"I'm not a faerie but I need
More than this life so I became
This creature representing more to you
Than just another girl"
- Emilie Autumn 'Swallow'
I couldn't remember how long I had been admitted. I just knew that with every passing day, my grip on reality was fading. I tried to remember why I was here, I tried to remember who I was. Printed on my left arm were four numbers, these marked me as an inmate. The last thing that was in my mind was when I was last with Charles. My dear brother betrayed me. He turned me into these monsters that wanted to study me. My brother said I was losing my mind. People don't just become other people Raven. Those were his words. I retorted with telling him that his power was annoying. He wondered what his power was, like he didn't know, and I told him that he loved to talk to me using his mind. I was in a human doctor's office the next day. They tried to take my blood and I attacked them. It took more people to restrain me, but after that I was taken to this place. To cure me was the goal. I didn't want to be like other people. Charles left me here, to rot, how could he side with the dying race?
It was after a few days I met the people I was being kept with. A woman who wore all white and looked at me every time I thought about her. She could read my mind. There was a man who twirled around in circles. He could conjure severe tornado with only just his hands. He once took care of the whole common room. Then there was the devil. A scary red man with a tail and the ability to show up out of nowhere. Lastly there was a girl who told me they kept her from flying. I could see these people using their gifts to take care of everyone here. The doctors kept forcing pills down our throats. It made it harder to shift my skin but I could still do it. Blonde hair, fair skin, brown eyes. Black hair, chocolate skin, black eyes. I could still be whoever I wanted to be.
They locked us away from the rest of the world because they were afraid of us. The lady in white heard them call us pathetic and weak. I howled my rage and tried to kill a nurse. They locked me in the lonely rooms for two days. After I came back the common room was excited to see me, and I was so happy to see them. I even kissed the devil! We were a match made in heaven. He didn't refuse me.
Some time after that my brother came to visit me. Only this time he was in a wheelchair. He told me that a stray bullet hit him in the back and he was permanently paralyzed. I cried into his lap and told him that was what happens when you trust the humans. They would find out that you're one of us and they'd turn on you. I forgave him, so long as I was able to come back home. But he just patted me on the back and told me it wasn't quite time for me to come home. When we had to part, I could see the tears in his eyes. I said with my mind outreaching to his, I love you Charles.
Over the course of weeks, months, years, I felt hopeless. I felt there was nothing I could do to escape this prison. I had to get my mind off of it. So, with one day I decided that I didn't need clothes. In the common room I shed my clothes and this must have set off the devil. He crossed the room and quickly laid me down on the table. I felt him climb on top of me and begged him to make me forget. He pierced through my maidenhood and quickly went to work. Around us was chaos the twirly man was yelling, the woman in white was crying and the girl with the wings cheered us on. It didn't last long before the human zookeepers came to haul him off of me. It took over four men to get him to calm down at parting from me.
They wanted to give me more pills. I cried when they told me that I was either going to take the pills or suffer the consequences. I didn't understand what they meant so I spit at them and refused the pills. Security to the common room was increased and my demon was sent off to the lonely rooms. It took a few days but they told me I didn't have to take any medicine anymore. I was happy but I was violently throwing up all the chemicals. My body was purging the medicine from me.
I stopped eating. Then they forced me to eat. I was strapped down to my bed with a needle sticking into my arm. I laid there for what felt like weeks. Once I was able to leave my bed I was bigger. It was as if my body mass was expanding. I entered the common room and my devil was back! I approached him but he didn't speak to me. I walked away from him dejectedly and sat in a corner of the room. Soon I began to bite my nails all the way down to the flesh and then change my skin so I could regrow them and do it all over again.
Months were going by. With each month I gained more weight. They were feeding me more food. It was getting harder to sit down in my corner. The woman in white often giggled in my presence, the twirly man ignored me now and the devil refused to even be in the same room with me. So I was alone.
After more months of this I woke up one morning to extreme pain. I wanted my brother. I was crying as the humans rushed me out of the place and soon I was being surrounded by other people. Charles must have heard my screams of pain because in a matter of moments after I was placed in a bright room he was there by my side. He was very angry when he talked with the homo sapiens that surrounded me. I begged him to save me to heal me, I didn't want to die. He held onto my hand tightly and said I was going to die. I was having a baby. A baby? My thoughts were erupting with images of a red or blue baby with a cute little tail and bright blue or golden eyes.
It felt like an eternity but I finally felt the baby exit my body and come out into the world. I could hear the cries of my baby. I called for them to give me it. They didn't even acknowledge me, instead they talked straight to Charles. He asked them if he could hold the baby and they gave him over. In a soft voice Charles told me it was a boy. A boy! A beautiful baby boy. He then showed me my precious boy. I commented on how he was a beautiful blue like me, that his eyes were the same golden color and how the mop of hair on his head was just like his daddy's. I held my arms out for him but Charles pulled him back protectively. He said I needed rest before I could hold him. So I rested. When I was finally given my boy he made no sounds. But he was so perfect.
After I returned to where everyone else was I showed off my little baby boy. But no one seemed to be interested so I just stayed quiet and to myself. Cradling my precious little boy.
Years later when Charles came for a surprise visit, he brought someone with him. A boy possibly no older than six. The boy stuck to Charles like glue. His eyes were brown, with black hair and fair skin. He didn't speak to me or Charles. My brother just asked me who the boy was. I could tell this was a trick question and quickly answered 'your son'. He didn't speak or smile, just simply nodded. We talked more about things unrelated to the boy and then finally it was time for them to leave. As they were going out the door the boy came to me and hugged me. I didn't understand why but I hugged back. He reminded me of my own son, the one lying on the table sleeping. I picked him up and held him close.
New pills, more pills. Soon enough I was wandering around the wards with a doll wondering where I was and why I was here. I was forgetting things, key things and everything. I asked one of them if I can see my brother Charles, he would know what was going on. Doctors and nurses were all around me noticing a 'definite change' they called it. I looked down to my left arm, thereupon it was a bracelet. It had neat typewriter print that said 'Raven Darkholme'. Yes that was my name. It listed my address and blood type. But it didn't help me puzzle together my past and why I was here.
Charles came to the rescue. He was so surprised by how I was doing that he said if I continued on this path to recovery I could come home. I didn't even know I was sick. We talked more about why I was there and when I could go home.
By the end of the week I was in normal clothes and in a car with Charles heading back to our family mansion. Waiting by the door was a young man. I could vaguely remember him from when Charles brought him to see me. He was a lot bigger than he used to be. I was told that the lads name was Kurt, after our stepfather that had died while I was in the hospital. The second I got out of the car the boy rushed over to me wrapping his arms around my waist and hugging his face to my chest. I supposed that he really missed his auntie.
Kurt completely ignored Charles' warnings or concerns. He just dragged me from room to room, showing me around my own house. He showed me his room, which was sparsely decorated, for a kids room. He then took me to his favorite room in the house, it was my room. He told me how when he was little this was the room he would run to when he had a nightmare. I sat down on my bed and he nestled in next to me. I was looking around my room noting how it had not changed until I saw it, there sitting on my dresser was a picture I did not recognize. It was of me, with unclean hair and a distant smile. Charles was there too, holding a baby in his arms. Then suddenly I could remember that day. I could remember what they did to me. How they gave me a doll instead of a baby. My eyes locked on to the child sitting with his arms around me and his head resting on my shoulder. I said no words then, I just wrapped my arms around the boy and wept. He said three simple words to me while I cried.
Welcome Back, Momma.