NOTE: This 'chapter' can be ignored if you don't want to read it. I have uploaded this as a separate chapter to avoid unnecessarily long Author's Notes at the beginnings of the actual chapters (I'll try to leave those at the end, so you don't have to read them if you don't want to). This note contains some spoilers, but the top part is safe :)
Chapter Zero - Initial Author's Notes, and an Explanation
Hi there, readers! This is my first real attempt at a fic, and as I've been on a bit of a Thor and Avengers (and Marvel in general) high for a while... I thought it was about time that I gave back to this awesome community, instead of lurking about and reading everyone else's stories. I write a lot of original fiction for my own enjoyment, but I've never published any of it online (nor do I really plan to, sorry). But anyway, I'm sure you don't care about that.
What I actually wanted to explain was where this little fic came from, without having to put it in a ridiculously long Author's Note at the beginning of the first chapter. So you can skip this out, if you like. I'd appreciate it if you did take the time to read it, though, as it may help you make sense of my style of writing - and of the story itself.
My writing style can be quite different. I still don't know if I'm going to use my own personal style in here, but if I do, I'll warn you in an author's note at the beginning of the chapter. The closest thing I can relate it to is a stream of consciousness, and it looks something like this:
Then I'm outside with them all, and so is Anne - who I think is drunk - and Aaran jumps out of the spa
(showoff, don't you know you'll only end up hurting yourself or someone else?)
and he hugs me, completely soaking my white tank-top. It'd be embarrassing if I cared, but I don't, so I let him hug me and I contend with the cold wind against my wet clothing when he lets go
(when you're feeling bad just remember i won't let you go)
- just to shoo away Demii, the puppy, and fetch himself another drink.
The bracketed sections are interjected thoughts from the 'speaking' or 'active' character, and it adds a bit of their personality in as the story progresses. It's something I developed as I was writing an original short story, and I've sort of adopted it as my own. People tend to understand it better once I've explained it to them, so... here's hoping that makes sense!
Right. Moving on...
The idea for this fic has been floating around in my head for at least a year by now. I sit and daydream in class about all these scenarios that I want to write out, but the 'write out' part never seems to happen. My mind produces tiny movies for me to watch, hoping that one day I'll let them escape through my fingertips, and allow them to ingrain themselves in the imaginations of my readers. The thing that stops me is my sheer lack of confidence in myself, in my writing, in everything. This here is my attempt to just get over myself and finally set my thoughts free.
Here's some basic Loki Stats for you, before you complain at me about anything...
- My Loki has GREEN eyes (I'm sticking with the popular 'the Tesseract made them blue in Avengers' headcanon here)
- Instead of causing the 'Laufeyson / Odinson' debate, my Loki will just go by 'Loki'.
- Despite Norse mythology saying otherwise, my Loki will not have any children... especially not a horse, a snake and a wolf. If anything, they may show up as pets.
- I will be combining all three of the common elements - meaning that my Loki will come from Norse mythology, the Marvel comic!verse, and the Thor / Avengers movie!verse. Artistic licence and all that. I do what I want!
And yes, I refer to this Loki as 'my Loki'. Why? This is simply my version of Loki - I do not, in any way, feel like I have some sort of emotional claim over a fictional character. Yes, Tom Hiddleston is attractive, and everything about him appears to be simply fantastic... but I'm not delusional, he's a human being just like the rest of us, and his portrayal of Loki is exactly that: a portrayal. Loki is not real. If he were, we'd probably all be dead by now. For some reason, I doubt he'd appreciate having these sorts of stories written about him...
(Warning: from here, this section may contain mild spoilers. It's okay, though... I'm sure you'll live.)
The basis of this story came from an idea that weaselled its way into my head in the middle of Language class: what if Loki completely forgot who he was, and what he'd done? Of course, to anyone who knew who he was, they'd disregard Loki's cluelessness as a cleverly formulated act - but what about those who didn't? What if he allowed himself to become like the 'pathetic mortals' he once loathed so much? What if he made friends with some of them, engaged in their day-to-day activities... allowed them into his heart?
And what happens after that, when SHIELD comes along and breaks up the party?
This is the story of a different Loki, a broken Loki, a Loki who has no idea what he's supposed to do with himself. He doesn't remember much of his old life - he remembers select things about Asgard, vaguely, but he remembers nothing of the fall, of Thanos and the Chitauri, of his attack on Midgard. His mind tells him that Asgard was a terrible place, but he knows that he grew up there, and that it wasn't always so bad. He remembers his mother, Frigga, and a blonde man... his brother? He remembers a man with an eyepatch - two men with eyepatches, and over the same eye, at that - but he cannot associate any specific memories with either of the two.
He is in pain from numerous injuries and fractures, but he has no idea how he got any of them. His body is covered in scars - on his back, on his neck, on his legs and his wrists and his slender fingers. Some of them form familiar patterns, but he cannot remember what these symbols stand for.
I won't tell you any more, not here... I wouldn't want to completely ruin it for you. I just wanted you to know about 'my' Loki, who I feel like apologizing to every time I hurt him. I know he's a fictional character, and I know he's technically not even mine to be protective of - but this is my version of the mythological deity recreated by Marvel, and just like any of my own characters, I do feel a sort of... well, I don't know what it is, really. Apparently, feeling this sort of thing about your characters can help you write them better, and thus make them seem more real to the readers. Again, I wouldn't know - I'm incredibly inexperienced, and I'm still working on my techniques.
As with most people on this site, I'm always open to your feedback and opinions. Without your help, I'll never learn what I'm doing right or wrong. Thank you to those that have read this weirdly long author's note in full - I know I'm a little hard to deal with and understand, but hopefully this has made things better.
Love always,
Em xx