Never Really Broke a Promise
By: Paige Collins
Author's Note: Yep. It's been a while since my last fanfic…
The words swirled and echoed through my mind, and I didn't want to accept them. I felt distant…cut off. I felt I wasn't there at the funeral and watching as my love as pushed down into the earth. I don't want to accept that fact.
But it was there. My one true fear and it came. Like that, quick as death and death it was. And it came. It left me screaming, not crying, but screaming. Regretting nothing, wishing anything and wishing my life wasn't the big bunch of crap it usually is, because life was beginning to go downhill now.
As I stood there, the cold ocean breeze rippling my hair and black dress, I thought what life was like now. It wasn't going to be pleasant. Or fun. Never would life be fun again. Because now Ron was gone, my daughter off at college, the house would seem lonely.
A vision entered my mind of me, sitting in a wooden rocking chair by a dusty window, looking out. Wishing my husband was there, watching the yard in hope to see my daughter as a child again, playing. Then I saw myself looking across the empty living room and seeing the pictures of my family years ago, when I had a family. I would be a lonely old woman. No children. No husband.
I would even die lonely. Ron always told me we'd die together. He even promised me we would. He was always there for me when life was rough. When our daughter went off with her husband and all and when we moved. When I lost my job…
The cemetery rushed back to me like a slap in the face. I suddenly realized I'd gotten lost in my thoughts. I wished then I were back in my thoughts. Seeing the Weasely's, our old friends and people who worked with Ron crying made me more depressed. Perhaps I thought…he would…
I shook my head and then turned it away. I waited for tears to come. But no. My eyes stayed dry.
I wished I could have cried.
It looked odd. Me, Ron's wife, standing there out of the whole lot, oddly quiet. When Harry had died, Cho Chang had made a complete fool of herself, bawling and falling to her knees. I guessed I didn't want to look stupid, crying and carrying on like that.
But sometimes it's okay, said a nasty little voice.
Not all the time, I thought.
I looked up at the sky. The gray swirled around in white and black. Through the dark green trees I could see seagulls flying overhead, so free. Seagulls didn't loose husbands abruptly…
And how abrupt death was.
Ron had died the morning after we had a big fight. He was shot, murdered, intentionally. I at the time had no clue he was dead and actually looked forward for him coming home. I'd been planning to prepare his favorite dinner.
Minutes had turned to hours as I sat alone in the kitchen, watching the clock. Then the phone had rung and my whole world fell apart. Ron was dead.
As I had hung up the phone, I felt rage. Anger towards Ron for breaking our special promise we'd made. Angry at him for leaving me so soon. I felt like screaming, crying…instead, I did nothing. I never even called our daughter. I just there in the lonely kitchen.
I thought at first it was a sick joke and I stayed up past midnight, hoping to see Ron coming through the door, saying something about a mix-up with everything. And he would be okay. We'd laugh about it.
Ron never came home and now I watched him being lowered into the ground. I'd never see him again.
He'd never laugh again.
Then, as I watched, memories flooded back. Ron at Hogwarts with me. Laughing, joking. The first time we met. Our fights, our triumphs, the memories we cherished the most. Our promise…
Our promise. The words, his exact voice, saying, "Hermione, I'd never leave you. We're going to die together."
"Well," I said out loud. No one heard me.
And it was glad. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I knew people would want to talk to me, tell me it was "all right." It wasn't all right. The people who tell you you'll be fine never lost someone.
I let out a sigh. It sounded like I was holding back tears. I was. And if I had known myself, I'd go home and cry. Sit in my empty house and cry. The world was so lonely…
The funeral was ending just like that.
The whole thing was ending. It seemed so…fast. Just like that. One minute, happiness. The next, sorrow.
Life is unpredictable.
"Hermione!" someone called.
I looked up and saw people I hadn't seen in years: Lavender with Seamus, Parvati by herself. Neville. Dean. And standing alone, shaking her head, Ginny stood. Tear silently ran down her face and I knew how she felt: she had lost a brother.
"Hey," I said quietly.
They left it at that and walked up the hill like the rest of everyone, leaving me alone. I liked it that way. But I knew I'd have to go home soon: in the distance, dark gray storm clouds moved in.
I walked to Ron's grave.
"Well," I said. "We had some good years, didn't we?" I felt tears surface in my eyes. "And you…broke your promise."
The cemetery was oddly quiet.
"It's going to be very lonely without you," I continued, allowing tears to run down my face. My voice was starting to…sound shaky. Then I lost control. "You're so selfish, Ron! You told me we'd die together! You told me you'd never leave!" I kicked his grave. "You promised me!"
I began to sink down to my knees. The cold grass bristled around me as I put my face into my hands and sobbed. I sobbed like I'd never had before. It was like a volcano of emotion had just erupted.
And I felt guilt. Remember I said I didn't regret anything? I did. I regretted not being a better wife. For not supporting Ron. He was always there for me, the nicest person I'd even met and I was so selfish.
Shame and guilt washed over me. Ron wasn't selfish…I was.
"Oh, Ron," I sobbed. "I'm…I'm sorry."
It seemed like I was there for hours, talking to Ron's grave. The sky was dark and there were pink and yellow tints to the gray in the sky. The sun was setting on the horizon and the water was turning black as it sprayed over the rocks it washed up against drifted slowly as it lapped onto the shore.
It had rained some also. My dress was soaked, my hair was. My face was tear stained and my knees were aching from sitting in the position I was in. But I wasn't going to be selfish this time and leave. I would stay.
Stay until I died.
The beach and the cemetery were getting darker by the minute as I stood up and began to walk up the grassy hill. When I reached the top, thoughts whirling through my mind, I turned and looked.
The image before me was blurred from tears, but I saw the beach, the tan sand, the gentle waves. And a person was walking along the beach. His red hair was so familiar it brought on a fresh wave of tears.
He saw me, paused and waved. He waved wildly and I waved back, tears running down my face.
There, standing alone as night quickly approached, I realized Ron hadn't broken the promise at all. He'd opened the window to a new life.
I turned back and saw Ron was gone. The waves were gently lapping on the shore. I turned and walked away, the ocean breeze blowing my hair and the seagulls calling out a final time.