Okay! Kurokumo here, wanting to say that this was an epic idea I've had in the longest time. I hope you do enjoy it. It will probably only be ten chapters long (that's all I have planned out for it… XD), but it should be funny (I hope). Note that all the poems within this chapter was written by yours truly. So! Let us commence forthwith with Chapter 1 of 'One Week Randomness'!

Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man is the property of Katsura Hoshino and Funimation. This series is a parody and nothing more, so please support the official release. Got it? Damn well better…

1. I Concur, You Damned Good Sir

It was December, which, as all should know, was far, far away from October, about ten months for the next one, but that wasn't going to stop the madness revolving around the Black Order. No one knew what was going on during that week except for the likes of one man. He did not tell anyone a thing, however, until that dawning of the morning, and even then some people were sleeping, so they did not get the message until later that morning when it was posted on their doors.

One in particular did not wake until the late morning hours. It wasn't that often he would do something like that, but for whatever the reason, he felt like sleeping in that day. He sat up and yawned loudly as the golden ball flew around his head in squares instead of circles like one would have expected. He groaned. "Timcanpy… Don't you think it's a little early to pretend I have a concussion?"

It didn't answer (then again, it never did) as it flew over towards the door and pointed with one of its tiny fingers. Confused, Allen stood up from the bed while yawning once more. His feet shivered at the coldness of the floor, telling him that indeed winter was drawing closer than he had anticipated, and walked towards the door. He stood before it, squinting at the words written in an over-extravagant, delicate handwriting that made it seem it must have taken hours to write the notice out. He read it quietly to himself, and then found himself shocked. It read as follows:

"To Everyone in the Order!

I, Komui Lee, have ordered this week to be the first of the Annual Randomness Week, since there are already festive things floating about this time of year! I want to make this fun for everyone, so everyone has to abide to the rules I create or else they have to go complain to Komurin, who will make you go through several unnecessary surgeries that will make you wish you were dead. So, today, on this December 19th, everyone within the Order must only speak in rhymes. Those who fail to abide to this rule for the day will, once again, have to deal with Komurin and its new clones. (Even you, Kanda. Don't try to hide.)

I wish you all the best of joy.

--Komui Lee."

He stood there for another few minutes, re-reading it and not believing it one bit. How could somebody rhyme while talking? No one would even do this, anyways! He nodded to himself. Yes, everyone would just go against Komui's word and talk normally like they should, and it would be just fine. A slight twinge of anxiety told him otherwise and that this was actually happening. Well, the only way to find out was to go out there himself.

He found a clean pair of clothes and put them on quickly before tying his shoes and sighing. If this really was happening, and it wasn't a dream, the day would be the utmost strangest day he had ever had. Something clicked then. He turned and desperately ran back to the piece of paper on his door, re-reading it quickly. Annual Randomness WEEK? He had to cover his mouth with his hand to hide his scream of horror. Was Komui going insane?! Well, more than usual?! Kanda would have his head, no doubt, and the only person who probably would enjoy this was Lavi! He groaned as he opened the door and stepped out into the hallway. It was empty, but he could hear some people talking, though he could not quite focus in on what they were saying. He walked down to the dining hall slowly. He was starving, and he couldn't focus on anything on an empty stomach… He entered and was immediately hugged from behind by someone. He already knew who it was.

"Lavi…" he smiled lightly at the gesture. "Do you mind, would you get off of me?"

"Ooh, you noticed everyone else was rhyming, too?" Lavi let go of him and put his bandana back into place. "It's rather interesting-- I saw the flyer while putting on my shoe…" There was a frown on his face. "That was a lie, of course, but I have no other way of saying it unless I wanna get mauled by a robot-horse."

Allen tried to suppress the laugh that was welling up inside of him. Maybe this would be an interesting week, after all. "Well, you could just not speak… That is, if you want to become a mute for the rest of the week."

There was a clapping of hands from the redhead. "That was better than I expected from you, you know." He glanced at the window and sighed. "Man, I wish it really would snow. And also, this rhyming only lasts for a day. I wonder what the rest of the week will be like, anyway?"

He couldn't suppress it any longer as Allen laughed loudly in a sound of a bark, which got several looks from several people. Lavi gave him a sad look and sighed. "Hey, I'm not the only one who suffers from this thing. And who the hell decided that, for this week, Komui would be 'king'?! It's completely absurd, the fact that we have to rhyme word for word…" The frown deepened. "And Yuu-chan has been missing ever since this thing began. I'm guessing that he must've ran."

"I don't blame him," Allen remarked as he sat down after he stopped laughing. "Right now, I wish I were a golem like Tim…"

The two grinned at each other sheepishly before they headed towards Jerry's window. The pink-haired man gave them his best smile before speaking. "What do you two want for today? I can cook it anyway you want, in any which way!"

'Man, even Jerry's rhyming… Could this day get any stranger?' Allen thought as he had to think of what he wanted. 'How can I say what I want in rhyming form? I got so much food I want because I'm practically starved… So now what? Do I just go hungry or…?' He snapped his fingers as a grin came over his face. 'Wait a minute, I know what to do! I can just make this like an epic of a poem! Let's try it!'

At that moment, Lenalee came from behind, smiling, about to say something that might have been important (you could never tell with Lenalee), when Allen sucked in a deep breath and saying:

"Well, Jerry, for what I want today is rice as white as snow,

A few oranges and seven sticks of Mitarashi Dango,

Crumpets, bread, curry, liver and leeks,

Enough steak that could last an average person for several weeks,

Green tea and peppermint sticks with a single stirring rod,

(For the tea, of course) and a little bit of cod.

Also some chicken and maybe some stew…

Would you do all that, Jerry? Please and thank you?"

Lavi, Lenalee and Jerry stood there, stunned at the poem that Allen had just come up with on the spot. It sounded like something professional, something that you would have read out of an actual book, but since the topic was about food, it was a little bit harder to take it so seriously. Jerry just nodded after he took a few moments more to recover and headed into the back of the kitchen. Lavi subconsciously started clapping for Allen's 'triumph' as Lenalee could not find the words she was going to say earlier. It wasn't the best poem in the world, but for one to rehearse that so well on the spot was sheer genius. She shook her head quickly as if to get her head back into the game and smiled softly.

"Good morning, Allen-kun, Lavi," she said simply. "Came for food, have we?"

"Yeah, but this rhyming thing is a real pain," Lavi sighed, scrunching his face up in disapproval. "Why are we doing this? I mean, what will we gain? Komui must've lost his mind… And I can't think of any word that rhymes with that except for 'kind'."

"Behind, find, shined, pined," Allen listed off as he walked towards a table and sat down. "There are several words that rhyme with mind. Maybe your brain shrank. Must have happened when Komui blew your head up with a tank…"

"That was only one time," he protested, "and that wasn't a tank, that was some sort of robotic… er, lime! Man, I'm hating this day so much right now… But if Yuu-chan were here, I'd probably have a cow."

Lenalee smiled softly at the two of them. She had happened to have seen Kanda earlier, mumbling something about how he was going to murder Komui in his sleep or run away for the week. Though, there was obviously a flaw in Kanda's plan-- He was going to have to eat sometime, and the only person who made the best soba was Jerry, and that would require talking to him in order to ask for it. She sighed as she listened to the two boys converse. It would be any moment, now, when Kanda would walk through that door, because he had yet to eat breakfast. She watched the door intently because she knew well this was going to be rather interesting.

Several minutes passed as she just continued to stare blankly at nothing when a familiar scowl came across to the dining hall and made his appearance. Allen and Lavi looked up, partially shocked. He walked his way to the window where Jerry was and paused, as if trying to come up with something so that he could actually say it. Allen, Lenalee and Lavi all watched as he opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again with actual words coming out of his mouth. "Soba, please."

And that was that. Jerry looked at him and nodded shyly before going into the back. Allen blinked. 'He didn't rhyme? If Komui finds out…!'

Jerry came back with a bowl of soba in his hands and handed it to Kanda smiling. Kanda looked back at him with a semi-scowl on his face and said, "That was actually really fast, jeez," and went on his way to a separate table away from the rest of the group. They all watched as he sat down and began to eat his soba with a look of content on his face. They were shocked. They thought for certain that Kanda would say, "Fuck it", and storm Komui's office and kill him. But no, here he was, the most fearsome exorcist to exist, rhyming. The concept within itself was practically a joke.

"Kanda, are you okay?" Allen walked over to him as the Japanese Exorcist grunted at his presence. "I'd figured you'd be as mad as that time when Reever asked if you were gay."

The deadly glare was his response as he backed away slowly, fearing the presence of Mugen and retreated back to where Lavi and Lenalee were sitting. "He's in one of those moods again," he said as he sat down, picking up the fork beside one of the plates of food. "I don't understand, where did he learn how to threaten?"

"Well, Yuu-chan is Yuu-chan," Lavi said unhelpfully as he tried to steal some of Allen's food. The fork swatted his hand away as the one-eyed Exorcist pouted. "I mean, at least he can glare, 'cause he is a man. Though that didn't mean I didn't hit on him once or twice, but hey, what can I say, his looks are rather nice."

Allen, who was in the midst of eating the steak that he had ordered, began choking on the thought of that. Lavi, hitting on Kanda… Well, Kanda did look like a girl… He shifted a glance over to the quiet man eating his soba still. He wondered what Kanda did to him, if he had beaten him into a bloody pulp or tried to smother him in his sleep. He swallowed the steak and sighed, as if he felt defeated. If Kanda was rhyming, then he had to rhyme as well, or else, he just knew, that he'd go through hell.

He got up and walked back to Jerry's window after he finished eating and thanked him before heading somewhere else. Where to, he didn't know, but he just felt like walking. Lavi watched him leave as he sighed, bored, as Lenalee got up to follow him. Now what was he going to do? He stood up and put on his best grin as he sat down next to the always-scowling Kanda. "Hey, Yuu-chan, are we gonna go surge Komui's office or not? I mean, we can both do it together and, once we're done, watch his body rot… I'm already surprised that you are putting up with this. Obviously, something happened, so what did I miss? You're being too nice."

"Che. I don't know."

"That didn't rhyme, Yuu-chan-- Eat your rice."

Kanda looked at the rest of the food in front of him as he pushed it away, frowning. "Leave me alone, Baka Usagi, or else I'll make it so that you wished you never spoke to me." He grabbed his plates and put them back onto Jerry's counter and stormed out of the room. Lavi frowned. What, was no one going to talk to him today? So what else could he do aside from talking to Bookman? That thought was distasteful as he left as well in search of someone to annoy.

All right, that was a short chapter. T_T But I want to make this interesting, so part of Chapter 1, done! Did you like it? Hate it? Love it? Destroy it? Hit me with a review, por favor, and I'll see you in two! Toodle-loo! --Kurokumo Soratami.