Author's Note: This songfic is a tad bit different from my other stories in terms of genre. i'm warning you now, its more angsty, a little drama, and abuse. I just wrote this quick times so forgive me if it sucks. Please read it, even if you don't review that's alright. Theres actually an underlying message in this one and i'm quite proud of the way i wrote this piece.
And for the record, i'm a real big fan of Draco and i don't believe he's anything like i portray him here. So please, no flamers telling me "how dare you make draco act tht way" coz i myself love him to death lol. If anything, its ginny i'm not too fond of. With that aforementioned warning, let's move on.
20 gold bars to the person who can think of another song almost exactly like this one. hint: Ashanti sang it.
Disclaimer: The song and the characters don't belong to me. I'm borrowing them for my own amusement. (props to Ms. Rowling and Ms. Mclaughlin for their wonderful talent).
"Stupid"
I stared out my window, darkness veiling over whatever sunlight was left. Even the moon wasn't bright enough to conquer the night. Complete darkness.
Night, lift up the shades
let in the brilliant light of morning
It unnerved me, knowing it was the longest part of the day when the sun would show its comforting face again. Nowadays, sunlight is the only thing that gives me peace. Nothing hidden; everything can be seen. Maybe I'm just a coward, weak and fragile.
But steady there now
for I am weak and starving for mercy
sleep has left me alone
to carry the weight of unraveling where we went wrong
On the windowsill I sat, my legs pulled up against my chest, and waiting. Waiting for the only thing I was sure of these days. I am a coward; I am afraid. I'm shaking right now, hands cold with sweat. I'm alone but not for long. He's going to come in any minute now, like he always does. He's going to be my company.
It's all I can do to hang on
to keep me from falling
into old familiar shoes
The front door opened and slammed closed, footsteps echoing loudly in the front hall and making their way to the library: the room she occupied. And as she'd predicted, he stopped in front of the entrance of the library, somehow knowing she'd be there.
She slowly looked up, staring at him expectantly. He hadn't said a word yet but her lips were already pursed together and her eyes were watery. Red wispy bangs shadowed softly over a pale, tear-stained face. Her chin quivered slightly as he approached her, the hard metal steel of his eyes almost cutting through her. She could almost swear she was bleeding.
She visibly shivered, as much as she tried to hide it, her husband sneering down at her. His body now only within arms reach.
SLAP.
How stupid could I be
a simpleton could see
that you're no good for me
Lids automatically shut closed as he struck me across the face, tears free-falling down cheeks as they'd done so many times before.
"Think you could hide it from me did you?" Draco roared, face contorted in a menacing scowl. He looked extremely angry…nay…furious. Then again this was something that shouldn't come as a surprise.
But I kept my eyes closed and my head turned away for longer than usual. I hated him seeing me so weak. I can't be weak. I'm not supposed to be.
"Look at me!" he demanded. I obeyed, not wanting to defy him. "You think I wouldn't find out did you? You sneaking around my back with that Potter."
He was right. I was with Harry earlier that day. But it wasn't anything dishonest or the like. We were just talking. God, Draco would kill me if he found out what Harry was talking to me about. Suddenly the reality that Draco was indeed very capable of killing me hit.
"I saw you. You were with him today weren't you? Answer me bitch!"
SLAP.
The blow was harder this time, sending me to topple helplessly onto the hardwood floor. My hands were sprawled on the wooden boards, trying desperately to hang on to something, anything. My legs numb and motionless, having no strength left to just crawl away and escape. Terrified, I looked up at his form towering over my small frail body. My cheek stung and tears flowed as I cried harder than what I liked, but I didn't hate him. After all he's done and said to me, I never hated him. He's my husband; I love him.
A simpleton could see
that you're no good for me
but you're the only one I see
I continued staring dumbly at him which angered him further. He picked me up by the hair and pushed me against the nearest wall. Wind knocked out of my lungs and I struggled to keep myself on my feet but my legs were quickly giving up on me. He gripped me by the side of my shoulders tightly to keep me upright, as I winced slightly at the strength of his grasp. I glanced down my arms where new bruises were soon to make their new home.
"Tell me now Ginny before I do something you'll regret."
I don't blame him for being angry with me. He has every right. It was my fault I hadn't told him I was meeting Harry. I should've told him. Every wife should be honest with their husbands. I was only getting what I deserved. Putting me in my right place.
Love has made me a fool
it set me on fire and watched as I floundered
unable to speak
except to cry out and wait for your answer
It wasn't always like this though. Draco wasn't always this physical with me. He was caring and nurturing when we first started dating. I remember the day mum and dad found out about us. And the look on my brother's faces. And Harry's. They despised Draco and they still do. In my head I can hear them lecturing me over and over again.
'He's no good for you Gin,' they used to say. 'He's going to use you and destroy your very soul. And he won't even be there to help you pick up the pieces of what's left of your life.'
I ignored them. I told them they had no right telling me what to do. No right telling me who to be with. Then I told them I loved him. I can still see the hurt in my parents' eyes, the disappointment in my brother's and in Harry's when I told them I was getting married to this man. Needless to say, I didn't care. I didn't need their approval. All I needed was Draco.
He always made it sound like they were all trying to destroy my happiness. He promised me as long as I'm with him, nothing bad would happen. We'd always be together. I believed him then. I still do now.
But you come around in your time
speaking of fabulous places
create an oasis
I ran up the stairs of the large manor to my own bedroom where I dropped down and cried, hopelessly wishing for him to come up and follow me. But he didn't. He never did.
Dries up as soon as you're gone
you leave me here burning
in this desert without you
I guess that was naïve of me. Expecting him to follow me up I mean. Hoping he'd burst in and embrace me close to his chest in that protective soothing way…or the way he used to. But I was in the wrong. He shouldn't apologize; I should. But right now I'm so angry and hurt, both physically and emotionally, to do anything but cry into the satin sheets of my bed. Draco would be upset if he sees that I've ruined the expensive sheets he's bought with my tears. Though try as I might, I couldn't stop.
How stupid could I be
a simpleton could see
that you're no good for me
but you're the only one I see
'Leave him Ginny,' Harry had told me that afternoon. 'Leave him and never look back.'
It was no secret Harry and Draco hated each other. But after all these years, I'd thought that Harry would've at least accepted my decision of being with the person I loved.
'Your family misses you, Gin. They haven't seen you for so long.'
I have to admit I missed them too. I haven't been able to see them for nearly a decade since Draco forbademe to make any contact whatsoever. He reasoned they'd poison my mind against him. Of course I just laughed it off. But when he continued to press on the matter, I obliged willingly.
'He doesn't love you. Someone who truly cared for you would never make you cry.' Harry's voice rung in my ears. He was the only contact bridging me to my family. And up until recently, Draco hadn't known.
Finally my breathing slowed, and his voice continued on echoing more clearly in my head. He was right. Harry was right. Draco had hurt me enough times. Afteralmost 20 years of beingwith him, I can finally see. Draco would hurt me again if he had the chance. I've made up my mind now. I'm going to leave him.
Everything changes
everything falls apart
Can't stand to feel myself losing control
deep in my senses I know
Still sniffling, my cheek throbbing with pain in a pink mark left behind, I grabbed several bags I found in the closet and threw together as much clothes as I can that will still allow me to travel light. Finally satisfied with the belongings I've chosen to take with me, I took the duffel in my hand and walked down the corridor in a quick pace, making sure to be glancing around every few seconds to see whether my husband was anywhere nearby. Merlin knows what he'd do if he saw me trying to sneak out. I reached the stairs, practically flying towards the foyer as the front door caught my sights. My palm closed around the doorknob as I carefully opened it without as much as a squeak. The fresh, crisp night air met me.
Finally, freedom. Finally, peace.
No pain, no more crying, no more hurting, no more sitting up until the crack of dawn waiting for Draco to come home all the while knowing he was out doing something dishonest. I was about to lift up my foot to step outside but suddenly I froze. I looked back, the home I shared with my husband of 20 years.
For twenty long years, Draco had stayed with me. He'd never left me for anyone else, just as he promised. And for all those years, he gave me everything a wife could ask for: jewelry, the finest robes in England, a large mansion, and being constantly waited on hand and foot. He could've just as easily left me for another witch. He is, after all, the pinnacle of every woman's desire. But no. He didn't abandon me as my brothers had assumed. Draco stayed true to his word. He did care about me. He loved me.
How stupid could I be
a simpleton could see
that you're no good for me
but you're the only one I see
Harry was wrong. Draco does love me. He needs me just as much as I need him. The fact that he gets upset and hits me just for talking to Harry proves his love. He's jealous and I know he's trying to protect me. Draco would never intentionally hurt me. Never.
Though he had made me cry, so many times I don't even remember what it was like to smile, I'm not going to leave him. Not today at least.
I closed the door and dropped my bag, like it had burnt my hand. How stupid could I be? For twenty years I've been telling myself I'd leave yet here I am; never having the courage to just walk out that door. Who was I kidding? I wasn't going anywhere. I'd endured this man and stood by his side all this time. And who knows…maybe for twenty more.
FINIS