A plot bunny attacked and wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote this.
Note, this was written a few years ago. Mulder and Scully are still working together on the X-Files, no sign of anything post-fifth season. No real spoilers.
Summary: What can be heard on surveillance.
-----------
Two bodies found each other in the pale moonlight.
From across the street, two surveillance operatives were on duty.
"Oh, my god! Can you believe it? Those two are at it again." The second operative looked over.
"Are you serious? You'd think they would have gotten sick of each other by now."
"Nah, not those two. The sexual tension has been building up for so long, I thought for sure that they would have exploded long before this. They've got years of abstinence to make up for."
"You can't be serious. What a waste of a friendship and work associate. Their relationship will never be the same. Once you've crossed that line, you can never go back."
"Yeah, but think of their hearts. They've been in love for so long that this was inevitable."
"Nothing is inevitable."
"Yes, it is."
"No, it's not."
"Yes, it - I am not going to argue with you about this. Look at it this way, if they hadn't bumped monkeys, then everything they had would have blown up in their faces."
"Bumped monkeys? Where the hell do you get these expressions?"
"Never mind, not proper enough for the likes of you. But seriously, without this 'intimate encounter', they would have been driven apart by their overwhelming sexual tension."
"You make it sound like a living and breathing person."
"Well, it does have the power to destroy. Perpetual horniness does not make for a healthy living environment. People need to have sex."
"No they don't. Plenty of people exist for long periods of time without having sex."
"Yeah, and how many of them lead healthy, productive lives?"
"On average? I'd say around eighty to ninety percent."
"And the others?"
"Are probably stark raving mad on their own, with or without the sex."
"You say that like you actually mean it."
"I do mean it, I think that plenty of people can exist without 'rolling in the hay' and ruining their non-sexual relationships."
"Yeah, but it's like the old saying, when you've gotta go, you've gotta go. Except here you have to apply it to sex."
"Um, yeah, okay. But there are ways of fighting those urges without taking down someone else with you."
"Admittedly, yeah. But let's face it, cold showers and porn movies don't work forever. Sometimes you just need the presence of a partner. Someone you care for, or perhaps even love. It takes sex to whole new levels. There's nothing more erotic than the feel of the skin of a woman, or her, *ahem*, taste to really send you over the edge."
"You need to get laid."
Long pause.
"Scully, was that an invitation?"
Note, this was written a few years ago. Mulder and Scully are still working together on the X-Files, no sign of anything post-fifth season. No real spoilers.
Summary: What can be heard on surveillance.
-----------
Two bodies found each other in the pale moonlight.
From across the street, two surveillance operatives were on duty.
"Oh, my god! Can you believe it? Those two are at it again." The second operative looked over.
"Are you serious? You'd think they would have gotten sick of each other by now."
"Nah, not those two. The sexual tension has been building up for so long, I thought for sure that they would have exploded long before this. They've got years of abstinence to make up for."
"You can't be serious. What a waste of a friendship and work associate. Their relationship will never be the same. Once you've crossed that line, you can never go back."
"Yeah, but think of their hearts. They've been in love for so long that this was inevitable."
"Nothing is inevitable."
"Yes, it is."
"No, it's not."
"Yes, it - I am not going to argue with you about this. Look at it this way, if they hadn't bumped monkeys, then everything they had would have blown up in their faces."
"Bumped monkeys? Where the hell do you get these expressions?"
"Never mind, not proper enough for the likes of you. But seriously, without this 'intimate encounter', they would have been driven apart by their overwhelming sexual tension."
"You make it sound like a living and breathing person."
"Well, it does have the power to destroy. Perpetual horniness does not make for a healthy living environment. People need to have sex."
"No they don't. Plenty of people exist for long periods of time without having sex."
"Yeah, and how many of them lead healthy, productive lives?"
"On average? I'd say around eighty to ninety percent."
"And the others?"
"Are probably stark raving mad on their own, with or without the sex."
"You say that like you actually mean it."
"I do mean it, I think that plenty of people can exist without 'rolling in the hay' and ruining their non-sexual relationships."
"Yeah, but it's like the old saying, when you've gotta go, you've gotta go. Except here you have to apply it to sex."
"Um, yeah, okay. But there are ways of fighting those urges without taking down someone else with you."
"Admittedly, yeah. But let's face it, cold showers and porn movies don't work forever. Sometimes you just need the presence of a partner. Someone you care for, or perhaps even love. It takes sex to whole new levels. There's nothing more erotic than the feel of the skin of a woman, or her, *ahem*, taste to really send you over the edge."
"You need to get laid."
Long pause.
"Scully, was that an invitation?"