Fix You
Summary:
Bella is heart broken by the only one she had ever trusted. After having her whole life turn upside down she decides to make big changes, but things dont go the way shed hoped. She is shattered completely. Things go What if the cant move on because the one she loved for most of her life wont let go, and what will he do to make things right and fix her? Hey guys so this story is inspired by the song you should have lied by Stephanie McIntoshgreat song, means lots to me in this particular time of my life. Please read and tell me your thoughts about this story.
Chapter 1: Devastated
"Why?" I sobbed into my cushion, burying my face into the material wishing the world would open up and swallow me. I felt humiliated, hurt and betrayed.
I wasnt sure what exactly I was feeling at that very moment but something felt so incredibly wrong, so hollow, just numb , everything seemed destroyed, as if my entire existence was crumbling away at my feet.
How could this happen to me? I thought it was supposed to be my time to be happy, Id waited long enough hadnt I? What had I done in my past life for God to hate me so much? Why wasnt I allowed to be happy, even for a while?
I loved him.
I was vaguely aware of someones hand stroking my hair, a soft voice speaking words of comfort to me. I lifted my head from the pillow slightly and was met with hazel eyes looking back into mine with pity and sympathy. I sniffled and scooted closer eventually falling into open arms, warmth enveloping me as arms wrapped around me pulling me closer into them.
"Alice, why me?" I sobbed, struggling to catch my breath, my violent sobs racking my whole body, my fingertips gripping onto her sweater.
"Oh Bella, Im so sorry" she said bringing her lips to my head and kissing my hair comfortingly, soothing down my hair once more.
I wanted to thank her for coming over so quickly.
I didnt know who else to call. I couldnt call anyone else, Alice the only one who came to mind when it had happened. She was over to me quicker than I realized, she had found me crumpled on the floor in the kitchen sobbing clutching onto a shirt. I dont know how she did it but she managed to get me into the lounge and onto the sofa.
She was everything to me in that moment, she was my shield. Taking away my pain and anger, holding me like I was a child again.
I wanted to thank her so badly but my mind couldnt register words, I couldnt think, I felt hollow, my head pounding painfully. Matching my broken heart.
She didnt mind. She never did when she saw me like this.
This time was different. There was something more in her eyes and I couldnt put my finger on it but she was different somehow.
"Bella honey" she said pulling away slightly "you should sleep darling"
I lifted my head and wiped viciously at my cheeks wiping away another tear, I looked around the room slowly. Thinking to myself that just mere hours ago everything was alright, I was happy. I was in love and loved back.
I wasnt this mess lay in my best friends arms sobbing into her now-ruined sweater, I was smiling as I checked myself one last time in the mirror before going out. How things could change in just a few short hours.
"Alice please dont leave me. I cant be on my own. Not tonight" I begged, not caring if I sounded pathetic, I just needed my best friend to make all my thoughts go away.
"Sure darling" she replied without a second thought, she reached down into her purse that was resting by my hip and pulled out her cell phone punching in some numbers, then she cleared her throat." Just letting Jasper know where I am. Hey Honey, Think Im staying over yeah"
I nodded and closed my eyes sitting up and pulling my hair back from my face and into a pony tail, trying not to listen into their conversation.
"He is?" she asked and my ears picked up "now?"
After catching my eye she shook her head and started to wave her hand in the air, one thing I loved about Alice, she was always full of energy, always moving around and talking with her hands.
"I dont think thats such a good idea Jazz, shes pretty messed up" she said in a hushed voice, I pretended that I hadnt heard it, pretended that the words she spoke werent about me and it didnt stab my chest and make me feel weak and pathetic.
" him hes the biggest loser on the planet and he better watch his back tomorrow." she said quickly followed by "Kay, Love you too"
Love. I used to know what that was.
Her arms were back around my shoulders the moment she closed her phone pulling me back close into her. Her fingertips running soothing circles all around my back.
"Can I ask you a question?" I asked after a long silence.
"sure honey" Alice replied her hands reaching back to stroke my hair again.
"How did you know when Jasper said he loved you and truly meant it. How did you know that you could trust him enough never to break your heart?"
It was quiet.
"I just did Bells". she replied "he knows me better than anyone"
"Wish I was you" I whispered, but I had a feeling shed heard me, but she didnt push it further, she just held me close.
Soon after more of my tears had subsided I began to feel my eyelids get heavier darkness taking over me.
I didnt dream of our future that night. Only them. Together. In our bed....
I opened my eyes and squinted at the early morning light, my head pounding and my eyes heavy. For a moment I didnt realize where I was, I sat up and looked around sleepily, then images of last night ran through my head and my heart broke all over again, my chest tightened with soaring pains.
I shook my head pushing those vile disgusting images from my mind as I sat fully up.
I must have fell asleep on the couch.
I stood up and smoothed down the pillows and folded the blanket, no matter what situation I was in there was never an excuse not to have a nice clean house I thought to myself.
After the lounge was presentable as I could get it this early in the morning, I made my way into the kitchen.
Alice was on her cell pouring a cup of coffee, her eyes shooting towards me
"Oh Bellas up now, yeah she said into her cell Okay, I shall see you tonight"
Then she flipped it shut and sat down at the island in the middle of the kitchen, handing me over a cup of coffee.
I smiled and gladly sipped it down, not caring how hot it was, I really needed it. I glanced up to see Alice looking back at me with pity.
"Alice, please dont look at me like that I said looking away,"
"Sorry Bells" she said reaching over and touching my hand "how you doing?"
I took a minute to think about my answer "Im fine and dandy" I replied sarcastically with a smile on my face.
Alice rolled her eyes "you know what I mean" she said standing up and swilling her cup with water and dropping it into the sink.
My smile dropped and a feeling of guilt washed over me, she had been my rock that night and I was being mean to her "Im sorry Alice, I just want to forget you know?"
She smiled sympathetically to me and nodded then began to pull ingredients from the cupboard. "Come on I will make you my famous pancakes" she said and she interrupted before I could refuse "No excuses!"
After having to spend an awkward hour in the kitchen making small talk and pretending to eat Alices pancakes we moved into the lounge and began to look through my collection of chick flick dvds.
After a small debate on which film to watch first, Alice had decided on Dirty Dancing and Ghost.
"Thats bullshit!" I said throwing a pillow at the screen, Alices shocked eyes falling on me I could already see the anger she was trying to hide at having been interrupted from watching the pottery scene in the movie.
"Patrick Swayzé in Ghost is bullshit?" she asked shocked.
"No" I quickly said trying to back up "I mean, the Ill love you forever MollyDitto-shit is bullshit, he wont love her forever, he loves fucking baby in 20 minutes.."
"Hey Bella, firstly thats a totally different movie and secondly step away from the Patrick Swazé insults, he aint done anything to you girl, plus hes a really good dancer, he can move my hips for me anyday" Alice replied wiggling her bum on the sofa.
I giggled and threw a pillow at her face and ducked from the popcorn she threw in my direction.
We had a really good day just being stuck to my sofa and watching movies, just hanging out with a really cool person, and for a little while at least she did make the hollow feeling inside me subside. But not completely.
Although we were having a good chilled out day I noticed that Alice kept checking her watch constantly through out the movies and girl talk, sneaking glances at her I could see that she was anxious to see Jasper and discuss what happened. I pretended not to notice as she looked down to her cell phone and try to hide in her sleeve.
"Alice I think I need to have a shower and feel human again for a while." I said.
"Okay Honey Ill make us some food and watch some crappy cable show for a bit then" she replied.
"Honestly, I think ill be alright taking a shower, you should get home, I think Jasper would be pleased to see you, hes probably worried about you" I said ignoring the numbness hitting me like a ton of bricks.
Alice shifted her weight from foot to foot for a few minutes I could tell she was thinking it over and I really needed to be on my own for a few hours, I prayed she understood that I loved her for being there for me but I just needed me time.
"I'm not sure.." she started but I could see that she did miss Jasper and needed to see him before she spontaneously combusted on my hallway rug. "I could do with getting some work done I suppose, but I dont want to leave you after..."she trailed off.
I cut her off quickly "Alice Ill be fine, Im sure I can manage to have a shower and make some food all by myself, and Im positive that Jasper is missing you right about now."
She quickly glanced at the time again and smiled, I knew that Wednesday nights were their special nights where they would just hang out and chill and do Alice and Jasper related things. I felt guilty for keeping her at mine for so long when I saw her smile fade when she turned back to me.
"you sure?" she asked quietly
I nodded. "yeah, I really need to wash my hair and I think an early night will do me some good"
It didnt take very long for Alice to throw her arms around me and promise to call when she got home and first thing the next morning then to glide out the door.
When I was certain she had gone I looked around, it was strangely quiet, something she was not used to. His voice still echoed in her mind and she closed her eyes and tried to force him to the back of her mind.
Quickly not even thinking about what was on my play list i switched my I-pod speakers on and turned the volume up.
I slowly made my way into the kitchen and my eyes fell on his discarded shirt as our song filled the room.
Tears stung my eyes and my chest heaved.
How could you be so blind?
Carefully i crept towards it, my fingers trembling as i reached out and pushed the play button.
You have 3 messages. First message: Bella its me are you there. Please pick up. I really need to talk to you, listen Im going to be working late tonight so I cant make our dinner date. Ill make it up to you I promise. Call you tomorrow Bumble Bee, love you.
I grit my teeth as his message finished, pain creeping into my chest once more. Holding my breath as the machine beeped to start playing the second message.
Second message: Bella where are you?
there was rustling in the background and what i made out as traffic, he seemed out of breath
Please come back, Im so sorry for what just happened, I didnt mean for this to happen..just come back and we can talk about this. You cant drive in this state Bella, please God please pick up the me explain Bella. I love you.
Liar. I thought.
Then the machine beeped again and i turned my back on it and made my way towards the bathroom, i turned the shower on and began to undress still listening out for his last message, my heart pounding painfully when i heard his voice again come through the speaker.
Third message: Im so sorry please forgive me, I messed up. I just want to know you are safe. Jasper told me that Alice is with you, I need to see you, I need to fix this.
Letting the warm water cover me I scrubbed at my body with the soap, wanting to wash the dirty feeling I had away. Tears fell down my cheeks and I clenched my fingers into fists
Please..I know I no right in asking this of you but please pick up the phone if youre there, I just need to hear youre voice to make sure youre alright. Bella please please just give me a chance.
(Flashback)
Work had been an absolute joke that day, the pressure to get the assignments out to the examiners was getting to me, and Mike Newton, the creepy Maths sub had been following me around all afternoon.
He had been pestering me into going for coffee with him for weeks now and he really wasnt getting the message that i just wasnt interested, besides i was in a happy relationship and had been since high school, with her childhood sweetheart Edward Cullen.
We had met when I started Forks elementary school when my parents moved back to Forks after travelling for a few years. I was a shy bookworm back then, always reading and writing stories in my little grey notebook.
He sat next to me in English and we hit it off from the second Id laid eyes on him, we shared crayons in art and each time he tapped me on the shoulder to ask meekly to borrow my coloured pen i lost another little piece of my heart in his beautiful green eyes. After that we shared most things, crayons, books, trading cards even first kisses.
We became an official couple at the start of high school and had been dating ever since, we were the perfect couple.
They had even started talking about marriage and babies.
Sure they had their ups and downs but didnt every couple?
I admitted that I had neglected Edward a little during the last couple of weeks, but he understood that my job was important to me, and he respected that, just as I had respected that he had a career too.
After closing the last exam entry form I looked down to my watch and sighed, I was late for a dinner date with Edward. We always went out for dinner on a Friday night, as a sort of date night, something little to keep the magic alive for both of us.
I reached into my purse and pulled out my cell phone and typed in his number and pressed it to my ear, inwardly cursing as I reached his machine but smiling when his voice rang through my ear. The butterflies still fluttering around in the pit of the stomach every time I heard his velvety voice.
"Hey, its me. Sorry Im running really late work is Im going to drive to yours and maybe we should get takeout? Im spent and just need to relax, so I was thinking a movie and an early night? I said into the phone smiling like a teenager, I could already imagine his arms around me pulling me closer to him as he kissed my neck, the spot where he knew I loved it. so Ill see you in a few minutes, okay, I love you."
I shut my cell and gathered my stuff and quickly made my way to my car, avoiding Mike Newton and being dragged into another one of his attempts at asking me out.
10 minutes past and I pull into Edwards neighbourhood, waving at Mr Woodcock as I passed him.
The butterflies built up again as his house came into view illuminated by the streetlamp. I pulled up at the curb and stopped the car and got out, fishing in my purse for the key he had cut for me. I inwardly smiled as I made out candles through the tainted glass window panel of the front door. He always made me feel special in the little things he did.
I called out his name as i shut the door behind me, after hearing no reply I thought he may be in the bathroom and I felt sneaky, i wanted to surprise Edward by waiting for him in his bedroom wearing nothing but one of his shirts, so I crept up the stairs quietly careful of the creaking floorboard I crept towards his room, the butterflies doing summersaults in my stomach, knowing that i would probably start giggling at any minute and spoil the surprise.
A giggle. I covered my mouth, but it wasnt me that giggled
Confused I carried on towards Edwards room, and reached for the door handle turning it carefully and opening it a smile firmly on my lips, my eyes wide and my heart stopped-----------------------------
My fingers snaked into my hair and my back hit the wall of the shower before i slid down it, sitting on the shower floor naked and heartbroken my sobs racking my whole body once more. I hated him. I hated that I loved him and needed him there to hold me. Why was I so weak?!
--------------------------------- Edward was there, rolling his hips into a blonde haired woman, her arms clinging onto the head board as he thrust into her, his heavy grunting so loud I was surprised I didnt hear it earlier.
I was stood frozen unable to move, unable to look away, my chest had felt like someone had punched me hard and I couldnt catch my breath. I gasped for much needed air and I was met with blue eyes. The blonde girl looked in my direction confused for a split second the gasped and sat up abruptly knocking Edward back into reality.
It all happened in a second.
I stood tall as I watched almost in slow motion as his head turned in my direction, his hips still thrusting the fully stopping when realising that I stood in his doorway. His eyes widened and he pulled away from the blonde girl and grabbed the covers and covered himself quickly half getting off the bed,
"Bella?!" he cried as I turned around and ran for the door, I heard as he scuffled around getting off the bed and running after me, I had never run so fast to the front door but Edward caught my arm as I fumbled to open the lock.
"Bella wait he said I can explain!"
I couldnt process words, my whole body ached, my legs were shaky and my breathing was laboured, tears ran down my face, he brought his hands to my face quickly wiping the tears away, I couldnt look at him, I felt sick.
"Bella, that isnt what it looked like" he said cradling my face lovingly, I squatted his hands away from me and pushed him away from me forcefully surprised at myself for a second at how much strength I still had.
"NO!" I screamed hitting his chest and pushing him away from me "DONT TOUCH ME!"
"Bella please let me explain" he replied his voice cracking as he reached out for me again, and me having to scramble away from him, his fingers were tainted now and I wanted to be sick.
"Get away from me!" I shouted pushing him again then unlocking the door and throwing it open and rushing towards my car, reaching into my bag for my keys, listening to him begging me to listen to him for a moment.
"Leave me alone!" I shouted turning to him as I walked backwards, I watched as he still moved towards me quickly, adjusting his jogging bottoms and putting a shirt on, his face streaming with panic.
"Bella wait please just hear me out" he begged.
"Get the FUCK away from me Edward!" I shouted back as I opened my car door and slipped inside locking the door as soon as I shut it, knowing that he would slide into the seat next to me and make me listen to what he had to say about his seedy little secret.
He reached down to find I had already locked it, and he rested his hands on the window looking into my eyes pleadingly, I shook my head and let the tears fall freely as I turned the key and the radio automatically came on. I turned it all the way up to drone his voice and I put the car into gear.
I didnt look into the rear view mirror as I drove off, I pulled over after an hour of driving and ran to the edge of the road and bent over to be sickagain and again, my tears never stopped falling down my cheeks.
The hot water stung but I didn't care, it stopped the dull aching pain in my chest hurting so much.
I loved him and he betrayed me. Edward Cullen had officially broken my heart.