A crazy drunk Severus fic.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of it's characters, yada yada yada.
So one day I was discussing with some people what Severus would be like drunk. And my grandmother, of all people, said that he would be a whinny drunk. At once my sister and I both pictured him singing his heard out to I don't Wanna Miss a Thing by 'Aerosmith'. And thus thing fanfiction was born. Please enjoy. And don't forget to REVIEW!
"AND I MISS YA LILY!"
CossetteLune
It was the annual Chistmas staff party. Easily Severus Snape's least favourite time of the year. At least with the staff as apposed to the students there weren't a bunch of couples snogging in front of him. Either way though, Christmas, party, socializing. Not his thing. As everyone else got ready for the social event, Severus sat at his desk and looked through some old pictures he kept hidden away of his own school days. He didn't know why he put himself threw this, but every year before the staff party he would look at them and reminess about Lily and when they were still friends. The pre-Potter days, he called it in his head. As usual he lost track of time and Dumbledore came to get him.
"Not attending this year, Severus? It would be such a shame. We would all miss you."
"No, no. I'm coming." He rose and made his way to the headmasters office, where the socializing commenced. He followed Professor Dumbledore up the staircase. As they walked in, he saw various decorations and lots of people smiling and talking with each other. He hated how angsty it sounded, but he did not belong and knew that no one would have cared less whether or not he had showed. Except maybe McGonagall. She never missed a chance to take a shot at him. To think that at one point she was his teacher was difficult to imagine now.
"How were they getting along without me?" Severus said sarcastically to Dumbledore after fifteen minutes of Snape standing alone.
"If you didn't want to come then you should have stayed locked up in your dungeon, Severus." McGonagall commented while walking past him to speak with the Headmaster.
"Don't be bitter just because you're behind this year." These comments came to him without even thinking any more. It's a good thing he didn't have to hold his tongue often.
"This is Christmas time. No time for silly competitions to get in the way of friendship, you two. This is a time of love and happiness," Dumbledore interrupted the rivals.
Severus murmured under his breath, "When is it not a time of love to you?"
Unfortunately, he was still heard, and happy-go-lucky Dumbledore would not allow such negativity. "Come on, at least have a drink."
"Just pumpkin juice for him, Albus. Wouldn't want to give him alcohol, it may make him smile." McGonagall sneered at her own snide comment.
"No amount of alcohol could make me smile in your presence." He walked away, not wanting to deal with her anymore, especially when he did take a pumpkin juice. He didn't like alcohol. It made people idiots of themselves. Like his scumbag father who drank his life away and blamed it all on whoever he saw around. Gee, alcohol seems just dandy with a childhood like that.
He sat alone once again, and drank more and more pumpkin juice. Every time Dumbledore passed him he would fill up his cup as if that would make the world better and more fair. The longer he sat there, the more annoyed he got, with everything. The ridiculous decorations around the room. The annoyingly chatty staff. Apparently they had nothing better to do then stand around and gossip. They could be doing work right now, or sleeping, but no. There was this brainless 'party' that was apparently so much more important. He wouldn't even call it a party. More like a prison where they are forced together. It's not like they really had a choice but to attend.
Then his mind drifted to what he would be doing if not here. If he were in his dungeons right now he could be looking back at all the times he suffered through at school and be thinking about how Lily picked that arrogant dust-pile Potter over him. Potter! And then, to make matters worse, because of said dust-pile they had a senseless son who got them both killed just for being born. What was Lily thinking? She could have been happy not dead!
The worse part is that this all happened ages ago. And he was still thinking about it. Why? Because this insane, half-witted crazy man made him take care of that senseless son until, well, until forever. When would he be done, anyway? When the Dark Lord was defeated? Severus snorted out loud. "Not likely. Potter beating the greatest dark wizard of all time? Yeah, right. That will never happen! I may as well just be digging his grave. I'm not doing any good watching over him. What am I watching for any way? That he doesn't die? Well, that's sort of impossible. I mean, think about it. He could easily just stub his toe on a rock and then cut his nail open and it could get infected and he could not notice, and the infection could rise to his head, not that there's much there to mess around with and then his head will stop sending out signals and then he will just die! I would never be able to stop that"
Severus looked at all his co-workers, who were giving him odd looks. "What in Merlin's beard are you looking at me for?" He downed another glass of pumpkin juice. "Bloody hell, I can't even sit here by myself in silence and beverage a drink without you all breathing down my necks?"
"Necks?" Sprout repeated.
"Beverage a drink?" Flitwick laughed. "Well that's a new way of speaking. Maybe it will catch on one day."
McGonagall buried her face in her hand. "What have you been drinking, Severus?
"What is wrong with you people? I've been drinking that damned pumpkin juice like you so wanted me to do, McGonny!"
Multiple people around the room stifled a laugh.
"I think it is time for us all to get some rest."
"Oh! The great Albus Wallyfrick Brown Percigit Dumbluhdore here to save the day again! That's new!" Severus yelled loudly. "Well, guess what? You can't always save the day." He was slurring now. "You did a crummy job of saving Lily Evans and her blockhead of a headband, or hulsband. Whichever."
There were a few laughs followed by a stern McGonagall persuading everyone to return to their rooms for the night.
"I miss her! Yoo know tat? I really do!" By now everyone was gone aside from Dumbledore and McGonagall.
"I suspect Peeves." The deputy headmistress sighed heavily and smelt the pumpkin juice. "There is something much stronger in here than juice. I guess he was the only one drinking out of this jar."
"And she's never coming back!"
"Very well then," Dumbledore began.
"NEVER!"
"I'm going to go find Peeves and the Bloody Baron. I'll leave you with..." McGonagall looked at Severus in his drunken state. "Well, good luck," And hurried out.
"Awe. Where's Minnie going? Doesn't she miss Lil' Lilily also! Or does she just like the Potter?" He spat at the 'p'.
"Severus." Dumbledore walked up to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "I think you should be getting to bed."
"I think you should be retiring. But that's not happening. Iz just not. Even though you're three hundreded years old. Ye- Oldie!"
"Stop whining, Severus." He lifted the teacher up and lead him out of his room and towards the dungeons.
Severus ranted on for a while, and Dumbledore stopped listening. But then an ear screeching note came our of Snape's mouth. "AND I MISS YA LILY! And I don't wanna miss a thing! Because even when I dream of you, the dream of sweets would never dooooo. And I dun wanna mizz-a thing. No, not a thing." His voice faded near the end. "What comes next headmaster?"
Dumbledore was a patient man, and this did not bother him too much. But he had never expected to see Severus crying and singing that he misses Lily. It took him so off guard that he couldn't help but laugh.
"You sink the beautiful Lilac- Lillly being dead and gone forever is humorous? I'll tell you something, sir." More spit. "It is NOT. You know wut else is funny not? LIFE! Life is so unfair. Nuting ever works out. Everyone's de-pressed and it just suckss. Sucks like- Like- A vacuum. One of those mooggle contraptions that I shouldn't know about because I'm a damn Death Eater. I eat deeth. And deeth doesn't taste good."
"No, I can imagine it doesn't." Dumbledore suppressed a chuckle.
"They should make it one of those flavours of... Bottie 'n Bert Beans! And then people would know. Because an eeter of death is not pleasant!"
"Severus, this is your room. Please sleep."
"Pft. Sleep! I can't sleep. Because then I dream of Lily and how she is DEAD."
"Yes, she is. And when you dream it's like she's alive again. So dream away."
"No! It is not. In fact... Not even close. Weren't you listsnening earlier?" He started at full volume again. "Even when I dream of her. The bestest dream would suck because she's not really aliiiive." He paused for a second and looked questingly at his Headmaster. "It goes something like that. It's a muggle song, by Erins-Smith or something..." He went on about nothing again and Dumbledore stood there waiting for a chance to get a word in.
"Professor!" It was McGonagall again. "I got this from Pomfry. Give it to him and get him in bed. It will suppress any after effects and make him drowsy."
"Thank you, Minerva. You have been very helpful and I hope this will not be mentioned again. This entire night with him."
"Of course not, Albus. See you in the morning."
"Good night."
And she was off.
"She weally hates me you know! That cat woman animaligus."
"Yes, yes. Drink this." He handed the remedy to Severus.
"CONSTANT VILLAGE-NESS! Crazy-Eyes man wud say. Deed you poison dis, cap'tin?"
"No I did not."
"Oookay. I'm gunna believe you, because you has long beard and hair. A sign of the wise."
"Drink up."
"Yus, sir!" He drank the medicine and went to bed without further ado, much to Dumbledore's relief. Albus Dumbledore was confident that McGonagall would inform the rest of the staff to say nothing further on this matter and they could act as if nothing ever happened.
As the headmaster wanted the entire incident was never mentioned again and Severus Snape had no recollection of such events. He remembered being bored and assumed that he nodded off and went straight to bed. Although for the rest of his employment at Hogwarts he wondered why people were so careful to keep alcohol away from him. And why McGonagall would smirk every now and then, and ask him about "The dream of sweets" he's had. It was an odd question coming from anyone, but coming from her he was positive that he was missing some sort of inside joke aimed at him. One that he would never understand and learn to simply ignore.
Well, I hope you enjoyed this little... I don't know what to call it. I had fun writing it and I hope you got some laughs out of it. Please let me know what you thought! I don't do humor much... I hope it doesn't show too much. Thank you so much! x
Much Love
CossetteLune