Title: Your Greatest Friend
Characters: Tsuzuki, Hisoka
Pairing: None
Series: Yami no Matsuei
Rating: PG?
Summary: This is a fic about Tsuzuki and the organised effort to spy on Hisoka.
Disclaimer: I don't own Yami no Matsuei or anything cool like that.
Warning: This was written in a day...lol. And, it ends badly.
Note: This is for Anzu-chan for her birthday. Because I'm poor. And I suck. xD

Waiting wasn't great, exciting, or stimulating in any manner. There's something I need to tell you before you leave. Wait for me at the Thai restaurant. And suppose who had listened?

But he'd been waiting for Hisoka for quite a long time now. Two years. Three years. Luckily, Tsuzuki was a patient sort of guy. Yes, he knew it was a rare trait he'd likely carried over from the early 1900s. But when Hisoka was fickle, there was really nothing else that Tsuzuki could be.

And thus he waited. He waited for Hisoka to show, waited for dinner to come, waited for the possibility of being stood up yet again. He let that be a testament to his devotion; he had never missed a date that Hisoka had set. It was out of kindness and a not-so-secret pride he would brag about later. He knew Hisoka would take things much better by calling Tsuzuki an idiot for waiting so long than having Hisoka arrive and find Tsuzuki had never shown up. Tsuzuki didn't like to let people down. Maybe he'd carried that over from the early 1900s, also; something about being polite.

"It's taken you an hour, Hisoka. I was just thinking about leaving."

"Shut up," Hisoka said sourly and took a seat. The bad mood wasn't a deviation from the boy's usual manner, but Tsuzuki had noticed it growing in the past few weeks. He'd let it go for a few days, then he'd asked directly. When Hisoka blew him off, he'd begun working behind the scenes with the department's greatest advisors concerning the affairs of young boys, Misses Yuma and Saya, and Mr. Yutaka Watari. Watari, of course, had been an accident but, having been more recently deceased than Tsuzuki, proved an invaluable resource on the modern adolescent male's mind. Also, Watari was a scientist, and who could turn against the logic of a mind that thought with such purpose and process? Tsuzuki certainly wasn't about to try. Living in fear of Watari's dubious excursions into the field chemistry did not show disbelief in the man's cognitive ability in full, but instead showed the grounded fear that maybe he was a bit too brilliant to be mixing chemicals and doing five other experiments as well as his job all in the same time.

Unfortunately, though Tsuzuki's investigation had unearthed dozens of interesting nuances of Hisoka's daily life and decision making skills, they were left with no real knowledge outside the television Hisoka never watched, and the grateful warning to never trust Hisoka in the operation of a fruit juicer without expecting dire consequences for the linoleum tile. In all, though amusing, the investigation had proven a failure, which was pathetic, considering all those involve were top investigators in the JuOhCho.

"I'll order your food. No use in talking before eating, right? Are you deathly allergic to peanuts?"

Hisoka's face was stoic. "Would it matter?"

"Good point," Tsuzuki said brightly. "But lighten up a little; it's Thai!"

Hisoka looked confused by this, but in the manner where he didn't mind using this confusion to brush off everything Tsuzuki said as petty. "That's the stupidest reason I've ever heard to lighten up," Hisoka said, "and you've given me a lot of stupid reasons."

Somewhere else a dish hit the ground and shattered. Tsuzuki turned to it interestedly for a moment, speaking from the side of his mouth with only half of his attention. The words, however, were nothing special. "You know I've been asking you about that new attitude for the past weeks. I though we were getting along." Tsuzuki then found Hisoka's eyes and held then in his own. He grinned. "Now. What did you do?"

"You assume it's may fault?" Hisoka asked, furious and not looking away.

"Well, nothing's bothering me right now. So, yes."

Hisoka recognised a topic he knew well how to argue. "Are you're telling me nothing bothers you?"

"You know the answer to that, Hisoka," said Tsuzuki, who saw the error in his choice of words. "And I lied by mistake. I forget to say; You're bothering me right now. I'm worried."

"So you've got Yuma peaking into my apartment window at three in the morning?"

Tsuzuki apparently choked on nothing, though it was probably his lack of shame. "Ah! What? Who told you?"

"I assumed you had something to do with it," Hisoka said darkly. "It would seem that I assumed correct."

"But we stopped spying on you ages ago," Tsuzuki said, suddenly exiting the conversation and recollecting on his history of crimes against his partner. "I mean, we stopped surveillance Thursday. What was she thinking? Maybe she had a lead she was holding back on? Oh, that's bad…. And here we are without accurate information. I should have known it was going to far when she suggest I man the shower surveillance."

"Shower surveillance?" Hisoka roared, standing up and looking ready to murder something or, most likely, someone. "As in, surveillance in my shower?"

Tsuzuki still babbled to himself, however, now implementing Watari as the advocate for twenty-four hour camera access to Hisoka's home, office, and preferred places to eat. Hisoka blanched as the disorganised inner workings of the group's (supposedly well-intentioned) network of espionage activity against him unravelled before his eyes. He no more took his seat than collapsed into it, finding his legs has grown unable to support him in their shaking. "W-what the hell did you think you were going to get out of spying on me like a bunch of old perverts? " he asked faintly, shocked and horrified beyond the threshold of simply screeching his vengeance. Tsuzuki continued and Hisoka watched hopelessly. "Are you even listening to me?" he asked, though his voice was sounding very far away.

It was a terrifying thought when someone realised their privacy was nonexistent. Hisoka was feeling deeply betrayed by the world.

"So, you know everything then?" Hisoka asked when Tsuzuki reached a point of pause, "And now I suppose you're just toying with me, aren't you?"

"Wha--?" Tsuzuki said. The bashful smile he had closed his description on began trickling away. Hisoka's fury was alarming and more than he'd expected. "I don't see why you're so upset."

"And here I thought this department could go no lower with the imbecility," Hisoka said, keeping his syllables short and sharp. Over his head, a storm cloud was forming and thundering. Tsuzuki imagined the room grew suddenly much darker. For a lifetime he and Hisoka held eye contact, as though Hisoka could kill him with the intensity of his glare. Other patrons felt a chill in the restaurant and adjusted their coats accordingly.

"Fine," Hisoka said at last in defeat. He fell back limply into his chair and for a long moment only stared at the floor around the base of a neighbouring table. "I wasn't planning to discuss this so soon, but it trumps putting it off indefinitely. You know my secrets, then, what I've done."

"Um…yes," Tsuzuki said, more than a little confused what Hisoka was looking so devastated about. It wasn't like they'd seen anything direly important. In fact, Hisoka was a pretty boring guy, so unless Saya and Yumi weren't telling him something….

…Which may have been the case, now that he thought about it. They have never implemented the camera system, though the girls has been fervent supporters of it. Tsuzuki and Watari had believe it to be a little too intrusive and also very obvious. This had devastated Saya and Yuma, but luckily they had amazing coping ability. Tsuzuki was being to realise now, however, that this may not have been the case and that the girls has spitefully withheld crucial information. Thought he didn't like to assume the worse, Tsuzuki has to accept the idea as fitting.

"Well," Hisoka continued in his heart-wrenchingly defeated tone, "I guess now that you know I'm--"

"Stop!" Tsuzuki interrupted him. "Um, I didn't learn anything about you to be upset over. Really. I know you like Thai peanut and movie soundtracks in English. You buy unscented hand soap and sometimes you feed the stray cats that live in alley behind your house, and when they get too loud you sleep with your music player on. You rarely watch television, you spend a godawful amount of time reading, and you're not compatible with fruit juicers. Your apartment super is a scary-looking old man who looks like a paedophile, and your neighbour asks you every morning you pass her in the hall how you're feeling and you pretend to not hear her over your earphones. And that's all I got out of trying to find out what was wrong with you. Anything more than that Saya and Yuma aren't telling me about."

Hisoka's eyes found their way back up to Tsuzuki's. Tsuzuki wondered if maybe Hisoka was trying to sense that he was lying or holding back anything else he knew. It was forgivable, since it had been sneaky to spy on an unknowing co-worker, no matter what the reason. Also, making a sophisticated group effort of it was it's own fair share of creepy. Oddly enough, this was all something you came to fear and accept from working in the JuOhCho, that everyone know more about you than you, still thinking in a world of human limitations, gave them credit for. Sometimes, in certain cases, someone knew more about you than you knew yourself. It was downright disturbing, but that was a hassle of being dead.

"I believe you," Hisoka said, "But I'm leaving."

"Awww, Hiiiisoookaaaa!" Tsuzuki pleaded as Hisoka stood once more and began his obligatory storming away towards the door. Tsuzuki tried to rush after him, but was stopped by a large man in a waiter's uniform who demanded he pay the bill before leaving. "No, Hisoka! At least buy the food you didn't eat," Tsuzuki called out the door, but the boy was already gone. Tsuzuki was left behind with two servings of dinner and no one to share it with--which was a dream scenario of his concerning delicious, cheap Thai, but was wasted on the mood Hisoka had put him into.

"But you love Thai peanut," Tsuzuki murmured to the chair across from him that was empty except for Hisoka's forgotten jacket. With a resolute sigh, he settle his grip on his chopsticks and dug in, relishing the flavour but too well aware of what vital ingredient was missing.

Endnote: And who thought Hisoka's confession was "I'm in love with you"? C'mon, people, raise your hands. I'll raise my own also. I fail. If I write more to this fic, we all may someday know. Hm.