A/N: Lil idea I had featuring Lil Ed! He's 13 in this, btw. Just thought I'd wanna try this out. And fair warning: tons of profanity thanks to little Ed not being mature enough to hold his tongue. Many F bombs. So yeah.
...o0o...
Roy growled to himself quietly, eyeing another paper, barely reading the giant blocks of text it contained. It had be well over 5 hours into the work day, and he had yet to make a dent in his paperwork. He sneaked a glance at his pocket watch, frowning a bit.
I didn't sign up to be a State Alchemist just to do paperwork the whole day...
He flipped it open, scowling even more in distaste at the time. 1125 hours... Great, and the Fullmetal Midget is gonna be here for an oral report as well, in all his colorful, Pipsqueak glory. Wonderful.
Roy let out a hefty sigh, shaking his head and he mindlessly signed the paper without really reading it.
4 minutes.
He watched as his hand signed another paper about scrap metal used as Automail parts or something.
3 minutes.
He scanned two more, tossing them into his personal burn pile. Both were about replacing old pipes or some crap like that.
2 minutes.
Mustang signed another paper about some old lady's cat being "catnapped" by a suit of armor.
1 minute.
He tossed another paper about cancelling free education.
A collective gasp was heard behind his door, causing the 27 year old Colonel to look up at the door to his office, which had been violently kicked open...
And what met his eyes and him freeze.
Standing at the door, with his subordinates - including Riza, of all people - giving the blonde midget a look of horror, was Edward Elric.
And he couldn't say he blamed them for staring.
"Bastard, why the fuck did you send me to that useless pit of a town to for a dead, shitty ass cow?!" The boy hissed venomously, stomping inside. The kid didn't seem to notice everyone had stopped and was staring. "The damned cow was dead! How the hell did those imbeciles not know that?! The fucking 'lead' you gave us was fake, the dumbasses just mixed up their damned cows! The thing didn't 'come back to life' like you said it did, damn it!"
Fullmetal was dressed in a simple long sleeved black shirt, with black sweatpants and his normal boots and gloves, but that alone was enough to set off all the alarms in Mustang's Head.
He wasn't wearing the obnoxious red coat. Or leather pants. Or jacket.
What the hell?
But the one thing that made this image a horror was the hair.
He had cut it short.
The brat had cut his hair short.
The once long, braided, golden hair was chopped short in back, with his bangs and that stupid antenna miraculously still intact from the horrible sight.
"-and somehow they accused me of killing the fucking cow! The damned village of 74 fucking people just came at me with their fucking shotguns because they thought I of all people had killed the fucking cow when it was already dead! Let's not forget that the shitty fence they had up oh so happened to have collapsed from the weight of the cows stampeding away from the fight and those assholes have the gall to accuse me of-"
Mustang had dropped his pen, not really listening to the kid's full blown rant, instead choosing to keep gaping at the hair. The midget actually cut his hair.
And it looked so wrong.
After a whole year of getting used to a bright flashy red coat and the shock of braided golden hair, it was just... just gone. Just like that.
Short hair looked absolutely horrible on the kid.
He was surprised to think that he missed the bright red coat among the sea of military blue.
"- and suddenly the damned mayor himself decided to finally show his ass up when-"
"Fullmetal!" Mustang snapped, causing said boy to immediately shut up, giving his commanding officer a surprised look.
The 13 year old quickly registered the furious look on Mustang's face, and tensed up, watching him warily. "Y... yeah?"
Mustang slowly got up from his chair, a deep frown settled on his face. Gesturing for the kid to come a bit closer, to which the younger Alchemist cautiously did, the Colonel gave him a very serious look. "What. Happened."
Ed paused, looking quite baffled at the question. "Uh, I was just telling you-"
"Not that!" Mustang interrupted, pointing at Ed's horrible hair, "What the hell happened to your hair?!"
There was a long, long awkward, yet tense pause of silence in the room.
Ed was giving Roy an unbelievable look of shock. "I-I cut it-"
"BUT WHY?!"
"WELL GEE I DUNNO, MAYBE CAUSE THE BAD GUYS KEPT GRABBING IT IN FIGHTS?!"
"HAWKEYE COULD'VE JUST TAUGHT YOU HOW TO AVOID THAT!"
"WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU CARE ANYWAY, BASTARD?!"
"YOU LOOK LIKE A LITTLE SCHOOLBOY WITH SHORT HAIR THAT'S WHY!"
"WHO'RE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE COULD PASS FOR A PRESCHOOLER AND NO ONE WOULD NOTICE?!"
"Actually, Mustang sir," Alphonse interjected from the doorway, where he and the others were watching. "Ed cut it because on the mission a guy mistook him for a girl and tried flirting with him."
There was a moment of silence to let that sink in.
Havoc nearly choked on his laughter, as Breda tried, and failed at, hiding a grin. Fuery and Falman coughed awkwardly, while Hawkeye gave Ed an exasperated look.
Mustang couldn't help it. He laughed in the kid's face, who was now beet red and swearing profusely. "SH-SHUT UP YOU BASTARD!"
Alphonse somehow managed to give his embarrassed brother an apologetic look.
Eventually, when the laughter died down, Mustang chuckled once more, and ruffled the kid's hair. "Look, Fullmetal, that may happen occasionally but don't get hung up on it. Grow your hair back."
Edward gave him a confused look, scowling. "And why should I?"
"Because you definitely aren't the Fullmetal Alchemist with that hair and clothes."
"Didn't it ever occur to you that I have other clothes besides a red coat and leather pants?"
"Coulda fooled me."
"Screw you."
"Grow it back, Fullmetal. That's an order."
"Wait what?! You can't abuse your power like that you- No dont you dare go- HEY GET BACK HERE DAMN IT!"
...o0o...
A/N: Yeah... Don't ask why, I was bored. I can just imageine Mustang being all "GROW IT BACK DAMN IT OR I'LL COURT MARSHAL YOU"