A/N: This was mostly an excuse to write the trip to drop off the dogs. :) Please do review and tell me what you think about B/R's relationship at this point- is it accurate, are they too close as opposed to what they really were in canon, whatever you think.
After the prom, Barney and Robin walk back to the car while everyone pretends Lily and Marshall aren't in the bathroom having sex.
"Well, that was... interesting," is Robin's comment.
"I saw you mending things with Ted- does this mean that everything's back to normal?"
She smiles. "And what exactly is 'normal' in your brain, Barney?"
"Oh, you know, my awesomeness outshining the rest of your paltry adventures, Marshall and Lily being lame, Ted pining after some chick or another, and your fluctuating between pining after Ted and pretending to disapprove of my charming antics and participating in all of my usual legendary activities yourself." He complements the speech with accompanying hand gestures.
She considered this. "That was surprisingly accurate. Cruel, but accurate."
He grins at her. "Well, you know, I'm perceptive."
"Are you now," she replies dryly.
"Speaking of my usual legendary activities, I have a favor to ask of you, Scherbatsky."
"Shoot," she says.
"The Pre-Semi-Regional Laser Tag Competition Extraordinaire is this weekend, and I've been planning to make Ted go- sorry, sore subject, whatever- but he is so mediocre compared to your superior talent, it would be far better for the universe of laser-tag playing if you would be my partner. At least consider this- that if I don't do well simply because of the failings of my partner, than the legions of fans out there hanging onto the results of this competition will stampede Ted's apartment and-"
"Alright, alright, I get your point already."
"Really? You'll do it? 'Cause it usually takes at least five minutes to convince Ted."
"Well, I'm all in. I'm not Ted."
"No you are not," he mumbles, and for a second there's an awkward silence.
She shakes herself. "So- where does this legendary competition take place, Stinson?"
He grins at her. "I'll text you the details, Scherbatsky. You just wait. This is going to be legen-wait for it-"
He made her wait for the rest of the car ride home.
"So you're a gun nut, Scherbatsky."
He slides into the bar where she's sitting, alone, waiting for Ted to finish putting Marshall down for a nap. She jumps a little and looks up to see him staring at her intently, a little half-grin on his face. She feels herself blushing and squeezes the beer bottle hard. (Heh.)
"Marshall told you?"
"You'd better be careful, Scherbatsky. Marshall's not exactly the most trustworthy dude on the block right now."
"Look, Barney, please don't mention this to Ted. You know how he gets, and I don't want him to-"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Scherbatsky, you want me to keep something from my best friend? I just can't do that to him. I'm sorry, woman, but I have integrity. You could never-"
She glares at him. "What do you want?"
"She gets straight down to business." He winks leerily at her. "I like that."
"Barney," she says, although she feels the heat creeping down her body.
"Alright, alright. Now you know that ever since you and Ted got together my life has been decidedly less populated, mainly due to your nauseating coupley behavior."
"Hey," she says, and she is actually offended for some reason she can't explain, because she and Ted are a couple anyway, so why should she care if their behavior is coupley?
"I don't take anything back, Scherbatsky. Anyway, I want you and me to bro out together. Without Ted, because otherwise I will be the third wheel again. I want to go to the cigar bar and drink scotch."
Suddenly it strikes her- Barney's been feeling lonely. She looks at him, and he's staring at his beer bottle defensively, and she know he doesn't dare to look at her.
"Hey," she says again, and she reaches out and puts her hand on his. "I'm really sorry if we've been leaving you out lately."
"Pssh. Don't be ridiculous, Robin."
They look at each other for a second.
"So yes, in order to buy your silence on the whole gun thing, which after all is the original issue here, I will go bro out with you tonight. Gladly. BUT I do have one condition."
He squints at her. "Do tell."
"Okay, please don't tell Ted about the cigars either, he doesn't know I smoke and I just want to..."
"Scherbatsky, Scherbatsky, Scherbatsky..." He looks like a fat cat with a mouse, and he shakes his head back and forth, smirking with that annoying smirk. "You naughty little girl. So many dirty little secrets..."
She shifts. "Look, Barney, do you want me to come out with you tonight or not?"
He holds his hands up. "I say nothing."
"Alright then," she says, and smiles. She suddenly realizes how much she's been missing him during this summer that Ted is insisting they call the 'summer of love.' "It's a date."
She confronts him after the brunch. "Okay, what the hell."
"What?"
"Competing with me like that over Ted's parents? What called for that, Barney? You couldn't just let me have one moment?"
He looks at her. "Wait a minute. You're actually mad, aren't you?"
"Kinda!"
"Why? They ended up liking you in the end, what's wrong?"
She just looks at him.
"Alright, I'm sorry for trying to interfere in your relationship with your boyfriend's parents. Now, what's wrong, Scherbatsky?"
She doesn't want to melt, she wants to keep staring at him in anger, wants to remain pissed because he acted like such an ass. But as he stares at her, inches away from her on the sidewalk, those eyes boring into her, she starts to realize that maybe that's not what this is about.
"Come on, Scherbatsky, what's eating you?"
She almost spills everything, almost tells him that Ted's parents have made her confront what she's known all along, that she and Ted are fundamentally incompatible as lovers, and that they're never going to work out. She wants to tell him, wants to bury her face in his (amazing smelling, let's face it) suit.
But then Ted comes out of the restaurant, and she jumps and turns around and denial wins, for a while at least, and she takes his arm and kisses him nicely and they go back to his apartment.
She bros out with Barney pretty regularly now, maybe once a week, and she thought she caught a note of jealousy in Ted's eye once but she is surprised to discover that she doesn't care. Ted's lovely, of course, but he does have that clingy side and sometimes it's just nice to relax, you know? And she can be herself around Barney, and doesn't have to hide her smoking or her guns or her dirty sense of humor around him. They don't usually talk about the serious stuff, but banter and drink and generally have a good time.
Meanwhile, with Ted, things grow even more deeply dysfunctional by the day, because he irritates her sometimes, although she doesn't admit it, and she feels like she can't breathe. The cliche of being smothered in a relationship is an all-too-present reality at times for Robin, and it is these times when she escapes to the cigar bar or the laser tag place, because that's simple and easy and above all, not cloying.
She sits at the bar, staring into her glass, feeling drowned in her resolution. When the door opens, she looks up, and sure enough, there he is. He looks around, then sees her and her probably puffy face and strides over to the booth in three steps.
"What's up, Robin?"
She just looks at him for a second, then sighs. "I decided to do it."
"What, give up your dogs?"
She nods slowly. "Yeah."
"But-"
"Please don't, Barney, because I'm decided and you're just going to convince me not to."
He pauses, then slides into the booth next to her. "I am convincing."
She laughs a little. "That you are."
He puts an arm around her and looks at her. "It's going to be okay, Scherbatsky."
"I know," she says, and she laughs again and wipes her eyes. She can't decide if she loves or hates the way he says 'Scherbatsky,' but she definitely has strong emotions about it. "I'm just having a low moment here. I'll be fine tomorrow, you know?"
"I know," he says, and squeezes her.
"It's just- those dogs have always been there for me. And I realize how pathetic that sounds, like some old spinster cat lady, but less loserish, because at least they're dogs, but I don't want to be that person, which is why I'm giving them away, but still... it sucks, you know?"
He looks at her for a second, while she in turn stares at the table, trying to get a hold of herself. "Hey," he says. "Why don't I come with you to give them away"
"Oh, I don't know, Barney," she begins, but he is adamant.
"No buts, Scherbatsky. I will come along and provide much needed awesomeness to your depressed self, because let's face it, you could use some legendary moral support."
She smiles. "Thanks, Barney."
He grins. "How old are your aunts?"
She raises an eyebrow. "Old enough for you not to get a kick out of walking in on them."
"Answer the question, Scherbatsky."
She rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "You're an idiot."
The car ride is pleasant. They take turns driving and share a Cuban. Barney brings along a tape of, according to him, the top twenty dirtiest songs on the planet. They listen several times and Robin adds a few songs to the list, as well as critiquing a few of the ones on his list. They end up in a fierce debate over the merits of sexiness in the retail business (Robin: Sexy cashiers are awesome, Barney: Sexy cashiers are almost always in the Shelly Gillespie Zone on the Hot/Crazy Scale and provide more trouble than they're worth)
When they get up to the farm, Barney insists upon sneaking in the back, for reasons Robin vehemently opposes, but fortunately or unfortunately Robin's aunts are simply sitting at the kitchen table eating lunch.
They greet her with cries of "Robin!" and welcome the dogs with such love that Robin leans back and smiles, feeling truly at peace with her decision for a second.
They are fascinated by Barney, who charms them as thoroughly as he does everybody, and they end up spending an entire afternoon at the farm, baking cookies and listening to music. Barney keeps the dirty jokes to the minimum, and the ones he does tell end up being so funny that Robin's aunt's girlfriend runs to the bathroom, which in turn just makes everyone laugh harder.
When Barney goes to the bathroom a few minutes later, Robin's aunts accost her.
"So that's your boyfriend. I can't believe you didn't tell us about how charming he is!"
"Honey, you can just see the sparks between you two. Trust us, you're one of the lucky ones. Hold on to him, sweetheart!"
Robin looks at them for a second, a little stunned, trying to remember how she introduced Barney to them, but then thinks of the lengthy explanation that would go along with correcting them, and lets it slide.
They eventually have to leave. Robin says a tearful goodbye to her dogs, which everyone pretends not to notice. The car ride back is sleepy and peaceful, with a little banter and small talk, but mostly comfortable silence.
As she's getting out, Robin looks over and smiles at Barney. "Hey. Thanks."
He gives her his unique smile, that weird mixture of lechery and caring which he's perfected and which unsettles her a little bit. "No problem, Scherbatsky."
"No, really, this helped. A lot."
He looks down, then back up. "Well, Ted'll be happy."
She sighs. "Yeah." She realizes she isn't looking forward to telling Ted. It's almost as if he won, she thinks, and then she remembers that he gave up all his stuff, so they're even, and then she remembers that it's a relationship, not a competition.
"Well, g'night," Barney mumbles, breaking into her thoughts.
She smiles at him. " 'Night, Barney."
"Cigar bar tomorrow night?"
"Can't- I'm going out with Ted. Night after next?"
"You know it."
"I'm sure it'll be the highlight of my day," she says, and then, smiling goodbye, starts to walk up to the apartment.