Hospital, Jamie decided, was the most boring place in the universe. Even more boring than prison. At least in prison, he was usually incarcerated with interesting people. The UNIT hospital had no interesting people in it. They were all out saving the Earth – again – while he languished in bed with a gunshot wound.

Also, the food was disgusting. He lifted up a spoonful of chilli and let it plop back onto the plate, pulling an expression of revulsion. It looked like sick.

But he was ravenous and there was no-one else around to get him anything else. With a sigh, he scooped up another spoonful and lifted it to his mouth.

"Blimey, you're right, it actually does look like sick," an incredulous voice said.

Jamie turned in surprise and the chilli plopped back onto the plate.

The man in the doorway winced. "Yuck. No wonder you complained. I remember that, you know. You nagged my ear off for days. Made me go out and get food from the caff down the road for the rest of your stay. Actually, it was quite nice, that caff. May have to pop in there for lunch on the way home."

As soon as the man stopped for breath, Jamie butted in. "Who are you?"

His visitor grinned, showing off a set of pearly white teeth. "I'm the doctor."

Jamie looked worried. "What's wrong? I thought I just had t' rest now?"

The man laughed and sat down in the chair next to his bed. "No, I'm not that kind of doctor. I'm THE Doctor."

"No you're not."

"Really, I am," he said earnestly. "I can prove it. There's a Cyberman invasion going on and you've had to rescue Zoe and that girl… washername, Isobel, from that electronics place." He looked ruefully at the boy. "The details are a bit fuzzy, I'm afraid, it's been five hundred years."

Jamie frowned. "I'm no' stupid. You could've got that from th' nurses. Anyway, you're not the Doctor. You dinnae look anything like him."

"I've regenerated," the fake Doctor argued. "I told you about regeneration, I know I-oh." He stopped talking and rubbed his face in his hands. "No, I haven't yet. That was later. I knew that was too easy. Bugger." He sighed deeply. "All right. The Doctor as you know him is a past version of me. I was him. He will be me. We can change how we look, which is why I don't look like him, but I really can prove it." He began holding up fingers. "I picked you up from Culloden, when Ben and Polly were around. We fought Daleks and saved Victoria and met Zoe on the Wheel. We travel in a TARDIS and we've just come from the Land Of Fiction, where your face got rearranged and Zoe beat up the Karkus. That was weeeeeird, I've never forgotten that one. I mean, Gulliver! Gulliver! It's one thing to meet the writer, quite another to meet the actual characters! Shame we never ran into Harry Potter, he would've been handy to have around. Oh, and also, after you had to hang onto that rope ladder from the helicopter, I was so glad you were safe…"

He leaned over and whispered something in Jamie's ear. The boy's eyes widened and he jerked backwards. "You cannae-how d'ye-"

"I just told you, I'm him," the perhaps-not-fake Doctor said crossly. "Weren't you listening? He was me. It may have been a while ago, but I still remember bits."

Jamie looked silently at him for several seconds, trying to make sense of things in his head. It seemed impossible, but then again, so did time travel. And this stranger did know things he really, really shouldn't. Like how the Doctor had cheered him up after he'd hung from a helicopter while people tried to shoot him. "All right. Mebbe you are him. But what are you doing here?"

The other Doctor looked rueful. "It's a long story. There were these angel things… basically, we're stuck in 1969 until Sally sends back the TARDIS. I've been making a timey-wimey detector to detect time travellers and give them messages, and it went off when you lot turned up. It's not very specific. Anyway, Martha, that's my friend, you'd like her, anyway, she asked why we weren't going to find out why it was dinging and I explained that it was me and it's all under control and then I remembered that you got shot. And you had to stay here on your own while me and Zoe and the rest of UNIT dealt with the invasion." He eyed the congealing chilli and shuddered. "And you moaned at me because the food was crap. Anyway, Martha said I ought to come and visit. She said it'd do me good to catch up with an old friend."

Jamie waited a few seconds to make sure he'd really finished talking. "You came to visit me?" he asked cautiously.

"Yeah!" The other Doctor grinned again. "I knew you'd be on your own. Look!" He lifted up a bag and proudly pulled out some wrapped sandwiches. "I even brought you some good food. But don't forget to let me know how awful that chilli is or I might forget," he added as Jamie fell upon the sandwiches like a starving wolf. "And that could create a paradox and unravel the universe."

Jamie stopped chewing and looked at him. "Really?"

The Doctor shrugged. "Do you really want to find out?" He leaned back in the chair and folded his hands behind his head. "So how are you, anyway?"

"Mah leg hurts," Jamie grumbled. "And I'm bored."

The Doctor removed his hands from behind his head and leaned forward, grinning mischievously. "Well, I can think of a way to pass the time."

Jamie looked blankly at him. The Doctor waggled his eyebrows suggestively and suddenly he understood. "This is a hospital!"

"So? This is a private room." He walked over to the door, peeped outside and closed it. "And… everyone else is busy with the Cybermen. The invasion won't be over for quite a while."

"But… my leg," Jamie protested feebly as the Doctor advanced towards him and pulled the curtain around the bed.

"It'll be fine, I'll massage it better," the Doctor said cheerfully. He leaned forward and quickly kissed him. "I'll be careful not to hurt you. Trust me. I'm a Doctor."