This is what happens when you spend too much time at NSAS. Someone mentioned Thane molting and well... Um. Ta-da?
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Shepard needed a hot shower, a massage, and a long, uninterrupted night of Thane-loving. Gathering a fleet to take down the Reapers was even worse than Saren or the Collector's.
Tell her to shoot people? No problem.
Listen to politicians whine and moan about giving resources to someone who's trying to save their goddamn lives? Problem. Migraine inducing, muscle twitching, vein throbbing, I-am-going-to-kill-you-if-you-don't-shut-up problem.
She let out a small sound of relief when the elevator doors opened to the little corridor that led to her cabin. Thane had more or less moved into her quarters now; he'd be on her desk chair, reading or meditating, his head would raise at the sound of her entering, and would stand up, bowing slightly with a warm, sweet smile on his lips that was just for her.
Best damn thing about him (well, not quite the best but it was good), he never asked how her day or her meeting went. He knew it sucked. He'd just take her hand, guide her over to the couch or the bed and--
Her thoughts were interrupted by an annoyed, gravelly grunt. Thane, most definitely.
He must not have heard her come in, because there was another purely frustrated sound coming from where her desk was.
Shepard silently peered around the wall, and it took every tiny bit of her will and then some to keep herself from laughing.
There was a shirtless Thane, rubbing his hip against the side of her desk. Up and down, side to side, with his face scrunched up in the look of intense concentration.
She could not pass this up. He never got himself into a position to be embarrassed.
"So," she drawled, barely stifling a girlish giggle as his entire body stiffened, "should I give you a few more minutes alone with my desk? You two are apparently quite close and I wouldn't want to come between you two."
Thane, of course, turned to face her with all the grace and poise of a man who was not just rubbing himself all over the corner of his lover's workspace. "Siha," he inclined his head smoothly, "I... did not expect you back so soon."
"Hmm"ing thoughtfully, she nodded, chin in hand, doing her best to imitate his unwavering cool, "So I see."
They stared at each other, neither one budging and inch. She would have kept it up all day -after all this was an unique opportunity to out-Thane Thane - had his skin not distracted her. It was shiny; once dull and scratchy looking, now vibrant and it looked so smooth. Her palms itched.
"You trying a new beauty treatment or something?"
He clasped his hands behind his back, subtly trying to distract the slight shuffle of his feet. Nervousness?
"That... is not entirely inaccurate, siha." He cleared his throat and looked pointedly at the wall behind her. "I am... molting."
Shepard blinked a few times, before blurting out: "You're what?!"
Really, it made sense but, honestly, this was not the way she wanted to find out.
He winced from the volume of her voice. "I apologize, siha, it is natural for drell to shed their skins. It is needed less as we age, but..." he shrugged gracefully, as if it had the answers to all the questions in the universe.
"Thane," she began, trying to ignore absurd the whole situation was, "I get that it's... natural. I'm just not entirely sure why you decided to do it in the middle of my quarters."
He blinked twice; dual eyelids in perfect unison.
"I did not wish to hide away from you, siha, but I did not," he sighed, "I did not wish to disgust you by simply telling you, either. I ignored the urges for some time; the feeling is quite uncomfortable to the point of being painful, but I could not seem to this day. I apologize if my insecurities have caused you any sort of harm."
She lost it then. All the stifled laughter that had built up over the course of this ridiculous conversation just came pouring out until she was doubled over with tears streaming from her eyes.
Thane waited patiently for her giggles to subside, hands still behind his back, posture still abnormally perfect. He looked thoroughly unamused.
"Thane," she began again, another giggle close behind, "I'm not harmed or disgusted by you. Yeah, okay, this was a little awkward," he blinked and his eyebrow ridges nearly lifted off his forehead, "okay, it was a lot awkward, but I would've... I would've helped you, or something. You didn't need to wait until it bothered you so much you just started rubbing various surfaces like a cat."
He was silent for a moment; she could practically see the wheels in his head turning.
His head inclined yet again as he spoke, "Perhaps you will indulge me, then? I have not relieved my lower body as of yet." his face betrayed nothing, but there was a sparkle of mirth in his eye, "I could very much use your help, siha."
Shepard grinned, moving forward and giving in to her previous temptation; she wouldn't be needing that lotion tonight.
"Of course, Mr. Krios." she let her voice drop to cheesy porn star levels, "Tell me where it hurts."