A/N: Anyone in your average public school should know what I.S.S. stands for: In School Suspension. It's hell on Earth, the most boring moments of your teenage life, and Naruto has a little something to say about it...
This is written as a sub-chapter to my fanfiction "Gatorade" (SasuSaku Romance/Humor) about what goes on in the chapter Naruto was given detention from Anko after sneaking out of class to see Sasuke.
I've never been in detention or I.S.S. before so don't cut me if I'm wrong.
I.S.S. Naruto Style
NARUTO POV
This. Is. So. Lame.
I quietly whined in my seat for like the millionth time. Ibiki glared at me and my back instantly snapped up.
That guys is freakin' creepy. He has these weird scars across his face—well I do too but mine are actually handsome—and he just sits there and glares at everyone. He was probably chosen as the ISS teacher 'cause he'll scare the bad behavior out of anyone. He sorta reminds me of that bug kid who thinks we're best friends with those blank eyes. Seriously, under those creepy dark glasses are the black eyes of death. That kid follows me around everywhere, no joke. He said something about us being best friends but I think he's just a stalker. What can I say, I'm just too irresistible.
Good, Ibiki-weirdo finally looked away. Now he's glaring at that fat kid sneaking BBQ chips under the desk.
Heh, fatty.
Oh shit, I think he heard me—he's looking back at me! He has that telephone-pathway crap…telepatty…telopathy…telepathy…? Whatever.
Grammar is for squares.
I'm an oval.
…
Wait, no, I mean I'm straight! Seriously, like one-hundred percent straight!
Aw shit, Sai is telepathic too 'cause he's looking at me and licking his lips like ew!
Ew.
Ew.
Ew!
Don't look, just don't look, Naruto and maybe he'll lose interest. Ooh, a white wall! Look Sai, use your telepathy and look at that wall too!
…
Heh, the sucker fell for it… well, he's reading a book but that's the same, right? This is kind of cool, y'know? No school work, no teachers getting all up in meh chili, no homework…
...
But oh my gawd it's so boriiiiiiing!
This is so unfair! That pink haired chick—Sakura was her name I think—didn't get detention when she snuck out of class to see Sasuke! Anko is freakin' sexist, I swear! Just because that Orochimaru creeper cheated on her with those little boys, psh, don't have to take it out on us, lady!
Ha, Orochimaru totally creeps Teme out.
He stares at him in seventh period and licks his lips with that long tongue of his. He always asks Sasuke if he wants extra credit and needs to stay after class. Teme's face is freakin' hilarious when Orochimaru blows kisses at him! He gets all pale and scared looking. Ha.
That's what you get for taking all the ladies, bastard.
Speaking of ladies I wonder if Sakura-chan (yeah, that's her new nickname bitches, I called it) and Teme have a thing goin' on. Y'know, a little sugar on his muffin.
God that sounded gay…
NO SAI, I WILL NOT MEET YOU AFTER SCHOOL, STOP PASSING ME NOTES!
Ugh, damn creeper.
Oh em gee, I was playing CoD Black Ops last night with my freakin' kick-ass AK-47 and got like a twelve killstreak, no lie! Then I got the dogs out and shit and everybody was like "oh shit, it's bout to get poppin' up in dis joint with dis cool Naruto kid"! So I was kickin' it in the fire range killing my fifteenth guy (cause my dog homies had my back for the other two kills) when some fuck-nut freakin' sniped me from above! Damn creepy camper was up on that box thing with his stupid sniper.
That wasn't cool at all.
Heh, I bet Teme and Sakura-chan play "games" together all night…
Sakura-chan is kind of cute…really cute…
Mmm, those legs…
You know who else has nice legs? Shakira. Really, just look at them. Ooh and those hips, man those hips never lie…
…
Ew, don't do that again, Sai. I don't want your nasty man-blow-kisses.
…
…
…
Ugh, how long until this stupid class endssss?
…
Crap, ten more minutes.
What can I do in ten minutes without Ibiki noticing that doesn't suck balls?
Think about Shakira's sexy hips, oh yes.
Hmmm hmhmhm mhm hips don't lie mhmhm hmmm~
Don't you see baby this is perfection?
I'm hot tonight and my hips don't li—
"Naruto, stop dancing!"
Fucking killjoy…
Well, plan two I guess.
…I don't have a plan two…
Ooh, Choji has a tootsie pop, lucky son of a gun.
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? I'll count his licks!
One…
Two…
Three…
F-Damn, the asshole bit it!
Sigh, I guess the world will never know.
Ooh, I got a note.
Let's just unfold this little paper right here…
"Naruto, I'm not gay so stop watching me licking my lollipop, it's weird."
I WAS NOT WATCHING YOU!
Well, I was, BUT NOT LIKE THAT!
Maybe if I stare at Temari's ass he'll think I'm straight…
…
Crap, Shikamaru's glaring at me.
I'm not after your girl, I swear!
…
Sai, please turn around. No more sex faces, please.
A/N: And there you have it, Naruto's thoughts and moments in detention during chapter two of Gatorade!