It is almost easy to ignore in midst of their passion. Almost easy to gloss over and block out of her mind. Almost.
Anger. Anger springing from his eyes as he thrusts within her.
She too feels something akin to anger as he thrusts deeper into her. Somehow he's pushing her away without saying a word. She pulls at him desperate for him and for this, regardless of how he feels underneath it all.
"Shepard - " he breathes, his hands against her, tracing her skin but at the same time trying to will her away from him. Will her off to another time and space far away from him, as if she didn't exist at all. And she didn't, did she? Surely this person - this thing lying beneath him wasn't truly Shepard. It couldn't be.
Yet here she was. Here they were.
It was all a trick though, he knew. But he'd allow himself this moment.
With his name, his name, so tender and quiet on her lips it is enough to undue him and he joins her in the oblivion she found only moments ago. Though the release feels wonderful it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth that not even the strongest Turian ale would be able to wash out later. And it infuriates him.
"Kaidan," she says softly. She reaches to touch his face. Sounding so much like Shepard. Feeling like Shepard.
But this wasn't Shepard.
He pulls away hotly.
The anger he kept under wraps finally erupts. It was silent anger, but anger nonetheless. Without a word he rises from the small bed and begins to gather his things.
"Kaidan," she says again as she watches him from her spot on the bed. The sheets pooling around her slender, perfect waist. Her eyes wide with confusion mixed with anger mixed with sadness.
Those eyes. Just like Shepard's. But this isn't Shepard. This will never be Shepard.
He's livid now. He sees red.
"No!" he practically shouts, as if the tone of his voice alone will change this - change everything. "You, aren't real! You are just some puppet- some thing created by Cerberus! The real Shepard is gone. You can never be her!"
Anger seems to overtake all other emotion in her blue eyes, and for a moment, he does believe this is Shepard, Shepard with the fury of a thousand suns burning in her bright blue eyes.
But it is not.
"Dammit Kaidan!" She shouts at him. "Why can't you trust me! Why can't you believe it's me! You came to me! Not the other way around. Damn you!"
"It was a mistake." And she knows he is speaking truthfully. To him, what they had just shared, after years of being apart, he viewed as a mistake.
Unshed tears sprung forth in her eyes, and again, for a split second Kaidan thought he saw humanity but quickly brushed it off as another one of Cerberus's tricks.
Suddenly Kaidan feels very exhausted.
He sits on the edge of the unmade bed with Shepard - or something, still under the sheets. "You're not Shepard?" he bites out with less malice than he intends to convey.
Silence.
Beautiful, horrid silence.
The only sound is that of them breathing. Then, a soft voice, her voice, breaks the calm.
"Believe what you want," she sounds tired as well, but gives into his stubbornness, something she used to love about him. She's so very tired. "But do believe this, you're not the Kaidan that I, Shepard, once knew. You're nothing like him."
And he knows it to be true.