I DON'T OWN SOUTH PARK
Author's Notes:
-Dark angst/horror poem.
-Tweek's point of view
-Please review!
When I want to frown, I must smile.
When I get mocked, I must smile.
When I get shoved, I must smile.
When I walk home alone, I must smile.
When I cannot sleep, I must smile.
When I'm sad, I must smile.
When I'm tired, I must smile.
When I hate myself, I must smile.
When I feel pathetic, I must smile.
When I feel neglected, I must smile.
When I stay up until three-thirty to watch for gnomes, I must smile.
When I see them, I must smile.
When I am the only one who sees them, I must smile.
When I fear I'm delusional, I must smile.
When my father feeds me these delusions through metaphors, I must smile.
When I can't stand those metaphors, I must smile.
When I yell, "I want out!", and smash my head against something until my forehead bleeds, I must smile.
When my dad doesn't care, I must smile.
When I know he doesn't love me, I must smile.
When I know I ruined his love for my mother, I must smile.
When I know he wants nothing more than to walk out on me, I must smile.
When I know he won't because he loves my mother too much, I must smile.
When he threatens to sell me to slavery when we're away from prying eyes, I must smile.
When my mother overheard us once and screamed at my father, I must smile.
When I spent that whole night crying, I must smile.
When my parents fight, I must smile.
When I hold my head as they scream louder, I must smile.
When I curl under my covers, crying, I must smile.
When I fall asleep, I must smile.
When I wake up, I must smile.
When I walk to school in the freezing weather, I must smile.
When I see him, I always smile.
When I think about how perfect he must be, I must smile.
When I hear his name, "Craig", I must smile.
When I hear my ugly name, I must smile.
When I walk home again and leave him, I must smile.
When my parents are too angry at each other to make anything to eat, I must smile.
When I realize that it's my fault, I must smile.
When I have to skip dinner once more, I must smile.
When I must clutch my begging stomach, I must smile.
When I hear my mother scream, I must smile.
When I curl up into a ball near my door, pretending to be invisible, I must smile.
When I've had enough of it, I must smile.
When I decide to walk down, I must smile.
When I see my father with his fist raised and my mother crying in fear, I must smile.
When my father brings his fist down and strikes her, eyes full of hatred, I must smile.
When I rush down, I must smile.
When my father glares at me through narrowed eyes, I must smile.
When I feel like vomiting, I must smile.
When he stomps towards me, I must smile.
When he smacks my face, I must smile.
When wet tears go down my eyes, I must smile.
When he turns around, I must smile.
When I reach backwards, fingers gripping the sturdy handle of a knife, I must smile.
When I walk towards my father, I must smile.
When I bring the knife down into his back, him screaming in pain, I must smile.
When I slowly twist the knife, I must smile.
When my mother screams in fear, I must smile.
When my father chokes on his own putrid blood, I must smile.
When I yank the knife out, now covered with his dirty blood, I must smile.
When I look at my mother, shivering in fear and looking up at me with terrified eyes, I must smile.
When she cries, I must smile.
When I walk forward and she flinches, I must smile.
When I kneel down, I must smile.
When I caress her cheek as she trembles, tears flowing down her face, I must smile.
When I hug her close, I must smile.
When I plunge the knife deep into her heart, I must smile.
When she chokes, her eyes wide and pained, I must smile.
When I watch as her eyes glaze over, I must smile.
When she says my name, I must smile.
When I force the knife deeper, I must smile.
When she chokes on her last breath, I must smile.
When I rip the knife out, I must smile.
When I heft them both to the fireplace, I must smile.
When red blood covers my green shirt, I must smile.
When I realize that they're Christmas colors, I must smile.
When I set them ablaze, I must smile.
When I need to vomit from their burning carcasses, I must smile.
When I go to sleep, I must smile.
When I wake up, and change my bloodstained shirt, I must smile.
When I walk to school, I must smile.
When I see him again, I always smile.
When he beckons me over to him, I must smile.
When I talk to him, I must smile.
When he says he's got a girlfriend now, I must smile.
When my chest aches in pain, I must smile.
When he grins softly and asks me to be his wingman, I must smile.
When I see her, I must smile.
When I imagine twisting the knife, I must smile.
When she smiles back, I must smile.
When she looks at me, I must smile.
When she makes Craig smile, I must smile.
When she walks off with him, I must smile.
When I race home and skip school, I must smile.
When I walk into the bathroom of my barren house, I must smile.
When tears flow in rivers down my narrow face, I must smile.
When I pull out a pocket knife, I must smile.
When I imagine her smiling, I must smile.
When I realize she's trying to steal Craig from me, I must smile.
When I remember her name, "Wendy", I frown.
When I don't like how I look when I frown, I frown even more.
When I never want to frown again, I must smile.
When I remember my promise, I must smile.
When my cheeks hurt, I must smile.
When I cannot smile any longer, I must smile.
When I lift the knife, I must smile.
When I take it to the corner of my mouth, I must smile.
When I rip into the soft pale flesh, I must smile.
When it hurts, I must smile.
When I do the same to the other side, I must smile.
When I look into the mirror, I must smile.
When I see the bloodline carved across my face, I must smile.
When I trace my finger along my carefully carved grin, I must smile even wider.
When it stings, I must smile.
When I clean it off, I must smile.
When I know that I will always smile, I must smile.
When I walk to school the next day, I must smile.
When I see him and her together, I must smile.
When people stare at me, I must smile.
When people whisper about me, I must smile.
When Craig looks at me and frowns, I must smile.
When I no longer see Craig any more, I must smile.
When I want to cry, I must smile.
When I feel like vomiting, I must smile.
When I want to kill myself, I must smile.
When I realize Craig is avoiding me, I must smile.
When I see Wendy walking outside of the school, I must smile.
When I see her kiss Craig on the cheek, I must smile.
When he kisses her back, I must smile.
When she begins to walk home, I must smile.
When I realize that I'm following her, I must smile.
When I take out my knife, I must smile.
When I confront her, I must smile.
When she stares back in defiance, even when I lift the knife, I must smile.
When I realize she makes Craig happy, I must smile.
When I drop the knife, I must smile.
When she uses said knife to cut my face, I must smile.
When I frown, I must smile.
When I walk home in pain, I must smile.
When I am alone, I must smile.
When I cry, I must smile.
When I stay home from school the next day, I must smile.
When I feel sick to my stomach, I must smile.
When I hear a knock on my door, I must smile.
When I don't feel like answering it, I must smile.
When I decide to anyways, I must smile.
When I see Craig, I must smile.
When he sees me, he frowns.
When my heart is brutally ripped into pieces, I must smile.
When he shoves me hard against the wall, I must smile.
When more than my bones are being broken, I must smile.
When he smacks my face with the flat of a knife, I must smile.
When my heart is cut more than my face, I must smile.
When he screams at me, I must smile.
When I hear his words, "Stay away from Wendy, you FREAK!" I must smile.
When I hear that one little word again and again, I must smile.
When I realize that I will never be important, I must smile.
When I know that I will never be loved, I must smile.
When I cry one more time, I must smile.
When blood pools around my body, I must smile.
When I see the damage done, I must smile.
When my vision slowly fades to nothing, I must smile.
When my flesh rots, I must smile.
When they find me, I must smile.
When they carry me away, I must smile.
When I am lowered into the ground, I must smile.
When I know Craig is crying on the surface, I must smile.
When dirt piles over me, I must smile.
When I am trapped, I must smile.
When I know who killed me, I must smile.
When I can't ever let anyone know, I must smile.
When I want to scream it 'till my throat bleeds, but can't, I must smile.
When I won't ever tell you who brutally shoved the coldly glinting weapon into my chest repeatedly, I must smile.
When I want you to know, I must smile.
When I feel that you deserve to know, I must smile.
When I will not directly say who loved every second of my death, I must smile.
When I will not tell you precisely who will not have any regrets about plunging the malicious steel blade into my heart, I must smile.
When I will not tell you exactly who tore my already broken heart into more and more pieces, I must smile.
When I won't tell you who it is, I must smile.
But I'll give you a hint; he's still smiling.
("Hey Tweek?" Craig looks at his best friend happily.
"Y-yes?" Tweek looks at him adoringly, drinking in the sight of his icy blue eyes. He smiles nervously as a pink hue corners his cheeks.
"I like your smile." Craig says after a short pause. Tweek brightens up and smiles wider.
"Y-you do?" He asks cautiously.
Craig nods and grins, "Yeah."
"Hey Tweek?"
"Y-yeah?"
"Never stop smiling."
"I won't.")