the party out of the way, Yuri walks further in with his coach Viktor at his side, trying to blend into the crowd.

"YURI!" He hears someone shouting his name, to find his friend Phichit-kun walking towards him. "Well done for winning silver Yuri!" His friend says, smiling sincerely. Disappointment flows through him, leaving his chest with a knot and making him want to leave even more. "Thanks." Yuri sighs, not looking at Phichit by keeping his head hanged. Feeling his hand being grabbed, he looks up to see him being dragged away from Phichit, and led out of the banquet hall.

Looking up to complain at his coach for embarrassing him, Yuri is pushed against the wall, his hands being pinned above him.

"Not long ago you told me to stay on as your coach and that you will win gold next time." Viktor says, staring into Yuri's wide eyes. "I know you will." Yuri feels his breath against his face from the proximity, making him flush. He feels Viktor squeeze his entrapped hands above him and his heart goes crazy. Continuing to bore his eyes into the younger man's, Viktor smiles. "I know you wanted gold, believe me I wanted you to win gold too." Yuri's chest tightens as he remembers.

I don't feel like kissing it unless it's gold.

"But Yuri..." Viktor says, bringing him back to the present. "You were on the podium. I saw you smile and your eyes shone with determination and it made me so proud." Viktor says in a low voice, showing his emotion.

"V-Viktor..." Yuri manages to stutter after a while, his throat feeling tight. Looking up into those clear blue eyes, Yuri smiles at how much the man in front means to him. Viktor being out of his reach for so long, makes the younger man want to grasp onto what he has in the present and never let go. "I just feel like I've disappointed you. Being on the podium was the best feeling, and I know what I've achieved...but being a centimetre away from gold and not winning when I have a continuous gold medallist as a coach..." Yuri sighs. "It's a kick to my confidence."

Looking down after his speech to avoid the other man's gaze makes him feel worse. It's not Viktor's fault. He's done so much for me...I don't know what I'd do without him.

"Yuri look at me."

Looking up after that sharp tone, Viktor lets go of Yuri's hands which return to his side and takes a step back sighing. Yuri feels cold from not having him near and doesn't like the way he feels without the other man's touch. Looking at victor, who's rubbing his chin with his ringed hand in thought makes him wait.

"I'm such a failure as a coach."

Huh? What did he say? Yuri looks shocked at him. "N-no no-" Yuri starts stammering out waving his hands around.

"-I said that right? After you came back from the podium." Viktor says straight at Yuri, who is standing stock still and can't feel his heart beating anymore. Walking back into Yuri, he grabs his hand, bending his head slightly and lightly kisses the knuckles. Not letting go of the shorter man's hand, Viktor looks up straight at Yuri's red face.

"I now realise I'm wrong. You didn't win gold, but you have developed into the best you. You have turned into someone I deeply admire."

His voice gets lower and quieter as he goes on, leaving Yuri lost for words and gaping up at the man.

"I am your coach..." Viktor breaths his head dipping lower, with each pause.

"Your rival..."

"And your fan..."

At this point his lips were seconds from Yuri's, making the younger boy feel like he was going to pass out from the way his heart was hammering.

"And..."

"OI IDIOTS WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"

Being screamed at, Viktor moves away looking pissed off at being stopped. Not bothering to look behind him at the boy who stopped him, he continues to look at a nervous and flushed Yuri, which makes him smile and offer his hand as support. Crashing back to reality, Yuri tries to control his heart and the way his blood has rushed to his head makes him take the waiting hand from the thought of him not being able to walk. Touching his skin again makes him feel worse. He moans. I feel like I did when I first met Viktor and he touched my face in the banquet room which is now his.

Let's build some trust in our relationship.

Remembering the way he touched me and I ran away is painful. Well even though i still get embarrassed and can't breathe, at least I don't run away from his touch anymore. I am glad he touches me frequently...I wish he would do more. No. no. Shaking his head he rids the thoughts.

Still ignoring the other Russian boy who disturbed them, Viktor looks at Yuri. "Be a proud medallist okay?" He says with a smile and leads Yuri back into the hall.

I must not get drunk. I must not get drunk.

"Let's get you drunk!" Victor announces leading them to the drink table. Refusing to let go of Yuri's hand since they returned, Viktor led him all over the room, making him speak to almost everyone much to his dismay. Having to hear comments like "So close to gold!" "What's it like to come second?" and "I bet you hate the other Yuri." Has left the skater feeling exhausted. Although, many people commented on his achievements compared to last year and how excited they are to see him in future events.

Seeing Viktor pass him a champagne flute, Yuri takes it swearing to himself he'll only have one. Not wanting to repeat what apparently happened last year, even though as much as he hated it, he was beginning to remember, he sips it slowly.

"Hey Yuri."

He looks over at Viktor by his side who's leaning towards him.

"I'm still waiting for something to excite me." He says in a deep voice.

Yuri chokes on the champagne he was drinking, trying to swallow and feels his face heat. Viktor looking pleased at Yuri's reaction, tugs him along where he sees Chris waving to him.

"Viktor I'm missing you!" Chris says with a frown, looking down at Yuri a slow smile spreads onto his face. "You too Yuri…" Stepping forward, he leans and wraps his body around Yuri, grabbing his ass playfully and whispering into his ear. "How about we repeat last year with a bit of Pole dancing?" Stepping back after one more squeeze, he laughs at Yuri's bright red face and neck. "Completely naked this time." He says, winking at Yuri and walking away after looking positively happy when he sees Viktor's face.

Hands still intact even after Chris's harassment, Viktor drags the younger skater to the outskirts of the room. Looking up at Viktor's face, makes Yuri's heart beat faster and he feels a compelling urge to touch him more. The older skater shakes his head to remove his silver-grey hair out of his eyes to look clearly at his companion.

"I'm the only one you can do that with." Viktor commands.

Yuri sees his eyes and knows he's serious. Confused, Yuri frowns. "Do what with?"

Viktor clicks his tongue. "Be naked with, pole dance...whatever Chris wants to do with you." He says irritated. I wish... Yuri freezes at where his thoughts took him. Knowing Viktor is joking and just being his usual flirty self, which is just as bad as Chris, he rolls his eyes.

"That's just Chris, I'm not repeating last year."

Not liking his answer, Viktor gets a small frown above his eyes. I would love to kiss there. Shaking his head to rid those thoughts again, he leads Viktor back into the crowd of people, trying to control his heated body.

After a long night, Yuri and Viktor both say their goodbyes and start to head up to the hotel room. When the elevator doors shut, leaving them alone, Yuri sighs in relief and slumps against the wall. Viktor softly chuckles and rubs the top of Yuri's head, making his raven hair which was slicked back in his usual skating style messy.

"Well that was an uneventful night, you did well though." He says and then moans after.

Yuri's face warms with the noise and tries to not focus on Viktor's hand which is gently brushing his hair.

"Was hoping for another dance off, or for you to at least be half naked again and grind on me." Viktor says looking lost in thought. Blushing, Yuri tries not to remember what he's talking about. "I made sure you had a few glasses of champagne..." The Russian skater mumbles to himself.

"I'm a light weight...but I'm not that bad." Yuri finally mutters.

He does feel slightly buzzed from the alcohol, especially as he was thinking indecent thoughts of his coach all night. The elevator pings and the door opens to their floor. Viktor takes his hand off Yuri's head, which makes him crave the touch again, although his heart thanks him. Walking down the hallway towards their room, Viktor comes to an abrupt stop, making the confused younger skater stop and look up at the man in question.

"Ooh~! We could do the pole dancing now!" Viktor says in a bright and cheerful tone, a slow smile creeping onto his face. Going along with his teasing Yuri rolls his eyes.

"Sure but we have no poles." He says feigning disappointment.

"We'll have to use our imagination..." The older skater breathes as he ducks his head towards Yuri.

Not liking Viktor's teasing, Yuri carries on walking, hearing Viktor mumble something behind him about putting a tie on his head.

Opening the door to the bedroom with his key card, Yuri jumps on his single bed nearest to the window. Lying down on his side, trying to fight his exhaustion, Yuri lets his mind wander. Looking out the big window which shows a little of Barcelona in the dark, twinkling with the lights of the capital city, Yuri's eyes glaze over as he looks at the spot where he saw another side to Viktor. Only last night or the night before, thinking about the time, Yuri really thought his time with Viktor was over.

After the final, let's end this.

You've done more than enough for me... Thank you for being my coach.

He didn't just want to say that. He wanted to thank him for being everything to him. It pains him to think of that memory…

Looking down at Viktor's feet in grey slippers after his confession, he saw a drop of water, shocked, he gasps and looks up to see his idol crying. His grey-silver hair hangs over his right eye, but the left was looking down with tears falling from it. Even though he was crying, Yuri thought how beautiful he looked.

"Damn. I didn't expect Yuri Katsuki to be such a selfish human being."

He knew he was being selfish, but thought in the long run this was best for Viktor, he didn't want to cause him any more trouble.

"I'm retiring."

Viktor looked even more pained, the tears falling even heavier now. Trying to mask his emotion, Yuri reminded himself again that this is for the best. Not thinking of what he was doing, he moved his ringed hand to move away the older skaters straight hair which covered his eye, surprised to see Viktor showing such deep emotion off the ice.

"I'm mad okay."

Gasping in surprise at Viktor knocking his hand away and looking at Yuri angrily.

"I thought you needed my help more…"

"How can you tell me to return to the ice when saying you're retiring?!" Emotion pouring out of the older skater, he grabs Yuri's shoulders, making the smaller man feel even worse and making his heart rip into pieces.

Yuri wraps his arms around himself, and brings one of his legs up, trying to ignore how much his heart breaks at the memory.

Please stay with me in competitive figure skating for one more year!

Well I didn't expect it to work out this way...guess I'd be selfish to let him go, but still selfish to make him stay. The thought of him leaving Yuri makes him feel ill. 5 time world champion huh? Is that even possible...

Realising he's been lost in thought for an unknown amount of time, the skater turns around onto his other side in search for his coach to find him leaning against the closed door, staring in thought at the Japanese skater.

"V-Viktor?" He asks worried.

The Russian man closes his eyes and opens them again, backing away from the door. Yuri's eyes follow him as he takes of his suit jacket and loosens his tie to take it off. Putting the items on the other single bed, which has been pushed right beside Yuri's, from Viktor's idea to be 'sleeping together', the skater walks around the beds. Yuri flips sides again as he sees Viktor walk and sit right on the end of the younger skater's bed, towards the window and crosses his leg over the other. Confused, Yuri sits up, crossed-legged on the bed, looking and waiting patiently for Viktor to speak. Finally, after a few minutes, Viktor sighs and turns his head to look at the other skater, a worried look covering his features. Sensing the tension, Yuri's heart beats quicker as he thinks for a reason to why his coach is in a strange mood.

"I've been putting this off..." The Russian skater finally says, making Yuri jump from the sudden noise in the silent room. Yuri just blinks, waiting for the man to continue.

"But we need to have a serious talk." He concludes.

A serious talk...? Yuri's heart stops beating and his eyes widen at victors topic. Is he regretting saying yes to staying with me as my coach!? Yuri starts to panic, sweat forming on his forehead and his temple banging. Noticing Yuri's reaction, Viktor grabs the skaters hand with his ringed one, turning his body more to look deeply at Yuri. Viktor raises his other hand and brushes his fingers along the skaters chin to make him look up into his eyes. Clear blue eyes latch onto wide brown ones and both skaters feel right at home.

"I know what you're thinking, this has nothing to do with our careers as such." Victor huffs "So stop worrying." Feeling Yuri relax a little, he removes his fingers from the man's chin. Yuri doesn't shy away from his idols gaze.

"Ugh this is more difficult than I expected." Viktor moans in a low voice.

Yuri feels how nervous his coach is and rubs his thumb soothingly over the hand which is attached to his. Getting his desire to coax Viktor out of his state, the Russian continues with a little more confidence.

"I was going to say something before, but Yurio managed to stop that...always getting in the way." Viktor mumbles at the end.

Yuri finds it amusing to see Viktor like this, unable to speak his mind easily. Taking a deep breath and squeezing Yuri's hand lightly, the man finally lets his emotion out.

"Yuri" he says softly, still looking into his companion's eyes. "What am I to you?"

The question hangs in the air. What do you want me to be to you?

A father figure? A brother then? A friend?

Then, your boyfriend I guess...

The present question and the memory makes Yuri's head spin. Confused with the sudden question, Yuri just stares, speechless.

"I know I've proposed this sort of question to you before, and you shrugged it off by telling me to stay who I am. I understood your apprehension, with me turning up in your life so suddenly. But..." Viktor leans a little further in, making Yuri's heart hammer against his chest. "You've showed me your shortcomings, you've proven yourself through your skating and you've shown love I have never witnessed before." He says trying to keep control of his voice, but Yuri sees the emotion he's expressing in his eyes. "I've shown you my love too Yuri, in the only way I can think of." He finishes and closes his eyes, almost looking pained Yuri reflects.

What is Viktor trying to say? His thoughts scatter when Viktor opens his eyes again.

When I open up, he meets me where I am.

I have to do the same to him Yuri thinks. I have to be there for him as he always is for me.

"Viktor. What I said before about you doing more than enough for me...I truly meant it. However, what you said about me needing your help more is also true. I want you to continue being my coach, for my competitive career...and personally."

Yuri manages to get some of his feelings out without choking on his tightening throat. The older skater thinks deeply before replying.

"Yuri I find it hard to express my love off the ice, as I see you do too. Remember your free skate in China?" Yuri nods to the question. How could I forget? With the memory fresh in his mind, his cheeks burst into flames.

That was the only thing I could think of to surprise you more than you've surprised me.

"That was the only thing I could think of. It was the only way I could express my love for you at the time." Viktor smiles at Yuri whose eyes are wide in shock at the confession. "I've felt like this for a while, but didn't want to distract you or mess things up for you with your skating. When I first propositioned you back by the sea, I was judging your reaction, and knew you weren't ready. I understood that you didn't know me, not just your idol, but me, yet, so I decided then to wait until the Grand Prix was over." Viktor holds his breath after he finishes talking, looking at Yuri for his reaction.

"W-what are you trying to say?" Yuri squeaks out, frightened by Viktor's speech.

"I'm saying I don't just want to be your coach Yuri, your rival, fan, idol, friend..."

Viktor brings their hands up by their faces, interlinking their fingers, and rubbing their rings. "I didn't just say we were engaged as a joke. I know you've been putting that off, thinking I was messing around." He says hurt.

"I love you Yuri Katsuki."

Both men continue to stare into one another's eyes. Yuri stops breathing after what Viktor says. What did he just say?! I never expected him to feel that strongly for me. Why can't I speak? Am I still scared that none of this is real? My idol is in my reach, saying something I have tried to shut down within me.

"Please say something Yuri." Viktor asks in a small voice, looking panicked. It reminds Yuri of Viktor's face after he made him cry before his free skate in China.

"I know what you're thinking. I don't mean 'love' in a platonic way, I mean 'love' in me being in love with you. Wanting you to be mine. I know you probably don't feel that way but..." He trails off averting his gaze finally.

Gasping for air, Yuri lets a small cry out. Viktor looks uncomfortable, but waits for Yuri to speak first. Yuri manages to collect his thoughts and control his wavering emotions.

"You've always been out of my grasp. I'm always looking up to you. I still am."

Maybe it's the effect of the champagne or the thrill of Viktor's words, but Yuri feels this is not the time for nervousness or half-hearted feelings. He grabs Viktor's cheek with his free hand to make him stare into his eyes as he speaks.

"To be honest, my feelings for you have always been strange. Yes I loved you since I was young for your skating, for being the reason I skate today. But, maybe even then it was a little bit more than just you being my idol. When I based my theme on 'love' it was because of you. All the confusing emotions I felt for you on and off the ice...I could only describe it as love..."

Viktor squeezes Yuri's hand more tightly making the younger man flush, but tries to control his nervousness to not back down on what he's admitting to. "You're right in saying I wasn't ready when we first met. I still thought of you as way above me, I still do. However..." Yuri breathes as he tries to control his wavering voice. Viktor's intense gaze makes him look down as he continues talking.

"I'm starting to think of us as more equals now." He chokes out.

Slowly looking back up he freezes. Viktor stares, blue eyes glistening with tears, a small smile setting his face. Yuri's heart beats faster and his cheeks burn red with the surprising emotion the skater is displaying. Trying to keep calm Yuri starts speaking again. "That was at the start. Throughout being with you, even though my feelings probably confused me even more, I now realise what I feel for you is more than what I originally thought." Yuri knows he hasn't directly said all what he feels or wants to, but right now he knows it's enough.

"That was one hell of a confession. You might have beaten me!" Viktor says with a laugh.

Body heat rising, Yuri's embarrassment finally shows. Well at least I finally managed to reveal some of my feelings for him. It would take years to release them all...

Still smiling, Viktor regains control and brushes Yuri's raven hair back which was sticking up slightly and speaks softly to the other skater.

"I think of us completely as equals. I always have."

His reply is Yuri's undoing and the younger skater releases a tear. "Although, you did beat my world records..." Viktor says half teasing. "So technically, you're on top right?" He winks. Yuri just stares lost for words at the humiliating comment. Waving his arms around and shouting "no" makes Viktor laugh at the younger skater.

"Aw, Yuri-senpai!" He moans. Viktor moves to sit further onto the bed, being directly opposite of a red-faced Yuri.

"You're older than me idiot." Yuri mumbles.

Leaning unexpectedly in, Viktor catches Yuri off guard as he kisses the man's forehead slightly. Dizzy with the unexpected touch, Yuri focuses on trying to calm his breathing.

"Yuri?" He looks up at Viktor's questioning to see the taller man looking down at him with a weird expression.

"Y-yes?"

"We now know each other's feelings." He says, grabbing Yuri's hand he was holding and putting it onto his thigh. "I've known my feelings for you for a while, although they continue to get stronger. I've only ever been with girls, I've had a few girlfriends in the past." He admits. Yuri gets uncomfortable with that. He knows that Viktor has been in relationships, especially with girls but it still makes his heart ache. This is what it comes down to, why I never wanted to admit my feelings to him, even to myself. This must be what he's trying to say.

"That's why my feelings for you scared me. It's not even because you're a man. It's more the depth and length I feel for you which terrifies me." Shocked at how honest Viktor is, Yuri knows he can't shy away from this and keeps eye contact. Trying to lock away his nervousness, he lets the older skater continue. "It was also that I didn't know how you felt for me. I didn't want to scare you away or force you into something you didn't want. Not really knowing what to do in that sort of situation, was why I kept control, even though it was a challenge."

Yuri sympathises, knowing that was what he sort of did too. Feeling encouraged by Viktor's truth, Yuri opens up to try and meet him. "Viktor you know that's how I felt too."

"My whirl of confusing thoughts for you over the years. Then you coming into my life. But with the pressure of the championships, I repressed those feelings, even though I started to realise what they were. The kiss at China sort of made me fully realise as well."

Viktor gapes at Yuri's boldness and what he's admitting. "All your touches burned, in a good way, and then the surprise kiss hit me on the head and made me wake up. Ever since then, my thoughts have sort of...c-changed...especially now the pressure from the final is over." Blurting out his embarrassing thoughts was a relief but also made him self-conscious.

"Mph. Well that's annoying." Viktor moans and flumps back slightly, making Yuri blanch and regret what he said. Viktor realises Yuri's whole demeanour has changed and waves his free hand. "No, no, no. I meant that we both felt like that and the other one didn't know!" He explained. "Yuri I know you've never had a relationship or have never been with anyone." Viktor says softly, rubbing Yuri's hand which is still on his lap. Yuri's face turns bright red with the topic. "That's also part of the reason why I didn't say anything. I didn't want to confuse you, although now I know I did, but I was scared you wouldn't be truthful to yourself because I was your coach and your idol."

Realising Viktor's insecurities makes his chest ache and want to comfort the man. With a boost of confidence, Yuri pulls Viktor with the hand he's holding up so he's sitting again and puts his arms around the skater's neck. Shocked at the outburst of affection, Viktor slowly puts his arms around Yuri's torso, his hands meeting around the other side. Yuri pushes his face into the crook of his coach's neck and sighs with the feeling he gets from being held. After a few moments Yuri pulls away, but keeps his face close to the others and their eyes locked.

"My feelings for you, are because of you. Yes I respect and love you being my coach, and being your fan. But I love you Viktor Nikiforov."

Feeling a weight lift of his shoulders from finally confessing was a relief, however, it was Viktor's face which left Yuri paralysed with emotion. All Yuri's worries left him when he saw Viktor look at him lovingly, his face etched with a huge smile and trying to hold in tears. Yuri sort of expected Viktor to kiss him, or touch him but it never came. In fact...Viktor hasn't really touched me at all. His thoughts started to bother him.

"Why did you never confess to me then? You know why I didn't." Viktor asks suddenly.

I did say it was slightly because he was way above me, but I guess that isn't the only reason. Luckily Yuri was in a surprisingly truthful mood, most likely due to the alcohol from earlier, so his usual shyness didn't set him back. "Well, yes it was because you're my idol and I believed you were above me. But...I guess...it was b-because I didn't think I was good enough. Also...I thought you didn't feel the same and even my thoughts scared me, I didn't want to scare you..." Quickly glancing at Viktor, Yuri thought he looked irritated. "P-partly because we're both guys too." Yuri finished quickly, scared to admit the last reason.

"You always hold onto your shortcomings Yuri." Squeezing Yuri's hand, he carries on. "You see your faults or failures as weaknesses. I see them as points for improvement. That's one of the reasons why I came, seeing you at Sochi I could see that, but I also saw your talent. If you think I've always been able to win gold or not have to work hard, you're wrong. I just took my shortcomings straight on. If I didn't think you could win gold I wouldn't have been as hard on you as I have. That's why I want to continue being your coach, because I know you will rise to the challenge of winning 5 gold medals and more." Smiling at Yuri, Viktor continues. "You've already started to surpass me, I can't wait for you unleash even more talent onto the world. So, that answers your thought of 'not being good enough', because in truth, I thought you were too good for me. Looks like we think alike" Viktor laughs.

Throughout Viktor's speech, Yuri could see and hear the emotion and sincerity of it. Words wouldn't be enough to justify just how much it meant to him.

"As to the reason of us both being men, I understand. Not because it is a worry for me, but from my worries of how you would react." Viktor admits.

Yuri's insecurities on this matter mostly lied with him being scared of what Viktor thought, as Viktor does with him. However, he can't lie to himself and say he wasn't scared of the matter. Realising he was getting a little uncomfortable from sitting in the same position for a while, Yuri unfolds his legs, continuing to hold onto the other man's hand. Being more comfortable helps him to speak again.

"That's how I felt with you too. That you wouldn't see me that way, not just because of our positions, but from our genders. I can't lie to you Viktor, my thoughts confused and scared me. You're right, me never being with anyone made the matter worse." He looks back at Viktor from having his head turned away, to see the man completely focused on him. Feeling hot from having such a personal conversation, makes Yuri wary, but a stronger need to speak empowers him. "I...I was obsessed with you, still am to be honest. At the time I put it down to you just being a skating legend. But...now I'm coming to terms with more things, it's all starting to come together." Yuri speaks in a shaky voice, talking about intimate things has always been difficult. Understanding Yuri's stress, Viktor squeezes his hand encouragingly. Before Yuri cowards out, he starts talking again, shaking slightly at the realisation.

"The reason I've never had a girlfriend, or gotten close with anyone...me loving you so much and posters all over my bedro-" Yuri chokes on what he's trying to say, but refuses to cry. Viktor simply puts his fingers under Yuri's eye, brushing reassuringly. Taking a few deep breathes, Yuri controls his rapid heart and swallows thickly. "I'm not saying I'm gay, I've never been interested in any other guys, I even used to have a crush on Yuuko...I can't explain it well...b-but I think I haven't ever really been close to anyone is because..." Yuri swallows and looks up to see calming blue eyes, where stray tears are falling down.

"It's always been you." He gasps out.