MariChat Oneshot:

Hairball

By

Reptilian-Angel

Me: Adrien learns the hard way that giving into his feline tendencies as Chat Noir while dating Marinette have an embarrassing downside.

Half lemon/half-lime take it as you will. Not a Reveal fic!

I own nothing, enjoy! Reviews are appreciated!

Normal P.O.V.

There was something in his throat. That was all that Adrien could deduce.

It wasn't painful, it didn't restrict his breathing to the point where he felt suffocated, but damn it all if it didn't make his esophagus itch like crazy.

It had started after his breakfast, which he had already knew wasn't the cause of this strange tickle, because lord knows his father would have a fit at his personal chef if Adrien was given anything he was allergic to. At the time, he simply brushed it off as a crumb stuck somewhere and had swiftly drunk the offered water Natalie had given him to be rid of it and left it at that.

On his way to school, however, it started to get worse. The tickle slowly grew into an extending rash, climbing up the back of his throat ever so slowly. Small coughs started to come out, thankfully just every couple of minutes or so as to not draw attention from Natalie or the Gorilla. Once at school, he made a bee-line for the nearest vending machine and tried not to look too frantic as he pushed the designated button for water. He made especially sure to drink the water slowly, savoring the cool relief to his throat as he made his way to his first class.

Something must be in the air today. He stated to himself, though something in his gut told him otherwise. Maybe it's just a lot more pollen than usual. Everyone's allergic to that, so maybe that's it. With that simple assurance in mind, he did his best to enjoy the rest of his school day.

It was near close to lunch when Adrien knew something had to be wrong. The mysterious itch had grown into a near fester in his windpipe, his coughs growing louder, more violent, to where Adrien could barely stay upright from the force of the hacking. No amount of water guzzled could quench it, no amount of slow breathing exercises to sooth it, the best he could do by then was keep his hands slapped over his mouth to avoid spitting on Nino or his fellow students. Not to mention that the strange thing inside of him was getting closer and closer to exiting.

Said best friend could only look on his friend with bewilderment and more than a little concern. "Adrien, dude, are you okay?"

Adrien opened his mouth to say, yes, yes he was okay, just something caught in his throat, or something along those lines but instead, a rapid chain of vile hacks came out. Much to his embarrassment, some spittle did make it's way out that time, splattering against Nino's glasses which earned him a grossed out "Dude!", making his cheeks flush before he once again covered his mouth.

Oh geez, this was not good. This was not good.

He was pretty sure at this point everyone in class was starting to wonder what the hell was going on with him, even Chloe would have paused in her self-indulgent primping to look and stare.

Especially Marinette. He could just picture her looking at him now with her bright, blue eyes crinkled in worry and her pretty pink lips turned down in a concerned frown.

Then for some stupid-ass reason, his imagine started to play games with him as the image in his head turned more flushed and red, her bluebell irises flickering hot and intense as they stared back at him, her sweet soft mouth peeling open with a moan that was near identical to what he heard last night -

Oh god.

It was coming. The thing whatever it was, it was coming. Bile, spit, the world's biggest crumb he had no idea. Bu whatever it was, it was tickling his uvula and it could not wait.

He managed to sputter out an excuse before grabbing his bag and jumping out of his seat, ignoring any sounds of his name or protest as he practically sprinted out the door. He poorly avoided colliding with any other students on the mad dash to the boys' restroom, his lips quivering weakly to keep the awful thing from breaking loose right there in the school hallway. God, if he threw up this ridiculously insistent thing right on public school grounds, he might have to run away to some godforsaken hole in Las Vegas to spare himself the embarrassment.

Once he finally made to the restrooms, which in his mind felt like way longer a trip than it should've been, he collapsed into the nearest open stall and just barely got his head over the toilet before he let loose. He coughed and he coughed hard. The thing came out in a rush of vile heat, slick and strong and splashing into the water with an unceremonious splash. Another hearty cough and suddenly more showed up to join it, this mixed in with a fair amount of vomit and leaving poor Adrien feeling ill all over.

This continued on for three minutes or so, the only sounds filling the restroom being Adrien's impromptu barfing and Plagg, the lazy kwami who had been silently observing him until then, doing his best to sooth him with uncharacteristic softness. By which, meaning he perched himself on the back of Adrien's head and patted the haphazardly tossed locks awkwardly as he said, "There, there. It's okay, it'll be over soon."

Thankfully, for once, Plagg was right. After a couple moments of leaning heavily over the toilet seat, his now sore throat leaving him raw and panting and eyes screwed shut as if terrified of what exactly he had just tossed up, Adrien got enough strength to push himself off and plop against the stall wall with a lack of grace that didn't befit a famous, trend-setting model at all. Although he was sure that he looked anything but photo ready at the moment . . .

"Plagg?" He breathed out, wincing at the lingering taste of of his own upchuck coating his tongue. "Do you have any idea what just happened?"

"Don't bother asking me, kid." The kwami responded dismissively. "If you want answers, take a look at your handi-work."

Adrien groaned pitifully. He was sure if he did that, the contents of his stomach would be quick to join the rest. "Aww, Plagg, I don't wanna look in there."

"Hey, it's your choice." Plagg stated bluntly. "The worst is over now, so it's not like it's gonna kill ya."

Adrien wanted to deny that. He wanted to just flush the mess he was sure he made in the porcelain bowl away, allowing to sink into the sewers of Paris and just go on his merry way. Back to class, where he was sure he could find some way to write off his sudden fit of sickness, flashing his iconic smile to seal the deal. He'd then kindly accept the breath-mint that Marinette was sure to give him with her usual shy clumsiness that always vanished each time Chat Noir breached her balcony to steal a kiss and more -

- Unfortunately, his body had other ideas, his more curious and, erhm, Chat-tish side winning the unconscious piloting controls to his body without even a fight; Adrien found himself leaning back over the toilet and peering anxiously inside the bowl.

Any thoughts of how disgusted at himself he was positive he was going to be was automatically forgotten when he saw what exactly had been actually inside him until only minutes ago.

". . . . . . . . . . . Plagg?"

"Uh-huh?"

". . . . . . . . . Tell me what all that is isn't what I think it is."

". . . . Okay. It's not."

Plagg's complete lack of even trying, and using that term was that was just being polite, to be reassuring did nothing to stop Adrien's face from heating up in a shade of red that would've outshone even his beloved Ladybug's costume. It was the massive amounts of long and short blue strands of hair that gleaned almost mockingly up at him despite the shadow his head made over them.

More specifically the knowledge where he knew exactly where most of those short little hairs had come from.

As Adrien's forehead made contact with an obnoxious bang against the rim of the seat, Plagg had only one thing to say to him. "See, this is Chat Noirs hold off the Oral sex stuff until after they're out of the costume. Less risk of hairballs."

Fin.

ME: Once this idea popped into my head, I could not stop thinking about it no matter what I did. Before I knew it, this little gem was written and ready to be posted. I have two cats and, speaking from first-hand experience, hairballs are gross no matter what way you look at them.

That being said, all I can say is that I wish it hadn't been until the middle of the year when I posted another writing piece. AGAIN. Bleh, I'm a bum.

Anyway, please be kind if you decide to throw rocks at me over this, and to those who are even kinder NOT to throw them, thank you so much!

Until next time, Bug out!