Letters Of An Incriminating Nature
May the fifth
Watson,
I am not one, as you are well aware of, to express my true feelings. But I am ingenuous and therefore I shall say what I am thinking with frankness that is meant kindly, not cruelly.
Mary is not the one for you. She will make you happy I am sure, but she is not the person who will help you experience euphoria. She will make you sad but she will never upset you enough to feel true misery. She will make you feel loved but you will never understand complete and utter obsession and devotion. I know that you are sitting there thinking: 'Why that suits me just the grandest!'
It shouldn't. You deserve so much more. I have a dreadful feeling that once you have read this that you will hate me even more than you already do, but so be it. I will sacrifice our friendship so that you can lead a happier life if it comes to it.
Your loyal and loving friend,
S. Holmes
P.S Don't try and visit me at Baker St. You are still most unwelcome after the latest tantrum that you have pulled. If you wish to contact me it is only through writing. I shall not sacrifice another of my experiments so that you can throw it at my head in a fit of rage.
May the Seventh
Holmes,
Thank you for that INSIGHTFUL letter that I received in the post this morning. It was most enlightening and I must tell you that I had a good laugh at it.
You are deluded man, and I shan't stand about and let you slander my marriage. You are under the impression that Mary isn't good enough for me but I must tell you that she is too good. I don't deserve a woman that would put up with your incessant ranting and raving about how unhappy we are. I shall inform you here and now Holmes, that Mary is a wonderful woman and that I love her dearly. Yes, I shall admit that I am not OBSESSED with the woman and nor do I feel contented 100% every second of every day but I am happy enough Holmes. My life is much simpler here with Mary and much less chaotic and I am enjoying all the peace and quiet and not a word of that is a lie.
Please, please come to terms with this. I miss my best friend.
Faithfully yours,
J. H. Watson
P.S I had no intention of coming to visit you, so your declination of an invitation had no effect on me whatsoever.
May the fifteenth
Watson,
I am glad that you found the baring of my soul so amusing. I shall remember that in the future.
Forgive me Watson, but I find it quite disconcerting that you could settle for second best. There is someone out there who could undoubtedly make you a whole lot happier than the woman that you have chosen. And please do not be so modest as to say that Mary is too good for you because you are without a doubt one of the finest gents that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.
I doubt that you are enjoying all that awkward silence when you know that you could be chasing adrenaline with me.
I will never come to terms with this so I suppose we must now come to terms with the fact that we shan't be friends any longer.
Can't you see that I just want you to be happy?
Best Wishes,
S. Holmes
P.S I am glad that my banning you from MY home had no effect on you, as I was most worried that you would crumble to pieces without my hospitality.
May the twenty third
Holmes,
I wasn't laughing at the baring of your soul, I was laughing at the ridiculous conclusions that London's 'best' detective had arrived at, as well you know.
It was hardly the baring of your soul anyway, as everything that you had mentioned had some association with me and nothing at all to do with you or your personal life.
Holmes, I am not settling for second best. Please come to your senses and see this as it is starting to cause me to become impatient.
I do not miss my life with you at all.
J. H. Watson
P.S. Holmes, you have never shown any kind of hospitality to anyone. That's why Mrs. Hudson or I must always greet your clients.
June the first
Watson,
Stop mocking me.
I told you what I personally believed was important obviously I was wrong.
Second best is all you will ever know I am afraid because you were too damn blind to see what was right in front of you.
You don't miss me? Fine.
Holmes
P.S This is the last correspondence I shall ever send your way.
June the second
Mr. Holmes,
I wasn't mocking you in any sense of the word but if you feel as if I were, I apologize.
As to your comment about second best and being too blind to see what is in front of me, I beg you to inform me what it is you mean by that statement as I am at a loss.
I never said I didn't miss you. I just don't miss my life in Baker St. I most definitely miss my infuriating best friend.
Please write back Holmes or else I will have to visit you.
Dr. Watson
June the fifth
John,
I accept your apology, Mother Hen.
I am afraid if you don't understand the nature of that statement, I couldn't possibly educate you in the inner workings of my corrupted mind. I wish I could.
I don't miss you. I miss your expertise and your company but I don't miss you.
There. I wrote back. Don't dare visit me.
Mr. Holmes
June the sixth
Holmes,
Corrupted? As in illegal?
Watson
June the ninth
Dr. Watson,
Yes, as in illegal. Scotland yard would have a lot to say regarding the matter if that explains it any better.
Holmes
June the eleventh
Sherlock,
Yes. I fully comprehend the subject.
I am at a loss at what to say.
John
June the thirteenth
Watson,
Understandable. However, if you think that you soon shall be able to articulate your feelings please, be gentle. I realize that what I have told you is incomprehensible and that you are in shock but please, don't leave me in the dark too long. And don't you dare confer with Mary.
Holmes
June the fifteenth
Sherlock,
If you are saying what I believe you are saying we have a lot discuss. And perhaps it is a bit unwise to do so through a letter?
John
June the eighteenth
Watson,
I can't discuss this matter face to face. I am cowardly and I fear how I should react if the answer or response I receive to these shocking revelations are negative.
My apologies old boy.
Holmes
June the twenty eighth
Sherlock,
I love you.
John
June the twenty eighth
John,
You are foolish to admit to such criminal feelings. Especially on paper. You are lucky that I have burned the evidence.
Sherlock
P.S. I do too
June the thirtieth
Sherlock,
I am at your front door.
John
July the First
John,
Thank you. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
It is with regret that I cannot lie with you this morning but I promise I shall be back in time for tea. Tell Nanny that you will be staying with us for dinner and that soon you shall be moving back in. The woman will be dizzy with delight.
I shall work with hast and return home to you soon.
Love forever,
Sherlock
July the Third
Holmes,
I have enjoyed these past three days immensely but as we discussed last night, I must go and visit Mary and inform her of my imminent departure from our home. By the time you read this I should have returned but just in case you are home early I thought I had better leave you a note. I shan't be home until after seven or so. I shall be as fast as I can and hurry home to you.
J. Watson
July the Eighth
Watson,
Where on earth are you? Should I come over and save you from her evil clutches? Write back a.s.a.p. I am ridiculously worried.
Holmes
April the twenty eighth
MR.,
IT IS WITH GREAT REGRET THAT I INFORM YOU SIR ON THE DEATH OF DR. J. H. WATSON.
MRS. WATSON HAS REQUESTED THAT YOU NOT BE PRESENT AT THE FUNERAL AND I RECOMMENED THAT YOU TREAT HER WISHES WITH RESPECT OR LEGAL ACTION WILL BE TAKEN.
CONDOLENCES,
MR. M. BINGLEY,
JOHNSON&CO, SOLICITORS
July the Tenth
Mrs. M. Watson,
My deepest condolences on the loss of the marvellous Dr. Watson.
Please tell me it isn't so?
Respects,
S. Holmes
July the Twelfth,
Mr. S. Holmes,
Thank you for your sympathies and I must apologize for my criminal behaviour of banning you from the funeral. I was insane with grief and you were the last person that I had wished to see. But I suppose one most never make an apology with an excuse so please, forgive me.
I have been very worried about you and was relieved to find your letter not two mornings ago.
Sherlock, I feel that you are still at a loss and I mist inform you once again that indeed John has passed away. If you call over someday soon I shall give you the belongings that John left you. It is quite a substantial amount my friend.
Please, do not be a stranger any longer.
Regards,
M. Watson
July the Twelfth,
John,
It seems that you are a figment of my imagination. It seems that I have created you out of grief. I must be insane my dear Boswell…
Now that it seems that I have come to my senses I must stop writing to you. I cannot believe that I let you pass away without my true feelings being known. I have made a dreadful mistake.
John… I love you. I have loved you everyday since I laid eyes on you and now I am miserable because you are not around anymore.
No mere mortal could ever make me feel the way you did.
And I apologize that I never, ever loved you the way that you deserved.
Love, forever and ever and ever,
Sherlock x