Star Wreck:
The Crossover
We find the bridge crew at their routine stations, humming with boredom as they travel the distance from some colony way out in the nearly uncharted backwaters of the galxy to Starfleet Command.
Captian's log stardate no one kept track. We are returning from our mission to seek out new forms of toupees at the colony way out there. We are incredibly bored. There is nothing to report, so I suppose I should stoptalking. I guess I will. End log. Kirk eyed his bored bridge crew for a lack of anything better to do. He rapidly tired of doing that, even if Rand was in an even smaller mini-skirt.
There is nothing Will Theiss won't do if given a piece of cloth the size of a transporter pad and four strips of duct tape, he muttered.
That is quite true, informed Spock at his science station, breaking from character and eyeing Rand himself. After a moment of speculative gaze with a smirk, he suddenly shook himself and retook his stolid I-am-Vulcan-hear-me-state-the-probibility-factor-that-you-will-spontaneously-combust-in-three-point-seven-seconds as if nothing had happened. McCoy, whose purpose on the bridge was unclear as ever, noticed this but decided against insulting himthis time. He walked into the turbolift as his part on the bridge had ended.
Is anyone hereas boredI am? asked Kirk, once again overusing the dramatic pauses.
yelled Sulu, please stop dong that! It the annoys the heck out of us! And yes, we are exceedingly bored.
Oh, yes! the rest of the crew yelled in unison. Kirk sighed.
Well. Nothing to report?
Spock quickly checked that annoying, constantly-looked-into blue window. No sir. Other than a type seven nebula we happen to be passing.
ON SCREEN! yelled Kirk sumping to his feet. The most exciting thing all day. Sulu plied the controls, and the screen turned from the broadcast of the galacticon chess tournament to the stars flying by. There was nothing but streaking stars.
Oh, sorry sir. That was just a piece of my sandwhich that fell on the sensor window. The entire brifge crew sighed. Then Kirk looked back at the visual screen.
THEN WHAT IS THAT?!! he yelled, gesticulating wildly at the screen.
Oh, that, said Checkhov, that is a smudge on the screen. Do you want me to clean it?
Only if you want to, he sighed. Checkhov hurridly jumped up to the screen, but Spock was already there. He had jumped across the bridge, and the two of them started wrestling at the screen.
I'm border than you!! yelled Checkhov.
No, I am! yelled Spock.
Sulu looked at them. Um, guys, come on. Fighting over who gets to clean the screen? He turned and looked at Kirk to try to say something, but he was already on the intercom informing the crew and asking them to place bets. He turned back.
This is going to be a long trip home, he said under his breath.
In sickbay, McCoy was incredibly bored. He toyed with his excessively large hypospray that took one and a half people to hold and operate. He played with the thought of creating, releasing and then quickly curing a deadly virus to occupy his time, but finally decided that today was not the day to break the Hippocratic Oath. Maybe tomorrow, but not now. The alternative to standing around for hours was to anylize all shipboard physicals. He cringed.
I guess I'll just insult Spock some more, he siad and headed for the bridge, again.
Tell me we need evasive action to avoid that asteroid!!! yelled Kirk on the bridge as McCoy walked in.
Um, no sir, informed Sulu. We are gonna miss it by almost four million kilometers.
Kirk was not enjoying this day. He flipped open the comm. Scotty. You there?
came the accented response. Anything of, um, interest going on up there?
No. Tell me there is a potentially fatal engine imbalance!
Sorry sir. I could always make one
No, Scotty. Not this time.
However, sir, I have been playing around with the transporters, and well
Well, I bypassed the primary targeting scanner into the forward sensor array and relayed the phase transitioners and matter stream into the secondary particle emitter. And by inverting the warp field and powering the warp nacelles to full power at a standstill and then fusing our primary reactor core cold, I have extended the the effective range of the transporter.
Are you gonna put yourself in suspended animation again?
hasn't happened yet has it?
Oh, I'm sure it has due to all the temporal anomolies we've gone into, informed Spock.
Thank you SPOCK, said McCoy.
Anyway sir, continued Scotty, the guidance system isn't operating yet, but this baby could take you to the Andromeda Galaxy and back! Wanna try her out?
YES!!! Send me, Spock and McCoy.
I saw that one coming. You will still be able to use your communicators too, since I will link them through the transporter.
yelled Kirk, ajusting his rug in much tha same way Picard would ajust his uniform after standing up. Just do it! The three of them disapeared in a glittering shimmer of light.
They reappeared in a larger room that resembled the bridge. In it were other people wearing things that resembled starfleet uniforms. One particular bald fellow rose and tugged at his uniform. Number One? he said.
No, I already went, said Kirk, laughed heartily, and then meeting the inquisitive glances of all those in the room, switched to laughing hollowly. Picard tipped his head slightly foreward, unleashing a brilliant flash of light.
yelled everyone who knew the man.
yelled everyone who didn't. Kirk handed him his rug to cut down the glare and flipped open his communicator.
Scotty, get us out of here.
came the response as the three figures disappeared.
What was that all about? asked Riker.
Well, sir, it appears that due to a long range transport a temporal anomoly opened in the fabric of space time and sent the matter streams
That is enough, Mr. Data.
The three figures materialized in a lowly lit large room, which, as it happened was on a planet called Tatooine.
The underwear will do fine, siad Obi-wan waving his hand to the bartender. He granted him a drink. Over in the other corner of the bar was a large furry creature and a man, who were watching the broadcast of a podrace from thirty years earlier. Obi-wan walked up to it.
Oh my. That was me. A young man came up to Kirk, Spock and McCoy.
he said. Where did you come from?
Use the force, luke, and you will know! yelled Obi-wan.
Scotty, get us outta here!
Once they were peopel and not yellow glitter, they checked out their surrounding. They were furry.
the three of them yelled. They were up to their necks in tribbles. Kirk immeadiately opened his communicator and seconds later they disappeared.
They stood on exposed ground, surrounded by many white robed people. A shirtless Asian man stood to one side of them, a group of black robed people to their other side. The black robed people spoke.
Hi! We are the kung-fu ninja warlords from somewhere east of Pittsburg! We will kill you!
No! I am Bruce Lee and I will kill you! said the shirtless man. He jumped over the three from the Enterprise and kicked everyone standing within a three mile radius in seven point two seconds, as Spock later informed them. Scotty overheard the whole scene and took them out before Kirk even said to.
They reappeared on more exposed ground. However, they were in the middle of a circle. Half of it was red, half white. The circle was faily large and in the middle of what appeared to be a stadium. On one side of the rectangular stadium was a large shaddowy alien, on the other a short one. They were facing the short one. The short one stepped into the light and it became quite clear what it was. Psycho-type music played and the horrified faces on the three officers' faces were beyond all description. The small creature spoke happily.
They disappeared in a shower of glitter.
Scotty, never do that again! said Kirk back on the bridge of the Enterprise.
Aye sir, said Scotty.
But, I did get something out of that ordeal. He showed off his new tribble rug as the ship flew on through the void. THE END.